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Transitioning, HRT and PCOS
4 years ago
I'm not sure if it's worth mentioning really, but there are people here who have been following me for a LONG time that may want to know-- my pronouns are now he/him.
I'm transgender and have been lying to myself for over 30 years.
I talk about this issue in length on my twitter, and its vaguely TMI but... idk, it seems important to be public and honest about this, because it's been extremely hard. And there's clearly not enough people talking about it, if doctors can hear me say "I want to transition and be on testosterone" and then respond by reiterating in the very next sentence that I'm "a female" in our good year of 2021.
https://twitter.com/filthy_animal/s.....14004352266240
All else I really have to say is, if you might be silently sitting there and struggling with thoughts of transitioning, and not feeling "trans enough" to go through with it, ask yourself why. Ask yourself what's preventing you from going through with it, and criticize those thoughts and beat them into the earth.
I promise that loving yourself enough to be honest with what you need is worth way more than any love another person could offer you. And I say this as someone who's engaged and in a healthy relationship. /Nothing/ compares to the euphoria of listening to yourself when you're suffering and begging to be heard.
I've had multiple male partners tell me that they weren't sure they could love me if I transitioned, because they weren't attracted to men. I was honest to them about my gender dysphoria and I was basically told I couldn't be loved anymore if I went through with it. It made me second-guess and deny that I was "trans enough" because I couldn't choose transitioning over being loved. It made me feel broken, and it nearly killed me. Don't do this to someone. And if you have, or feel like it's true that you couldn't deal with their transition, please be honest with yourself about what you want from the other person. Do you love them? Do you want them to be happy?
I'm willing to answer questions anyone may have about any of this, so please don't feel afraid to reach out.
I'm transgender and have been lying to myself for over 30 years.
I talk about this issue in length on my twitter, and its vaguely TMI but... idk, it seems important to be public and honest about this, because it's been extremely hard. And there's clearly not enough people talking about it, if doctors can hear me say "I want to transition and be on testosterone" and then respond by reiterating in the very next sentence that I'm "a female" in our good year of 2021.
https://twitter.com/filthy_animal/s.....14004352266240
All else I really have to say is, if you might be silently sitting there and struggling with thoughts of transitioning, and not feeling "trans enough" to go through with it, ask yourself why. Ask yourself what's preventing you from going through with it, and criticize those thoughts and beat them into the earth.
I promise that loving yourself enough to be honest with what you need is worth way more than any love another person could offer you. And I say this as someone who's engaged and in a healthy relationship. /Nothing/ compares to the euphoria of listening to yourself when you're suffering and begging to be heard.
I've had multiple male partners tell me that they weren't sure they could love me if I transitioned, because they weren't attracted to men. I was honest to them about my gender dysphoria and I was basically told I couldn't be loved anymore if I went through with it. It made me second-guess and deny that I was "trans enough" because I couldn't choose transitioning over being loved. It made me feel broken, and it nearly killed me. Don't do this to someone. And if you have, or feel like it's true that you couldn't deal with their transition, please be honest with yourself about what you want from the other person. Do you love them? Do you want them to be happy?
I'm willing to answer questions anyone may have about any of this, so please don't feel afraid to reach out.
As for me though, i'm not really a Trans person at all. I'm confident in clearly defining myself as Pansexual Demiflux, with male leanings.
Past couple decades though.. one thing i've always enjoyed is crossdressing. I rather envy the full on Drag queens, who can make a veritable artform of it. My boyfriends never approved of this, for varying reasons.
Even when i reached out to other crossdresser groups and local meetups, they were more "lifestylers", and kinda looked down on those who sexualized it...
But.. I've been called by other Trans people there, "one of those sick Fucks who fetishize OUR struggle!"
so..... that.. was.. jarring.
I'm pretty discrete about it these days, even around my bf.
Somewhat regularly, my "flux" leaves me with this intense.. envy. For the beauty, sensations, and mindsets that females are capable of having..
I feel like i'm trying to capture something that still doesn't fit in with I see others striving for.
... i dont know, i think i'm wording this horribly..
I've learned a LOT this past year alone, about.. positivity, and learning to love what one sees in the mirror. "This is the body i'm happy with, I like it.. it may not be the one i aspire to, but i still love it."
Though, I'm not really a Trans person, and since i identify as Male, and present as Male, that technically makes me Cis.
When i described that kind of gender envy i'd have, one of my exes said, "that.. basically makes you a Buffalo Bill" and something about that was a bit offputting.
It doesn't bother me that much these days.. but.. maybe i'll get to cut loose and reach for it again.
Do.. strive.. reach..
I want you and others getting to where they want to be. You're not alone, and you got people cheering you on.
Be well.