So we're almost to the end of this dumpster fire of a year and that's something to be happy about though my year has been horrible on many levels, from injuries, to loss of family members to blow outs at work at least it's coming to an end. 5 weeks remain in the season but with that comes an uneasy feeling. I apologize but this will be lengthy.

To start we FINALLY fired the asshole who has caused me so much stress there for the past 3 years but now we need someone to fill his position over the winter since he used to stay on full time during the off season. I get laid off normally but can get by on E.I until season start and I enjoy my downtime but now that spot falls on me if another operator doesn't fill it, which will kinda suck since I don't get vacation during the work season.

The next bit puts me at that fork in the road I mentioned. After having a falling out at work between me and my boss who is also my dad, I'm faced with a life altering choice either way I go I will be giving up a part of my life. My options are
Sell off my 2017 Ram and pack things up and start over somewhere new which will be full of uncertainty but could benefit me in some ways OR and this is a big OR... Stay in the family business and work my way towards a share in the company and potentially take over the mining operation with my brother.

I'm stuck on the fence right now because long before I was the person I am today I've always wanted my own business, my own home and to live a decent life. Gaining a share in the company would be a big step to achieving those goals but it comes at the cost of rooting myself down to this corner on Ontario and I have to accept that traveling the world isnt an option and many of you I want get to meet or see again with limited to no time off. Conventions will be out of the question.
If I do go this route there is a deal I may be able to make on a house which might be my only way of getting one at a reasonable price but in order to do it I'll have to be smart and even then it will need a little work but that weighs on my mind too.

If I start over I will have nothing but maybe less stress and maybe I won't be so pissed off all the time but I just don't know at this point. Right now I'm just trying to focus on getting clear of my debt and maybe I should see about getting some medication before I become a time bomb again and really get myself in a bad situation. Life has been up and down too much this year and every little bit of joy I had was almost immediately followed by a faceplant of depression.

I don't know where things will go from here but that's how things have been and why I haven't been active or talked to many people. I might have to just accept the life I was given and follow it through, if that's the path I choose then it was nice knowing you guys while it lasted. The simple days are gone.