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Not Dead Yet
4 years ago
Hay guys,
It's been quite a while since I've been on.
Sorry for the inactivity, but my life has been an absolute hell. Things had gotten so bad that I got to the point that I was having suicidal thoughts multiple times a day. And unfortunately, only having people who hate me in my day to day life made it rather difficult to get out of that mindset.
As of now, I've gotten the suicidal thoughts down to about three or four days out of the week. And I've started to not give a shit at work at all.
Most of my misery has come from my work, seeing as that's pretty much all I do these days. My boss going on one mission after another to try to make me look bad so he can fire me, and has even resorted to outright lying about me. And when I went to HIS boss, and challenged these lies, I found that she is just as corrupt and conceded as he is. I even tried to carry a recording device to prove my innocence, and the conspiracy against me, and they promptly shut that down, my bosses boss telling me that if I had video and audio evidence to support my case, that she wouldn't even look at it. However, she accepted my bosses testimony that he saw me working as proof that I was refusing to work. Don't think I need to explain why that is absolutely ludicrous. Ironically, she has no problems with putting cameras all over to record employees, and GPS tracking devices in all the work vehicles, where only they have access to the recordings.
And then of course my coworkers are pretty much all hypocrites, and all hate me, and have almost all made attacks against me.
So, yeah, basically everyone in my life hates me, and is more or less out to get me.
Then, I've talked to a few people who said they were interested in meeting me, and was seriously talking about making it happen, only to have them back out.
With one guy, we fully made a plan for a visit, and he was giving me grief the entire time about backing out, even when he made me book and pay for the $560 flight, and promise to cover all costs of the visit, only for him to back out two days before the flight. I of course lost the money, and have absolutely no trust left in anyone who say they want to actually meet me.
If any of you ever do have an interest in meeting me, you can tell me, we could set a date, but I won't actually believe you until you show up at my house, or at the very least in the city of Fresno.
Of course, based on previous experience, there isn't anyone who seriously want to meet.
And there have been a bunch of other things building my stress, brakes going out on my truck, struggling with money, having two fingernails rip off in two separate injuries... lots of "fun"
I haven't done much artwork over the last several months, though I do have a few pics I'll try uploading tomorrow.
I'll try to start coming on here again, and hopefully feel up to getting back into artwork.
It's been quite a while since I've been on.
Sorry for the inactivity, but my life has been an absolute hell. Things had gotten so bad that I got to the point that I was having suicidal thoughts multiple times a day. And unfortunately, only having people who hate me in my day to day life made it rather difficult to get out of that mindset.
As of now, I've gotten the suicidal thoughts down to about three or four days out of the week. And I've started to not give a shit at work at all.
Most of my misery has come from my work, seeing as that's pretty much all I do these days. My boss going on one mission after another to try to make me look bad so he can fire me, and has even resorted to outright lying about me. And when I went to HIS boss, and challenged these lies, I found that she is just as corrupt and conceded as he is. I even tried to carry a recording device to prove my innocence, and the conspiracy against me, and they promptly shut that down, my bosses boss telling me that if I had video and audio evidence to support my case, that she wouldn't even look at it. However, she accepted my bosses testimony that he saw me working as proof that I was refusing to work. Don't think I need to explain why that is absolutely ludicrous. Ironically, she has no problems with putting cameras all over to record employees, and GPS tracking devices in all the work vehicles, where only they have access to the recordings.
And then of course my coworkers are pretty much all hypocrites, and all hate me, and have almost all made attacks against me.
So, yeah, basically everyone in my life hates me, and is more or less out to get me.
Then, I've talked to a few people who said they were interested in meeting me, and was seriously talking about making it happen, only to have them back out.
With one guy, we fully made a plan for a visit, and he was giving me grief the entire time about backing out, even when he made me book and pay for the $560 flight, and promise to cover all costs of the visit, only for him to back out two days before the flight. I of course lost the money, and have absolutely no trust left in anyone who say they want to actually meet me.
If any of you ever do have an interest in meeting me, you can tell me, we could set a date, but I won't actually believe you until you show up at my house, or at the very least in the city of Fresno.
Of course, based on previous experience, there isn't anyone who seriously want to meet.
And there have been a bunch of other things building my stress, brakes going out on my truck, struggling with money, having two fingernails rip off in two separate injuries... lots of "fun"
I haven't done much artwork over the last several months, though I do have a few pics I'll try uploading tomorrow.
I'll try to start coming on here again, and hopefully feel up to getting back into artwork.
They have even decided to use the Coronavirus as an excuse to ban all us lower employees from the main office and all it's facilities, including the breakroom, coffeemaker, refrigerator, and restrooms.
I wound up bringing my personal coffeemaker from home, so the guys in my department (and mostly myself) could have coffee.
And as for people wanting to meet you, would it be possible to look for people more locally? I can think of more than a few people who'd love to meet you (perhaps myself included), and live in the Bay Area (which is only a 2-3 hour drive away either direction). Whether that includes making some friends or fulfilling a few fantasies you've mentioned on here, I'm not one to say~
Rant aside, we hope you you find something (or someone) that helps your mental health. And if that includes your lovely artists' hand, there will certainly be a lot of people excited to see you back around here~
I've even tried dating sites with incredibly discouraging results.
Even when I reached out just for someone to hang out with.
Though, I'm not gonna lie, someone interested in participating in some fantasies would be ideal.
As for those fantasies (especially the kink-related kind), perhaps advertising or looking by location is what you're looking for? I would think someone in the San Joaquin would be happy to use your face as a seat, fandom or otherwise~
And if not, I know a few people (including myself) who would love to hang out and even do the dirty~
Though if you are seriously interested in meeting, especially being in driving distance, then we can talk..
And sure! How should I contact you?
You can send me a note here if you like. Though I'm probably gonna go to bed in a few minutes, so don't get discouraged if I don't answer before tomorrow
Would it be easier for us to move our chat to a more live messenger?
Anyways. I hope your life go better soon sir
And most people don't share my interests.
Then there's the fact that I'm just not interesting. I work, I eat, I sleep, and that's basically my life
The only thing I'm decently good at is doing RP or writing small stories, and think i feel the same about dont have anything interesting to say, for now i only hope your life going better and that you get more and better friends too i guess.
As for meeting people online, yeah, its a challenge. Its easy to chat with people. But to meet someone who is genuine and really cares? That's a lot harder.
And, yeah, finding anyone who will give two shits about me, or even just wants, or is willing to meet me seems to be even more impossible
Oof. Im sorry we never got to meet too! But over the pond is a bit far for me for a friendly visit.
Im happy to have you back tho! I really hope things turn for the better for you. And that the art work at least gives you some joy!
Drawing did seem to make me feel a bit better. I'll have to try to keep up making artwork, and perhaps my mood will improve at least a little.
Still, I'm very amazed by how resiliant you are. So much shit and you keep your chin up. That's incredible. You're one strong motherfucker, I tell you that!
I'm sorry for your work stuff, but assholes be assholes. Frankly I'm much more shocked by the fact someone had an audicity to back off from the meeting in the last moment. There's little things I hate as much as people trying to pretend they care to avoid "being awkward" and in the end they waste your time, your money, and your good mood.
I'm very glad to see you back. We are here for you.
Really, you can even stop drawing shit, but if you need to talk we are here. That's as much as we can do to help :)