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4 years ago
Not for the innocent
So it's been 6 months since the last update, let me get you up to speed.
I got a new job. It's been alright. Full time work, benefits and such. That's good.
We're moving to a new apartment. A bigger one. That's also good. It involved a lot of help from my dad, which I always hate asking for. Sometimes i feel like i'd rather just suffer and go hungry than ask him for help. It makes me feel useless and disappointing that i'm not a better person with a fat bank account like how he expects me to be.
Our cat Elune has been stressed out from the move, and that stress has been making her pee in places she shouldnt. That's bad.
Taking her to the vet has yielded a $300 bill, with medication and different food that she refuses to eat. That's also bad.
The move and the cat combined have rendered us in a state of perpetual sadness, depression and fear over how we're going to pay for the move as well as everything else. When I started the new job, I thought things were finally going to get better. They haven't. I somehow feel like i'm doing worse even though i'm making more money.
I also lost my wedding ring while at work and worry that it's now gone forever. That's also bad.
Does anyone know when things are supposed to be getting better?
I got a new job. It's been alright. Full time work, benefits and such. That's good.
We're moving to a new apartment. A bigger one. That's also good. It involved a lot of help from my dad, which I always hate asking for. Sometimes i feel like i'd rather just suffer and go hungry than ask him for help. It makes me feel useless and disappointing that i'm not a better person with a fat bank account like how he expects me to be.
Our cat Elune has been stressed out from the move, and that stress has been making her pee in places she shouldnt. That's bad.
Taking her to the vet has yielded a $300 bill, with medication and different food that she refuses to eat. That's also bad.
The move and the cat combined have rendered us in a state of perpetual sadness, depression and fear over how we're going to pay for the move as well as everything else. When I started the new job, I thought things were finally going to get better. They haven't. I somehow feel like i'm doing worse even though i'm making more money.
I also lost my wedding ring while at work and worry that it's now gone forever. That's also bad.
Does anyone know when things are supposed to be getting better?
Focus on your wife and your furbaby.
If you value being a guy with a fat bank account, then yes, things are not good. However, I don’t feel like that money is something you would value over other things - the things that are truly important to you. If your value is to have a stable income that you can use to provide for your family, a job that still allows you to spend time with those you love and cherish, then I would argue you’re a highly successful guy.
The things that happen to us in life, the obstacles that stand in our way are nothing to fear. They’re the opportunity to overcome not only them, but also ourselves, to grow, to learn, to experience and no matter how unpleasant they are, they are only temporary. Even better: they’re only as bad as we make them out to be.
I don’t really have a good relationship with my mother and even worse with my grandmother. But what helps me is to not make up scenarios in my head about what they could say - because that is worse than what they will say. And if they say something bad about me, then I ask myself: was this to be expected? Usually yes. So there is no reason for me to act surprised or get angry… because I knew it was to happen I can smile. There was nothing to fear there and because I knew this was going to happen, I can decide not to take the insult, because I wouldn’t take their praise either.
Then there are things we can’t control, nor change - only react to. Like the cat. Venting about it is perfectly reasonable, but it must never swallow us whole. How we react to it and overcome it is more important.
Looking back at what was overcome can be helpful for reflecting on the future.
There is this Zen Story about a king who felt like his people were becoming complacent. So he put a large Boulder on the one path on the way into town. He waited on a tree and he watched as his people came to the Boulder. They cursed at it, waited in front of it for someone to remove it, others went home.
Finally a man walks up to the Boulder and he tries to climb over the Boulder, tried to go around, pushed against it and when he couldn’t get into the city he went into the forest. He emerged with a large log and jams it under the Boulder and uses it as a lever to get the Boulder of the way.
What he found under the Boulder was a small purse of gold coins and a note from the king that said:
”Never forget that inside every obstacle is a chance to improve your condition. The obstacle in the path is the path.”
I hope I can give you a little poke. Things will be better, because we can decide how we see and act on them. That’s the grand secret to life.
(Not saying to see everything positive - that’s toxic for your mental well-being. Negative things must be acknowledged and accepted, but only for what they are and nothing more.)