So I'm writing this journal to sort of empty my mind at 2:34am. This is usually the time that the loneliness kicks in, which it is. Which is understandable ya know, not a lot of people in the US are up at this time. But, mostly it's just all the negative thoughts creep in as well. Feelings of inadequacy and just overall depression I guess. Mostly just feeling a mixture of jealousy and sadness that I don't have anyone that I can really deeply lean on, in a relationship sense. Ya know, how people with an SO can be up at 3am with their partner and have someone there to talk to about anything. I sit here in my bed thinking about that, how alone I am at these times. Heart really aching at the thought of this stuff. Maybe this is pretty typical stuff for people? While I'm currently trying to be more social with furs, on telegram, here, Twitter in a sense, and reddit, it's not really getting anywhere. I've met a couple people I can consider friends and I'm grateful for meeting them. But, it's almost like a cycle of people I know, good friends come in as what I considered good friends slowly drift away. Makes me wonder how people can maintain a friend circle of more than 5 people? Or maybe I'm just delusional of what I think I see of people. Where people are only holding onto 3 or so friends but what they post and talk about makes it seem like they have more. This kind of battle in my mind takes place a lot where the logical is arguing with the depression. Flip flopping myself from grounded reason to near tears stress and worry. Cause of thoughts of, romantic isolation, if I'm going to make it in this world, how I compare to others, what people think of me. Very easy to spiral out and sink into these thoughts, but, as I type this, I'm feeling much better as it's almost expunging the thoughts somewhere else. I'm not sure if there's much sense in this journal other than just, trying to find some solace in my nightly depression. But, if you've read this far, I honestly think that shows some people here care.