There's heck a lot of symbols below, prepare yourself.
That was incredibly long time of absence and tbh it's hard for me to write all this now. Bc as soon as I was thinking to post somehing - I had a rush of guilt, anxiety and awaiting of rejection for how long I was away. I know it's not objective reality and probably many creators face those feelings, but anyway.

I missed art community and furries SO MUCH. It's a big part of my life. But I also had a huge art block, depression, bunch of health issues, mental traps and many other complicated stuff (don't wanna stop on it too much) . And by pressure of all these things I turned out to be kinda isolated from this area of my life and from the person who I thought I was (artist, dancer, creative girl, etc)

I also looked at other artists from time to time and saw how many hard stuff they were going through: some lost their loved ones, some had severe diseases, had surgeries. And somehow they kept going. So my brain jumped to conclusion that I'm wimp and I felt much more ashamed that I left drawing.
Thankfully, my family is healthy (and I hope they will be as long as possible), me and Nikita feel well and I know what to do with my diagnoses. I just thought I'm not strong enough if I can't function anymore with my list of troubles.

Now I realise we all have different backgrounds and huge amount of invisible for others processes, and you shouldn't measure your struggles by other's ones. We all can be affected by different things. And I really did my best and made a huge amount of mental work. But back then I felt like in a trap: couldn't do anything and felt more and more ashamed for that. Self despise doesn't help in healing process at all, huh :')

Anyway, each time I was sure that shit storm is over and I was ready to show up, finish commissions, post more art - some new stuff happened. And I realized it's not over. Sooo I was scared to make any promises and just kept quiet.

Step by step I feel better (thanks to therapist, needed treatment and my loved ones). Gotta say, life with less of depression and less painful patterns feels awesome. I understand things can change back (and tbh I'm slightly afraid of that bc was there too long). But now I'm more steady than I was during all 2020-2021

Eventually I HAD to learn how to give time to myself without listening inner critic's voice, how to be kind - not cruel - to my own needs. And how to be on my own side despite how I may look in other people's eyes. Still learning, but as you can see, I gathered my guts to post this :'))

Ofc I stay responsible for all what I left on pause. I am really sorry guys who was waiting me all this time. Everyone who ordered commissions from me will get them, I'm back in process rn. I'll reach out everyone soon

Also thanks to all who's still here. It means a lot and makes all this situation more safe to me. Like I'm coming back not to a void but to a place where people are happy to see me.

What now?

-I eventually applied for EFO (EuroFurence in Online format), that's right. I missed a lot and wanna stay in touch. Plus I have some art to show and merch in stock to offer

-I probably won't take any new commissions so far. At least until I'll be 100% sure I'm capable to make them quick and effectively. (plus I take new only when old are finished)
I'll make a post on my social medias if decide to open slots (here at FA, my Telegram channel, Twitter)
I sincerely love all my customers and their characters. Each commission with someone's OC is a gesture of trust for me. But right now I need to focus on smth else.
Will see, I'll let you know about slots asap

-I also created tiktok account, huh. And trying myself in making short videos with minimum efforts (important moment for treating perfectionism lol) That's actually fun! Some of them are in russian but some - in eng with art, sketchbooks and my cat. Feel free to check if you interested: @ tabia.lio

-Piece by piece I gonna post here new arts I did during this time (there's a few) Stay tuned! And thank you for reading ❤️