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A Child who won't grow up
4 years ago
How have I been doing? Fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m still sad.
I’ve realized I rely too much on my family. If I don’t change, once they pass away, I’m basically dead. Sure, I’ll likely relocate to an area within walking distance of a grocery store or something, but is that living? What if I want take a trip to an amusement park or something? What if I want to eat at a restaurant many miles away?
The solution of course is to try to become better myself. Getting a Driver’s license in a good start, but then there’s so many things to worry about like insurance, maintenance, and the amount of focus required for driving. They all discourage me.
There’s other things I worry about what I’d have to do on my own, like managing taxes, medication, home maintenance. I know it seems simple to pretty much all of my watchers, but I’m a forgetful klutz, so I’d likely forget a bunch of stuff like that.
I’m also somewhat embarrassed to ask my family members if they could show me the ropes on how stuff like taxes and other required life skills. I’m sure they’d happily help, but again, I really should have learned all this a long time ago.
I’ve come to realize the biggest reason why I haven’t done any of this yet, I’m lazy. I feel the need to learn skills like taxes and driving and such, but I simply don’t want to because I’d rather be off piddling around on my computer like I always do, because I value my free time more than anything else it seems. I seemed to have picked up this trait after I graduated, since I was excited that I would no longer have to get up at 7 in the morning 5 days a week.
So yeah, I’m a worthless slob apparently. I want to go back to my original medication which helped me focus better, since that might help, but I don’t want to be a greater burden to my family, who pays for it. I’ve never loathed myself this much before.
I don’t want to talk to my family about it, I tend to get all emotional and cry when discussing stuff like this and I don’t want to seem anymore pathetic than I already am. I guess I never really did grow up. I’m still just a stupid child.
You have any advice? Feel free to share.
I’ve realized I rely too much on my family. If I don’t change, once they pass away, I’m basically dead. Sure, I’ll likely relocate to an area within walking distance of a grocery store or something, but is that living? What if I want take a trip to an amusement park or something? What if I want to eat at a restaurant many miles away?
The solution of course is to try to become better myself. Getting a Driver’s license in a good start, but then there’s so many things to worry about like insurance, maintenance, and the amount of focus required for driving. They all discourage me.
There’s other things I worry about what I’d have to do on my own, like managing taxes, medication, home maintenance. I know it seems simple to pretty much all of my watchers, but I’m a forgetful klutz, so I’d likely forget a bunch of stuff like that.
I’m also somewhat embarrassed to ask my family members if they could show me the ropes on how stuff like taxes and other required life skills. I’m sure they’d happily help, but again, I really should have learned all this a long time ago.
I’ve come to realize the biggest reason why I haven’t done any of this yet, I’m lazy. I feel the need to learn skills like taxes and driving and such, but I simply don’t want to because I’d rather be off piddling around on my computer like I always do, because I value my free time more than anything else it seems. I seemed to have picked up this trait after I graduated, since I was excited that I would no longer have to get up at 7 in the morning 5 days a week.
So yeah, I’m a worthless slob apparently. I want to go back to my original medication which helped me focus better, since that might help, but I don’t want to be a greater burden to my family, who pays for it. I’ve never loathed myself this much before.
I don’t want to talk to my family about it, I tend to get all emotional and cry when discussing stuff like this and I don’t want to seem anymore pathetic than I already am. I guess I never really did grow up. I’m still just a stupid child.
You have any advice? Feel free to share.
A lot of the things you just described fits me too.
All I want to do is find a job that makes me happy.
I can move out.
Live on my own. Easy.
But when I get home and lose all motivation. I just procrastinate and hope that something will change. I suck at talking to people. Can barely make eye contact. Asking for help is hard. Which is why I rarely do it. Even tho living on my own is my dream...it's also my nightmare.
Best thing I can say is...even tho I suck at it.
Ask for help. Doesn't have to be big things. But with time...maybe it will get easier?
I don't know. Maybe this is just all nonsense. But you're not alone.
...
Just tying this makes me nervous.