FA+
Shop
How things are in 2021, Febuary edition
5 years ago
General
Before we begin I just wanna poke fun at myself because im so tired I wrote 20201, thinking in my head, 20-20-1 instead of 2021. I have normal brain function I swear xD
In September 2020, my life fell to pieces. And then those pieces were pulverized. And for a large part of it I have only myself to blame. I lost friends that I consider family, I lost actual family. I ruined any chances I had with someone I was looking to date. I was still grieving over the loss of a romantic relationship almost 3 years in the making. I made enemies. And I made the tiny world that I knew, hate me. I ended up sleeping on a couch at a friend's house that was out of the loop so he didn't hate me. I lost my job, and... yeah I hit an all time low. But, in the months since then, people who believed in me... keep in mind I didn't say cater, just... believed in me, are what held me together. I won't name them because some enemies I've made will go after them, and have been going after them.
Look I'm not perfect, far from it, I'm a mess and I've spent weeks in miserable self loathing reflecting on how pathetic I can be. But, I'd like to think things are improving. I'm not who I was. And so we arrive at Febuary... today. I've been practicing art and liking my progress immensely... feeling... proud of it at times. I've been making new friends, coming out of my shell a little. Hell I've been working out, and even managed to fix my sleep schedule. In my personal life things are on the mend, and in my online, social life, I'd like to think I'm learning how to respect people for once. How to value people without being clingy and projecting ideal traits onto people I admire, how to... stand up for myself, how to say no. How to use my voice. These aren't things I learned as a kid, when I was young it was beat into me if someone wants my opinion they'll ask me, otherwise shut up cuz I'm being annoying and distracting.
So, now the question becomes what am I going to do with 2021? Well...
Job corps is a bust, I'm officially too old to continue in the program, meaning I'm on my own again. I've got some work lined up though in construction come spring time, and I'll be building my own portfolio for use as a freelance carpenter. Might not be unionized but any experience is worth it, and if I build up my finances, a 1 time $200 fee and I'm in the Union as an apprentice, after 4k hours, a full fledged journeyman carpenter. For a career thats where I'm going to go.
For talents and past times? I want to keep developing my art skills. Working on hands, faces, wings, details... I want to get into manual shading, not some AI stuff you've seen in my lineless works. I'd like to get good enough I can comfortably open up for commissions when I need extra cash, and by good, I mean make something of reasonable quality in a reasonable amount of time. I'd like to do lineless art, open world backgrounds and interior ones, showing off my architectural taste and experience with the interior shots. I'd like to develop my universe more and actually start creating short stories that people want to read. I'd like to learn how to build a PC, and use something other than a cheesy prebuilt Dell desktop. And lastly, I'd like to feel better about myself. Currently my own self worth is entirely dependent on what people think of me, and its heavily biased to be pessimistic. Doubtful even. I'd like to be happy, not with who I am, but who I'm becoming and the path I'll be on at the time. And, God willing, I'd like to be brave enough to once again look for someone special out there in the big scary world. I'd like to be happy with my body and be satisfied with my fitness.
I'm going into Febuary with a sort of... determination to make the world around me better. Not just hope it gets better. Its time to stop praying and doing nothing. Time to stop hoping... start doing, and time to not give up when I push and the world pushes back, as I'm prone to do. Oh and maybe time to stop apologizing for every little thing and just either don't make mistakes, or don't feel guilty about standing up for myself and what I believe in. None of this is going to be easy, Nothing worth doing ever is. One could say, it's time to grow up, and frankly its about damn time, I'm goin on 25 years old this April.
All things considered, I'm lookin to do in 2021 what I should have done when I turned 21. Or 18 for that matter. Time to be a man and have some worthwhile qualities. And if I can have just one wish, its that while I'm doing this, I don't forget who brought me this far. Even if we're no longer on speaking terms, alot of people have been good to me atleast at some point and influenced who I am today. Some of those people are still good people who grew weary of me and I don't blame them. I may not be able to make them proud... But I'm going to do what I can to make sure they didn't waste their breath.
Might be late for a new years resolution but I know what I'm gonna do this year. I'm going to take it, and make it mine. Good luck to all of you in your own pursuits and goals, and here's hoping at the end of the year we'll all have great stories to tell of progress, learning, growing wiser, skillful, and being content with how far we've come individually and collectively.
In September 2020, my life fell to pieces. And then those pieces were pulverized. And for a large part of it I have only myself to blame. I lost friends that I consider family, I lost actual family. I ruined any chances I had with someone I was looking to date. I was still grieving over the loss of a romantic relationship almost 3 years in the making. I made enemies. And I made the tiny world that I knew, hate me. I ended up sleeping on a couch at a friend's house that was out of the loop so he didn't hate me. I lost my job, and... yeah I hit an all time low. But, in the months since then, people who believed in me... keep in mind I didn't say cater, just... believed in me, are what held me together. I won't name them because some enemies I've made will go after them, and have been going after them.
Look I'm not perfect, far from it, I'm a mess and I've spent weeks in miserable self loathing reflecting on how pathetic I can be. But, I'd like to think things are improving. I'm not who I was. And so we arrive at Febuary... today. I've been practicing art and liking my progress immensely... feeling... proud of it at times. I've been making new friends, coming out of my shell a little. Hell I've been working out, and even managed to fix my sleep schedule. In my personal life things are on the mend, and in my online, social life, I'd like to think I'm learning how to respect people for once. How to value people without being clingy and projecting ideal traits onto people I admire, how to... stand up for myself, how to say no. How to use my voice. These aren't things I learned as a kid, when I was young it was beat into me if someone wants my opinion they'll ask me, otherwise shut up cuz I'm being annoying and distracting.
So, now the question becomes what am I going to do with 2021? Well...
Job corps is a bust, I'm officially too old to continue in the program, meaning I'm on my own again. I've got some work lined up though in construction come spring time, and I'll be building my own portfolio for use as a freelance carpenter. Might not be unionized but any experience is worth it, and if I build up my finances, a 1 time $200 fee and I'm in the Union as an apprentice, after 4k hours, a full fledged journeyman carpenter. For a career thats where I'm going to go.
For talents and past times? I want to keep developing my art skills. Working on hands, faces, wings, details... I want to get into manual shading, not some AI stuff you've seen in my lineless works. I'd like to get good enough I can comfortably open up for commissions when I need extra cash, and by good, I mean make something of reasonable quality in a reasonable amount of time. I'd like to do lineless art, open world backgrounds and interior ones, showing off my architectural taste and experience with the interior shots. I'd like to develop my universe more and actually start creating short stories that people want to read. I'd like to learn how to build a PC, and use something other than a cheesy prebuilt Dell desktop. And lastly, I'd like to feel better about myself. Currently my own self worth is entirely dependent on what people think of me, and its heavily biased to be pessimistic. Doubtful even. I'd like to be happy, not with who I am, but who I'm becoming and the path I'll be on at the time. And, God willing, I'd like to be brave enough to once again look for someone special out there in the big scary world. I'd like to be happy with my body and be satisfied with my fitness.
I'm going into Febuary with a sort of... determination to make the world around me better. Not just hope it gets better. Its time to stop praying and doing nothing. Time to stop hoping... start doing, and time to not give up when I push and the world pushes back, as I'm prone to do. Oh and maybe time to stop apologizing for every little thing and just either don't make mistakes, or don't feel guilty about standing up for myself and what I believe in. None of this is going to be easy, Nothing worth doing ever is. One could say, it's time to grow up, and frankly its about damn time, I'm goin on 25 years old this April.
All things considered, I'm lookin to do in 2021 what I should have done when I turned 21. Or 18 for that matter. Time to be a man and have some worthwhile qualities. And if I can have just one wish, its that while I'm doing this, I don't forget who brought me this far. Even if we're no longer on speaking terms, alot of people have been good to me atleast at some point and influenced who I am today. Some of those people are still good people who grew weary of me and I don't blame them. I may not be able to make them proud... But I'm going to do what I can to make sure they didn't waste their breath.
Might be late for a new years resolution but I know what I'm gonna do this year. I'm going to take it, and make it mine. Good luck to all of you in your own pursuits and goals, and here's hoping at the end of the year we'll all have great stories to tell of progress, learning, growing wiser, skillful, and being content with how far we've come individually and collectively.
Very correct words about growing up how to do it huh, sometimes my own prejudices hinder me a lot, but I am weak to overcome them, but as I see that others do it gives a little strength.
In terms of art, I also wish you good luck and only improve your skills,
who knows how long it will take you to look at your old work and see what kind of gap there will be between what you draw in the future.