As some of you may already know, my Firebrat Christmas story is going to be published by Vivid Publishing! This is very exciting news for me, so I’m really stoked. They’re going to be launching a Kickstarter next month so it’s all going to be VERY just in time for the holiday season! If it does well enough, the book may even be IN COLOR and HARD COVER. This would be super cool, since it really would fit so well with the holiday theme of the book. They showed me some swatches from their planned coloring and it looks REALLY NICE… it’s got the perfect old Peanuts special vibe that I was absolutely hoping for. Anyway, to make the Kickstarter enticing, I was trying to think of some extra rewards that I could offer to make the whole thing a little sweeter. But what could I give that people would want? Other than my love, I mean. On my last Kickstarter, we gave some cool extra like stickers and postcards to higher tiers, is that something people would like? I talked it over with some friends and a few suggestions I receivded:

- Cameos! For a certain donor level, you get to have yourself or your character drawn into the book as a background extra.

- Extra commissions. Just the old stand-by, where if you donate a certain amount, I’ll draw something to your specifications.

- Custom Danish star tree ornaments! This one is really cool since it’s in keeping with the season. Maybe I’ll put the krampus on them, that sounds like a fun thing to do.

- Other custom tree ornaments! I guess I’d have to look into how feasible this is.

-Custom dreidels! This one might be a little harder to do, but it sounds really intriguing to me. Also very in keeping with the theme of the book.

- A free copy of my child-eating monsters zine — CHRISTMAS EDITION — so it’s all about the monsters that you’ll see in Firebrat and also all the Christmas monsters from around the world that I didn’t get to put in this story.

- An actual batch of my grandmother’s Christmas cookies! My grandmother used to make THE BEST * Christmas cookies. I’ll whip up a batch for you — like, actual cookies that you can eat — if you donate at a certain level!! This’ll have to be a limited reward; I only have one stove.

- SOMETHING ELSE????

Anyway, I just wanted to throw this out there. Any of these rewards sound good to you guys? Or do you have any other ideas? What do you think people would want that might entice them to support this project?


*not a guarantee

Send me a note! I need to do some.

 kaiven, a dear friend of mine, has very recently been diagnosed with kidney cancer. This is an incredibly stressful, a terrifying time for she and her fiance. You can help relieve their financial burden so she can just focus on getting well by sharing the word and donating if you can. Every little bit helps: https://www.gofundme.com/elisias-cancer-fightfund

Good news! Furry Found Footage AwfulCrap will show a new video at BiggestLittleFC 6/3 10pm-midnight (also we're at dealers room Table 116). Come to our panel to see a HILARIOUS new video compilation with the weirdest garbage that we found at thrift stores and dumpsters -- and also a chance to win some sweet hot garbage of your own in our annual VHS cassette prize give-away!

Cuz I'll be there, together with the Furry Found Footage crew! Cuz, Lord willing, we'll be running the Furry Found Footage panel there, so come by and see us!

Can't make it? Don't worry, you can still see what you'll miss: http://www.murrypurry.com/?page_id=1062

 aurelina and I are going to be hosting our annual  podcastigation Furry Found Footage panel at Further Confusion this weekend! If you're at the con, you should come by and see us -- it's Friday night at 10:00 p.m. in the Santa Clara room. And, of course, we'll have an ALL NEW VIDEO COMPILATION for your amusement, as well as our annual FREE VHS GARBAGE give-away. But that's not all, instead of our usual Dinosaucers opener, we've got a new pre-show short never before seen at FC. So you will not want to miss that!

But, if you do miss it, on account of being dumb or something, we will also be in the dealer's room. We'll be at Table 119. Stop by and say hi!

I'll be trying to check Twitter during the con, so you can reach me thenewmeat if you're so inclined. See ya in hell, pals!

Because we'll be there! Furry Found Footage is having a panel with an all-new furry found footage compilation, Friday Night at 10:00 p.m. in the Hilton's Santa Clara room. MAKE NOTE OF THAT! Also, Furry Found Footage will also have a table in the dealer's room, right next to Kaiven and Gentlemonster. You should come by and say hi, because it gets lonely sitting behind a table all day. We'd like to see you much more than we'd like to see that one guy who comes by every year to handle our merchandise and never buy it. You know the guy. He's called Furfan or something because he decided to be a complete stereotype of shitty old furries.

But the rest of you, you we'd like to see!

My text game Night House won 8th place in the 2016 Interactive Fiction Competition, which isn't too bad. I mean, 8th out of 57 entries isn't too shabby! Thanks to everyone who played and I hope you guys enjoyed it!

If you haven't yet tried out Night House, you can play still try it out! http://textadventures.co.uk/games/v.....vw/night-house

You're eight years old. You wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. But you soon realize that not everything is as it seems in this house tonight. Where has everyone gone? Things look different in the dark. Night House is an atmospheric text game about things that go bump in the night, partially inspired by my old webcomic Guttersnipe. Please be aware that sessions will time out if you're not logged in.

You can also try out my other games:



The Curious Incident at Blackrock Township http://textadventures.co.uk/games/v.....krock-township

Roberta Williams Eats a Sandwich http://textadventures.co.uk/games/v.....ats-a-sandwich

"America is already great." That was her response. No wonder she lost.

For those of you not in the know, the Interactive Fiction Competition is an annual contest for parser games, twine stories and other sorts of experimental interactive/dynamic fiction type things. So if you’re the sort of person who enjoys THE VIDEO GAMES, you might want to go check it out and play a few of the entries. You can vote on which ones you like best and think deserve recognition, though you do have to play and rate at least five games for your vote to count. Luckily there are a lot of good fun games there, so lots of good choices for your five.

https://ifcomp.org/ballot/

I entered my game Night House, which some of you might remember me mentioning here. So if it sounds like your bag, you might possibly choose to play it as one of the games you rate. Though, of course, you should rate any games you play (including mine, if you choose to play it!) with the ratings that you feel they honestly deserve. I’ve played a few and there are some really good ones worth checking out, although I don’t think I’m allowed to name any of them since I’m a participant.

But I DO think I’m allowed to tell you what my game is about! Just in case it sounds entertaining to you:

You’re eight years old. You wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, but you soon realize that not everything is as it seems in the house tonight. Where has everyone gone? Your family is missing and strange things are lurking in the shadows. Night House is an atmospheric text adventure about things that go bump in the night.

https://ifcomp.org/ballot/

 tzologeist is offering awesome cheap commissions like this one that I got of Bogmoggy! You should get some!!!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21011364/

There are a lot of reviews of the new Ghostbusters movie out there written by tedious Internet nerds determined not to like this movie because they have a vendetta against clickbait media think pieces. You can’t trust those reviews, because those plebians hate everything that’s unfamiliar because they don’t like having to think about things too deeply. There also are lots of positive reviews praising the comedy chops of the stars (true) as well as negative reviews criticizing the generally lackluster plot (also true). HOWEVER, there was ONE major glaring disappointment I had with the new Ghostbusters that I haven’t seen anyone mention.

As a kid, I was literally the biggest Ghostbusters nerd ever; there was a period in my life when I couldn’t even conceive of any other idea for a movie other than busting ghosts. Cuz it just makes soooo much sense! It’s such a natural idea! What other movie could you possibly make? So anyway, I was gaga for Ghostbusters throughout most of my childhood. My wife didn’t see the original film until she was an adult, and, while she enjoyed it, she doesn’t have the same affection for it that I do. So naturally we had very different perspectives on the new movie.

My wife really liked it. She liked that a lot of the things left unexplained in the 1984 movie (Why did they want to catch ghosts? Why was Gozar suddenly attacking now?) were explained in the remake. I’m less concerned with those details, so I wasn’t too upset that they were left open in the original. But in any case, I liked the new Ghostbusters too, generally. I’m happy to say that the trailers, which all made the film look terrible, were pretty misleading. It’s actually a pretty fun frothy summer comedy with a lot of good, solid character moments and genuine laughs. I had a lot of nitpicky problems with the movie, most of which boil down to the fact that it’s different than the original and, since I saw the original when I was 5, nothing will ever come close to matching it in my imagination. That said, if I had seen the remake when I was 5, maybe I would like it just as much as I currently like the 1984 Ghostbusters.

First, the good: The four leads are all great. It’s ironic that the all-female cast, the very thing that originally set off the idiot Internet shit storm that’s plagued this movie for months, is actually the best thing about it. All four leads have a great chemistry together and easily recreate the breezy banter that made the original so much fun. A lot of reviews finger Kate McKinnon’s Jillian Holtzman as best of the lot, but I honestly think she’s kinda weak. I gather she’s supposed to be the wacky one, but, apart from having weird hair and wearing goggles, she’s really not all that noticably wacky compared to her cohorts. I actually think that Leslie Jones’ Patty Tolan is the best. Jones had the thankless role of playing the straight man to three weirdos, but she ends up really owning the part and shining as the bewildered everyman. The trailer made it look like she was going to be the stereotypical sassy black woman who mostly shout OH HEELLLLL NO FEETS DON’T FAIL ME NOW and provide hilarious 'black people are different' style humor, but luckily all the embarrassing tone deaf Michael Bay-style lol ethnic shenanigans is pretty minimal. I’d venture to say that these new ghostbusters are much more developed characters than the originals. They have motivations and desires and backstories and everything. As opposed to the 1984 Ghostbusters, who were essentially just three random guys who decided to catch ghosts for no reason and a fourth guy who needed a paycheck.

Now the big disappointment. One of the things that I love about the original Ghostbusters is the lore. From Vinz Clortho rambling about the depths of the giant sloar to the Ghostbusters’ prison discussion about Ivo Shandor’s history to Egon’s off-hand references to Tobin’s Spirit Guide and the Spates Catalog, it always felt like Ghostbusters had a really deep and rich mythology bubbling right below the surface that the audience might not have been privy to but which really informed the tone of the film. (The Real Ghostbusters cartoon series really expanded on a lot of this, being one of the major reasons that series was so good.) The 2016 Ghostbusters doesn’t really have much of that. It’s pretty much going for pure comedy, so while the psuedo-science of the original film was internally consistent, the new movie rattles off jargon that’s clearly just supposed to be comical-sounding nonsense. When Ray Stantz talks about “full torso class 5 apparitions” in the 1984 Ghostbusters, you feel like he’s using real terminology that actually means something – even if it really is all just gobbedlygook. When Yates and Gilbert describe ghosts or proton pack technology, it’s all just funny-sounding gibberish that you’re not supposed to remember. It’s just fake words that sound funny. The “realness” of the 1984 movies owed a lot to crazy ol’ Dan Ackroyd believing that they were making a documentary, and that’s really missing here. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It doesn’t ruin the movie or anything, but it’s something that I missed.

It doesn’t help that the villain of the original was a Sumerian deity – something that fit perfectly into the Ghostbusters‘ deep mythos – while the new one just has a random guy who builds a machine to control ghosts. I guess they figured that the main draw of the film would be the interactions between the heroes, so they didn’t really need a compelling villain. But it still feels a little flat.

In general, though, it’s an enjoyable film. If you’re not a huge ‘84 Ghostbusters nerd, you’ll probably really enjoy this one. If you are a huge ‘84 Ghostbusters nerd, you’ll probably enjoy this one well enough if you can take it on its own merits.

PS.

There was another major difference between the two films, and this is more an observation about how the style of movie-making – and the general thrust of American culture – has changed since 1984. 1984 Ghostbusters is a very New York movie. It takes place in New York, but it’s also hard to think about the movie happening anyplace else. Obviously the climax takes place in a haunted skyscraper and the terror dogs are living gothic architecture gargoyles, but the film is also peppered with distinctly New York imagery – the subway, the public library, Medallian taxi cabs, hot dog stands, etc. Lenny feels like a quintessentially crabby New York mayor, and his brief meeting with Bishop Mike feels like a genuine glimpse into big city machine politics. Even the extras in crowd scenes feel like random New Yorkers pulled off the street. At the climax, when rational people should be running away from Spook Central, they’re all instead crowding around the most dangerous place in town to get a glimpse of their heroes (which feels like another New York thing, but honestly people anywhere would probably do that). Watching that crowd scene, you see groups of nuns and rabbis praying and again it really feels like it reflects the demographics of the city and that this is really what you’d see in a New York apocalypse as opposed to, say, a Baltimore or a Miami apocalypse.

2016 Ghostbusters is nominally set in New York, but it doesn’t make the city a character in its story. Despite a few distinct locations like Patty’s subway tunnel, this movie could take place in any city. In fact, while the original was mostly filmed in New York, 2016 Ghostbusters was mostly filmed in Massachusetts with Boston standing in for the Big Apple.

Again, this isn’t really a complaint, it’s just the way filmmaking is now. As our mass media culture makes the US (and the world) more homogenous, I think Americans are less interested in stories tied to place. In the 80s, a movie like Robocop WAS Detroit, Earth Girls Are Easy WAS Los Angeles, The Goonies WAS Astoria. Those places had unique histories and ambiences that meant those stories couldn’t be told anywhere else. Now that the country is becoming a loop of identical chain restaurants and big box retailers, the notion of a movie reflecting the reality of a single uniquely quirky location – rather a universal generic that everyone can identify with – seems kind of quaint and provincial.

So Moody and I went to see the Warcraft movie today because she really liked the actor who plays the wizard Cadberry. Neither of us know much about Warcraft, except that I once tried to play it as an undead tailor but I got bored after I spent all day killing wild boars to level up enough to make shoes so I never played it again. If you're a fan of the game and you like the novelty of seeing your favorite characters on the big screen, then you might like it. Someone told me that Blizzard was hoping this film would draw in new fans, but if you're not already deeply versed in Warcraft minutia then you're not going to make heads or tails of this flick.

It was, unfortunately, not a very good movie. It wasn't bad enough to be good or even bad enough to be bad, it was just kind of boring, really. It's ostensibly a simple, straight forward plot about knights and green monsters wailing on each other. But instead it's a constant series of convoluted betrayals and double-crosses and shifting alliances, and it's really hard to tell which cartoon monster is on which side when they all look like animated trashheaps with all that goofy armor they're wearing. Because, really, maybe that armor looked cool when you're looking at little cartoon characters on your computer, but on the big screen you really see how stupid it is. The orcs all end up looking like the goblin baglady in Labyrinth.

Adding to the confusion is that the movie bombards you with all sorts of weird goobeldygook concepts and names that I guess you're supposed to be familiar with from the games, like the RANDOM BIG SECRET CUBE that the SKY WIZARDS keep hidden in their STAR CASTLE and whose big contribution to the plot is to manifest as an old lady in a robe and tell Cadberry to believe in himself. If you remove all the extraneous nonsense that I guess they had to throw in to make sure that hardcore fans didn't register their displeasure on alt.nerd.obsessive, then it's really just a standard but serviceable D and D-lite fantasy plot: Evil orcs are invading, Cadberry the goofy wizard apprentice has a bad feeling, goes to warn the good king and the good king's hero, then everyone needs to go and summon the really big powerful wizard who can save the day. Oh, and some of the orcs are worried because the evil orc king uses BAD JUJU so they want to team up with the humans. Bam. It's got all the elements of a good cheesy fantasy yarn, but the movie never commits to it.

Like Cadberry. It's very clear that he's supposed to be the bumbling comic relief goof-up wizard who, at the film's end, needs to pull himself together to save the day. But they completely forgot to write in ANY comedic material. So in the scene where the king and the main knight are discussing things in the situation room, Cadberry is loitering in the background, fiddling with some big ol' pikes that are just standing around. And you think OF COURSE, HE'S GOING TO KNOCK THEM DOWN AND WE'LL HAVE SOME INSPIRED PHYSICAL COMEDY AND THEN THE KING WILL TURN TO THE KNIGHT AND COCK AN EYEBROW AND SAY 'THIS IS OUR GREAT WIZARD? OHHHH BOOYYYYYY WE'RE IN TROUBLE!' OR SOMETHING. But instead nothing happens. You can feel the actor playing Cadberry really straining, like he wants to do something to establish Cadberry as the kinda funny character, but they just won't let him. There's literally one joke in the entire movie and that's when the knight fights a big rock monster and then says 'WELL THAT WAS FUN' which is so phoned in that they might as well have had someone fall off a cliff so someone else could say 'OOO THAT'S GOTTA HURT.'

In fact, now that I think of it, none of the characters really do anything to establish themselves, they're just kinda there. King is a king. Knight is a knight. Half orc lady is green and has boobs.

Ultimately, like all big budget tentpole movies these days, it doesn't exist to tell a story but rather to set up a franchise. Which means that absolutely nothing gets resolved in two hours of guys running at each other. Even by the standards of these STAY TUNED FOR AN INFINITE NUMBER OF SEQUELS movies, it's surprising how little gets resolved. It's also kind of weird because they have TWO separate scenes where the head evil orc does something dishonorable in front of his troops (which is a big deal to orcs cuz they're basically just green klingons) and the orcs are all GASP, THE SCALES HAVE FALLEN FROM OUR EYES WE SEE OUR LEADER IS NOT WORTHY OF OUR LOYALTY but then they just forget and keep following him because the plot demands it.

Oh and all those glowing eyes. They look almost as stupid as pierced teeth. And pierced teeth look REEAAALLY stupid.

So yeah, it's not really a movie so much as a series of boxes that need to be checked so that hardcore gamers can say I RECOGNIZE THAT. So if you're a big fan of the game, you might be entertained. But you might still want to wait for video.

I'm really getting sick of this shit. I'll probably still hang out here now and again, but it's clear that the real action is elsewhere. So you should follow me elsewhere if you're not already. I'm most active on Tumblr as agoutirex, but feel free to check out all the other place other than FA where I'll probably be spending a lot more time going forward.

Deviantart: http://galago.deviantart.com/
Tumblr: http://agoutirex.tumblr.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheNewMeat
Eka's Portal: http://aryion.com/g4/user/agoutirex
Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~agoutirex
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/agoutirex?ty=h
e-junkie: http://www.e-junkie.com/muffintop
AIM: greatbrain01
Telegram: agoutirex
email: thenewmeat[at}hotmail.com

Guttersnipe website: http://www.guttersnipecomic.com/
Guttersnipe Tumblr: http://childeatingmonsters.tumblr.com/

Fatty wank Tumblr: http://agoutirexfattywank.tumblr.com/

Furry Found Footage Twitter: https://twitter.com/awfulcrap
Furry Found Footage Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb.....v9g9BcICD5_BFw

MPFF website: http://www.murrypurry.com/

SHOW website: http://www.podcastigation.com/

Furry Found Footage at BLFC: 5/14 8:00 p.m. Sierra Room

Aurelina and I finally got our room assignment! You should stop by if you're at BLFC. The rest of the con we'll be at table 90 in the dealer's room.

Not sure if you'd like Furry Found Footage? Get a taste here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb.....v9g9BcICD5_BFw

or follow us at https://twitter.com/AwfulCrap

 podcastigation's Furry Found Footage will be there! We'll be at table 90 in the dealer's room (right next to Iris Jay and Nero O'Reilly) and we'll be presenting our popular FFF panel on Saturday, 8:00 p.m. ! BE THERE!!

So which of you mugs will be there? You should stop by and say hi!

It was pretty good, I rather enjoyed it.

Now where's all my Fru Fru porn?

BUY GOLD

end times are coming

black helicopters

reptiloids

queen of england

fema death camps

BUY GOLD

You know, that irritating plinky plinky hipster ukelele music that you see in all the Apple commercials and every other commercial cuz they're all trying to be like Apple? What is that genre called? Is it mumblecore or something?

Hey folks!

We had an amazing time at Further Confusion 2016 despite last minute room changes, fire hazards in that severely overcrowded room, and the lack of speakers (which had been sent to our original room, which con-staff told us "we were never scheduled to be in" hmm....).

Our fans were amazing and this year's video went over even better than last years!

So far we are setting our sights on another trip to Biggest Little Furcon in May. Coincidentally, this is ANOTHER con in which we had last minute room changes. Like, literally last minute. As in "we're here to do our panel" "you have been moved" last minute. Despite that, we intend to put on a good show for those of you who couldn't get into the standing room only venue at FC2016.

As of now, you can follow Furry Found Footage on twitter AwfulCrap

You can also purchase this year and last year's digital downloads of Furry Found Footage!

Volume 1: https://gum.co/CngJ

Volume 2: https://gum.co/GaHVw

As an incentive to watch our twitter account, we will be offering discount codes to get 50% off Furry Found Footage downloads! Ridiculous!

I'm off to Further Confusion, so I'll probbaly be incommunicato til Monday. Remember: Furry Found Footage will be in the Almaden Room in the Marriott on Saturday Night at 10:00 p.m. The rest of the time, we'll be at Table 15 in the furry marketplace.

See ya there!

CON SPECS

Arrival and Departure:
Jan 14th-18th

Staying at:
IT IS A MYSTERY

Mode of Transportation:
Driving from the distant cloudlands of the mysterious east

Room Share:
 aurelina,  kaiven,  zoemoss,  rabbitshakejake,  jwb,  sharpt00th,  rafferty

Who will I be with:
Too many people to list. I'm always flitting to and fro like the very breeze, but I always hope to see cool people there. MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU!

Fursuit(s)/ Will you be suiting?:
No

Attending Parties:
Possibly, but only to have fun responsibly.

Panels:
Aurelina and I will be running the Furry Found Footage Saturday Night at 10:00 p.m. in the Santa Clara Room in the Hilton. Be sure to show up, we'll be giving away FREE SHITTY VHS TAPES!!!! I'll also be attending Taxidermy's BDSM panel, Zoemoss's character design for animation panel, and Rafferty's indie publishing panel!

Stage Performance:
Probably not, unless something cool is going on there.

Major plans at FC2016:
Just looking for cool people to chill and hang with.

Further Plans?

PERSONAL INFO Q&A

What is your gender?
male

How old are you?
I am a mummy.

How tall are you?
short but spindly

Can I touch you?
In the normal way that normal people do in public everyday.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Only platonically.

Are you an artist? If so, are you accepting commissions?:
In the loosest sense of the word. And probably not!

Would you like to get a commission done of yourself?
If the mood strikes.

Do you drink?:
Responsibly.

Can I buy you lots of drinks?
I would accept them.

Do you smoke?:
Not for me!

Can I buy you breakfast, lunch, or dinner sometime?
I would be most honored!

Can I take a picture of you?
I'd rather you didn't. :)

Are you talkative?:
Very much so!

Are you nice?
I am the nicest person you will meet at the whole con. Why else would you even go to con other than to see me?

Are you cliquey?
No, I love all God's creatures!

Can I stalk you?
I'd rather you just talked to me.

Do you like parties?
Sure.

Can I ask you to dance with me during the dances?
You really don't want me to dance.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Say hi!

How best to find you:
I'll mostly be at the Furry Found Footage table in the furry marketplace during the day and otherwise hanging around in the artists' alley at night.

Will you be there? Tell me so I'll know who to look for!

Who's gonna be going to FC this year? Cuz  podcastigation is going to be at table 15 (right next to  kaiven) with all sorts of garbage to sell INCLUDING our popular furry found footage compilations! We're also going to be showing an ll new furry found footage video at the Santa Clara Room in the Hilton at 10:30 p.m. on Saturday. You guys should come: we'll be giving away LOTS of SHITTY VHS TAPES and you know you want them.

So yeah, let me know if you're going and I'll keep an eye open to see you there! COOL PEOPLE ONLY REPLY PLS

is it bad if your testicles start hurting for no reason?

Maybe I just pulled my groin muscle or something. It's that kind of mild, dull, persistent ache where I can't tell if it's my actual testicles or the groinological area surrounding them.

So I think I'm dying.

It was pretty good. It did a really good job of capturing the look and feel of the old Star Wars films, so if you liked the original trilogy you'll probably like this one. I always found the original Star Wars movies to be kind of slow and plodding -- other than the awesome scenes with Jabba the Hutt -- so I'm not really the target audience for this movie. It was kind of meandering and unfocused, but it was way better than the prequels.

But for those of you who've seen the movie, did anyone else notice that in the opening scene, when the Tie fighters first land in that desert settlement but before they let down their ramps to dispense storm troopers, you can totally see a storm trooper lying face down in the sand right there in front of them? Seriously, I can't be the only person that saw that, right?