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Here's an update (kinda important)
4 years ago
Sorry for my lack of activity here you guys. Well for those who actually keep updated and all with me as it is.
A lot has been happening in my life lately and I'm getting very overwhelmed.
So where do we start.
I am back to full time at my job. Despite I said I wouldn't go back, I do need the money. So here I am. Full time again. Meaning I am back to only two days off a week. Hence why art has been VERY slow on my end.
My parents are selling our cabin. And they made a mistake to sign the papers to have us have our stuff out in two weeks. Now while to most that doesn't sound that bad right? Two weeks? Not bad at all!
Problem being, our cabin is an hour and a half drive away, I couldn't get off work the first week so I wasn't able to do ANYTHING to help the first week. I had to struggle to get THIS week off in order to help move. (Literally, I had to struggle. I dont think if I wouldn't of gone to my union for advice, that I would of been able to get it off.)
Okay still not that bad right? WRONG.
We have not just the house, but two barns to go through. While no they are note HUGE barns, they still have a lot of junk in them!
I'm not willing to loose all the fishing supplies and stuff that was actually -mine-. Small story for as to why. Back when I was a child and I wanted my -own- fishing equipment, my dad always told me no. Because he had so much fishing stuff. But was I ever able to access it? No. So now that I have the ability to be the one to save it and keep it, I'm going to, and there is no stopping me.
Now me and my dad are struggling. Because guess what? The help I was gonna ask for from my sister? I cant now because her and her family are now on quarantine because they were exposed to Covid. Despite my sister and brother-in-law both having been vaccinated already, we cant risk it with my parents because they are high risk.
Which brings on the next part. My dad can not get around like he once did. He needs a cane to get around and his 'pride' makes him hate it. When we went up the last few times to pack up, we could only do like 4 hours and then had to come home. Again I'm third shift, so the first day we went up, was when I got outta work at 6:30am. I worked all night and had to come home only to turn around and do the drive up.
This is where its shitty. I'm now recovered and have had a whole day off (Sunday) to relax and get my energy back. Oh but whats this? I cant go up north. Why? Because I discovered I have a massive cavity in my back tooth. A big ol hole in it that has been causing me so much pain, I have been unable to properly sleep the last two nights.
So today I'm going in for an exam to see what can be done about it.
Meaning I now loose another day to be up north and packing things up.
BUT bright side, my best friend and her boyfriend said they'd go up and help me tomorrow on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes.
But yeah. A lot of shit has been happening. My mental health is -not- okay but I cant do jack shit to fix it right now.
I was on the suicide thought path a week ago, and while I did not act on it, it still scares me that I was literally right back at that thought process. I need to get help. I cant get help. America fucking sucks.
People dont understand mental health. They think its all a joke. Its not. I dont know where to go to even begin to get help because people in this country dont want to help you. The older generations just go "its all in your head" or "well back in my day we didn't have all this stuff, we just worked through it" <- LITERALLY what my parents have told me.
So yeah. I'm struggling right now. I'm at a loss for what to do to help myself anymore.
A lot has been happening in my life lately and I'm getting very overwhelmed.
So where do we start.
I am back to full time at my job. Despite I said I wouldn't go back, I do need the money. So here I am. Full time again. Meaning I am back to only two days off a week. Hence why art has been VERY slow on my end.
My parents are selling our cabin. And they made a mistake to sign the papers to have us have our stuff out in two weeks. Now while to most that doesn't sound that bad right? Two weeks? Not bad at all!
Problem being, our cabin is an hour and a half drive away, I couldn't get off work the first week so I wasn't able to do ANYTHING to help the first week. I had to struggle to get THIS week off in order to help move. (Literally, I had to struggle. I dont think if I wouldn't of gone to my union for advice, that I would of been able to get it off.)
Okay still not that bad right? WRONG.
We have not just the house, but two barns to go through. While no they are note HUGE barns, they still have a lot of junk in them!
I'm not willing to loose all the fishing supplies and stuff that was actually -mine-. Small story for as to why. Back when I was a child and I wanted my -own- fishing equipment, my dad always told me no. Because he had so much fishing stuff. But was I ever able to access it? No. So now that I have the ability to be the one to save it and keep it, I'm going to, and there is no stopping me.
Now me and my dad are struggling. Because guess what? The help I was gonna ask for from my sister? I cant now because her and her family are now on quarantine because they were exposed to Covid. Despite my sister and brother-in-law both having been vaccinated already, we cant risk it with my parents because they are high risk.
Which brings on the next part. My dad can not get around like he once did. He needs a cane to get around and his 'pride' makes him hate it. When we went up the last few times to pack up, we could only do like 4 hours and then had to come home. Again I'm third shift, so the first day we went up, was when I got outta work at 6:30am. I worked all night and had to come home only to turn around and do the drive up.
This is where its shitty. I'm now recovered and have had a whole day off (Sunday) to relax and get my energy back. Oh but whats this? I cant go up north. Why? Because I discovered I have a massive cavity in my back tooth. A big ol hole in it that has been causing me so much pain, I have been unable to properly sleep the last two nights.
So today I'm going in for an exam to see what can be done about it.
Meaning I now loose another day to be up north and packing things up.
BUT bright side, my best friend and her boyfriend said they'd go up and help me tomorrow on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes.
But yeah. A lot of shit has been happening. My mental health is -not- okay but I cant do jack shit to fix it right now.
I was on the suicide thought path a week ago, and while I did not act on it, it still scares me that I was literally right back at that thought process. I need to get help. I cant get help. America fucking sucks.
People dont understand mental health. They think its all a joke. Its not. I dont know where to go to even begin to get help because people in this country dont want to help you. The older generations just go "its all in your head" or "well back in my day we didn't have all this stuff, we just worked through it" <- LITERALLY what my parents have told me.
So yeah. I'm struggling right now. I'm at a loss for what to do to help myself anymore.
I would have gladly helped out if I could have!