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An Upcoming Vacation I DO NOT Want to Take
4 years ago
General
So from 9/23 - 9/27, I will be attending my brother's wedding in Tennessee. I don't want to go, but I agreed to be a Groomsman... and it's super important that the whole family be there according to him and my mom. After all, this will be the REAL wedding. Not like the first wedding, where a week after he was released from prison, he Vegas Wed some broad he met on "plenty of fish," got her pregnant, and then 2 years later after he got back on his feet, divorced, so he could get back with his high school Fling who he is now marrying for real. But what do I know about true love? (Are you starting to see why I don't like my brother?)
If this were a vacation with my friends, I'd be thrilled. We'd look up some good travel destinations, interesting places to eat, maybe places to buy a few souvenirs. But no... I'm going with my family. And every time I go places with my family... my dad doesn't want to go anywhere that doesn't serve Bud Light. So I'm sure we'll just do what we did on our last vacation. Find a bar that serves Bud Light, and sit there ALLLL day.... What a fun treat. How about some interesting food joints? Nope! Family is too fucking picky... so we'll probably be eating at McDonalds and Denny's.
And then there's the wedding. Not sure how much money my brother pumped into this, but I'm sure it's going to be very white trash. And I'll be reminded over and over again by him and his friends I don't know that I'm still alone.... "How come YOU haven't found Ms. Right, Ota!?" "When are YOU going to give Mom grandchildren, Ota!?" Just like they did at another similar wedding involving my brother's FIRST wife. Thank you. Thank you for the constant reminder that my panic attack level fear of women and general distrust of people will forever sabotage any romance potential for me and that I'm going to die alone. As a teen, I thought this shit would just get easier with age. But if you have a massive fear of heights as a teen and don't do anything about it by the time you're an adult... wow! Big shock! You're STILL afraid of heights. How about that....
So yeah, this isn't going to be a vacation for me. More like a hostage situation I consented to. I cannot wait to be dead. That's not me being facetious... death can seriously not come quick enough.
If this were a vacation with my friends, I'd be thrilled. We'd look up some good travel destinations, interesting places to eat, maybe places to buy a few souvenirs. But no... I'm going with my family. And every time I go places with my family... my dad doesn't want to go anywhere that doesn't serve Bud Light. So I'm sure we'll just do what we did on our last vacation. Find a bar that serves Bud Light, and sit there ALLLL day.... What a fun treat. How about some interesting food joints? Nope! Family is too fucking picky... so we'll probably be eating at McDonalds and Denny's.
And then there's the wedding. Not sure how much money my brother pumped into this, but I'm sure it's going to be very white trash. And I'll be reminded over and over again by him and his friends I don't know that I'm still alone.... "How come YOU haven't found Ms. Right, Ota!?" "When are YOU going to give Mom grandchildren, Ota!?" Just like they did at another similar wedding involving my brother's FIRST wife. Thank you. Thank you for the constant reminder that my panic attack level fear of women and general distrust of people will forever sabotage any romance potential for me and that I'm going to die alone. As a teen, I thought this shit would just get easier with age. But if you have a massive fear of heights as a teen and don't do anything about it by the time you're an adult... wow! Big shock! You're STILL afraid of heights. How about that....
So yeah, this isn't going to be a vacation for me. More like a hostage situation I consented to. I cannot wait to be dead. That's not me being facetious... death can seriously not come quick enough.
As long as you do your best to be kind, own up to fucking up when you hurt others and try to make up for actual wrongs you've done to people you're fine. Everyone fucks up. I do and say stupid shit that hurts my best friend. I've cheated on my ex in the past and spent years making up for it. We're all flawed. What matters is that we try. It's when we stop giving a shit and stop caring about being a good person that we start becoming bad people.
You seem to still care even despite how you feel about yourself. That matters. You matter.
If you ever need someone to talk to you're always more than welcome to note me. I'm not just saying that, either.
Sorry you have to go through this shit man, hope you live through it.
Leave it to family to be the ones that can always make ya feel awful. But hey, you're being the stand-up brother by showing up. What they say about you isn't who you are.