And I dunno why.. First it was really bad lightheadness and dizziness for like a month or two... Then I got a cold or something for over three weeks which was just nasty. And now I have a new beast that's started up and I damn hope it'll be gone soon since it's causing me EXCRUCIATING pain, among other, definitely TMI things I will not get into here but... If it doesn't clear up soon, I'll have to see a doctor and such. Not fun. At all. If anybody wants to know what's up and thinks they could help figure it out, since this time I have no clue.. Then uh... Yeah.
Man can I just get a break with this year and bad health? Yikes..

Despite having a lot of initial discordance for Discord (huh), I decided that it was probably best to defy my initial feelings, bite every bullet there is, and obtain it. *shrug* Not sure if I am gonna use it too much, at least at first. Feels like everything I get, I don't use at first. Hell, took me six months to do pretty much anything here on FA lol. (Holy shit. 6 years almost. Jeezus.)
Anywho. Username is in my contact info.

Soo.... Yeah. I have a lot of stuff I got to/want to do now that I have this computer, not just writing. ...Yeesh. Wish I could do more stuff at once... O.O;

My sincerest apologies for disappearing like that, but within the last couple of weeks, I lost all capability to use any computer, so I couldn't do any writing at all. All I could do was lurk, talk, and fave stuff I guess...
But now, I got a working computer again, so I will return to writing very soon~ So, that's good right??

...Anyways, happy Halloween, everybody!

So... The good news is. I can get my computer to boot and work. And I have to use a different browser if I want to write or do anything. Thanks Edge. Trying to prove to me that Chrome is better huh? Sigh...

The BAD news is... whenever I have to force restart my computer, because it'll start freezing and crashing applications after a while... It will take LITERAL HOURS for it to boot again, staying stuck at the logo screen in that time. Fuck me... But at least I am not TOTALLY down and out. Buuuut productivity is severely limited.

I need to get a new computer built. Any techie furs want to help a fox out with recommending parts and such? ^^;;;;

I'm... Gonna try uploading Chapter 27 of LIJAS shortly.. Wish me luck.. O.O;

Computers are dead! I cannot upload anything until I get a new one, bought or built. I can still talk and stuff via phone, but not much else..
LIJAS and other things are unfortunately postponed until I can get a new computer. And because of how unprepared I was for all this, that could take. About a month. Uuugh..
I am like, all kinds of sorry about this... I had no intention letting this happen. So let's hope I can start uploading again either by getting the new computers or being able to revive one of the dead ones.

...I-I just commissioned my fursuit..
I-it will be made by Kaylas Kritterz..
U-uhh... B-bai...? F-for now?
...
*...Procceds to go into an existential crisis...*

I shoulda asked who else was gonna be at AC as well so I could hunt ya down but. Forgot to lol. Same goes with the AC meme. Welp. I am a dumb idiot thing. Noooot exactly used to being able to go to cons and all..

So far in 2018, I have been... really quiet about everything. I don't really know why; the year hasn't been completely event-less. And yet the year is now half over and I only have like... Almost nothing lol.
Well, I'll be leaving for Anthrocon in a couple days, and starting a new OVERNIGHT JOB when I get back from it. Yeah. I am going overnights again. Forgive me. Although I am already more active super late/super early anyways so, not much may change??? ^^; SORRY! I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A NIGHT OWL. SUE ME! >:[
So that means, at least for the time being, LIJAS will be slow on activity. I'm... having a bit of writer's block anyway, I hate to admit. How embarrassing. Right after I discerned what I wanted to do. But it's HOW to tie everything together that's getting me XP.
Oh and I felt like doing this old meme thing again because I am so bored and looking for things to do. Why do I do these things to myself...!? O.O;
Mostly for uh... newer creatures to get to know me a bit ^^;;;

- Name: Ya know... I am shaky on revealing my name here, but I HAVE done it before. Just. Go look for it. Lol I am so mean...
- Single or taken: Ahh singularities. I am a black hole... In many senses of the term I guess...!? O.O;;;
- Gender: X and Y equal penis right?
- Birthday: The 15th day of the last month of the year.
- Sign: Saggitarius. I STILL don't know how to spell that?!
- Hair color: Black as my heart. Not really. My heart is blacker. (JK, it's a joke)
- Eye color: Brown like.... chocolate... Yeah.. Let's go with that.
- Height: 5' 8" Sooo.. short. At least compared to a lot of others I'm around...
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: What's the phenomenon that happens when sunlight hits a curtain of rain at just the correct angle? And what does that as a concept represent? That's a me!!
____________________________________________________________________________
S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Suave. I made the switch..
- What are you listening to right now?: Running From my Shadow- Mike Shinoda
- Who is the last person that called you?: On the phone??? That would be Safeway for that job I took lol
- How many buddies are online right now?: Umm not many. It's 4 AM. My roommate is though.
____________________________________________________________________________
F A V O U R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________

- Animal: Foxies, coonies, and... ...otteries? That doesn't sound as catchy. But rudderbutts too lol.
- Colour: Aqua blue/green
- Drink: Mountain Dew Game Fuel has vanished and I AM NOT HAPPY! >:[
- Element: What is my fox's name? I think that answers that!!
- Food: I swear it changes a lot. Cheesecake? Mushroom and swiss burgers? Chicken alfredo? IDK! ALL OF THEM!
- Game: I'm Really Feeling it! Now it's Reyn time! What a buncha jokahs! THIS IS THE MONADO'S POWAH!
- Movie: Sigh... I'm just going to pick Zootopia and call it a day. Okay? Because I really have no idea again...!
- Song: Starset. Just. That entire band. Got it? Check out Monster, Down With the Fallen, and Unbecoming for favorites I guess...?
- Subjects in school: For science!!
- T.V.: Code Lyoko or Courage the Cowardly Dog.
____________________________________________________________________________
H A V E | Y O U | E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: Actually no I never have. Huh. Alright.
- Smoked?: Since I still breathe, the answer is obviously no.
- Bungee jumped?: *pukes at the very idea*
- Made yourself throw up?: S-speaking of... No. Almost did by accident YEARS ago.
- Skinny dipped?: This has been crossed off my bucket list ;)
- Ever been in love?: "I'd rather not talk about it"-- Jim Morales 2003-2007
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: No.
- Pictured your crush naked?: I've seen some of them naked. Pfffhehehe...
- Actually seen your crush naked?: Oh. Well here's THIS question that's fashionably late!
- Cried when someone died?: Uhhh almost. Last year. Was a roughie.
- Lied?: I do not think there is anyone alive who hasn't...
- Fallen for your best friend?: Well I can probably say that I have.
- Used someone?: I do not do as such...
- Done something you regret?: Oh a shit ton of things... June 1, 2008... September 3, 2013... September 7, 2015... December 17, 2015... January 7, 2017... August 11, 2017... This is why I am a terrible, SHIT ASS decision maker, people! :P
____________________________________________________________________________
C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: Usually dark clothes. Black or blue shirts (usually) black pants... Bleh. I only look good in darker clothes, I'd say, got it...!?
- Desktop picture: http://japandaman.com/wp-content/up....._art_cover.jpg This pic without the wording. Can't find a pic without it for some reason...
(Actually it's my Telegram background. If I posted my Desktop... First of all, there are over a hundred that I set to a randomized slideshow. And second of all. They are... all NSFW. XP )
- Mood: Esoteric and enigmatic. Just kidding, it's pensive. It's why I have insomnia!
- Pets: None. Real life or RP based lol XP
____________________________________________________________________________
L A S T | P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: A friend I visited.
- Hugged: That same friend.
- You kissed: Okay, a DIFFERENT friend this time. At a fur meet. Um...
- You IMed: A local fur here in good ol' color ado

___________________________________________________________________________
A R E | Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: I do try to be.
- Open-minded?: For the most part...
- Arrogant?: I'm too shy for that.
- Insecure?: Indiscriminately so!
- Random?: I THreW a PickLE jAR at the MooN and It InstEAd eNdED uP beiNG Thrown AT The EaRtH!!
- Hungry?: I don't eat much. Yet I don't be hungry much...
- Smart?: People say I am. But I do wonder how true that is... Where can I get my IQ tested? I always wanted to have that done...
- Moody?: Yeah I am! Thankfully not as bad as in the past I'd say..
- Organized?: Nope. Except for maybe a FEW things at random for no apparent reason...
- Shy?: So much so that a new word must be invented to describe how much so!
- Difficult?: I am only difficult if you perceive me as such.
- Bored easily?: I wouldn't be doing this meme again if I weren't.
- Entertained easily?: Probably not.
- Obsessed?: With the Internet I guess??
- Lazy?: Same answer as the shy one.
- Angry?: LIJAS sadly does exist for a reason...
- Happy?: LIJAS sadly does exist for a reason...
- Hyper?: I'm always tired. So no. Not really. Might be at Anthrocon, who knows...!?
- Trusting?: My trust is harder to gain than it is to break the laws of physics.
___________________________________________________________________________
R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning: Zzzzzzzzzz.....
- Love is: mutual understanding of the other's feelings. Something that a lot of people sadly don't seem to understand, as much as I wish it weren't true...
- I dream about: The future that I am attempting to build...
- What do you notice first in the sex you're into: Personality. Simple as that.
___________________________________________________________________________
W H O
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: Some of the friends I have online and the things they post.
- Makes you smile: Good news
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: Hm... Can't say I have anyone like this at the moment. Perhaps ???

___________________________________________________________________________

D O | Y O U | E V E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Well I don't have that special someone. But I guess that could mean many types of people. So... Sure...???
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: I do not.. I am happy as a male. I don't want to deal with the biological things that females have to. I salute you ladies out there for doing so...! O.o;
- Wish you were younger?: All the time. Just to have more shots at the life I keep derailing...!
- Cry because someone said something to you?: Yeah well...
___________________________________________________________________________
N U M B E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: Ehhhh I've lost count at this point to be honest...
- Of Cd's: 15 I think? I tend to keep my music digitally more now...
- Of houses lived in: Just HOUSES...? Then four. I lived in a million apartments though.
- Of scars on my body: I don't know. I have a huge one on my forehead.
- Of bones I've broken: A few bones in my face were cracked when I was hit by a car in November 2017...?
- Of car accident you've had: See the above two questions. That counts, right? If so, then one.

No clue why I did this again. Good night. Or morning. Whichever. XP

I went two months without a journal. Wow.

That's not all!
I will be at Anthrocon this year.
That is all.
XP

... [at]LukanCoonbutt

Been a while since I posted one...! I went through all of February without needing to update anything!
Well. Here is an update I guess.
LIJAS Chapter 4 is almost done! Damn. It took me a month again... God damn what is wrong with me.
AOI is... I dunno. I keep wanting to work on that, but not at the same time, it's weird.
And Project 3... well that's coming soon.
Okay so is it a good idea for me to have three projects and very little time to work on them? No! But guess what? I'mma do it anyway because I am just that rebellious and no one can stop me! Muahaha!!
...I guess the same logic can be derived from me having three fursonas and barely using two of them. Well THAT is... that's gonna change. Heh. It will. Not right away 'cause I just slapped myself with some splurging today thank you tax refund.
And I guess speaking of spending money... I do hope that sometime between April and June, I will be able to order my fursuit! Yeah. You read that right. F-U-R-S-U-I-T. How is it that I went from nearly homeless throughout summer 2016. To that. In 18 months? And this is also after having a roommate trying to extort me out of my savings... ugh. Well I will tell you one thing; if it weren't for that help I got back then, I would be singing a much different story right now I tell you that. So seriously, y'all I thank you! I dunno what I can do to show that, but man...
So for the time being, I suppose I should be researching some suit makers and such so I can find the perfect one. You guys got input or recommendations for that?? Foxie/Coonie/Rudderbutt wishes to know...!

Since today is the last day I may be a fox for a while, maybe indefinitely, I don't really know what you all may think of this proposition. As I have been a fox since before day one in the fandom... Change just feels weird, especially this far out.
I think of some options I can decide from for this idea... And in a way, the answer MIGHT have been in front of me the whole time. Like for example, I have been asked on more than one occasion, that, why not both? Actually yeah, why NOT both? Since I already pretty much branded Lukan, and even Klaus as my fursonas also. Soooo why not have them share spots with Aero as, well, me? Honestly, I am not really sure. Probs because it is hard to incorporate that into an icon or avatar or whatever is some places? Hm...
Well, here is the thing with these three characters...

KLAUS is my PAST
LUKAN is my PRESENT
and AERO is what I want my FUTURE to be.

So yes. These three are me. 100% just in different iterations of my life. The reason I have used Aero as my main face all this time is because, well, I am always looking toward and wondering about the future. Probably TOO much that it paradoxically ends up with me trying to learn more than I need to from the past. And thus. Makes me reminisce too much...
That's basically where Klaus comes in, and the result, becomes who Lukan is now.

I suppose I can make these three my faces. I just have no idea how in the hell I am going to do that!! First off, I need more art of Lukan and Klaus, and... well... more SFW of Aero. >.> Particularly of at least one pic of them together. So why have I not been getting said art? Well at this moment in time, I am currently out of work. And despite my savings, I feel it's too much of a risk to spend too much money while my job is suspended. Even at tax season. I am just super duper paranoid about money okay!?

I mean I need art of these three. And there are several ideas for these.
I need a good cover art for LiJaS
I am gonna want to get some Telegram stickers
I want to get a complete age chart of Aero done too.
Badges. Badges would be nice now that I have the potential to go to meets, kinda.
And more that I am inevitably forgetting about!
And that's just the art aspect of things I want!!
Ngeheh!! As soon as I get that job going, watch out!! All of us, my wallet especially.

I guess I just want to know what all your takes are on this matter? How I should go about doing this and I dunno. I am just being weird again I guess.
Tomorrow is my fifth anniversary on FA, and thus the fandom! Whoo!

So my oldest of all watchers will know that over four years ago, my health was in a bad spot, and resulted in me losing 30 pounds in one month, by my 17th birthday at the end of 2013.
Well my health is not playing nicely again.
Okay so many of you know that when you stand or sit up too fast you get dizzy, nauseous, lightheaded sometimes right? Well... this is happening to me a lot more than normal, and happens even when I am careful sometimes. One episode has actually caused me to faint and black out for 15 seconds the other night, according to my new roommate. I fell on my face causing me to get a bloody nose and get a nasty abrasion on the lip and nose.
Afterwards, I still have a nauseating feeling, my hearing starts fading, and a horrific headache starts...
So soon, I am going to go to a clinic and see if I an get looked at because... this is not normal. It's not okay. And I cannot have this happening. Any medical experts know what might be causing this??

So as you may have heard, I have been debating throughout most of 2017 on whether I wanted to stay a fox or not. Or at least. MY fox. Well I decided that I will change. ...At least for a little while and test it out. I dunno how well I will like it but...
On January 29, my 5th anniversary on FA, I will be turning myself into Lukan Benka, my long held raccoon character. We'll see the effects of this as time goes on. I suppose that means I should try and get more art done of him as soon as I can huh...? Hm... Let's see here....
I dunno how long I will stay the coon. I think that will be up to my discretion.

2016: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8002393/
2015: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7281359/
2014: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6383942/
2013: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5371693/

Wow... I cannot believe it. Another year has come and gone yet again. I once more, find myself writing another year end journal. ...And I still have yet to do more in this fandom! Oh it's not to say that I have done nothing, but I have not done nearly enough. Pppfffft! The only furry related milestone I hit this year was that I got to try on a fursuit for the first time, but uh...
So... needless to say that when you consider 2017 as a whole, with the quality it had, you can sum it up as... Bad. But not as bad as 2016. I'll give it that.
But how did 2017 stack up with me?
In short. Bad. But not as bad as 2016. ...I had to. Okay? But tis the truth. I really do not like this year overall; some real nasty shit happened to me this year. But... I will say this. I hit some very important milestones in my life this year. Ones I've been chasing after for a long time. Longer than even 2013, when I joined this fandom... So it just... balances things a bit. So... what have I to say for my life in 2017..?

JANUARY

My January 2017 was more or less uneventful. I gotta say, the first couple months or so have been for the most part, really, really quiet. But I've noticed that that's been a trend for most of my years on this Earth. Sadly, 2018's January will be loud as hell... but I digress.
Yeah not much happened in January other than... well. Meeting a certain someone who has been a huge part of this entire year for me. If you know me, you know who it is.
It's the month that I started making some plans. For moving around, my future as a writer, what I should do with the now as good as cancelled Winter's Gallows... The month I bit the bullet and got a Twitter and Facebook. But only to follow artists on the former, and my family on the latter.
What a quiet month... Now I do wish it stayed that way, considering.

FEBRUARY

Keehhhff... Needless to say, even less happened this February. It was more silence. More of me biding my time before the time to leave Arizona would come as that new friend and I attempted to map our lives together.
My roommate at the time left for another house, thoroughly leaving me alone in the apartment for the following month and a half. Ah yes. This was where the whole, trying to figure out my lease and leaving said apartment would start. Wow. It was needlessly complicated, but thankfully it still worked.
...Wow how boring. Hey! I did say so little happened this month; I fully admit I am just fucking around for things to say! Admittedly though... I find that the less I have to say about a time period, the better it was. At least. These days I do...

MARCH

So March was when a few things started happening again. First is something that still is happening to this day.
I AM CONSIDERING CHANGING MY FURSONA. Into Lukan Benka, my raccoon. At first, it was because I felt I overdeveloped him, and made him more like me than any of my other characters. But now I see, that it was a good thing I did. Because Lukan IS me. He represents who I am NOW. Aero is who I WANT to be. And Klaus, to complete the triangle, represents my flaws and inhibitions that keep me from achieving that.
Whoo... deep am I right?
Well... a lot of quiet time to yourself will do that to you, as March 2017 was by far the quietest month of my entire life. And I am not complaining.
Also in March, that friend I become mates and... Le sigh.
Video games and stuff.
Oh. And leaving that apartment so I would not live in quiet anymore; that's also a thing. I moved in with a coworker friend of mine and stuff to avoid having to renew my lease and be trapped there another year, on top of paying that rent by myself.

APRIL

I am not gonna beat around the bush-- April was the first time I ever drank alcohol. And that was... interesting to say the least. But I got to admit, when I did, I just felt. Better. Like my problems weren't problems anymore and I just did not... care. I know I know, that's what the stuff does, but. Wow.
Also in April! See One Decision's Echoes, my attempt to rectify the botched up Winter's Gallows that... I chose not to continue for one simple reason. Going over those memories as closely as I can... hurts. It hurts A LOT. Like I dunno if you can understand how painful it is for me to write ODE. I had to stop for my sake. My heart could not take it... I hope you understand...
Oh and my then mate and I started finalizing our plans to be together. I still cannot believe that he went from then to now in just seven months...

MAY

Hey did you know Starset is my favorite band now? Well because of Linkin Park's lackluster album released this month, they got promoted to as such.... Seriously though, if you haven't heard of Starset, I recommend. Especially if you like rock/metal/whatever else is similar, bleck.
Okay so my frustrations with Walmart as a company really started peaking here because of all the complications my then mate was facing. It was more because of managers and their nonsense rather than the company itself, but ppft..
During May, and parts of April I guess, my depression also started rising. But that day with the alcohol... hm..............
......So anyways!! In the end the guy and I figured things out. Kinda. For on the last night of the month, he nearly gave me a heart attack when he said he was on his way to me earlier than what was planned!

JUNE

I seriously don't even know what it is about June... I seriously don't. I don't understand. It feels like every June in the past couple of year has had some sort huge impact on my life in one way or another. Check this journal for some examples.
But June 2017... marked the time that I finally got to be with the one I loved in person. I can't really put into words how much that meant to me... especially after nearly four years of trying so hard, so desperately for something I could never ever have. Suddenly. The endeavors just. Vanished. Into thin air! All gone.
And at work... they finally changed my position into the one I was wanting! Hm... I do forget just how good June was because well...
Of the fucking heat; good LORD Arizona, da hell!?
To think it'd get worse than that though....

JULY

Yeah. Had to take a trip to Denver because a kat ran a red light and yadda yadda... I think I mentioned this, but since this is a recap of my year, I guess I have to say this again. Actually I have to say a lot of things again; why am I even complaining? Give me a break; I am very tired when I wrote this, and I get like this when I am!!
I am so sorry. I tangented so hard there...
I... think July is also important because I changed houses. Again.
And... oh... right. The death of Chester Bennington... Lead singer of the first band I fell in love with in 2009/10... how could I possibly forget? And to think, he would be the first death that would affect me personally. 2017 was not a fun year for people I knew and loved...

AUGUST

Oohhh god. If there was ever a month in the year that would make me believe in global warming 100%, unequivocally, it would be this month. I have never been subjected to heat on these levels before, but holy damn! The heat does a lot of bad things to me. It makes me lazy, lethargic, sick, it kills my mood, happiness and lewdness involved. It just makes it a miserable time for me. And this was something a certain someone failed to understand... Was it because I failed to communicate it well? Maybe...
Ooooh RIGHT! This month we moved out of Sierra Vista, Arizona, finally, and sat down in Thornton, Colorado! Yeah that's... that's a huge event...
Oh. And my grandmother died too. Sigh...
Well... now to try and tape my life back together... Except. This was impossible. And it's really hard to describe why. It just... kind of was. The heat? Nah, though it hindered me a lot, it wasn't it entirely.. The new location? Maybe... Myself? Most likely. As I had no idea what I needed to do in all honesty...

SEPTEMBER

Aaaaand now my uncle's dead. Oh come on! 2017! Leave me alone in this regard, please!!
Well... at least I got to see my mom for the first time in a year after what happened. She seemed... depressed. Maybe I should go back to Iowa now... But I... I really dunno...
I got a new job that has completely shattered any potential for a social life here.
And I lost something that's only important to certain people. Finally. And I will let you guess what that was.
But yeah. Relationship falling apart. Yadda yadda. I dunno how many times I said that sort of thing now, so let's just move on.

OCTOBER

And the relationship rage quit. Hm... so now what should I do in this situation, since it's much more precarious than the one in Arizona... since now I do NOT have a place that is my own. Nor do I have any friends nearby to help, like I did in AZ... Hm... And... if you know me again... You'll understand just how incredibly poor the timing was for all of this...
Well at the very least I renounced the hideous beast that is writer's block, opened requests, which I need to get back to now that I think about them... eesh...
Confessed WHY my productivity is like, zilch in 2017...
And I got Telegram! Will be phasing out Skype soon. Only use it to keep in touch with the guys in AZ.
And I saw a fox at work. J-just felt like throwing that one out there.

NOVEMBER

I think I will just... mention the elephant in the room regarding November 2017 for me.
I was hit by a car.
In other news. ...There is no other news, except for me still trying to figure out what to do with my life at this point. And waiting for all the info I need regarding getting hit by a car so I can take action. ...To this day I still don't have everything... Pfft.
Pokemon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon. Released on the same day I got hit.
Telegram blowing up.
Still warmer than it should be for such a time of year.
Stupid month overall...

DECEMBER

Oh... oh how I tried. I tried so fucking hard. But it will never be enough will it? Always gotta be mentally harassing me to the point of insanity, and then blaming all my bad thoughts on myself...
Oh this month was awful. Almost every bit of it, save for a few scattered islands of greatness like... reinforcing what I lost in September. Trying on a fursuit for the first time, and speculating 2018 with optimism.
But... the sooner I can get out of the mess I am in now, the better.
Also... I turned 21. So I gets to have the legal alcohols now... Oh how they'll help me cope...
...Look at what I have become... A travesty.

So... with that said. Now that 2018 is about to dawn upon us. I have this to say.
2018. You will be my bitch. Mine to seize, and mine to control.
After being betrayed by 2013.
Tortured by 2014.
Ignored and left forlorn by 2015.
Devastated by 2016.
And now pushed around by 2017...
Enough is enough. And I will make 2018 the best that it can possibly be. I must tame my life. And I have the optimism to believe that it may finally be possible this coming year. I just got to make sure I take the right steps into making sure that it happens. Starting with my first ever furmeet on January 14... And then a long road ahead of me. The completion of Life is Just a Storm. My first con? Ordering my fursuit? How much more? What will happen? What's in store?
...Only the best, as I will make sure. Oh. There will be problems alright. But I will blow through them. I have to. I should be used to having to by now! You're mine. 2018. Bring it on....
Let's all have a good one. Shall we, my friends? Happy New Year everyone... I await seeing you in 2018...

Uh huh... a milestone age has been reached.. The last one for a while too.
I'm 21 today! Can you believe that? I signed up on this fandom when I was 16 for fudge's sake! Oh how times have changed... What in the world has happened in that time...? I simply have no words...
SO YEAH. Not a minor in any way now. Can buy dem alcohols and gamblin's if I wanna. And stuff.
All the time I wish I was 15 or 16 again... At least I can always be that young at heart I guess? I dunno. Time moves on.. So here is to another year!

And that would be my birthday. What already? In two weeks!? You're killing me.. AND I am gonna be 21?! No way! I still feel like a bona fide teenager :P What the heck...
Welp. What are yall gonna get me? :P Nah. Don't get me anything. Or do. I won't object.

As for the car accident... I still haven't got much figured out yet regarding the medical costs and how it's gonna get paid.. We'll see..

Yeah, no joke, I was straight up run over yesterday. I'm so lucky to be alive, let alone left with no SERIOUS injuries but right now, everything hurts so much... Half my face was lacerated, a few places in my skull, fractured, knee scraped and bruised badly.. I can't believe that it happened to me.
Great.. Because of how badly fucked the American healthcare system is, I know that I am going to be punished with a hospital bill no one, not even Bill Gates could afford.. AND I might lose my job because I am in NO condition to work! It happened to the snep when HE got hurt so...
I'm kind of in a very bad situation right now... I'll have to update you as we go.. But don't worry. I'm alive. Hurt, but not seriously. But other than that, in probable big trouble...

The universe just up and decided to mess with me yesterday...
Like, a lot of good and a lot of bad things happened yesterday to a point that it was simply absurd.

First, it started off poorly because of work and all.. Usually starts bad so, whatever.
Then, on my lunch break, I saw a fox outside of the Wendys across the street from work! No kidding! It was adorable...
But... the pics I tried to take of it turned out to be blurry messes that I cannot even show anyone. I mean I'll try to if you want, but god DAMN IT.
Then AT Wendys I got an extra quarter in change than I was supposed to and on top of that, one of them was a quarter I was missing for a collection I am having right now. So, sweet.
Theeeen I spilled my soda all over my meal. Fuck.
And when I got back to work, I dropped a glass case of some Asian sauce thing. Fuck!
Basically, I was on edge all evening yesterday, wondering what the fuck was going on. I dunno where to even begin...
And that's not counting little things dotted throughout. Bleck.

Ever have days like these? So weird...

I am quite sick of being not creative and unproductive. Especially being unable to come up with any solid ideas.
I dunno how many prompts I started but deleted at this point. Ugh. Okay. So. This is what I would like to do about it.

Writing requests!

Perhaps it's time that I did that sort of thing. But it's not gonna be that simple, oh no. What I want to try and do with this is write at least 1,000 words, no less than that. And the way I will conduct the rules for these requests is as thus:
Give me three words. Just three words. And I will write a short little thing, for better or worse, about them.
Not only that, but I want those words to consist of one noun, one adjective, and one verb :P Because why not? Reminds me of writing exercises I used to do in school... Oh, and let me know what characters you want involved be it yours or my own.
Oh yeah, and these can be SFW or NSFW.. Just keep in mind that the NSFW ones will be posted to my other account at
But if it IS NSFW, instead of a verb, give me a kink instead :P And almost any kink goes. Well. No vore (except alt vore) or gore/torture/death in the name of kinkiness (meaning tasteful or plot relevance only allowed). Any others are fair game. :P
I'll try to write something for everything I am suggested to, no guarantees. but at least have faith that I will ^^;;

...Yeah I think that'll do... It's about damn time I started doing more of these things... When I get the itch to write, but I dunno what to do exactly, I will basically post a duplicate journal and/or submission letting you know when I will do more of these. And yadda yadda yadda, I think we get the dealeo now.
Feel free to ask for a thing. Or not. It's your choice. For now I guess I'll keep experimenting with things.. See if I can have a Eureka moment or two..

'Course, due to the nature of a full-ish time job, I cannot guarantee speedy work on this... As long as we're okay with that, then...

I dunno if I explained things well enough... Let me know what you think also, and if there are any questions and stuff. I've been thinking about doing this for a long time, but never have been certain how to approach this.

Also as an off topic thing. Happy birthday to my fursona, who has existed for six years, yesterday. ^^

AeroTehFoxeh

Why have I done this...? Why? Y?!
...Thanks to for pressuring this fox. Bleck.

So... Why is it that I am constantly not doing anything whatsoever...?
Well I always explained it away as writer's block and not having enough time to do anything. I'm basically running a full time job now on top of not being as creative as I should be, so yeah, these explanations are still valid.
But it's not the whole story...
Basically what it boils down to... Is that my mentality prevents me from doing so... What that mentality is is...
If I have no reason to do it, why bother?
When it comes to a LOT of things, I need a reason to do something in order to do that thing. If I get nothing out of it, I feel it will be wasted effort and time.
Of course I know that isn't always true. Some things have delayed results, or results I may not realize at first. But if I feel on the contrary... I ain't doin' it.
For example.. I HATE cleaning or anything like that... but I worked as a janitor for Walmart at one point. And I did it gladly, kinda. Because I knew there would be a paycheck waiting for me for my hard work every other Thursday.
I get it. It is a very selfish and conceited reasoning... But alas, it's how I feel...

And the same principle sadly applies to writing... I feel like I am writing for no reason at all. That's why I haven't done any as of late.
And I know what you might be thinking. "What if I become a successful author?" Well... it's a risk. A chance. I don't like what isn't certain; it's why my decision making skills are so god awful. Doubt only clutters my mind even more, and makes me want to do even less than before!
I've done a couple trades with writing, and I have finished those projects because, hey! I get something out of doing so! It puts pressure, motivation, and reason into me for pouring effort in a few thousand words! It makes me WANT to do it! On top of that, the client in question gives me an idea of what to write! It's a win-win; both my problems are solved..!

I honestly wish I do not have this unproductive and stupid mentality. I want to change that. I cannot STAND how little I do around here and no matter how many times I said I want that to change, I never do! And I have had enough of that! But I must ask... How could I change that? Writing requests? Nah... That would only change one problem. Hm...

This is an interesting conundrum.. and one I hope to solve.
Thank you all for being so patient with me. And sticking by me. Hopefully someday I will find my reasons to finish these projects I have started, and actually make a name for myself. Do something. Achieve something. Make my existence worthwhile. That's what I strive for. Or at least... try to...

So... Last night on September 27, 2017... my uncle has finally lost his immeasurably long battle with multiple sclerosis, or MS... I sadly can't really remember how old he was, but I believe he was a bit older than my mom, who is 45..
Um...
So back when I had like, 10 watchers on this site, I posted this journal here describing how worried I was about him, because on that day almost exactly four years ago, he had a substantial stroke that only crippled him further. We were all surprised he survived it..
The guy really did inspire me. He was such a fighter. But I guess now he won't be in any more pain.

Wow... people talk about 2016 having a lot of death...
2017... Has been a year full of deaths that impacted me...
Chester Bennington on July 20.
My grandmother on August 3...
And now my uncle has been added to that list on September 27...

I still cannot believe it... We still do not have too many details as it just happened and me and my family are not in San Diego, where he died.. but I will update you if I can...

I will definitely miss him... as he was one of the only family I actually connected with..
Apologies in advance if I seem... somber for this reason for a bit...

So it's looking increasingly likely that my boyfriend and I are going to stay in Thornton, Colorado, which is my boyfriend's hometown... We've been... probably too carefully considering our options to go to Iowa, Wyoming, among other places. The main reason I wanted to go to Iowa is to help my mom out, but at this point it might be like trying to save someone drowning in quicksand by going in after them. Gotta help in a different way... It's a risk that is not worth taking. And as for Wyoming... It's where I spent most of my life. I know it better than anywhere else. Familiarity can be a huge help after all...
So... Colorado... I've returned to this state for the first time since a tragic personal event in 2008 a mere 11 miles from where it happened. To say the least, it weighs on me... But alas if this is the best option my sneppy and I have, then so be it. What else can we do? I often wonder what's changed in that place ever since then...
With that said, for now he and I will be searching for jobs, which I can definitely say will be infinitely easier here than in Sierra Vista, AZ... And then once we do, I will start making progress on everything I've set out to do in the first place. One Decision's Echoes here and Inkbunny, the cartoon reviews on DeviantArt, and reviews and other random junk on Youtube. Once I get a competent computer of course for the Youtube part. THAT however has become harder since I left Arizona and I had a super techie computer friend person there and stuff. Well we'll see what happens. Gonna be interesting as I continue attempting putting my life back together after the "war on love" thing One Decision's Echoes is based on...
From here though I gotta wonder... just what is going to happen beyond the events that will take place in Thornton... I have my head wrapped around the future far more often than any other time period after all... Why? I dunno. It's just who I am guess. Maybe it's because the past shaped who we are now. And what happens now may shape who we will be in the future. This time last year, I had a massively different idea of where I'd be now than what actually is happening after all. I didn't think I'd escape Arizona until at least March of next year...
But here we are now. And even I know that's what I got to focus on. It's just hard to do when you're a paranoid freak like me. :P Every small decision has its huge echoes. As I found out the hard way... Only time will tell if I am finally making the right ones...

Oh and BY THE WAY. THIS fox, me, is sick. And so is snep! Isn't that KOOL!??! ...No. No it isn't I'd say... :/