Well, I've hit a number, yay O/ But, I always did like the number 8 too, and its an excuse to make a journal after all, and get my shy rear being more... social, active? It does definitely feel oddly more difficult than it used to be after a few years. I'm even worried I'm growing more cynical, or even worse, less considerate! Thanks to all of yall folks that have shown some interest though, be it big or small ^.=.^ and I do hope everyone is enjoying this time of year as best they can amid the pandemic, politics, issues around the globe, and even just plain old cabin fever.

I know as someone that can get lonely at the drop of a hat, that so many more people out there are really struggling lately. tensions are high, and sometimes it's hard to feel anyone cares about you. It's easier than ever to overlook the good things that occur, or the acts of kindness others do, and focus on anything bad right now, as the stress burdens some of our mind to the breaking point. I'm quite blessed in managing to hold onto my job so far, and also avoid getting sick either. But for all of the physical health I have, my mental health has certainly been being put to the test daily. To make matters worse, I often feel ashamed to even be bother by anything that might be small, and constantly feeling a growing sense of fear at showing or telling most others when I'm not fine. So many people have told me that they enjoy being around me for being happy and kind in the past, which to me, makes me feel like I let people down whenever i mention any sad emotions. but, they slip past, and, then it feels like the damage is done, cause the first few times, it's nice to get the support, but everyone has their limits. And, what i think most don't realize, is everyone is strained, stressed and fighting various emotions right now.

Which, is why myself, I'm not posting this for sympathy, though it is a bit cathartic to type this out and reflect, however, I shall keep striving to fight for a smile. at least for now. better to cry in good times, and laugh in the face of misery. that might be a quote, I dunno.
Amid all that's going on, I'm just a dragon, a simple person. If I disappeared, there are those that would miss me. Heck, maybe some watchers I've yet to meet even, sure I don't know for sure about a solid number, but, it's foolish to assume no one cares after all. That's just a thought I'd think to myself out of despair. Heck, half the reason it can seem so quiet, is due to my own tendencies lately to curl up possibly. But, I got that habit of blaming myself first, been trying to break it for years.

I don't expect many to read or see this journal, but to those who do, Take care, and be strong for yourselves and others. Working through difficult times together is important. Heh, and as the awkward feelings of self doubt start to come upon me as i pause in typing this, I think I should end it here.

I hope I can entertain all of yall that watch long into the future. Even if I'd never imagined 4 or so years ago, that I'd ever manage to be interesting in any degree to more than 10 people, let alone 800. Stay safe, take care, And to those that want it, your welcome to quarantine in me anytime~ >;3