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You Deserve better;
5 years ago
Hey all again, I kind of disappeared after last week please don’t take any offense as I’m still looking at offers on my girls. And I’ll be looking this week for final decisions, a TLDR is at the bottom,This last week started strong, but took a small detour. Long story short, a former friend saw I wasn’t on her friends list, and blocked on a couple more sites. One of which was toyhouse, i have an assistant whom started to add people as suggestions for new characters and I didn’t know who they were so I just told them to block everyone they followed. Turned out it was my this former friend was one of them and they got confrontational. In light of this;
I wanted give everyone a good “you deserve better” PSA!
Cause realistically you do deserve better, it’s my personal belief if you wanna better at something or work better towards a goal than you should deserve better. Especially in a friendship, so if you’re in or on a one sided friendship and you wanna keep up with it more power to ya and i wish you the best.
But if you’re on the end of weaponized silence, being flaked on, ignored/abandoned, only needed when they’re hurt or struggling, or just given that, “I don’t message first cause....” you overall DESERVE better. I’ve been happy enough to be able to put my time and energy to the people I love and care for and wanted to be apart of my future. (context, me and this former friend already had a falling out for this same issue, along with this was before i got help and they didnt want to be there anymore. once we reconnected, nothing changed, so i opted into just leaving, i said my goodbyes . Done deal. im not loosing any sleep over it.)
Once you take out that and say your goodbyes, it’s gonna suck, but just know that you can focus and deserve better on what you’re trying to accomplish. If you recognize the toxic behaviors on their side, and more importantly YOU, yourself, as a person you identify as, you recognize the toxic behaviors coming from you. It’s time to move on, it’s time for a change of pace for the better.
And if you’re on the latter end of this, and are mad;
You don’t get to be mad that your former friend doesn’t want you in your future.
You don’t get to be mad that your former friends deserve better,
You dont get to be mad that someone decided to stand up for themselves just to be happy.
You don’t get to be mad cause you didn’t put the effort in. End of story.
Yes it’s sucks and you’re hurt, about feeling abandoned or they didn’t want you in their life. Take that time to put in the friends you wanted to be around, go get help, take up a new job, whatever you need to do. At the end of the day you lost a friend, some friendships don’t work out. Time to move on, cause your friend already has;
TLDR: ALL in all you deserve to have friends and loved ones, you don't deserve to be the forgotten friend or that last minute add in. I wish my former friend all the love and luck in the world, but i cant/wont have them in my future anymore. Im no saint, and im not claiming to be, i ended this friendship in a way no one wants, but no one wants to feel that abandoned. especially twice. And if ive done this to you, DO LET ME KNOW, lets fix this in any way possible.
I've had a few long-term friendships go south because ultimately they didn't appreciate me as much as they should have. Yeah I made some mistakes but more people need to understand mistakes happen. Nobody's perfect. When you're in a friendship you both fuck up sometimes. The point is to talk about it and work it out. If someone takes advantage of you then holds your fuckups against you (and I mean honest mistakes here and NOT toxic behavior) that's not OK.
I'll give an example. My first major friendship was with this guy named Jorge. We met while I was in college & I had joined this D&D game he was looking to start. Jorge & I had a lot of the same interests and even tho he was ten years older we got along pretty well. At the time I was in my 20's and going through a lot of stuff & ended up looking at him as a sort of father figure. He seemed to recognize this but rather than discourage it he used it to his advantage. It took awhile (five years, almost six) but I slowly realized all the things he was getting me to do for him were his way of using my feelings towards him as a way to get me to do stuff for him. As soon as I started maturing & showing some independence by sticking up for myself he got resentful. He'd do these toxic little things to needle me, like have the big bad in our adventure rape my character or threaten to throw me out of the house (I was renting a room from him by then) just for having a girl over who'd shown interest in me.
It's shit like that where the abuse of your trust gives you every right to tell that person to fuck off. Yeah it sucked but soon enough I'd made new friends, some of which I still know to this day. That's the ultimate lesson to take away from this journal and my post. There's plenty better people out there. You're worth getting to know them.