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Sad life shit idfk anymore
4 years ago
so yesterday was a very hard day for me and my SO, we had to put our 5 month old kitten Gizmo down. We took him to the vet after he wasn't acting himself for a few days, to be honest with you I just thought he was more tired than usual nothing out of the ordinary for a cat, but we took him to the vet and he was apparently underweight (even tho he fucking ate all the time like this mf was always eating) and he had some kind of lump in his stomach. We thought it was a tumor, but when we brought him back the next day they did an ultrasound and it wasn't a tumor but rather a fluid build up. We found out that he had FIP. It only effects about 10% of cats but it is always is fetal. The vet said that by the time you notice symptoms they are only expected to have 2 months left at best. So after talking to the vet they thought it was best to let him go.
This has to be the hardest "pet" loss I've had to deal with. This was the start of my and my SO's own family together and that taken away from us, it's just so painful, that's not to mention the hurt he is feeling seeing as this was his first cat.
We finally felt as if we had started to make progress in life, he got a good job, I am moving back out, alot of things had started to fall into place. We celebrated our 4 year anniversary then the next day we find out we are losing our little boy.... We both are just so tired of this kinda shit y'know? Like why is? Why can't we just get a break. Why can't we be happy? Why do we deserve this? We are good people...it's so fucking unfair.
I'm so tired. I'm tired of everything.
My heart is shattered.
I've done nothing by cry.
I just want a happy life, why is that so much to ask for...
Fuck.
I'm sorry, I just had to get this out somewhere I guess...
I miss Gizmo so much...I hope we made the right choice. I know it was to keep him from being in any kinda pain or discomfort. But fuck...I hope it was the right call... 
There's nothing wrong with feeling shitty when shitty things happen. Just focus on making it through the day, one step at a time. Though it sometimes feels like it, It can't rain all the time.
The good news is life never stops kicking, you just get stronger teeth, like a shark