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I... feel like I owe my friends an apology
5 years ago
Don’t worry, I haven’t.. thrown someone off a cliff or something- I mean..
For.. well. Frequently going silent/quiet for weeks/months.
Not being a good/supportive/communitive friend, I guess.
I’ve been.. struggling socially for quite a while/ I .. think I passed the point where I could keep up with/be a “good” friend to All the folks I know (Godammit that sounds like a humblebrag but I can’t think of a better/more neutral wording)years ago Back when my main social group was ofthewild’s group chat on sf-
I’m constantly Becoming aware/suddenly realising I haven’t heard from/talked to/gamed with/RP’d with someone I used to talk to for hours a day in weeks to months to even a year or more,I get franticc about reconnecting and start slipping with someone/several other people, and..the whole time I’m still... fellIng the..
I don’t know. Need? Urge? Compulsion? to constantly meet/befriend more people almost constantly. I. Don’t know if it’s an adhd thing, or a autism thing or just a weird/stupid just-me problem.
I outright feel guilty/self-Flagelation-worthily “selfish” if I spend a day on my own when I’m feeling antisocial,
or if I even consider turning down an invitation to do something even if I’ve got a massive backlog of high priority tasks/chores around the house, or it’s nearing three AN- but at the same time I’m acutely aware how...pushy? Controlling I very easily default to acting/being with activities/planning if I don’t either constantly ride myself or have someone actively slapping my wrist when I slip...
For.. well. Frequently going silent/quiet for weeks/months.
Not being a good/supportive/communitive friend, I guess.
I’ve been.. struggling socially for quite a while/ I .. think I passed the point where I could keep up with/be a “good” friend to All the folks I know (Godammit that sounds like a humblebrag but I can’t think of a better/more neutral wording)years ago Back when my main social group was ofthewild’s group chat on sf-
I’m constantly Becoming aware/suddenly realising I haven’t heard from/talked to/gamed with/RP’d with someone I used to talk to for hours a day in weeks to months to even a year or more,I get franticc about reconnecting and start slipping with someone/several other people, and..the whole time I’m still... fellIng the..
I don’t know. Need? Urge? Compulsion? to constantly meet/befriend more people almost constantly. I. Don’t know if it’s an adhd thing, or a autism thing or just a weird/stupid just-me problem.
I outright feel guilty/self-Flagelation-worthily “selfish” if I spend a day on my own when I’m feeling antisocial,
or if I even consider turning down an invitation to do something even if I’ve got a massive backlog of high priority tasks/chores around the house, or it’s nearing three AN- but at the same time I’m acutely aware how...pushy? Controlling I very easily default to acting/being with activities/planning if I don’t either constantly ride myself or have someone actively slapping my wrist when I slip...
At the end of the day these people are your friends, if they know you well enough to be aware of these problems you have yet are still by your side then you shouldn't worry about things. Everyone needs space and time alone, no one can be around 24/7 and no one can predict when life will throw a curve ball you're way to mess with plans. These are all things we just have to accept are going to happen from time to time.
Those who genuinely care for you'll will always welcome you back with open arms no matter how long you've been gone. I'd extend my own hand out to offer someone to talk to but I don't want to burden you with yet another person to keep track of.