So.
I thought that crying was supposed to make you feel better when you're upset.
I rarely get to cry, so when I cry...I can't stop for a while and I just feel even more miserable.

Right now I'm stuck in a rut, well...I'm always stuck in a rut but things just seem to be progressively getting worse and I can't stop that spiral from happening.
I feel so lost and completely alone. Like I have no one. Yeah I have friends, a few that don't cause me any pain, but the majority of them are a big source of my problems.
For instance, the person who I used to call my best friend is now the person that I hate and wish that I could get rid of, but for some reason can't seem to let go. Maybe it's because I'm still in love with him, or maybe it's because I feel like he'll change back into the person he used to be. The person I fell in love with. Although I know that won't happen, I trick myself into believing that maybe it could, and that maybe he could be in love with me again....that maybe we could make each other happy because I know he's struggling right now with things in his life.

I forgot what the point of writing all this was. Somewhere in the middle of the last paragraph I stopped crying and just went blank and numb, my defense mechanism.

Maybe when I'm a little more clear headed I'll write another journal. Sorry to all of you who read this and feel like it was a monstrous waste of your life.

/end rant