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sorry about everything y'all + existentialism
4 years ago
General
hey everyone
it's been 5ever since i posted anything and i apologize. my mental health is...inconsistent at best, and i've been in a creative slump for a long-ass time.
i do spend plenty of time on FA tho, and i love seeing other peoples' excellent work. hopefully soonish i can add something of my own to it
only tangentially related:
i think a lot about my personal relationship with TF. scrolling thru my faves, or looking at my stories on this and older, abandoned accounts, makes it obvious that TF (specifically animal TF) is my Big Thing, and like, it has been for as long as i can remember. basically i started to realize that people turning into animals made me feel funny twenty years ago and i haven't had a moment of peace since lmao
seriously, though. i wonder sometimes if i should be concerned about that? like, i've spent the last two decades or so with a basically ceaseless stream of TF thoughts and fantasies going through my head. when i'm trying to get to sleep, when i'm at work, when i'm aimlessly driving, when i'm shopping, when i'm just chilling at home. it doesn't stop.
not 100% sure where i'm going with this, but like, that does concern me a bit because it's definitely not "normal". i have to imagine that something that omnipresent has had some sort of lasting impact on my general mental state and/or well-being. not sure if that's positive or negative lol.
i've also thought before that maybe my deeply personal relationship with TF is exactly WHY i have so much difficulty consistently producing the related content? like, my theory on that is that it's too close to my thoughts, and so if i try to write something i probably won't be happy with it if it doesn't perfectly line up with some nebulous "feeling" of mine. i know i've scrapped stories in the past for that very reason, and i'm really harsh on myself re: ideation.
idk. i'm just spilling assorted thoughts. thank you for reading down this far if you did (and i also apologize for not making much sense lol). i'll do my best to write more stories sooner rather than later, but please forgive me if i take a bit more time to make sure i'm in a stable mental state! also like. feel free to share yr thoughts if you relate to anything i vomited out here.
patrick out, thanks y'all
it's been 5ever since i posted anything and i apologize. my mental health is...inconsistent at best, and i've been in a creative slump for a long-ass time.
i do spend plenty of time on FA tho, and i love seeing other peoples' excellent work. hopefully soonish i can add something of my own to it
only tangentially related:
i think a lot about my personal relationship with TF. scrolling thru my faves, or looking at my stories on this and older, abandoned accounts, makes it obvious that TF (specifically animal TF) is my Big Thing, and like, it has been for as long as i can remember. basically i started to realize that people turning into animals made me feel funny twenty years ago and i haven't had a moment of peace since lmao
seriously, though. i wonder sometimes if i should be concerned about that? like, i've spent the last two decades or so with a basically ceaseless stream of TF thoughts and fantasies going through my head. when i'm trying to get to sleep, when i'm at work, when i'm aimlessly driving, when i'm shopping, when i'm just chilling at home. it doesn't stop.
not 100% sure where i'm going with this, but like, that does concern me a bit because it's definitely not "normal". i have to imagine that something that omnipresent has had some sort of lasting impact on my general mental state and/or well-being. not sure if that's positive or negative lol.
i've also thought before that maybe my deeply personal relationship with TF is exactly WHY i have so much difficulty consistently producing the related content? like, my theory on that is that it's too close to my thoughts, and so if i try to write something i probably won't be happy with it if it doesn't perfectly line up with some nebulous "feeling" of mine. i know i've scrapped stories in the past for that very reason, and i'm really harsh on myself re: ideation.
idk. i'm just spilling assorted thoughts. thank you for reading down this far if you did (and i also apologize for not making much sense lol). i'll do my best to write more stories sooner rather than later, but please forgive me if i take a bit more time to make sure i'm in a stable mental state! also like. feel free to share yr thoughts if you relate to anything i vomited out here.
patrick out, thanks y'all
i think a very common one can be sports or sports players, which is one of the most predominant fandoms. Even religion to some extent, can be considered something "omnipresent" and "all-encompassing" in someones life. And I believe there are healthy degrees of having this, and it can also come to the point of obession.
i think most anyone can agree the being overly obsessed with a sport, or become overly fanatical about a certain religion, can be considered as weird and unhealthy by some.
I've had experience with my own fixation similar to what you describe, having gone on now for close to a decade thinking daily about noses and nose related concepts. And it is as you describe, essentially non-stop. For me, moments of intense focus at work can block it out, or watching shows or movies at times, socializing IRL too. But once my mind idles, it's right back to that a lot of the time, if not reflecting on my own life.
I would say it's just ok to seek to fulfill such thoughts and desires in ways that satisfy you. It just so happens that the way you can accomplish that is through visual art. I personally don't see much wrong with it.
i used to be in complete denial of my own obsession for a long time, and used to be ashamed of it. Nowadays i've just embraced it and don't think i'll look back. Maybe i'll come to a complete fulfillment of it someday, maybe not, who knows, but in the meantime i try to enjoy it as much as i can.
just some thoughts