okay, so in the last month, my Grandmother went into the hospital and from there into assisted-living. she's in her late 90's and suffering from dementia and a myriad of other health problems, and i'm honestly not sure she will last the rest of the year... it's destroying my Dad inside, i can tell, and i cant do a damn thing about it... tearing me up inside too, i'm not sleeping, irritable. i cant even play airsoft cause i was one step shy of beating a cheating little bastard's teeth in with the butt of my airsoft rifle last time i was there right after a bad update on Grandma's health...

i've been trying to deal with this shit on my own, like always, retreating into my anti-social shell and trying to ignore the fucking emotions. not really working... i just feel like i'm waiting for terrible news at every second of every day and i dont fucking know what the fuck else to do... i just bury the sorrow at knowing the inevitability and let it turn into the rage of not being able to do a god damn thing, it's not healthy but i know how to deal with rage more than anguish, been dealing with rage all my life...

oh, and i turn twenty-nine on the 12th of next month, happy fucking birthday to me. at this rate i can only hope that it will be an excuse for my family to celebrate something for a change, a momentary distraction from the slow-burn of pain we're all feeling deeper inside... oh, and i forgot i'll be working on my birthday anyway, installing a vehicle-storage lift...

so yeah... just, not feeling up to socializing lately, be it on the internet or in real life. just a heads up if activity here kinda slows down i guess