FA+
Shop
The lioness is back
4 years ago
Hi guys!
This year has been rough and I had to be very selfish to get by.
Staying at home during the lockdowns was a blessing for my mental health but after a year, they decided that bookstores are essential and the lockdowns no longer affected me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to still have my day job, but my mental health wasn't very happy about it. Social isolation felt good and I got used to it. My anxiety attacks became more frequent again, I felt overwhelmed by life and as if that wasn't enough, I simply couldn't draw anymore. Combine these things and you get a vicious circle that felt impossible to break out of. I tried to apply all the things I learned during my therapy but I wasn't able to get very far.
Somewhere around April, I came close to another suicide attempt and was living with constant suicidal thoughts. I know why I get those thoughts and I know that the reason is something that my mind makes up but knowing that doesn't change how true and right it feels...
I gave myself time until May to get the suicidal thoughts under control or I'd go back to the clinic to get professional help, which was something I wanted to avoid at all cost! It took a lot of energy and time but the suicidal thoughts became less frequent and by the end of May, they were mostly gone.
In June I still wasn't very stable and had a few minor breakdowns but I finally got to a point where drawing became a thing again. Until then I had to force myself to draw and it always felt like I was trying to draw fine lines with a thick crayon, all forced and stiff.
July was pure self-care. I knew that I wanted to return to doing commissions and being more present again in August, so I simply tried to enjoy the Art Fight and find some joy in drawing again. Half of that month I was sick but at least I had fun drawing again!
Now it's August and I feel like I should be able to deal with the online world and getting into commissions again.
I'm going to open for commissions again soon but for now I'll have to be careful. I still don't fully trust myself and so I'll limit the amount of commission slots, but more on that when it's time for the new ones.
Thank you very much for those who still support me even though I feel that I'm unable to return the kindness you give! <3
This year has been rough and I had to be very selfish to get by.
Staying at home during the lockdowns was a blessing for my mental health but after a year, they decided that bookstores are essential and the lockdowns no longer affected me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to still have my day job, but my mental health wasn't very happy about it. Social isolation felt good and I got used to it. My anxiety attacks became more frequent again, I felt overwhelmed by life and as if that wasn't enough, I simply couldn't draw anymore. Combine these things and you get a vicious circle that felt impossible to break out of. I tried to apply all the things I learned during my therapy but I wasn't able to get very far.
Somewhere around April, I came close to another suicide attempt and was living with constant suicidal thoughts. I know why I get those thoughts and I know that the reason is something that my mind makes up but knowing that doesn't change how true and right it feels...
I gave myself time until May to get the suicidal thoughts under control or I'd go back to the clinic to get professional help, which was something I wanted to avoid at all cost! It took a lot of energy and time but the suicidal thoughts became less frequent and by the end of May, they were mostly gone.
In June I still wasn't very stable and had a few minor breakdowns but I finally got to a point where drawing became a thing again. Until then I had to force myself to draw and it always felt like I was trying to draw fine lines with a thick crayon, all forced and stiff.
July was pure self-care. I knew that I wanted to return to doing commissions and being more present again in August, so I simply tried to enjoy the Art Fight and find some joy in drawing again. Half of that month I was sick but at least I had fun drawing again!
Now it's August and I feel like I should be able to deal with the online world and getting into commissions again.
I'm going to open for commissions again soon but for now I'll have to be careful. I still don't fully trust myself and so I'll limit the amount of commission slots, but more on that when it's time for the new ones.
Thank you very much for those who still support me even though I feel that I'm unable to return the kindness you give! <3
Ich hoffe das es Stück für Stück für dich Bergauf geht :)
Das war für dich keine leichte Zeit, es ist gut das du es irgendwie dann selbst geschafft hast. Aber achte weiter auf dich und lasse es nicht zu unumkehrbaren Handlungen kommen.
Dieses Jahr ohne den großen sozialen Kontakt, war für dich scheinbar ein Segen, aber auch ein Fluch für die Zukunft, da du dich an diesen Zustand gewöhnt hast.
Und dann noch sein Ventil für alles zu verlieren, die Lust am Zeichnen, macht es nur noch komplizierter. Jetzt wo es dir wieder leichter von der Pfote geht, sollte es weiter Bergauf gehen und das Leben dich langsam zurück bekommen.
Was worried about you, but then I didn't want to bug you...so... yeah.
It's good to know that you are feeling better now.
But take it slow for now *hugs*
I set up some rules for myself to take care of myself and I'll do my best to stick to them! Promise! =3
But please don't push yourself to far and take care of yourself first!
always here if you need to talk, too!
Roar-come back!
I'll do my best to be careful! =3
Thank you! *hugs*
Schön, dass du wieder da bist, und dass es dir besser geht. Freut mich sehr.
War ne elend lange Zeit und ich bin froh, dass es (erstmal) wieder besser läuft. Klopfen wir mal auf Holz, dass es ne Weile anhält ^^,