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When you see Red
4 years ago
¸.·•❤•·.¸
Character Adopts In regards to my last Journal. Yes, That profile on DA was taken down.
Now... I would like to explain something... When you go through so much and hold in so much sadness and anger and grief and just everything in the book... That one thing is the final straw. That day I was literally seeing red. I took out all my pain, frustration, sadness out on that person. Was I childish? Yes. And for that I apologize...
But, I would like people to see my POV for a moment... Im a mom who has is basically working around the clock, with practically no breaks. Cleaning, scheduling, hold back all my grief/worries. My husband is deployed in the middle east. I lost my dog that I've had for 13+ years. I watched and felt her die in my arms. That broke me. I can barely greive properly because my kids dont understand. I havent had proper sleep for worry about my husband and the one thing that I clung to is gone. Then multiple family members are having life-changing surgeries that may or may not help them live a better life. 2 of which may not live for much longer. One of my best friends passes away so suddenly, that it felt like my whole world was just falling down around me. Then to learn that someone stole not only my character BUT my art as well, creating a whole story about them, blocking me before I even had the chance to infestigate, which tells me that they KNEW what they were doing. I finally snapped. All of this happening within a 2-3 month period. Things constantly happening. THEN to have ppl telling me "to calm down" and "its just porn" just made it far worse. Because that's like saying, "Your time doesnt matter", "Your efforts dont matter", "Your feelings dont matter." All of it. Some artists may not care. Some OC owners may not care, but its about respect for that person. If someone flips their lid, maybe think about that person. What are they going through? Are they truly ok? Etc.
So yes, I saw red the other day... And I didn't handle it well. All the things bottled up just boiled over. I am sorry I didnt handle it well and when I read over it, I am disgusted with myself for not handling it in a more professional manner. However... I would like everyone to understand, that there is only so much one person can handle... That everyone has a breaking point. That, no, I'm not always happy or joyful. That I have sadness, grief, and anger too. And when people tell me to "chill", it's like... I'm not allowed to express those feelings. I'm only allowed to stay professional at all times, express happiness at all times, so on and so forth. That's why I stay quiet, that's why I don't talk to people, unless I've known them for a very long time and KNOW for a fact I can trust them.
Yet here I am, explaining myself. Why? Because I just want people to understand why I reacted in that manner. If that is a problem... then I'm sorry. I don't know what else to really tell you.
Now... I would like to explain something... When you go through so much and hold in so much sadness and anger and grief and just everything in the book... That one thing is the final straw. That day I was literally seeing red. I took out all my pain, frustration, sadness out on that person. Was I childish? Yes. And for that I apologize...
But, I would like people to see my POV for a moment... Im a mom who has is basically working around the clock, with practically no breaks. Cleaning, scheduling, hold back all my grief/worries. My husband is deployed in the middle east. I lost my dog that I've had for 13+ years. I watched and felt her die in my arms. That broke me. I can barely greive properly because my kids dont understand. I havent had proper sleep for worry about my husband and the one thing that I clung to is gone. Then multiple family members are having life-changing surgeries that may or may not help them live a better life. 2 of which may not live for much longer. One of my best friends passes away so suddenly, that it felt like my whole world was just falling down around me. Then to learn that someone stole not only my character BUT my art as well, creating a whole story about them, blocking me before I even had the chance to infestigate, which tells me that they KNEW what they were doing. I finally snapped. All of this happening within a 2-3 month period. Things constantly happening. THEN to have ppl telling me "to calm down" and "its just porn" just made it far worse. Because that's like saying, "Your time doesnt matter", "Your efforts dont matter", "Your feelings dont matter." All of it. Some artists may not care. Some OC owners may not care, but its about respect for that person. If someone flips their lid, maybe think about that person. What are they going through? Are they truly ok? Etc.
So yes, I saw red the other day... And I didn't handle it well. All the things bottled up just boiled over. I am sorry I didnt handle it well and when I read over it, I am disgusted with myself for not handling it in a more professional manner. However... I would like everyone to understand, that there is only so much one person can handle... That everyone has a breaking point. That, no, I'm not always happy or joyful. That I have sadness, grief, and anger too. And when people tell me to "chill", it's like... I'm not allowed to express those feelings. I'm only allowed to stay professional at all times, express happiness at all times, so on and so forth. That's why I stay quiet, that's why I don't talk to people, unless I've known them for a very long time and KNOW for a fact I can trust them.
Yet here I am, explaining myself. Why? Because I just want people to understand why I reacted in that manner. If that is a problem... then I'm sorry. I don't know what else to really tell you.
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