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Hey guys, I just wanted to say something...
4 years ago
Hi guys,
To be honest I don't know where to start, especially because I'm not very good in talking about my problems... but since so many people have asked me the past years where I've been I thought It's better to tell you the "true" reason why I disappeared. I want to do this because I get the feeling that I also disappointed a lot of people. People who think that I forgot them or that I abandoned them.
Yes I know, I told you that I'm busy with college but that's only partly true. It all started a few years ago when my mother had her first stroke. Luckily it was only a small one and we thought that she'll be fine after some rest. But after the second stroke a few months later the doctor told me and my father that the values of her brain are decreasing. The last two years were a rollercoaster of emotions. Thanks to Corona I lost my part-time job, my father lost his real job and my mother suffered a third stroke. The worst one so far. Since then she can barely move her right side and I need to help her with housework. It also had an impact on my major. I'm currently taking antidepressants to keep me on track. I didn't do many exams either last year, because I'm so sick and tired of this whole online and do-it-yourself-sessions, alone, 24 hours isolated.
I'm writing this to you now because my mother is currently for the 4th time in the hospital because of a stroke and I'm an emotional mess.
Simply put I'm truely sorry, if I made someone upset because I didn't answer or because I didn't post anything or because I didn't react on something you awesome people posted. But believe me, it was never my intention to offend anyone with my inactivity. Yes, I faved here and there a thing but only because I just found them and gave them a short comment. I avoided long conversations because I really needed and still need some time for myself and I'm really scared of what the doctors in the hospital are going to tell us in the next few days. The only ray of hope I have right now is the fact that I finally got my second shot which means I am fully vaccinated and can finally leave the house again. That is really liberating after all those months at home.
I really hope you guys are doing well, that your families are okay, that you all survived the Corona crisis well and I wish you all a wonderful and nice summer!
Rumold
To be honest I don't know where to start, especially because I'm not very good in talking about my problems... but since so many people have asked me the past years where I've been I thought It's better to tell you the "true" reason why I disappeared. I want to do this because I get the feeling that I also disappointed a lot of people. People who think that I forgot them or that I abandoned them.
Yes I know, I told you that I'm busy with college but that's only partly true. It all started a few years ago when my mother had her first stroke. Luckily it was only a small one and we thought that she'll be fine after some rest. But after the second stroke a few months later the doctor told me and my father that the values of her brain are decreasing. The last two years were a rollercoaster of emotions. Thanks to Corona I lost my part-time job, my father lost his real job and my mother suffered a third stroke. The worst one so far. Since then she can barely move her right side and I need to help her with housework. It also had an impact on my major. I'm currently taking antidepressants to keep me on track. I didn't do many exams either last year, because I'm so sick and tired of this whole online and do-it-yourself-sessions, alone, 24 hours isolated.
I'm writing this to you now because my mother is currently for the 4th time in the hospital because of a stroke and I'm an emotional mess.
Simply put I'm truely sorry, if I made someone upset because I didn't answer or because I didn't post anything or because I didn't react on something you awesome people posted. But believe me, it was never my intention to offend anyone with my inactivity. Yes, I faved here and there a thing but only because I just found them and gave them a short comment. I avoided long conversations because I really needed and still need some time for myself and I'm really scared of what the doctors in the hospital are going to tell us in the next few days. The only ray of hope I have right now is the fact that I finally got my second shot which means I am fully vaccinated and can finally leave the house again. That is really liberating after all those months at home.
I really hope you guys are doing well, that your families are okay, that you all survived the Corona crisis well and I wish you all a wonderful and nice summer!
Rumold
Hoping for the best man *hugs* Please stay strong bud
Hopefully being able to leave the house will give you a nice lift too.
If you need me, you know where I live. Be well, Rumold.
Yeah I really hope my mood will improve once I can get out again more often. It was really awful here.
You're too kind too! >_<
We're all here for you so if you need someone to talk to then my notes are always open. <3
And I'm so sorry about the strokes of your nan >_< I wish her all the best!!!!
Life is tough sometimes...
Hope the best for you and her, Rumold! You are a great guy >w<
And thank you!! <3 That's really kind of you! QQ
But it isn't your fault. Real life stuff comes first, so don't worry. We'll be waiting for you and hope for the best
Thank you so much for all the chats we had and all the things you did for me!! You are so awesome! Grazie mille amico mio!!!
So I know you were inactive and I was a fan of your art for a long while now, but I was afraid of commenting because I didn't know if you would respond. I'm sorry that all this tragedy happened to you and I can't really do anything to help you. And it must be hard, feeling like you had to go through these emotions by yourself, but at least you have your father to share the feeling, not all of us do. To be honest, you really didn't talk to me. But I was already a fan of yours, you only gave me two comments. But it took only those two comments to make me happy!
And as for your mom, I know you're afraid, but here's a thought to help. You said this lasted four years up to now, and your mom is having extreme difficulties. But she's still here, she's somehow strong enough to push through it all, even now, so she must really love you and knows you and your dad still need her. Hopefully she's still has her strength to be there for you guys. She already has the medical help, all she needs is a little more strength and hopefully she can at least be there, because somewhere inside her mind as she recovers, she knows you need her with you.
As for your jobs, well, there is a good side still. You and your father were fired because of the situation affecting a whole world. That must mean that some measure must be taken for people with your situation. And it wasn't either of your guys fault, that must mean that your employment records must still be clean, and with your experience, it should be easy for you to get another job, right? And maybe now you don't have options, but it won't stay that way forever, you just need to wait until another option arrives. You both had experience in jobs already, so there must be a lot of jobs that will want you once all this blows over.
"Its all gonna be alright". One time I was in an emotional mess myself, and an old friend once had to utter me those words, because he knew I needed them. Right now may be a mess, but it's all gonna be alright.
And sorry I wrote a ton for just a journal comment. I waited a while because I wanted to think of everything I wanted to say. You wrote this journal because you wanted to apologize for inactivity, but I feel its also because you just need something good to hear, some small hope from someone else that it's all gonna be alright. Or maybe it's because I know a little bit about being in an emotional mess. But thanks for telling us, I hope you get that hope validated and you can be happy.
I know I'm not like a "friend friend" since like I only got two comments. But I hope all of this means something at least, even if it's from me. If you need to talk, I am open to conversation in my notes. Hope things turn around for you bud. *hug*
And thank you for being so kind and generous :3 That's really sweet of you!! And don't worry about how I would respond. I'm always happy when someone says that he/she/they likes my stuff :D Especially because back then I didn't even want to post anything because I thought that people might think my stuff is too weird xD So I always feel some sort of relief when people tell me the opposite :3
And yeah, you're right :D My mom feels much better now. Luckily it wasn't a heavy one so my father and I are both relieved and she can leave the hospital in a few days. And as a student it shouldn't be too hard for me to find a new job I hope, now that I got my second shot and the shops in Europe are opening again~ x)
And no need to apologize. You can write as much as you want ;-D. Remember, Reading is one of my hobbies~ And every English word I see helps me to improve my own English :D And of course it means something to me >//_//< Every comment does!! :D <3 from a "friend friend" And a "friend" x3 So thank you soooooo much for putting so much thought into it! I'm really happy for every heartwarming word you wrote. That was really moving!! I can't thank you enough TwT *hugs you back* And sure thing, my notes are open for you too~ <3