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A Letter to My Psychologist
4 years ago
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Tuesday was a horrible and a scary day for me emotionally and mentally, so I wrote a email to my psychologist about it. You can have a look at my experience with the horrible day itself in the email listed below. I just want to voice this out because that day made me feel sick to my stomach and I couldn't sleep for it.
Hi Sam,
I am writing this in to voice out my feelings on something that happened on Tuesday 02 Feb 2021. I had a tussle with a customer today and it affected me badly. It killed the mood of me enjoying games with my friends that night, it killed the mood of me doing anything at all.
Early morning as I was going to my appointment, I got yelled at by a customer about my bad attitude which I have no idea what I did wrong. I wasn't able to find out what I said wrong from the customer but he was getting very aggravated about something I said which he wouldn't mention to me about. Analyzing the feeling, I felt very confused and it feels like my stomach is turning upside down. I discussed matters with the customer and thought it would go smoothly.
After the appointment, there were some complications with an arranged rectification work of a job that wasn't under me but I was told to settle the issue based on no information I had known about. I was continuously reprimanded by the same customer about my shortcomings. I got worked up and snapped back at him because I tried being nice but now he's just being very rude to me. I had no other way of dealing with him other than to be assertive about what I knew and what I did to help him as much as I can.
At that point of time, I felt worse like the pit in my stomach just got larger and I started to feel physically sick from it. I was already holding back my tears from that point on, trying not to cry. After one more back and forth, the customer decided to come to my office to bring it up to me personally. I still feel confused about what I did wrong and I wasn't told by him other than that my attitude was shit.
He came to my office and already wanted to start an argument with me but my boss defused the situation thankfully and he took the customer in to chat and work things out.
After what seemed like 30 minutes, I was called in to explain myself and I told my boss my side of the story. Apparently, the customer didn't like the tone of message I used when I was texting him, which I have no idea about. Apparently, my tone was wrong.
I apparently said to him, "I'll send the samples when I can" and it ticked him off thinking that I do not care about his job. When I said it, I did care but I didn't know he had a different idea when I said that, it's just that I was having lunch and not in the office so I cannot show him the samples straightaway.
This made me reflect heavily on what I have been doing as being a poor communicator to my clients and I felt horrible the whole night feeling as if there is a pit in my stomach. I cannot sleep, I feel like vomiting and I just don't feel physically well at all from all that emotional trauma. I don't know what to do from this point on because I feel lost on what I could have done better to prevent this thing from happening again. This made me think about how many other customers I might have rudely communicated with without me knowing and it makes me worse as a person as I have no way to gauge this kind of stuff.
I cried in the office from the overbearing stress and sick feeling in my stomach. I just couldn't take it anymore and requested for urgent leave the next day to recuperate. I know I am avoiding things again but I just feel like I cannot focus at all unless I am able to collect myself together to feel better. What with the feeling of burnout already with me, I just feel extremely lost on what to do or how to make myself a better employee.
I just wish I know what to do because the voices are strong with this feeling as usual but I am trying my best to pull myself out of it. What is there I can do to help me along this already rough path for me to walk on?
- Sincerely,
Mohamed Hafeez
Hi Sam,
I am writing this in to voice out my feelings on something that happened on Tuesday 02 Feb 2021. I had a tussle with a customer today and it affected me badly. It killed the mood of me enjoying games with my friends that night, it killed the mood of me doing anything at all.
Early morning as I was going to my appointment, I got yelled at by a customer about my bad attitude which I have no idea what I did wrong. I wasn't able to find out what I said wrong from the customer but he was getting very aggravated about something I said which he wouldn't mention to me about. Analyzing the feeling, I felt very confused and it feels like my stomach is turning upside down. I discussed matters with the customer and thought it would go smoothly.
After the appointment, there were some complications with an arranged rectification work of a job that wasn't under me but I was told to settle the issue based on no information I had known about. I was continuously reprimanded by the same customer about my shortcomings. I got worked up and snapped back at him because I tried being nice but now he's just being very rude to me. I had no other way of dealing with him other than to be assertive about what I knew and what I did to help him as much as I can.
At that point of time, I felt worse like the pit in my stomach just got larger and I started to feel physically sick from it. I was already holding back my tears from that point on, trying not to cry. After one more back and forth, the customer decided to come to my office to bring it up to me personally. I still feel confused about what I did wrong and I wasn't told by him other than that my attitude was shit.
He came to my office and already wanted to start an argument with me but my boss defused the situation thankfully and he took the customer in to chat and work things out.
After what seemed like 30 minutes, I was called in to explain myself and I told my boss my side of the story. Apparently, the customer didn't like the tone of message I used when I was texting him, which I have no idea about. Apparently, my tone was wrong.
I apparently said to him, "I'll send the samples when I can" and it ticked him off thinking that I do not care about his job. When I said it, I did care but I didn't know he had a different idea when I said that, it's just that I was having lunch and not in the office so I cannot show him the samples straightaway.
This made me reflect heavily on what I have been doing as being a poor communicator to my clients and I felt horrible the whole night feeling as if there is a pit in my stomach. I cannot sleep, I feel like vomiting and I just don't feel physically well at all from all that emotional trauma. I don't know what to do from this point on because I feel lost on what I could have done better to prevent this thing from happening again. This made me think about how many other customers I might have rudely communicated with without me knowing and it makes me worse as a person as I have no way to gauge this kind of stuff.
I cried in the office from the overbearing stress and sick feeling in my stomach. I just couldn't take it anymore and requested for urgent leave the next day to recuperate. I know I am avoiding things again but I just feel like I cannot focus at all unless I am able to collect myself together to feel better. What with the feeling of burnout already with me, I just feel extremely lost on what to do or how to make myself a better employee.
I just wish I know what to do because the voices are strong with this feeling as usual but I am trying my best to pull myself out of it. What is there I can do to help me along this already rough path for me to walk on?
- Sincerely,
Mohamed Hafeez
I have very little experience in employment at all, let alone dealing directly with customers, but I know it's wrong to get hostile. I also know that, IF one has a problem with someone else, one doesn't just yell at them. One is supposed to say, "Hey, you (said/did) this thing where (EXPLICIT DESCRIPTION GOES HERE) and it made me feel (ignored/hurt/other negative reaction). I want to discuss this with you."
People are supposed to be civil. They aren't always--or often, sadly, these days--but they're supposed to be. I don't know if what I've said can make you feel better, but I hope so. You are not a machine. You are a person with just as much right to civil treatment as everyone else. I'd like to grab that customer and scream in their face--so it's probably good that I can't--but that would also be wrong. It's not wrong to stand up for yourself, even if it's no more than asking someone what they think you did wrong. If they won't tell you, you have a right to say, "I can't improve my attitude if you won't tell me what's wrong with it."
I understand if it's hard for you to defend yourself in this kind of situation. I'm the same way and that's a big part of why I don't work. I'm very, very proud of you. I hope you can find ways to ignore the hurtful, unhelpful, and frankly toxic bullsh*t some people seem to think it's okay to just throw at others without legitimate provocation.
If you were extra polite for instance, they could have accused you of mocking them or being sarcastic. Then you’d be questioning that tactic.
From what I’ve read you did nothing wrong. Your text was completely neutral if not politely cordial, with no trace of negativity, so as far as I’m concerned the fault rests on that customer entirely.
My job doesn’t really involve interacting directly with customers but I think I can understand how you feel. I recently got into an argument with someone over something that, in hindsight, was just not worth it. No matter how polite I tried to be, the toxicity and vitriol I was given in return just made me feel nauseous and queasy. That experience was a bad reminder for me that not all people are nice, no matter how polite you try to be.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to get to is that you shouldn’t let this experience make you rethink how you’ve been handling customers before. As I stated before, you were being cordial in my opinion, so if that has been how you always interact with customers before dealing with that nasty Karen, then you have done nothing wrong. If your still feeling self conscious about it, then all you have to do is a slight change in phrasing. The best thing I can think of to avoid a situation like that is to write up a script of how you can leave a better impression on customers. But let me remind you, this isn’t because you were doing a bad job in any way. This is to help you feel better. Don’t let this bad experience fester and twist you up and leave you second guessing yourself.
I hope you feel better soon, and that this helps, for whatever it’s worth.