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The Rollercoaster of 2020
4 years ago
Wow, what a year! For what an awful one it's been in the world at large, it was more of a mixed bag in my case.
I started the year off at by far my lowest point, and I don't want to dwell on that too much; If there's anything to take away, I'm happy with the progress I've made since then, and I think my "rock bottom" is firmly behind me; Obviously there are going to be bumps along the way, and my social skills have sure as hell shaken out as being weaker than they used to be, but hey, I'm trying! And I've got a wonderful support system~
It took me a long time to get my shit together earlier this year; I had a few bad spirals, and I'm thankful for the help I got during that time, even if several of us have drifted apart since. Starting in the summer, I built up my work ethic and and made quite a few changes, and things have been on a steady increase ever since. I found a new group that works very well for me, made some great new friends, and got a much healthier routine into gear; I restarted HRT, ended up with a decent (if somewhat underpaying; Thanks Florida) job, and for the first time in like... Wow, as long as I can remember...
I actually got my depression in check; Obviously, it's the kind of thing that's never going to go away fully, but I'm actually generally quite happy with the way things are going. I smile more, I see more value in lots of things, and most importantly, I actually finally have some goddamned self-respect, lmao.
One thing that I find funny; I made my character a bit edgier over time, I thought it was a subconscious way of coping with depression and anxiety; Yet, now that I'm doing so much better, I actually still really like my design direction, and I think the creepy/spooky aesthetic means even more to me now that I can rock it while ALSO being cute and happy! It's like I've come into my own style finally, ahaha~ It's funny how much you can discover and learn about yourself in periods of big change.
I ended up finally moving out of my toxic household, getting my own place for the first time is a great feeling, and it's a damned good token of progress. I haven't really had any privacy for the past year, so getting that back has eased up my anxiety vastly as well.
All of this, and there's still more!! I met
xalware about halfway through the year; We connected pretty fast, and he made me feel super comfortable in the space he created. There's a good few many people there that I love having in my life, like 
and 
! My early December was amazing... I got to move out, I got more stuff added on to my HRT, and I even ended up in a relationship-- And I couldn't have hoped for anything better, really.
Covid is horrible, and I hate what it's done to all these people, and how horribly the politicians in power have enabled its spread and continued presence throughout the country. I don't like living in a rural area, mostly because of the lack of things to do and the presence of a lot of people who hate me just for being lgbt, but it has probably helped me remain safer; I get made fun of a lot for it, but I still listen to every precaution; I wear a mask, I socially distance, and I've done what I can to make the best of it. Fortunately, I'm a person who's pretty used to having to spend most of my free time at home, so it hasn't affected me quite as negatively as others. I'm grateful for that bit of myself, even if a lot of people kind of look down on that for whatever reason.
I'm still just glad I'm ending the year on a relatively high note personally speaking. I couldn't be more grateful for the people who have stuck by me. I'm so happy to be with 💜💜--I love you!! And I can't wait to see where 2021 takes us!!~ Here's hoping for at the very least, a better year than this one! Ahaha~
I started the year off at by far my lowest point, and I don't want to dwell on that too much; If there's anything to take away, I'm happy with the progress I've made since then, and I think my "rock bottom" is firmly behind me; Obviously there are going to be bumps along the way, and my social skills have sure as hell shaken out as being weaker than they used to be, but hey, I'm trying! And I've got a wonderful support system~
It took me a long time to get my shit together earlier this year; I had a few bad spirals, and I'm thankful for the help I got during that time, even if several of us have drifted apart since. Starting in the summer, I built up my work ethic and and made quite a few changes, and things have been on a steady increase ever since. I found a new group that works very well for me, made some great new friends, and got a much healthier routine into gear; I restarted HRT, ended up with a decent (if somewhat underpaying; Thanks Florida) job, and for the first time in like... Wow, as long as I can remember...
I actually got my depression in check; Obviously, it's the kind of thing that's never going to go away fully, but I'm actually generally quite happy with the way things are going. I smile more, I see more value in lots of things, and most importantly, I actually finally have some goddamned self-respect, lmao.
One thing that I find funny; I made my character a bit edgier over time, I thought it was a subconscious way of coping with depression and anxiety; Yet, now that I'm doing so much better, I actually still really like my design direction, and I think the creepy/spooky aesthetic means even more to me now that I can rock it while ALSO being cute and happy! It's like I've come into my own style finally, ahaha~ It's funny how much you can discover and learn about yourself in periods of big change.
I ended up finally moving out of my toxic household, getting my own place for the first time is a great feeling, and it's a damned good token of progress. I haven't really had any privacy for the past year, so getting that back has eased up my anxiety vastly as well.
All of this, and there's still more!! I met
xalware about halfway through the year; We connected pretty fast, and he made me feel super comfortable in the space he created. There's a good few many people there that I love having in my life, like 
and 
! My early December was amazing... I got to move out, I got more stuff added on to my HRT, and I even ended up in a relationship-- And I couldn't have hoped for anything better, really.Covid is horrible, and I hate what it's done to all these people, and how horribly the politicians in power have enabled its spread and continued presence throughout the country. I don't like living in a rural area, mostly because of the lack of things to do and the presence of a lot of people who hate me just for being lgbt, but it has probably helped me remain safer; I get made fun of a lot for it, but I still listen to every precaution; I wear a mask, I socially distance, and I've done what I can to make the best of it. Fortunately, I'm a person who's pretty used to having to spend most of my free time at home, so it hasn't affected me quite as negatively as others. I'm grateful for that bit of myself, even if a lot of people kind of look down on that for whatever reason.
I'm still just glad I'm ending the year on a relatively high note personally speaking. I couldn't be more grateful for the people who have stuck by me. I'm so happy to be with 💜
💜--I love you!! And I can't wait to see where 2021 takes us!!~ Here's hoping for at the very least, a better year than this one! Ahaha~
We'll have to hang more once I get my own ducks in a line and figure myself out. Gonna call next week to hopefully start HRT early next year.