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I'm Over June
4 years ago
This has been a terrible month.
Beowulf passed away. He had not been doing well for a while, so I was not caught off guard... Still... anyone who has followed me through the many updates on my rats knows how special Beowulf was. It took me 3 months to earn his trust, but after that he was my baby. He brought so much joy to my life and I will always carry him my heart.
I have my favorite picture of him, I'm laying on my back, he's laying on his back on my stomach, feet up and a cheerio shoved in his mouth. Livin' the dream.
Also
Turns out my grandfather died and I was never informed because the family didn't want me there. If I wasn't done with them already, this would have been the last straw with them.
I tried.
I tried to be the kind of shitty person they wanted, but it just made me miserable. So fuck it. Grandma can enjoy being completely alone because she pushed everyone away with her bigotry.
And I don't need anyone coming in with "but she's your grandma, you should forgive her and show her love". She flat out told me she doesn't want me in the family. She doesn't even want me to publicly use my last name. I'm not going to divulge my whole family history, but to cut a long story short, she earned this.
Positives....
Treatment on my skin is working, and the biopsy hole doesn't itch as much anymore. Also I have almost full use of my hands back. There is still a big red patch in the center of my palm, and the blisters broke and keep draining, but I can move my thumb!
Beowulf passed away. He had not been doing well for a while, so I was not caught off guard... Still... anyone who has followed me through the many updates on my rats knows how special Beowulf was. It took me 3 months to earn his trust, but after that he was my baby. He brought so much joy to my life and I will always carry him my heart.
I have my favorite picture of him, I'm laying on my back, he's laying on his back on my stomach, feet up and a cheerio shoved in his mouth. Livin' the dream.
Also
Turns out my grandfather died and I was never informed because the family didn't want me there. If I wasn't done with them already, this would have been the last straw with them.
I tried.
I tried to be the kind of shitty person they wanted, but it just made me miserable. So fuck it. Grandma can enjoy being completely alone because she pushed everyone away with her bigotry.
And I don't need anyone coming in with "but she's your grandma, you should forgive her and show her love". She flat out told me she doesn't want me in the family. She doesn't even want me to publicly use my last name. I'm not going to divulge my whole family history, but to cut a long story short, she earned this.
Positives....
Treatment on my skin is working, and the biopsy hole doesn't itch as much anymore. Also I have almost full use of my hands back. There is still a big red patch in the center of my palm, and the blisters broke and keep draining, but I can move my thumb!
Beowulf passing must have been a horrible kick in the proverbial soul and I hope you've got time to put together some kind of proper time to Mourn and get over it..Pets are important, as they are part of your lives and can give us comfort..
as far as your Grandfather..
Just...Sorry, but also, don't go back into something that makes YOU miserable for others I suppose.
BUT HEY...good thing on the skincare..I saw you post about that a bit ago and My girl mentioned it..so I hope that keeps going better and better! recovery might take time but! slow and steady wins the race? guess you're the Rabbit Rather than the turtle in that story but...well...uh..it worked better in my head
The tough part about owning rats is that they have such short lives, and rescues are often even shorter lived. I will always have the memories- like him begging for more treats while he had a mouthful.
I'm not the only one who wasn't invited, the other family member who was chased off first was also left out.
Yep. Although, where the blisters on my palm are healing it has some air bubbles under it and it reminds me of those glitter gel keychains... I am easily entertained.
I'm glad your hands are doing better, though. Maybe you'll be able to draw a little to make yourself feel better soon.
I hope you feel better, and I hope things *get* better soon.
I definitely never planned to have any association with them ever again, but I would have thought they would have the decency to tell me about his funeral. They also left another person out of the loop, but they were also worse to him than to me.
Yeah, just being able to properly function again.
Fingers crossed. But I am fortunate enough to be in a good position to manage this.
Yeah, I haven't spoken to them in 5 years for a good reason.
Indeed. I care far more for my friends than for these folks for a reason. I actually refer to my friends' children as my nieces and nephews.
It'll get better and while Beowulf will be a sad part of your heart for a while, there's a world full of wonderful ratty angels who will need someone like you to give them wonderful lives <3
When I feel ready again I can go back to fostering. I have missed being able to help these little nuggets find a home.
everything. These things take time to take in, but eventually you grow and learn from it. What matters is the fact of
the positive impact you have on people, especially your friends. <3
I've been resting, and trying to take care of myself. It's been really heartwarming seeing so many people reach out to check on me, I honestly never expected that.