I admit, life has been more tense than I'm used to it being lately. From work kicking me down with deadlines and a lot of time out in the sun, to my ongoing spiritual warfare with my family. It sucks to say the least, and sitting through a sermon today involving yet another bashing of "false" religions to prop up their own. It's just reaching a boiling point where I have to set hard boundaries with my family or warn them that I could easily move away with assistance from my current job.

But my own personal issues are not the main reason I am here today to share some more of my developing thoughts. Instead, I want to discuss what the church views as "courageous" and what I feel is real courage. Per the pastor from this morning, because it's so "easy" to just live a lifetime of what they consider sin, that choosing to abstain from all of it to pursue a bigger reward in heaven is courage. Because apparently the world "despises" major religions. Little do they realize how much influence and power they have over the current world at large. I personally cannot stand the glorification of detaching oneself from the trends of the planet, just being content in dividing everything into a category of good vs evil.

And the congregation around me just buys into this narrative. Believing their faith is the one and only true one. No need to rationally think about the concrete reasons why, right? Just accept what the "experts" tell you and nothing more. It's disgusting to me, especially when we all congregate into a picnic afterwards to live like normal human beings. I saw moms parading around their newborns, age groups organizing to do their own thing, and no one bothering to discuss the sermon they just heard. All of this social act is just to normalize a falsehood. That peace can be achieved and we can be normal people if we believe in the "one, true religion"

This religion is one that specializes in the need for divine salvation through some devious tactics. First, the church will convince you that nothing good in the world is from man. That all of it comes from one source of good, and that is "God". Secondly, they will dare to call people who claim they are doing good as "prideful fools". Because humanity is apparently too stupid and sinful to make the world a better place without a Holy Text telling them otherwise. And lastly, they will justify genocide in their text as "righteous", convincing their followers that God is simply without any fault. Praise how perfect our Gary Stu is! And how DARE you question otherwise!?

When you believe in this structure, it turns you into the mindset of a slave to be frank. That you have to adhere to the commands of the one who is most worthy and not think for yourself. You can easily get into very terrible stances on topics concerning the morality of handling those that do not share your same faith. That isn't a way to live one's life in my honest opinion. Especially when it can cause bouts of depression among parents and their children wishing to leave the faith in pursuit of their own spiritual path. I think the highest courage one can face in the emotional realm is to defy the wishes of parents. To prove to them that you can be a functioning, moral person without God. It's easy to submit by "faith" to these groups. It is much harder to break away when such a faith has been a part of your life for most of your life.

I honestly am running out of patience for my folks. I need to continue to find those that are in my situation and reach out to people I trust about it. For those I have spoken to, thanks for your time. I want to keep such discussions up in my very fragile period of living. <3