There has been a lot of ups and downs but I've managed to keep a job, however, there is a lot of drama going on.

Been thinking of trying to get a better job but I keep holding myself back for some reason. Maybe I am scared of having more responsibility and losing the job because of doing something stupid. With the job I have, I know it's pretty solid but it doesn't pay very much.

Still living by myself which I am proud of but also living paycheck to paycheck.

I paid off my credit card debt. I'm working on paying off a medical bill, and hopefully I can start saving money to get a new car before my old one breaks down.

So I will need to get that better job, win the lottery, or rob a bank.

Since the last time I wrote. I'm still around but barely. Lost my interest in role playing.

Lost my confidence and esteem with a lot of things.

Now I lost another job in six months.

I'm financially fucked right now and I don't know what to do.

It took me three months to land this job and I don't want to lose my apartment.

It's the first time I've been living on my own and I don't want to lose that but I might. ):

I'm just a big mess right now. I can't stop crying.

I am still around...




...just very, very distant.

I'm another year older today.

Not sure what I'm going to do today either x.x;

It's been one busy 2016 for me with organizing holiday events and entertainment at my job. Corporate was here this week and my department did well. Nothing was wrong and they enjoyed my activities. I think we only had eight tags which is an improvement from last year. Now we play the waiting game for our results.

I haven't been around on FA much. Been busy elsewhere with writing, role playing, and surprisingly making new friends. I have decided to put my rp world on hold for the moment while joining another role play group and so far so good.

I still get depressed and withdrawn once in a while but it's not as bad as it was the previous year, for which I am glad for. Things have been looking up for me lately and I am feeling a bit better. There is still room for improvement, and I know I need to work on a few things.

I come back to FA with one person watching me then unwatching me plus two comments to artwork being deleted. I'm curious to know who it was and what was said but I am not too worried about it.

Not sure if anyone reads these things but, hope everyone has a good day.

Like always, I am single again around this time. Although I do have a couple of people wanting to try and fix that x.x; Just no.

Anyways, hope everyone enjoys their day. Be safe and have fun.

To all you couples out there, Happy Valentine's Day <3

I kind of want to spruce up my profile on here but unsure whether or not to make it more about my character Airlia or on myself. She used to be a persona for me once upon a time but now she's a very dear character who I happen to want to write a book series about one day.

I also kind of wish I had some extra cash to get a few commissions. I have several artists in mind but, alas, no extra funds.

My car is in dire need of an oil change, and I have to get tags on my car, some groceries, and etc, etc.

Other than financial issues, I've been doing pretty good. Not as depressed like I was about a year or so ago. Been roleplaying on a site I frequent and have met some nice roleplay partners along the way.

They would just fucking come already. Ugh! I have this waiting game for when corporate comes in to check to see if we are doing our job ><

This week has been really chaotic for me.

Other than that, I've been doing surprisingly well. Working on a few writing projects with others, randomizing with friends, and sleeping more than I should lol

I passed out not ten minutes when I returned from work and woke up several hours later. Fun times.

So many things to do at work today in...like...seven hours and I hope I accomplish.

Sick foxy is sick with some congestion thing. I feel hot but no temp, sore throat, runny nose and now the lingering cough.

And we have something going around within the facility at my job. Everyone is getting sick, residents and staff included.

Other than that, I've been keeping very busy with work and life.

Many things have happened over the course of the year.

I have lost a few people once important to me, yet in turn, I have met others who have become just as important if not more.

I rekindled a few old friendships from both lost friends and former lovers.

The RP world that I have placed on hiatus is once again open, and I have been pleased with the results.

There has been a lot of stress work-related but it is slowly growing better.

I have lost one of the most important people in my life...my abuelita. I will forever miss and love her. ):

My New Years Resolutions for this year is to 'Stay Gold.' If anyone understands what I am talking about, I shall reward with hugs and foxpoints.

Even with all the hardships I have experienced this year, many things were brought to light, people's true colors revealed, and all in all, I wouldn't really change anything for the world.

Things happen for a reason and other doors of opportunity have opened.

I will cherish the precious moments I had with the people I lost.

I will continue to learn the harsh realities which have been brought forth.

And I will continue to grow, no matter how long it takes me.

I wish everyone a wonderful and safe New Year and I love you all <3

...and I can finally relax...unless survey steps into the building and then there's more stress and chaos.

I hope its a joyous one for you all.

My desktop is out of commission until the 7th of January...at the least. One of the fans kept turning off and the power would shut off and the people at Best Buy did not know what to do so they sent it in. I just really hope that my information is not erased. I have a lot of things I've been working on for the last two years and I would be devastated if it was gone. I could not do the whole back up thing because I didn't have the 100$ required to have it done. And I sadly do not know if I'll have money to repair the computer either ;.;

Also feeling kinda depressed and wishing to disappear again. I seriously hate being a female with such emotional rollercoaster rides.

To the ones that spoke with me in trying to calm me down and reassure me everything is going to be ok...thank you very much.

I haven't felt like this in awhile, but I'm somewhat sad to the point of tears. Not sure what caused this. My mind does tend to wander a bit, and I end up finding myself wishing that things were like they used to be. And I'm starting to miss a few people too. There's also the financial issues I am having. I really believe I won't have money to give gifts to my family and that's making me really sad too. I've tried saving money, but something always comes up; extra bills, my car, etc. The idea of me finding my own place is slowly slipping away, but at least, we're not fighting at home anymore. I'm hoping it'll pass soon. I cannot afford to be upset today. It's a busy day for me. I'm coming in on one of my days off to help with two major events at work. A Christmas Party for the Residents at the Nursing home I work at and then Open House for Residents and their families. Then I have a memorial for residents who have passed away this month and the Employee Christmas party. Tuesday is another Christmas Party...Secret Santa with an Elvis impersonator coming in to sing.

I haven't really been in the mood to appear online or go to the chats I once used to enjoy. I don't roleplay very much anymore nor have I had the desire to work on the roleplay world I created a few years ago. And I'm starting to wonder if I should disappear from here too. The last few journals I've written up didn't get many replies so that just makes me believe that no one bothers to read them. I doubt anyone will read this one either. Perhaps I should really just disappear completely. I won't really be missed...I can guarantee that...

Throughout the last few weeks, I've seen people put their Christmas Wishlists on their journal.

Although I do have some things I would like to have, I am not going to add one this year.

Money's tight this year for me and I will not be able to give out any gifts myself and that will not be fair for those who do give me a gift. I am also not sure I'll be able to give gifts to my family this year either. I do have a gift or two, but I have a handful of people I still need to buy for. It kind of depresses me in a way as this is the season to give. ):

I guess my only wish this Christmas is for everyone to have a safe and wonderful Christmas with your friends, families and other loved ones.

Going to be a busy one.

I got this!~

Woo!!

I leave for a week or so and this cat is so needy for my attention. Since the moment I set foot in the house, she's been weaving around my legs, hopping onto my lap, and she even slept on my back/chest last night. I'm sitting here getting ready for work and she's still freaking out. She missed mama x.x; So precious.

A lot happened while I was away. Two people I knew well had passed away before Thanksgiving and they were so young. In their 50s. One was my Aunt's husband that was on hospice care and the other was my childhood best friend's mom. It's just so saddening. We lost our Grandfather over the Christmas holiday many years ago so I know what they are experiencing, well to a degree. It's different losing a parent and a loved one.

One of my uncle's and his family were not able to spend Thanksgiving with us due to work-related issues. I miss them dearly. I had brought two stacks of my boardgames to have some fun with them and they did not even appear. ): I'm not sure I will be able to go next year. It was difficult to even get this year's Thanksgiving week off.

My mom, my crazy aunt, and one of my uncle's had asked me to be POA to my mentally disabled aunt. They all went into the garage to discuss my aunt's future. In my grandmother's will, it states that the sisters will take care of her until they are unable to handle it anymore. My mom's been having issues at home with her husband (He had cheated on her a few years ago, and she still cannot trust him), and my aunt needs to return to work for her social security benefits. My aunt does have behaviors and it's rather difficult for my mom and other aunt to handle it. The family came to the conclusion that they will find a place up here with better techniques and equipment to take care of her, and with me living up here already, they wished for me to be another POA to sign paperwork and make decisions if they are unable to come here.

I see I have a lot of pictures to sift through and mark as favorites during my time away and I'll do that later. I need to get back into the groove of things, mostly work...and my needy cat who is currently possessing my lap. I sense she knows I am going to leave soon and she doesn't wish for me to leave lol x.x;

Take care everyone and I do hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I seriously need a week's vacation to recover from this one.

I have a loooot of things to complete before I leave for vacation on Friday. I need to get Secret Santa started. I have to work on my assessments, quarterlies, and my annuals. I need to get the Thanksgiving Potluck set up AND I have to get at least 80 boxes filled up for Operation Christmas Child. I'll be receiving a turkey and an apple pie for the holidays as well that I have to pick up on Friday. My niece and I will embark on a journey to Grandma's house for Thanksgiving. She's already planning things for us to do. lol

I've gathered some information to get my family well on our way to helping my aunt. Spoke with the Social Services lady and got some leads. I am at a peace of mind with what I was told. Still have to have the family meeting with everyone so gathering as much information I can to present.

I'll be journeying 200ish miles to return home to my little town. I cannot wait. We'll be leaving as soon as my niece gets out of school. Vacation for NINE days!~ My first vacation in a long time. I get to spend time with my mom, aunts, uncles and cousins. I may swing by my other Grandma's house since I probably won't be able to visit them for Christmas. My assistant deserves to have Christmass off since she made a lot of arrangements so I can have Thanksgiving off. I owe her a lot for all the things she has done. She rocks!~

Trying to save money for this trip also since I do wish to shop during Black Friday to get some of my Christmas shopping done. Unfortunately, I cannot spend much this year. Usually I give around two presents per family member. I'll have to do one present to close family members. It sucks but I do live paycheck to paycheck.

I'm so excited ^^

Well my nephew's birthday was a big hit. He had a wonderful time and got what he wanted, an xBox One.

I'm not sure how many people I told this to, but my overly controlling aunt and my mentally disabled aunt came down to join in the celebration. My crazy aunt and I do not get along. My aunt and I clash something awful and I have threatened to push her down a ten-step stairs at my grandma's house. My mentally disabled aunt has lost a loooot of weight. She doesn't look like the same person anymore. It really frustrates me to tears seeing her like this. From what my mom was telling me, she only had a handful, ONE MEASLY LITTLE HANDFUL OF CHEX-MIX, and then a plate of snack-type foods at the party and then a piece of cake and ice cream. But when we had pizza, my crazy bitch of an aunt said she did not want her sister eating because she didn't want to deal with her shitting.

My aunt looked hungry and it was very depressing watching her watch us eat our pizza. I felt horrible...as did my mom. I kept asking if we could give her at least half a pizza but my aunt didn't budge. All because she 'knew her sister's body and how it worked.' When she was given the plate of snack food, my mentally disabled aunt's hands were SHAKING. I have absolutely no idea what is wrong with my crazy aunt and I wish there was something I can do.

I had taken care of my aunt and my grandmother for six years and NEVER ONCE did I tell my aunt that she could not eat because I didn't want to deal with a mess in the bathroom. I gave her what she wanted. If she wanted pop, I gave her pop. If she wanted a candy bar, I gave her a candy bar. It was in moderation. From what I'm hearing, my aunt only gets one meal a day and of tuna fish.

Watching things last night just broke my heart and made me really mad. I want to punch my crazy aunt in the face to knock some sense into her. Karma's going to bite her in the ass when she gets older and everything she's doing to my aunt will be done to her. ;-; It's fucking bullshit.

I cannot wait for Thanksgiving when we have the family meeting on what we should do with my aunt. Perhaps putting her in a nursing home is a whole lot better than living with that fucking control freak. Hell when my brother lived with her during one summer, those two butted heads. She had given me an offer to live with her years ago when I was having a lot of trouble at home, but the rules she had were just insane. No boys. No alcohol. No this no that.

I know I'm supposed to love my family but how can I love a monster like her. She's the type of person who would try to buy you something nice for your forgiveness. I literally threw it back in her face once and she's never done it again.

Hopefully I can ask what options I have from the social worker and the admissions coordinator at work on where to go from here. Please....I really need some prayers right now, for my aunt mostly.

After a very stressful week full of many interviews I had to conduct, along with a bunch of other things. I can unwind and take time for myself...well kinda. It is my nephew's birthday Sunday. He turns ten! His grandma is here and I can smell the cake. The party is Minecraft themed and apparently, he's having a sleepover with about five or six other boys from his school. I think I'm going to hide in my room from the chaos.

Everything seems to be going smoothly at home. I still feel like I am walking on eggshells around my sister in law. I really do not wish to say the wrong thing again and have her bite my head off. We seem civil towards one another...for now.

Still having money issues. I have been wanting to get a few commissions from a few artists for the past several months but bills, bills, birthdays, bills. Perhaps one day, but unfortunately not anytime soon. I had to get a new tire for my car, and got my nephew's birthday present.

I am looking forward to my very first vacation in about two or three years, but I'm told we are having a huge meeting on something very important. Six months ago, I lost someone very, very important to me. My grandmother was the monarch of our family, the heart of many of my family members, and she was like a second mother to me while my mom worked long hours to make ends meet. We have to discuss the care of my mentally disabled aunt. The aunt who was taking care of her is moving back to Denver and she's not wanting to take her. In my grandma's will, it states that the siblings have to take care of her. Not really looking forward to having that conversation. It's probably going to be bad.

Overall I've been doing alright. Just stress from job and home. I really haven't been roleplaying or writing as much. Well, I do a few things over skype and in private, otherwise, I've been gaming mostly with a friend or two. I'm wanting to get back to working on my RP world, but I haven't done much in a couple of weeks. Every time I tried when I returned from work, I was just exhausted and irritable. Hopefully I get back into the groove of things soon. Until then, Fox out.

It's only Hump Day, and I cannot wait for my three day weekend after a very long and stressful week at work. Home life is getting better, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

And in two more weeks I get to take my very first paid vacation in over three years. I'm so excited ^^ Going back home to the City of Lost Souls and helping my mom with Thanksgiving dinner. I'm usually in charge of making the cherry cheesecake dessert and a few other things.

This is also the first Thanksgiving without my Heart; my Grandmother. Thinking about it makes me tear up. I miss her so very much. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have her here now to lend her wisdom and an ear on what's been going on. I told her everything. I love you, Abuelita. Always and forever

IRL wise. Having financial and family problems.

I kinda wish I could disappear altogether... :'(

I am the night!

Everyone have fun and be safe <3