So this year is really screwd up. I havent seen my mates in like 7-8 months since this all started. Nor have I talked to them very much. I was just told one of my best mates has covid which is really sad but im not that surprised since he isnt the most careful person and he has also been working alot this year and since he works in machinery he cant work from home. So yeah that really sucks, and it makes me kinda mad that he is just like going on with going to shop by himself and driving his family around and all that and im like "dude you shouldnt be in contact with your family really since you have been tested positive". But yeah that sucks. And to top it off I wont get to see my relatives for christmas this year, which I mean isnt that heartbreaking it can be kinda nice to not have to travel. But my great grandmother and her husband is 85 & 86 years old and will be celebrating christmas alone. My granddad will probably be with them since he lives close but it kinda sucks cuz you never know how much time you have left with them. And other than that I cant really celebrate new year the way I prefer to do it with mates getting drunk and playing boardgames. Now this is alot of bitching I know and I'm sorry for that but I kinda just need to let out some of my thought. And it doesnt help either that my biological mother (who i dont live with) has covid aswell which just makes me worry like a million times more.

I'm sorry if this has been very scatter brained but I can't seem to formulate my thoughts to well lately.

Also I have signed myself up for addiction help. I realised I could use it when I was up at like 6 in the morning yesterday and drinking about 350ml of rum just because I felt like drinking. Now I dont drink nearly as much as I used to but I'm guessing getting some help with it wont hurt. Hopefully I'm going to learn "responsible" drinking.