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Annual Reflection Time
4 years ago
I'm coming up on 38 revolutions around this rock. Most people fear the age 40, but for me, 38 is that threshold. 38 has always held a weird power in my mind. It's always my threshold number for alarms, volume, weight, etc. To me, to exceeding 38 crosses a threshold into excess. In my mind, I'm getting *old*. (I know that just caused a lot of you to roll your eyes, just go with me on this one. :0P)
But what is so bad about that? If nothing, this last year has put a lot of things into perspective for a lot of people, myself included. I'm a much different person at 38 than I was at 37, and I'm okay with that. My change had been slow and steady, but I think the biggest difference is my being more comfortable about being open with other people about who I am.
Many folks who know me can attest that I'm very different in private than in person. I've started to blur those lines, because they are SO arbitrary. And it's not that I'm not being more genuine in one venue or another, it's more a matter of letting different parts shine through for different groups. But now I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of opening those windows wider and being more unapologetically honest, especially about my needs and vulnerabilities, but also about my interests and opinions.
It's been a rough process, soul-searching, especially through quarantine and living down south away from most of my RL friends, but I do think I am in a better place for it. This year especially, I'm going to be more vocal about things that I've both been comfortable with or struggling with for years, which might seem like they're coming out of the blue, but they're really not, no matter how odd they may seem. And I'm always happy to explain my motivations or thoughts if things seem like they're weird. (Let's face it, I'm a weird person, so sharing what's in my head and heart are bound to be a little weird. ;03)
So fuck the fear of 38, I'm ready to embrace excess, if only for the fact that if I am more excessively "me" more of the time, then I'll consider that a massive *success*.
So here's to 38 years already, and to the many more than 38 to come in even greater excess.
#birthday
But what is so bad about that? If nothing, this last year has put a lot of things into perspective for a lot of people, myself included. I'm a much different person at 38 than I was at 37, and I'm okay with that. My change had been slow and steady, but I think the biggest difference is my being more comfortable about being open with other people about who I am.
Many folks who know me can attest that I'm very different in private than in person. I've started to blur those lines, because they are SO arbitrary. And it's not that I'm not being more genuine in one venue or another, it's more a matter of letting different parts shine through for different groups. But now I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of opening those windows wider and being more unapologetically honest, especially about my needs and vulnerabilities, but also about my interests and opinions.
It's been a rough process, soul-searching, especially through quarantine and living down south away from most of my RL friends, but I do think I am in a better place for it. This year especially, I'm going to be more vocal about things that I've both been comfortable with or struggling with for years, which might seem like they're coming out of the blue, but they're really not, no matter how odd they may seem. And I'm always happy to explain my motivations or thoughts if things seem like they're weird. (Let's face it, I'm a weird person, so sharing what's in my head and heart are bound to be a little weird. ;03)
So fuck the fear of 38, I'm ready to embrace excess, if only for the fact that if I am more excessively "me" more of the time, then I'll consider that a massive *success*.
So here's to 38 years already, and to the many more than 38 to come in even greater excess.
#birthday
Hope you have a really nice birthday!