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Birthday! And some rapid-fire feeling things.
4 years ago
General
That's right, it my birfmas! I don't normally announce it, but this year is different for reasons I'll explain along with other things I'd like to get off my chest.
If you've been following me a long time, you might be thinking this seems off. I'm sorry to all of you, but way back when I claimed a false date as my birthday as I was starting out on other accounts. I took it down and left no word about it for a number of years until now. I did this because of paranoia of being found out and denial that my art was the real me. This does not excuse my actions, but I do hope others can learn from my mistake that putting up false pretenses will make it more difficult to connect personally to your friends and colleagues through your passion. Again, my deepest apologies for lying. I'm sorry.
Commissions and why I'm afraid to do them. I've been wanting to, but there's a fear that creeps up each time I consider it. I'm sure you all have read stories somewhere about artists who take too long on paid works. Fact is, I have been that artist. Thankfully the people I pulled these shenanigans with have been amazingly patient and even became good friends. I don't know what it is, but I have trouble drawing someone else's idea. I've tried to circumvent this, but I'm still afraid I'll burn out for no good reason and be another callout post.
The origin of the explosive fetish. And it IS a fetish, not just a kink. My mind projects explosive scenarios onto other pictures. Plus, this fascination began when I was a child, so this is full on F-E-T-I-S-H. But why? I didn't know either, but after talking about it in therapy, the answer might be childhood trauma. Since I was a baby, there were people in my life who were very angry. Shouting, insults, tantrums, sometimes even violence over anything and everything. As a toddler, I didn't know how to express what was happening to me when I'd get caught in situations of being around these people during their meltdowns. One day watching cartoons, I saw the bomb gag. Fear of a loud, overloading instance leaving a character dazed. It was something my little brain could understand and apply to myself. So that visual metaphor became a comfort. Growing up, it turned into a fascination, then hitting puberty cemented it as a fetish. If any of you out there have the same love for kabooms but don't know why, perhaps this could help explain it.
That's all the stuff I can think of at the moment that's been weighing on me. Thank you for reading this and I'd be happy to answer any questions about the above or just in general. Apologies for being a downer of a birthday journal, but this is a step in getting some confidence in myself.
Hope you all have a great day!
If you've been following me a long time, you might be thinking this seems off. I'm sorry to all of you, but way back when I claimed a false date as my birthday as I was starting out on other accounts. I took it down and left no word about it for a number of years until now. I did this because of paranoia of being found out and denial that my art was the real me. This does not excuse my actions, but I do hope others can learn from my mistake that putting up false pretenses will make it more difficult to connect personally to your friends and colleagues through your passion. Again, my deepest apologies for lying. I'm sorry.
Commissions and why I'm afraid to do them. I've been wanting to, but there's a fear that creeps up each time I consider it. I'm sure you all have read stories somewhere about artists who take too long on paid works. Fact is, I have been that artist. Thankfully the people I pulled these shenanigans with have been amazingly patient and even became good friends. I don't know what it is, but I have trouble drawing someone else's idea. I've tried to circumvent this, but I'm still afraid I'll burn out for no good reason and be another callout post.
The origin of the explosive fetish. And it IS a fetish, not just a kink. My mind projects explosive scenarios onto other pictures. Plus, this fascination began when I was a child, so this is full on F-E-T-I-S-H. But why? I didn't know either, but after talking about it in therapy, the answer might be childhood trauma. Since I was a baby, there were people in my life who were very angry. Shouting, insults, tantrums, sometimes even violence over anything and everything. As a toddler, I didn't know how to express what was happening to me when I'd get caught in situations of being around these people during their meltdowns. One day watching cartoons, I saw the bomb gag. Fear of a loud, overloading instance leaving a character dazed. It was something my little brain could understand and apply to myself. So that visual metaphor became a comfort. Growing up, it turned into a fascination, then hitting puberty cemented it as a fetish. If any of you out there have the same love for kabooms but don't know why, perhaps this could help explain it.
That's all the stuff I can think of at the moment that's been weighing on me. Thank you for reading this and I'd be happy to answer any questions about the above or just in general. Apologies for being a downer of a birthday journal, but this is a step in getting some confidence in myself.
Hope you all have a great day!
I'll be honest: I have been always wanting a commission from you, but I completely understand where you're coming from. You do what makes you the most comfortable, no need to open coms if you think it's going to hurt you mentally or give you anxiety. Absolutely no need to force yourself to do it just because you see other artists doing it.
Happy b-day, btw.
Happy Birthday!
Thanks!
I get the pressure about commissions, especially if it's something you're iffy or on the fence about. No need to stress yourself out like that if it's not gonna work.
I was curious about how your fetish worked; I thought it was just a silly way to do inflation, but that makes a lot of sense! It's kinda neat, actually. Thanks for being brave enough to share.