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Don't Pair My Oc Up With.
4 years ago
Literature Text
- Gloria. Ummmm..she's a freaking hippo and not my type, maybe if she was anthro and you know wasn't just a talking non-morphic hippo on two legs maybe i'd think she's sexy, but she just doesn't appeal to me. Plus she has a boyfriend already, Melman. Besides, I know I have a thing for overweight characters but by that I mean plus sized characters NOT non-morphic animal characters who are of that large build. Look, Madagascar characters aren't anthro, they are non-morphic animals that can talk, note how the penguins, the felines, the hippos and the chimps and the lemurs are the only ones on two legs while Melman and Marty and the majority of the rest of the cast are on four-legs. I like Jada Pinkett, ubt it would feel awkward being all intimate with a hippo with the voice of the woman who married the man who tried to ruin Robin William's iconic voice role as the Genie. I'd date Jada as herself but not as Gloria, if Gloria was anthro maybe I would.
- Queen Elanor. She's a bear...a non-morphic bear, she spends the majority of the movie as a freaking bear and that is it, plus our relationship didn't end well. Basically she tried to turn me into a gooey bear and tried to make her lover and she got in a hissy-fit just because I thought that something more exciting would happen, like you know...an actual adventure but nooope, nothing but a boring hugfest and she accused me of being rude just because I said I didn't like being a bear and that I think bears are boring when it comes to how they are represented, I mean all they freaking do is eat and sleep...that's pretty much what some human beings already do. Also how come she and other non-morphic animal characters in Disney can only make animalistic noises while other ones like the Lion King and Jungle Book gang can speak human language? What makes her different than Baloo or Tug? Nothing apart from the fact she used to be a human. You know who else used to be a human in the Disney-verse but got turned into an animal? Kuzco. Yet, Kuzco can talk despite being a slightly non-morphic llama. Sorry, my lady...but after the way you treated me, i'm swiping left on you.
- Po (Kung Fu Panda). I crushed on you before, yes...but that's only because you're voiced by Jack Black and Jack Black doesn't need to be a talking panda to make me fal for him. Plus, you're still a non-morphic animal and I don't date non-morphic animals, I think we'd be better off as friends.
- Baloo (Jungle Book). Uhhh, you're a talking bear on two legs. You're still a non-morphic animal, I only date anthro...so call me when you gain an anthro form or call me whenever your wife/lover from Talespin is available. Jungle Book and Lion King are NOT furry movies and the characters from those movies are non-morphic animals (in fact the primates and Baloo and the humans are the only creatures that walk on two legs in the movie, and Kaa...he doesn't even have legs, he's a snake, also Timon and Rafiki are the only characters in that movie that walk on two legs)....just because a non-morphic animal character can talk doesn't mean they're anthro.
- Dum (Sheep and Wolves 2). I don't know how to work with this guy, he seems to only say his name over and over again and well...I don't know if he's the one member of the tribe who was dropped on his head a lot as a kid, if he's just shy or he's just stupid for the sake of being comic reief but still...how come the others can speak fluent English while he only say his name over and over? Is he actually a Pokemon? I prefer Bianca and Grey anyway. Besides, i'm more of a sheep-person.
- Lion King characters. They're ALL non-morphic animals who spend the majority of the movie on all fours except for Zazu/bird characters, Timon and Rafiki. How on earth am I supposed to do this? No offense Simba, but a king and father should know better than to try and do the dirty dance with someone he considers to be a family member. If your father was still alive he'd scold you for this behavior i'm sure, plus...you're married to Nala, what do you need me for when you're married and with a young lioness daughter? I had fun with you, yes but i'm afraid you would have to be anthro to be my type.
- Ferdinard. You're a nice bull and all but you kind of need to be an anthropomorphic to be my type.
- Sulley (Monsters Inc). Don't take this personally Sulley, I love you but you're still an entiretly non-human character, you need to at least be half-human to get me to love you. I love John Goodman, but John Goodman doesn't need to be Sulley to get me to simp over him as much as I do for Dan Aykroyd, because Daddy John Goodman is sexy just the way he is. Yes Sulley, you're a big sweet-heart, I love you for that...but you're just not my type in the slightest, you need to be anthro or part-human. You're still a mostly non-human monster and besides, shame on you for trying to make out with me. Seriously first Baloo, then Simba, then Tug, and now YOU? What's with the angle of trying to make out with someone who you consider to be a family member? I don't remember THAT part of the movie.
- Ice Age characters. There's a reason I felt awkward about being Ellie, and that's because...okay, who honestly can say they have a crush on a non-morphic woolie mammoth that can talk? Out of all the main herd in Ice Age, the only two legged characters are the possums, Scrat and Sid. Please, anthro ladies only. No-non-morphic animal characters please.
- 100% Wolf Werewolves. Look I just wasn't impressed with the movie, it basically took the idea of a good werewolf and made it a freaking joke, plus...yeah I know the werewolves who have human forms but the werewolves in that universe keep switching between two legs and all fours and it's jarring. Can't you just stick to one or the other? Also, not anthro enough..i'm swiping left on these.
- Tug (Brother Bear). Tug, sweetie...you're nice but you're a non-morphic talking bear in a movie all about non-morphic talking animals. You're not special, yes I had a good time being your kid and all but seriously...you're not my type, you are a bear, yes...you're nicer than Elanor was but you're still a non-morphic bear. What makes you any different from Baloo, the fact you actually are on all fours sometimes and the fact you're a different species of bear than he is? You're nothing special, you're just a talking bear. And for the record when I was a bear and that female bear was hitting on me...nope, sorry...swiping left on that gal too, I am not into bears. Well I am, it's just I'd prefer you and those bears to be anthro and not typical talking animals. I love you and all but still, you need to be anthro for me to love you. Also lay off the incest angle...seriously, are you trying to give me an oedipus complex? Because I don't think I ever recall you ever mentioning that you do the hump dance with anyone that you consider to be your relatives or family members. That wasn't in the movie either.
- Gloria. Ummmm..she's a freaking hippo and not my type, maybe if she was anthro and you know wasn't just a talking non-morphic hippo on two legs maybe i'd think she's sexy, but she just doesn't appeal to me. Plus she has a boyfriend already, Melman. Besides, I know I have a thing for overweight characters but by that I mean plus sized characters NOT non-morphic animal characters who are of that large build. Look, Madagascar characters aren't anthro, they are non-morphic animals that can talk, note how the penguins, the felines, the hippos and the chimps and the lemurs are the only ones on two legs while Melman and Marty and the majority of the rest of the cast are on four-legs. I like Jada Pinkett, ubt it would feel awkward being all intimate with a hippo with the voice of the woman who married the man who tried to ruin Robin William's iconic voice role as the Genie. I'd date Jada as herself but not as Gloria, if Gloria was anthro maybe I would.
- Queen Elanor. She's a bear...a non-morphic bear, she spends the majority of the movie as a freaking bear and that is it, plus our relationship didn't end well. Basically she tried to turn me into a gooey bear and tried to make her lover and she got in a hissy-fit just because I thought that something more exciting would happen, like you know...an actual adventure but nooope, nothing but a boring hugfest and she accused me of being rude just because I said I didn't like being a bear and that I think bears are boring when it comes to how they are represented, I mean all they freaking do is eat and sleep...that's pretty much what some human beings already do. Also how come she and other non-morphic animal characters in Disney can only make animalistic noises while other ones like the Lion King and Jungle Book gang can speak human language? What makes her different than Baloo or Tug? Nothing apart from the fact she used to be a human. You know who else used to be a human in the Disney-verse but got turned into an animal? Kuzco. Yet, Kuzco can talk despite being a slightly non-morphic llama. Sorry, my lady...but after the way you treated me, i'm swiping left on you.
- Po (Kung Fu Panda). I crushed on you before, yes...but that's only because you're voiced by Jack Black and Jack Black doesn't need to be a talking panda to make me fal for him. Plus, you're still a non-morphic animal and I don't date non-morphic animals, I think we'd be better off as friends.
- Baloo (Jungle Book). Uhhh, you're a talking bear on two legs. You're still a non-morphic animal, I only date anthro...so call me when you gain an anthro form or call me whenever your wife/lover from Talespin is available. Jungle Book and Lion King are NOT furry movies and the characters from those movies are non-morphic animals (in fact the primates and Baloo and the humans are the only creatures that walk on two legs in the movie, and Kaa...he doesn't even have legs, he's a snake, also Timon and Rafiki are the only characters in that movie that walk on two legs)....just because a non-morphic animal character can talk doesn't mean they're anthro.
- Dum (Sheep and Wolves 2). I don't know how to work with this guy, he seems to only say his name over and over again and well...I don't know if he's the one member of the tribe who was dropped on his head a lot as a kid, if he's just shy or he's just stupid for the sake of being comic reief but still...how come the others can speak fluent English while he only say his name over and over? Is he actually a Pokemon? I prefer Bianca and Grey anyway. Besides, i'm more of a sheep-person.
- Lion King characters. They're ALL non-morphic animals who spend the majority of the movie on all fours except for Zazu/bird characters, Timon and Rafiki. How on earth am I supposed to do this? No offense Simba, but a king and father should know better than to try and do the dirty dance with someone he considers to be a family member. If your father was still alive he'd scold you for this behavior i'm sure, plus...you're married to Nala, what do you need me for when you're married and with a young lioness daughter? I had fun with you, yes but i'm afraid you would have to be anthro to be my type.
- Ferdinard. You're a nice bull and all but you kind of need to be an anthropomorphic to be my type.
- Sulley (Monsters Inc). Don't take this personally Sulley, I love you but you're still an entiretly non-human character, you need to at least be half-human to get me to love you. I love John Goodman, but John Goodman doesn't need to be Sulley to get me to simp over him as much as I do for Dan Aykroyd, because Daddy John Goodman is sexy just the way he is. Yes Sulley, you're a big sweet-heart, I love you for that...but you're just not my type in the slightest, you need to be anthro or part-human. You're still a mostly non-human monster and besides, shame on you for trying to make out with me. Seriously first Baloo, then Simba, then Tug, and now YOU? What's with the angle of trying to make out with someone who you consider to be a family member? I don't remember THAT part of the movie.
- Ice Age characters. There's a reason I felt awkward about being Ellie, and that's because...okay, who honestly can say they have a crush on a non-morphic woolie mammoth that can talk? Out of all the main herd in Ice Age, the only two legged characters are the possums, Scrat and Sid. Please, anthro ladies only. No-non-morphic animal characters please.
- 100% Wolf Werewolves. Look I just wasn't impressed with the movie, it basically took the idea of a good werewolf and made it a freaking joke, plus...yeah I know the werewolves who have human forms but the werewolves in that universe keep switching between two legs and all fours and it's jarring. Can't you just stick to one or the other? Also, not anthro enough..i'm swiping left on these.
- Tug (Brother Bear). Tug, sweetie...you're nice but you're a non-morphic talking bear in a movie all about non-morphic talking animals. You're not special, yes I had a good time being your kid and all but seriously...you're not my type, you are a bear, yes...you're nicer than Elanor was but you're still a non-morphic bear. What makes you any different from Baloo, the fact you actually are on all fours sometimes and the fact you're a different species of bear than he is? You're nothing special, you're just a talking bear. And for the record when I was a bear and that female bear was hitting on me...nope, sorry...swiping left on that gal too, I am not into bears. Well I am, it's just I'd prefer you and those bears to be anthro and not typical talking animals. I love you and all but still, you need to be anthro for me to love you. Also lay off the incest angle...seriously, are you trying to give me an oedipus complex? Because I don't think I ever recall you ever mentioning that you do the hump dance with anyone that you consider to be your relatives or family members. That wasn't in the movie either.
