This is something like a mix of feelings that got stuck in my head for the past couple of months, but it was -certain event- which pretty much you all know at this point (please don't type down which one it is), that triggered all those thoughts at once and motivated me to write this down.

I've been having some... great trouble trying to keep active on doing art, as I got a feeling or realization of my art career inside the furry fandom is a road leading to nowhere. Not gonna lie, I love it here. It's thanks to all this that I got authentic friends, acquired new skills, finally made a small profit out of it, and earned the confidence I thought lost when I met even more talented people close to me. But as I got some point of that recognition, I asked myself "What's next?" or "Am I gonna do this forever?". That's when the self-doubt kicked in.

I just lost confidence in my art, being harsher towards my mistakes and putting an emotionally angry effort into not making them on the next pictures. Started regretting all the decisions I've made, wishing multiple times to go back and not doing those things that maybe would make me happy by avoiding. And last, disappearing and making people forget about me by my absence, was a thought I considered the best for the community, at least for the people who know me the better since my presence or the drawings I made were not powerful enough to make people proud of me.

And then things got... well not worse, but definitely didn't help that out. I just wanted to give up in general, making myself believe my time at the fandom is over and it's time to move on, to let the seat to another artist who can fill it properly. At this point, all that I've written down here, it was something only some friends knew, as I tried to find comfort to go on and not letting this affect my daily basis. But the words any single of my pals, my bros, the artists I look up to and I have the honor to talk with, they've all supported me on their own way that, combined all of their messages, would result in a massive letter of good vibes and wishes. It was the first time in this week, I wanted to genuinely cry, to let all this go out of my system.

The reason why I wrote this down is so I can express better how I've been feeling in the past days, to let this all out in a proper way instead of emotional tweets that I wrote wherever I felt any kind of bad. And also to express my new hope for the future of my career as an artist in general, with a new focus on what to do and how to make the new decisions that await me. I also wanna thank all of the people I've asked for help from, all those who stomached my rants and vents. You guys are the real motor, the real-life of this gallery and account. This gallery, these pictures, are alive thanks to you. I wanted to say it, so much.

So... yeah. Maybe I feel some better after writing this, and the only thing that's left to do is to go on. I know I can, I just like to complain about the process.

So long and give your loved ones a hug from me.

-C