No, I did not see a doctor yet nor was ever diagnosed clinically with these things, but I was feeling a very huge load of stress and worry that it was too much to bear. It would be that it was COVID-related, but a whole lot of things happened to me in a negative way.
The primary thing was that I got to my limit of not getting a new job after paying a lot of money for a master's degree curriculum, and still not hired- for 1/2 year, I had no success. Another was that I had a very bad fight with my sister yesterday, and ongoing, I have not gone to something of amusement thanks to COVID. I was so glum and withdrawn that I was about to cry and even had a thought of screaming while thinking how life is hard and cruel, but I did not and I instead wanted to be alone and did it in a weird way-sit on the floor in a narrow clothes closet and try to have positive thoughts.
I know it is a tough time, but I have a point where I'm going to be sad all the time and I fear that I will end up clinically depressed. I'm fighting it as much as possible, but it is so difficult to control. To put salt on the wound, I know of no active friends to help me, an introvert by voice, and I just am fretting about what to do. I was doing an art by myself but the stress has stopped me, and I also lost interest in fursuiting as Cory. The little bits of feeling depressed has gone into my neck, arms and legs.
No, I did not contemplate anything bad to do to myself, but if it were that I was living alone and not with my mother, something would have happened.

I don't know what you would say, but ugh, this virus would be the root of my sadness, and I don't know if I could bear with it any longer, especially when my birthday is less than a month from now...