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Some news! [i am alive yup]
4 years ago
Hello everybody! Forgive me for disappearing for so long and still not posting anything (although I have unfinished orders).
I would like to share a little why I am so inactive and how soon I will return to you. This is a very emotional and important moment for me! I do not want to seem weak and helpless, but I want you to understand why I am lost. I would like to come back now, again start posting 3 drawings a day, but it turns out that I am learning to live in a new way. No, no, I have not experienced any terrible thing or something else. As I said before, now I have been living for the third month in another country with my loved one. It just so happened that I have known and have been treating for bipolar disorder for about a year. And when I draw two or three art a day - this is my state of mania. It is very difficult for me to live with the swings of depression and manias for several years, I still do not understand a lot about myself. For the last year I have been trying medications with a psychiatrist. But this brought me only one more problem - I sleep endlessly and the state of "active" interaction appeared very rarely. Moreover, my psychiatrist constantly insisted on a huge dose of drugs.
Due to the fact that I am a freelancer, I cannot take a vacation and deal with all the problems, simply because I will be left without money. But I also can't work fully in order to save money for a month of vacation. Therefore, I live in a state of fear, heaviness and my worthlessness.
Therefore, after moving to another country, I now with a person who can support me in moments of hysteria, apathy or panic. My father also suffers from this disease, although he refuses to admit (my mother and I always wondered why he was so strange). And I only found out about bipolar disorder in myself because he accidentally started use one of the medications for bipolar disorder and it worked for him and me.
For a year trying to heal and getting only the worst result, I decided to pull myself together and learn to control and help myself through meditations, daily schedules, positive thinking and support from a loved one. It is very difficult! Now for the second month I have a state of apathy and depression, I lay on the couch for a week and hated myself, thinking about how I would drown in the lake and write a note to my loved ones. THIS IS A HORRIBLE FEELING. But it is precisely to write your thoughts, quietly solve problems, and induce the smallest doses of dopamine from small things done that helps a lot. And today it is much easier for me!
Today I start to make orders a little, step by step (not so quickly, but the main thing is to do it!). I finally started to have a great idea of Lupi's world (and that I want to do it not as a comic, but as a game haha).
Thanks to your support (thank you very much LythicKar, your words were unexpected support for me). I will write gradually to each customer in private messages. And I will also clarify whether you still want an order from me or if a return is required. Anyway, thanks to everyone for waiting! I'll give each of you a little bonus <3
I would like to share a little why I am so inactive and how soon I will return to you. This is a very emotional and important moment for me! I do not want to seem weak and helpless, but I want you to understand why I am lost. I would like to come back now, again start posting 3 drawings a day, but it turns out that I am learning to live in a new way. No, no, I have not experienced any terrible thing or something else. As I said before, now I have been living for the third month in another country with my loved one. It just so happened that I have known and have been treating for bipolar disorder for about a year. And when I draw two or three art a day - this is my state of mania. It is very difficult for me to live with the swings of depression and manias for several years, I still do not understand a lot about myself. For the last year I have been trying medications with a psychiatrist. But this brought me only one more problem - I sleep endlessly and the state of "active" interaction appeared very rarely. Moreover, my psychiatrist constantly insisted on a huge dose of drugs.
Due to the fact that I am a freelancer, I cannot take a vacation and deal with all the problems, simply because I will be left without money. But I also can't work fully in order to save money for a month of vacation. Therefore, I live in a state of fear, heaviness and my worthlessness.
Therefore, after moving to another country, I now with a person who can support me in moments of hysteria, apathy or panic. My father also suffers from this disease, although he refuses to admit (my mother and I always wondered why he was so strange). And I only found out about bipolar disorder in myself because he accidentally started use one of the medications for bipolar disorder and it worked for him and me.
For a year trying to heal and getting only the worst result, I decided to pull myself together and learn to control and help myself through meditations, daily schedules, positive thinking and support from a loved one. It is very difficult! Now for the second month I have a state of apathy and depression, I lay on the couch for a week and hated myself, thinking about how I would drown in the lake and write a note to my loved ones. THIS IS A HORRIBLE FEELING. But it is precisely to write your thoughts, quietly solve problems, and induce the smallest doses of dopamine from small things done that helps a lot. And today it is much easier for me!
Today I start to make orders a little, step by step (not so quickly, but the main thing is to do it!). I finally started to have a great idea of Lupi's world (and that I want to do it not as a comic, but as a game haha).
Thanks to your support (thank you very much LythicKar, your words were unexpected support for me). I will write gradually to each customer in private messages. And I will also clarify whether you still want an order from me or if a return is required. Anyway, thanks to everyone for waiting! I'll give each of you a little bonus <3
you're very brave and strong for being able to open up about these things and I'm happy to hear you are on a path to getting better. just be weary of being on too many drugs as sometimes the withdrawal/dependency of those things can be crippling! ;-;
I am not afraid of my illness, I believe that this should be divided (but not raised to "I have all the problems because of this") But all this takes a lot of effort, time and my opportunities are limited because of this. I will definitely learn to live with it correctly, with the support of loved ones and the support of watchers like you!
I have so nice idea about your commission, but ying on the couch and hating myself for not being able to do anything changes nothing. Therefore, I try to learn to do small things in order to enjoy and stimulate myself
Therefore, I will take small steps to a normal life!
I would like to live without hiatus. I can't even predict them...
I think it's right to share this. Many people are afraid to go to the doctor and deal with themselves. Yes, a doctor is not a panacea. But nevertheless, thanks to this, I began to understand myself better. And I want no one to go through all these sensations. From incredible happiness to incredible apathy.
You've always got my support :) Hang in there, and lean on your loved ones and your friends. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I look forward to seeing more of your work, and future projects that you have lined up :)
With love,
-Kar
I will be back with wips to you soon!