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About my abscence, and health issues
4 years ago
Hello again everyone,
I've been holding off on making this journal, i had tried to note and message some people explaining my situation, but it was still difficult...
Last month something happened to me which i never experienced ever, i've had issues with mental health before, but they were mostly depression, anxiety nothing to the point of what happened last month...i basically started having delusions and experiences which now i realize were dream-like and not real, but at the time, i believed them as reality, i can spare you the details if you prefer because i am not fond of the experience >_<, but it was one of the creepiest experiences i probably went through...i can tell you if you really wanna know by note or something, but what basically happened i started believing that i had been hacked, that i was being threatened / blackmailed...and ran the risk of going to jail (at one point i believed i WENT detained and made a declaration...i don't know what triggered these...hallucinations?they were like...i'm not sure how to explain, like i'd dream stuff or experience it in my mind, but couldn't tell it apart from reality, except, it happened when i was awake.)
Nothing specific in particular seemed to have triggered it that i can tell, that is the creepy part.
As i wasn't really in control of what went through in my mind, i couldn't make progress in the commissions at all... (in fact i asked my parents to format the pc because it was hacked and lost a bunch of data that i never backed up that way >.< in fact they told me i would talk to them about how the hackers were communicating with me still even though there was nothing on the screen since they decided to take away the cpu and the cellphone, so there was no way, yet they told me i still said i kept seeing things in the monitor...) it came out of the blue, in the sense that i can't pinpoint what triggered the issue, and i've been feeling pretty sad and guilty about not being able to work on things since that happened..i haven't had anything like this happened until i finally came to my senses this month...i changed medication now...at first i was reluctant because it seemed like a one-time thing but i am giving it a try anyway.
The reason it took me so long to speak up is because i was feeling very anxious and depressed for most of the month.
It's been bothering real bad :( i didn't want to keep people in the dark or anything...nobody seemed mad or angry, i was hessitant because the delay may had pissed people off, but it was all in my mind afterall...thank you guys for your patience, and really, really sorry about all this.
Since i'm finally snapping out of it, i would like to continue now, if that's ok and you're still interested...it may take me some time, so i am sorry in advance if i am not as fast at turning out sketches and pictures, but please know i am committed to doing all of them ( uwu*)
Here is a current list WIP that i had posted last journal, so we can all keep track of things...i wish i had better news to report, but hopefully better times will come and before long my FA account can get back to normal and more active n.n*
Ilirej - Comic book project commission (First page finished, the remaining pages still to be done.) 5 Black and white YCH commissions (Pending..)
FoxyKitsune5668 - A black and white ych commission (Completed!)
Kaelies - 5 color ych commissions (1st commission at early stage, now being worked on..)
BJbear2001 - Design / fact-sheet blue-print commission, and a photograph commission (Pending)
why_me777 - 6 YCH Color commission (First YCH started work on, i am at the early stage of working on the initial sketch of the 1st.)
darkorangereturns - YCH commission (Completed!)
Osprey - Cody x Miss Lilly commission :3 sorry about the delay on this, i know i was meant to provide a work in progress sooner...
A_S (I've your e-mail---i am trying to find your FA username again ^^,! I am still contacting you through email, but feel free to comment here if you like so i can edit it!) - Dragon x Liliana Vess black and white commission (Pending--also my apologies for not being able to provide a W.I.P. yet... >.<=
AiluropodaUwU - 2 Black and white commissions (2 out of 4 finished.)
deadbattery - Color commission
fc32 & 
astraltraveler000 - i hit a bump on your commissions late last year...afterwards, i became too embarrassed to contact you ;w;? but i wish to make up for it somehow
If i missed anything or anybody, please let me know thank you ^^,
I've been holding off on making this journal, i had tried to note and message some people explaining my situation, but it was still difficult...
Last month something happened to me which i never experienced ever, i've had issues with mental health before, but they were mostly depression, anxiety nothing to the point of what happened last month...i basically started having delusions and experiences which now i realize were dream-like and not real, but at the time, i believed them as reality, i can spare you the details if you prefer because i am not fond of the experience >_<, but it was one of the creepiest experiences i probably went through...i can tell you if you really wanna know by note or something, but what basically happened i started believing that i had been hacked, that i was being threatened / blackmailed...and ran the risk of going to jail (at one point i believed i WENT detained and made a declaration...i don't know what triggered these...hallucinations?they were like...i'm not sure how to explain, like i'd dream stuff or experience it in my mind, but couldn't tell it apart from reality, except, it happened when i was awake.)
Nothing specific in particular seemed to have triggered it that i can tell, that is the creepy part.
As i wasn't really in control of what went through in my mind, i couldn't make progress in the commissions at all... (in fact i asked my parents to format the pc because it was hacked and lost a bunch of data that i never backed up that way >.< in fact they told me i would talk to them about how the hackers were communicating with me still even though there was nothing on the screen since they decided to take away the cpu and the cellphone, so there was no way, yet they told me i still said i kept seeing things in the monitor...) it came out of the blue, in the sense that i can't pinpoint what triggered the issue, and i've been feeling pretty sad and guilty about not being able to work on things since that happened..i haven't had anything like this happened until i finally came to my senses this month...i changed medication now...at first i was reluctant because it seemed like a one-time thing but i am giving it a try anyway.
The reason it took me so long to speak up is because i was feeling very anxious and depressed for most of the month.
It's been bothering real bad :( i didn't want to keep people in the dark or anything...nobody seemed mad or angry, i was hessitant because the delay may had pissed people off, but it was all in my mind afterall...thank you guys for your patience, and really, really sorry about all this.
Since i'm finally snapping out of it, i would like to continue now, if that's ok and you're still interested...it may take me some time, so i am sorry in advance if i am not as fast at turning out sketches and pictures, but please know i am committed to doing all of them ( uwu*)
Here is a current list WIP that i had posted last journal, so we can all keep track of things...i wish i had better news to report, but hopefully better times will come and before long my FA account can get back to normal and more active n.n*
Ilirej - Comic book project commission (First page finished, the remaining pages still to be done.) 5 Black and white YCH commissions (Pending..)
FoxyKitsune5668 - A black and white ych commission (Completed!)
Kaelies - 5 color ych commissions (1st commission at early stage, now being worked on..)
BJbear2001 - Design / fact-sheet blue-print commission, and a photograph commission (Pending)
why_me777 - 6 YCH Color commission (First YCH started work on, i am at the early stage of working on the initial sketch of the 1st.)
darkorangereturns - YCH commission (Completed!)
Osprey - Cody x Miss Lilly commission :3 sorry about the delay on this, i know i was meant to provide a work in progress sooner...A_S (I've your e-mail---i am trying to find your FA username again ^^,! I am still contacting you through email, but feel free to comment here if you like so i can edit it!) - Dragon x Liliana Vess black and white commission (Pending--also my apologies for not being able to provide a W.I.P. yet... >.<=
AiluropodaUwU - 2 Black and white commissions (2 out of 4 finished.)
deadbattery - Color commission
fc32 & 
astraltraveler000 - i hit a bump on your commissions late last year...afterwards, i became too embarrassed to contact you ;w;? but i wish to make up for it somehowIf i missed anything or anybody, please let me know thank you ^^,
I missed you too, and furaffinity, but i was also afraid, and bummed down, but maybe posting about what happened would give me some peace of mind, also i wanted to explain to people what happened.
But yeah I'm just glad it all seems to be under control now and trying to get on with my usual day to day things now.
(By the way, i'm sorry about the commission delay...just my luck too, it was one of my most favorite themes and subject matters <3 and then this happened.
I know i am not very speedy, but i promise i will get to it.)