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5 years ago
I have to keep this vague, no not because it's anything illegal, but because it's really personal.
There are two things that may or may not happen later tonight and early tomorrow that'll determine whether or not I continue uploading and if I'll upload consistently.
Possibility 1 : There is a slim chance this will be happening so if it doesn't I'm not to bothered as I didn't have much of a chance anyway.
Possibility 2 : Is a much likelier scenario and the one that I am most excited about.
If it's both then I'll upload everyday (or at least try to). If it's only #1 then more consistent uploads. If it's only #2 then I'll continue uploading but it won't be very consistent. If neither ....
I really really need possibility #2. As of late it's become one of my main motivations to live. It's what's been keeping me out of my usual suicidal relapse for the past week. If #1 happens and #2 doesn't I'll still be sad. This anticipation is killing me. Everything feels like a sign and I just want today and tomorrow to be over already! I'm so scared to even do anything. I feel like if either of these things happen then my life can finally move on. I haven't had something this exciting in my life in a while. And if neither happen then I'll be tempted to try suicide again. Please understand it's my only chance. I don't know what I'll do to myself.
I will be uploading today and after that if you don't hear back from me on Sunday then
There are two things that may or may not happen later tonight and early tomorrow that'll determine whether or not I continue uploading and if I'll upload consistently.
Possibility 1 : There is a slim chance this will be happening so if it doesn't I'm not to bothered as I didn't have much of a chance anyway.
Possibility 2 : Is a much likelier scenario and the one that I am most excited about.
If it's both then I'll upload everyday (or at least try to). If it's only #1 then more consistent uploads. If it's only #2 then I'll continue uploading but it won't be very consistent. If neither ....
I really really need possibility #2. As of late it's become one of my main motivations to live. It's what's been keeping me out of my usual suicidal relapse for the past week. If #1 happens and #2 doesn't I'll still be sad. This anticipation is killing me. Everything feels like a sign and I just want today and tomorrow to be over already! I'm so scared to even do anything. I feel like if either of these things happen then my life can finally move on. I haven't had something this exciting in my life in a while. And if neither happen then I'll be tempted to try suicide again. Please understand it's my only chance. I don't know what I'll do to myself.
I will be uploading today and after that if you don't hear back from me on Sunday then
regardless, you seem sharp enough to figure it out. Any option is just an option! its not THE option unless you make it so ^^ good luck with everything <3
you seem like an awesome person <3