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I feel like I'm all the wrong things.
4 years ago
Sometimes I wonder why I'm in the furry fandom, trying to put all stereotypes aside is difficult when I see them sometimes. I just feel like I'm insignificant in comparison to other's around. I don't have a fursuit, not that it's a requirement, but I once met someone who said they didn't really want to chat with me unless I had one, I met this dude at a convention. I don't even go to conventions much, I mean to say before covid even happened I didn't really go, not like I had many friends to go see in the first place.
And... I can't even count on two hands how many furs I've seen talking about polyamory. Now listen, you're entitled to your preferences, and if it works for you, power to you, but I feel so out of place because out of all these people, I'm solely monogamous. And even if I've connected with someone who's 'monogamous' in the past, I've ended up with liars anyway. It just feels like I can't relate to others about these subjects because they'll start talking about polyamory and I just still wont understand, and even then some people who are doing it have a flawed understanding of it's meaning.
And then comes any sort of sex related talk, I can be shy unless I've warmed up to someone, I'm just not that openly sexual unless I know someone, so naturally, I'm rather reserved until I feel like I trust you to some extent, and synergy is visibly there... Cause like, as a writer, I also dabble in roleplaying a fair bit, but sometimes I'm scared that some people who approach me only approach me for that purpose, and then I really just start to lose myself. But I've seen so many people who are so openly sexual and it's not that I want to be like them, it's just.. This social barrier again.
It also feels like there's crushing expectations in certain ways, people that want to collab and get art, or they bring up the idea and it's like. I can barely even split on something sometimes because I only get nine hundred dollars A MONTH, it is so hard, to get any piece of art when I'm trying to focus on saving sometimes, I can manage to do it but only within reason. Not to bash anyone who gets art with others but it just feels like one, I'm somewhat left out of that because ninety percent of the time I can't, and even then, I also feel like I have to know the person well enough to even consider it, I have to know they wont turn around and say fuck you in the end. (Speaking from experience.)
I have no job, I'm barely dabbling with music and writing so I feel like I lack any form of really interesting traits. And to be honest I suck at making friends. Now, this isn't meant to seem like a whole self shame thing, I know to be proud of whatever it is I have and who I am. I know there are parts of me that I like without question, but it really crushes me when I keep encountering these barriers with people that make things harder for me.
Maybe it's just my luck, seeing so many kinds of people that are opposite of me in ways that I don't know how to handle and I just haven't been able to consistently find the right people, I know nothing's perfect, but I don't know.
And... I can't even count on two hands how many furs I've seen talking about polyamory. Now listen, you're entitled to your preferences, and if it works for you, power to you, but I feel so out of place because out of all these people, I'm solely monogamous. And even if I've connected with someone who's 'monogamous' in the past, I've ended up with liars anyway. It just feels like I can't relate to others about these subjects because they'll start talking about polyamory and I just still wont understand, and even then some people who are doing it have a flawed understanding of it's meaning.
And then comes any sort of sex related talk, I can be shy unless I've warmed up to someone, I'm just not that openly sexual unless I know someone, so naturally, I'm rather reserved until I feel like I trust you to some extent, and synergy is visibly there... Cause like, as a writer, I also dabble in roleplaying a fair bit, but sometimes I'm scared that some people who approach me only approach me for that purpose, and then I really just start to lose myself. But I've seen so many people who are so openly sexual and it's not that I want to be like them, it's just.. This social barrier again.
It also feels like there's crushing expectations in certain ways, people that want to collab and get art, or they bring up the idea and it's like. I can barely even split on something sometimes because I only get nine hundred dollars A MONTH, it is so hard, to get any piece of art when I'm trying to focus on saving sometimes, I can manage to do it but only within reason. Not to bash anyone who gets art with others but it just feels like one, I'm somewhat left out of that because ninety percent of the time I can't, and even then, I also feel like I have to know the person well enough to even consider it, I have to know they wont turn around and say fuck you in the end. (Speaking from experience.)
I have no job, I'm barely dabbling with music and writing so I feel like I lack any form of really interesting traits. And to be honest I suck at making friends. Now, this isn't meant to seem like a whole self shame thing, I know to be proud of whatever it is I have and who I am. I know there are parts of me that I like without question, but it really crushes me when I keep encountering these barriers with people that make things harder for me.
Maybe it's just my luck, seeing so many kinds of people that are opposite of me in ways that I don't know how to handle and I just haven't been able to consistently find the right people, I know nothing's perfect, but I don't know.
Chrissy-Kitty~
~bigger-pp
You should only focus on what makes you yourself unique, never try and compare yourself to them as that only would make you feel unhappy, you are what you are and that is what you are great at, no one else can be like you.
