Ever since I left my job following the redundancy, I really took for granted how alone I really was. For 5 years I was seeing people practically everyday, interacting with them, chatting to them, yes I was working but I also had daily interactions with people, some I would call friendly coworkers and others, good friends.

Then Covid happened and that became a downward spiral that made me realize, I really needed those people, the last year of my job was extremely hard, not because of the work load, far from it, infact I was struggling to find stuff to do. What was really heart-crushing was the isolation. I was the only one there and had nobody to talk to. I have family sure but some of my closest friends live in various parts of the world. I have only a few friends in my native country I could visit in person and everytime I tried to go, something always came up until well... it was too late.

The last few days have been feeling pretty rough, I can't escape this overwhelming heart crushing feeling. It comes in waves, sometimes harder than others. I can't even remember the last time I had a sincere hug from someone and if I did now, I'd probably cry.

For now though, I'm gonna try and actively push to meet those in my native country job or not, I actively need this for my own health, and maybe one day, actually go abroad and meet all my friends in person.