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long status//another tragedy//tw: death
5 years ago
i really hate that i've been making these statuses lately. but november has been...the roughest month i think i've ever imagined.
we lost our pet rattie on the first. brucie on the 9th. dante on the 11th. but...of all things i didn't expect to lose my grandmother. on thanksgiving...
grams gave her life as a worker in the hospital to make sure things were organized and to protect people from covid. she was no longer a nurse but i know she saved lives. no one was able to save hers.
she died alone in her home. i dont know when she died exactly, but we found out on the holiday. after id just got done telling everyone she kicked covid's ass...because thats what i think she wanted us to believe. it all happened so fast...
id seen her last very recently before she was positive for covid (we did our repercussions- never hugged, didn't get too close). she just wanted to eat lunch with her granddaughter. she wanted to give me a halloween gift because thats the type of lady she was. she always gave me gifts for every holiday- valentines, halloween, christmas...didn't matter which. no matter what kind of day i had, when i was with her everything was okay.
the woman was obsessed with the greatest showman. she'd gone to see it multiple times before the world went to shit; had the cd that shed overplayed countless times in her car to where it skipped and was scratched. shed never get over how hugh jackman could go from burly buff fighting man to an amazing, graceful vocalist. she loved it so much.
when we were younger i asked her what her favorite animal was and she said flamingos. so i took that to heart and remembered it for this long.
we didn't have the best home situation then...and i lived with her, my brother and my mom for the beginning part of my life. i slept on top of her on an old recliner, covered snug with a throw blanket. we had no a/c, just a fan. one night i peed on her in my sleep and the first thing she did when it woke her up was ask me if it was me or her that peed. it helped my embarrassment. she cleaned us off and we went back to bed.
she read to my elementary school classes a lot. in different voices that once humiliated me but id give anything to hear them again... she made me into the cat in the hat during dr. suess' birthday and i thought i was the coolest kid. she made reading fun, made learning fun. took me to the small public library to read for hours and do after school activities.
as an adult, she still stayed close to me. still wanted to come over. make sure i was fed. wanted to go to the movies with me. we were looking forward to watching the pixar movie Soul this christmas. there was so so much i wanted to do still...i mean, she was only 70. just turned 70. and despite having type 2 diabetes that caused a foot amputation, she worked her ass off for her family.
nothing will ever be the same again...at the cost of expenses and being safe during quarantine, we opted out of a viewing and a service and just cremated her. we'd think she'd have preferred that. we're going to each take a little bit of her ashes and spread them during vacations or get them made into something to always keep her close to us. i dont know what exactly, but i'm gonna keep that smaller glass blown object made with her ashes and put it in a music box that plays a song from the greatest showman when i can afford to. i think she would have loved that.
im rambling a lot. i haven't yet come to terms with this loss...this has been the biggest one for me. she was a respectable, kind, loving woman. she'd sacrifice anything for her family. and im damn proud i was lucky enough to be her granddaughter.
the takeaway from this that im hoping you'll read: the tl'dr of sorts: don't take covid lightly. especially during this holiday season. it's not worth losing anyone. wear a fucking mask. i dont care if people make fun of you- they're the ones that are selfish. no, my mind will not change. i lost the one true amount of sunshine i had in my family because of this fuckin bullshit. im livid. im hurt. i feel shattered. just please...for a stranger you hardly know on the internet- do me a favor. take care of yourself. stay safe. take care of your loved ones. tell a family member you love them, especially if you haven't in a while. give them a call, a text, hell write them a letter. remember that family isn't necessarily blood- it's those you meet along the way as well.
im not religious. i dont know what i believe in. but if you do please...keep me and my family in your prayers...or whatever it is you do. we're a stubborn group. all my grandma wanted was to bring us all together and thats what she did. my mom held me and kissed me multiple times for the first time since i was a baby. my brother called me though crying, for the first time in months. my aunt checked up on me. all things that i can't remember the last time they happened.
i'll miss you so much grams...i love you with all my heart and being. whether you're watching over us or taking care of a new family now/living a new life- thank you for always being there for me.
we lost our pet rattie on the first. brucie on the 9th. dante on the 11th. but...of all things i didn't expect to lose my grandmother. on thanksgiving...
grams gave her life as a worker in the hospital to make sure things were organized and to protect people from covid. she was no longer a nurse but i know she saved lives. no one was able to save hers.
she died alone in her home. i dont know when she died exactly, but we found out on the holiday. after id just got done telling everyone she kicked covid's ass...because thats what i think she wanted us to believe. it all happened so fast...
id seen her last very recently before she was positive for covid (we did our repercussions- never hugged, didn't get too close). she just wanted to eat lunch with her granddaughter. she wanted to give me a halloween gift because thats the type of lady she was. she always gave me gifts for every holiday- valentines, halloween, christmas...didn't matter which. no matter what kind of day i had, when i was with her everything was okay.
the woman was obsessed with the greatest showman. she'd gone to see it multiple times before the world went to shit; had the cd that shed overplayed countless times in her car to where it skipped and was scratched. shed never get over how hugh jackman could go from burly buff fighting man to an amazing, graceful vocalist. she loved it so much.
when we were younger i asked her what her favorite animal was and she said flamingos. so i took that to heart and remembered it for this long.
we didn't have the best home situation then...and i lived with her, my brother and my mom for the beginning part of my life. i slept on top of her on an old recliner, covered snug with a throw blanket. we had no a/c, just a fan. one night i peed on her in my sleep and the first thing she did when it woke her up was ask me if it was me or her that peed. it helped my embarrassment. she cleaned us off and we went back to bed.
she read to my elementary school classes a lot. in different voices that once humiliated me but id give anything to hear them again... she made me into the cat in the hat during dr. suess' birthday and i thought i was the coolest kid. she made reading fun, made learning fun. took me to the small public library to read for hours and do after school activities.
as an adult, she still stayed close to me. still wanted to come over. make sure i was fed. wanted to go to the movies with me. we were looking forward to watching the pixar movie Soul this christmas. there was so so much i wanted to do still...i mean, she was only 70. just turned 70. and despite having type 2 diabetes that caused a foot amputation, she worked her ass off for her family.
nothing will ever be the same again...at the cost of expenses and being safe during quarantine, we opted out of a viewing and a service and just cremated her. we'd think she'd have preferred that. we're going to each take a little bit of her ashes and spread them during vacations or get them made into something to always keep her close to us. i dont know what exactly, but i'm gonna keep that smaller glass blown object made with her ashes and put it in a music box that plays a song from the greatest showman when i can afford to. i think she would have loved that.
im rambling a lot. i haven't yet come to terms with this loss...this has been the biggest one for me. she was a respectable, kind, loving woman. she'd sacrifice anything for her family. and im damn proud i was lucky enough to be her granddaughter.
the takeaway from this that im hoping you'll read: the tl'dr of sorts: don't take covid lightly. especially during this holiday season. it's not worth losing anyone. wear a fucking mask. i dont care if people make fun of you- they're the ones that are selfish. no, my mind will not change. i lost the one true amount of sunshine i had in my family because of this fuckin bullshit. im livid. im hurt. i feel shattered. just please...for a stranger you hardly know on the internet- do me a favor. take care of yourself. stay safe. take care of your loved ones. tell a family member you love them, especially if you haven't in a while. give them a call, a text, hell write them a letter. remember that family isn't necessarily blood- it's those you meet along the way as well.
im not religious. i dont know what i believe in. but if you do please...keep me and my family in your prayers...or whatever it is you do. we're a stubborn group. all my grandma wanted was to bring us all together and thats what she did. my mom held me and kissed me multiple times for the first time since i was a baby. my brother called me though crying, for the first time in months. my aunt checked up on me. all things that i can't remember the last time they happened.
i'll miss you so much grams...i love you with all my heart and being. whether you're watching over us or taking care of a new family now/living a new life- thank you for always being there for me.
I was just talking about you to one of my friends and how much I loved the art pieces I've gotten from you in the past and was actually checking in to see if you were still somewhat active here when I came across your journal. If you're still needing money for that music box me and my friend would love to order some art from you to help you get to your goal.
Even though we don't talk much and we're miles apart I still consider you a friend and my DMs will always be open on here or even if you want to chat somewhere else like Discord. You keep trying your best *hug*