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Arrividerci, Sayonara, Adios And Goodbye.
Posted 14 years agoBy now it should be pretty well known that I've been "temporarily suspended" from the site for the next ten years. <eyeroll> But truth be told, I was reaching a point where I needed to leave anyway. It's not any of you, I promise. It's... Well, I don't need to get into it. Suffice it to say it's stressful. Being here makes me angrier than I need to be.
Thankfully, scientists have come up with a cure for this condition. It's called Inkbunny. https://inkbunny.net/AlexReynard That'll be my new home address from now on, and I'm happy there. It's comfortable. It's a breath of fresh air. Most of my art that's here is already uploaded there, and more will be uploaded as time goes on. I even did a gargantuan audio Q&A recently, and there's some new stories too.
After getting kicked out of here, a lot of people expected me to go instantly on the warpath. I decided to give diplomacy a try first. I sent a message to Dragoneer, asking not that he allow me back, but that he give me a 24 hour window in which to put my affairs in order. Clean out my submissions, check my PMs, etc. But mostly I wanted to use this opportunity to say goodbye to you here. To let you know that, yes, this is permanent.
After some... friction, he agreed. I was surprised to say the least. Joyfully so. I honestly didn't expect him to say yes. But as much as Neer and I have fiercely clashed over the years, as a person, I must admit he's a decent guy. He's someone whose administrative decisions frequently make me rage, and yet the conversations we've had have all been civil and eloquent. I have to admit, it's a strange feeling. I wonder if this is how Batman and Ra's al Ghul regard one another...
Anyway, after 24 hours, I'm outta here. But I'll always be around somewhere. New stories and art have already been flowing into my Inkbunny page. I hope you'll check me out there.
Most of all, thank you.
Thank you to the people who have been my friends and made my life better.
Thank you to the artists whose work I've enjoyed.
Thank you to the writers who have stimulated my imagination.
Thank you to the commenters who have given me so much to think about.
Thank you, even, to my enemies: the more I've fought you, the more I've learned.
Thanks, FA. The ride's had some bumps, but I can't say I regret it.
P.S. I really should have titled this So Long And Thanks For All The Porn. ;3
Thankfully, scientists have come up with a cure for this condition. It's called Inkbunny. https://inkbunny.net/AlexReynard That'll be my new home address from now on, and I'm happy there. It's comfortable. It's a breath of fresh air. Most of my art that's here is already uploaded there, and more will be uploaded as time goes on. I even did a gargantuan audio Q&A recently, and there's some new stories too.
After getting kicked out of here, a lot of people expected me to go instantly on the warpath. I decided to give diplomacy a try first. I sent a message to Dragoneer, asking not that he allow me back, but that he give me a 24 hour window in which to put my affairs in order. Clean out my submissions, check my PMs, etc. But mostly I wanted to use this opportunity to say goodbye to you here. To let you know that, yes, this is permanent.
After some... friction, he agreed. I was surprised to say the least. Joyfully so. I honestly didn't expect him to say yes. But as much as Neer and I have fiercely clashed over the years, as a person, I must admit he's a decent guy. He's someone whose administrative decisions frequently make me rage, and yet the conversations we've had have all been civil and eloquent. I have to admit, it's a strange feeling. I wonder if this is how Batman and Ra's al Ghul regard one another...
Anyway, after 24 hours, I'm outta here. But I'll always be around somewhere. New stories and art have already been flowing into my Inkbunny page. I hope you'll check me out there.
Most of all, thank you.
Thank you to the people who have been my friends and made my life better.
Thank you to the artists whose work I've enjoyed.
Thank you to the writers who have stimulated my imagination.
Thank you to the commenters who have given me so much to think about.
Thank you, even, to my enemies: the more I've fought you, the more I've learned.
Thanks, FA. The ride's had some bumps, but I can't say I regret it.
P.S. I really should have titled this So Long And Thanks For All The Porn. ;3
Asshole Full Of Meerkats
Posted 14 years ago*Q: How many babyfurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
*You think maybe Jessica Rabbit's hot for Roger just because she's got a foot fetish?
*Q: What kind of nut tastes like pee?
A: No, a piss-tachio.
*I'm suddenly imagining 'hippocratic' as meaning 'a government run by hippopotamuses'. Y'know, a hippocracy.
*Q: Did you hear about the Pokémon bounty hunter?
A: Bulbafett.
*Plutonium: Mickey's radioactive dog.
*GUY 1: That chick over there... Let's just say the curtains match the drapes.
GUY 2: Don't you mean the carpet matches the drapes?
GUY 1: No; her meat curtains are as long as the livingroom drapes.
GUY 2: <vomiting noises>
*I wonder if Olive Oyl stuffs her pussy with spinach?
*You never hear about hate crimes against Eskimos and you never see bestiality with ducks.
*A DOCTOR: Upon close examination we have determined that your daughter is suffering from what we in the medical profession refer to as a vagina. It's not serious, but if left untreated it could develop into a cunt.
*Actually, a bundle of English cigarettes would be a faggot of fags.
*Some people got pissed off when John Lennon said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. But what he meant was that, if they all stood on each other's shoulders, the Beatles were definitely taller than Jesus.
*'Good evening, this is Guy Smiley for Sesame Street news. Police arrested the letter A this afternoon after he was caught engaging in inappropriate sexual behavior with an uncapitalized letter.'
*It occurs to me that if your last name is Purity, you probably shouldn't have a kid and name her Rachel.
*Do you ever find yourself sitting on the toilet, taking a shit, screaming Jodie Foster's name at the top of your lungs?
*My girlfriend needed a car so she went out and got a Daewoo.
Not to be outdone, her sister, a goth, bought a Naightwoo.
*If Slappy Squirrel and Screwy Squirrel mated, they'd give birth to Conker.
*Fuck you, Groucho! I once shot an elephant WITH my pajamas!!!
*I've never had a wet dream. But one night last week, I had a brown dream.
*I know a young faggot named Fritz.
In his tush he puts whatever fits.
In addition to cocks,
Went a small music box.
Now he plays 'Claire de Lune' when he shits.
*You think maybe Jessica Rabbit's hot for Roger just because she's got a foot fetish?
*Q: What kind of nut tastes like pee?
A: No, a piss-tachio.
*I'm suddenly imagining 'hippocratic' as meaning 'a government run by hippopotamuses'. Y'know, a hippocracy.
*Q: Did you hear about the Pokémon bounty hunter?
A: Bulbafett.
*Plutonium: Mickey's radioactive dog.
*GUY 1: That chick over there... Let's just say the curtains match the drapes.
GUY 2: Don't you mean the carpet matches the drapes?
GUY 1: No; her meat curtains are as long as the livingroom drapes.
GUY 2: <vomiting noises>
*I wonder if Olive Oyl stuffs her pussy with spinach?
*You never hear about hate crimes against Eskimos and you never see bestiality with ducks.
*A DOCTOR: Upon close examination we have determined that your daughter is suffering from what we in the medical profession refer to as a vagina. It's not serious, but if left untreated it could develop into a cunt.
*Actually, a bundle of English cigarettes would be a faggot of fags.
*Some people got pissed off when John Lennon said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. But what he meant was that, if they all stood on each other's shoulders, the Beatles were definitely taller than Jesus.
*'Good evening, this is Guy Smiley for Sesame Street news. Police arrested the letter A this afternoon after he was caught engaging in inappropriate sexual behavior with an uncapitalized letter.'
*It occurs to me that if your last name is Purity, you probably shouldn't have a kid and name her Rachel.
*Do you ever find yourself sitting on the toilet, taking a shit, screaming Jodie Foster's name at the top of your lungs?
*My girlfriend needed a car so she went out and got a Daewoo.
Not to be outdone, her sister, a goth, bought a Naightwoo.
*If Slappy Squirrel and Screwy Squirrel mated, they'd give birth to Conker.
*Fuck you, Groucho! I once shot an elephant WITH my pajamas!!!
*I've never had a wet dream. But one night last week, I had a brown dream.
*I know a young faggot named Fritz.
In his tush he puts whatever fits.
In addition to cocks,
Went a small music box.
Now he plays 'Claire de Lune' when he shits.
Non-Montroversy Topic: Why Doomsayers Are Total Assknuckles
Posted 14 years agoSo, yeah, the Rapture didn't happen today.
That's nothing special; everybody knew it wouldn't. But what really amazed me was that even the news seemed to join in with the rest of us in expressing eye-rolling contempt for this latest doomsday prediction. They came damn close to actually pointing at the people who believed in it and going, "HA ha!"
Yeah, there's a savage glee in laughing at people who are just so gosh-darn sure the world's gonna end. But personally, I think they deserve a little more than just being mocked.
Tonight on the news they talked about a guy who had spent his entire life savings, something like $100,000, to put up signs all over the New York city subway, warning people of the impending Rapture. He was out on the street distributing leaflets at 6:00pm, the time of the mathematically-proven-by-Bible-code End Of Everything. Of course, not a damn thing happened, except that it rained a little.
The reporter said that the man looked sad and disappointed, then started reading his Bible. Then people around him started to jeer him.
At this point, I said something like, "Good! It's what he deserves!"
My aunt said something like, "I don't know... It's kinda like kicking a sick puppydog."
I disagree with that, but I can completely respect her point. This poor dumb bastard has just lost everything. And if he's like a lot of other doomsdayers, this is likely to just send him further into self-delusion, instead of making him wake up. He's a harmless, broken man. I can completely understand the urge to have compassion for him.
But I don't.
Why? Because of how the reporter described his reaction when the prophesied end didn't come: "sad and disappointed." This man was sad and disappointed that the end of the world didn't happen. If this man's reaction had been a joyful relief that God had shown mercy and the human race would be spared, I'd totally let him off the hook. But no: sad and disappointed. The news mentioned another doomsday-that-didn't-happen in 1844, which was called The Great Disappointment.
I keep repeating that word because I want to drill it into you guys exactly what these people are disappointed about. In the case of the current non-Rapture, it was foretold that earthquakes would rip the planet into pieces, and God would scoop up all the True Faithful directly into Heaven. Which means that all the unbelievers would have to stay behind and die in unimaginable fiery agony and terror. That's what these people are disappointed didn't happen. If any of you are atheists, or just not Christians, then these people are sad that you are not burning to death in molten lava right this instant.
Of course, I know that most of these people don't actively want to see everyone else die. But still, they want the freakin' end of the world to happen. They are EAGER for it. Why? Personally, I think it's sheer laziness. Despite the fact that the quality of human life has been steadily rising for almost our entire existence, there are still people who believe that, right now, things have never been worse. They want the world to end because they look at the problems we have now and think, "It's too much to ever fix. It's better to just sweep it all away and start over." Well isn't that nice. Maybe some of us would like a crack at fixing things before you give up on them, hm?
I'll bet a lot of these people buy into the unbelievably backwards idea that the world is being destroyed by too much technology and that humanity would be so much purer and happier if we all returned to nature. Um, are you blind? Because from my perspective, it looks like modern science, medicine and technology are the only things keeping most of us alive past our twenties.
But beyond just laziness and foolish dreams, there's something else that's inescapably present in someone with the desire for the world to soon end. Arrogance.
I will guarantee you something right now: Not a single person who believes in a coming Rapture believes that they will be one of the ones left behind.
Nope; every single self-righteous one of them believes that they are one of God's chosen. They're the ones who'll get whooshed up to paradise while everyone else perishes for their sins. Is anyone else disgusted by that? How small of a soul do you have to have to think that you're completely blameless for humanity's problems? That it is literally everyone else's fault? And so you deserve bliss while the common mud-people all deserve God's wrath? 'Childish' isn't the word for it, because I don't think hardly any children past toddler age are this ignorantly selfish.
There are people who knowingly scam these doomsdayers. They get people to send them money for Rapture insurance, or to take care of their pets afterwards, or to pass on messages to the families of Raptured folks. These people are raking in money, knowing the whole time that they will never, ever have to fulfill any of the promises they make. And GOD BLESS THEM!!! In complete honesty, I support these people 100%. There's a difference between con artists who swindle people with no way of knowing they're about to be scammed, and those who swindle people who have EVERY reason to believe they're about to be scammed. If a guy shows up at your door selling magic pixie dust that will make your car fly, and you pay him, you have absolutely no right to complain later when you realize how much of a chump you are.
If I'd known anyone who believed in today's not-quite-Rapture, I would have loved to straight-up fuck with them. I would have asked them if I could have all their material possessions. If they said no, I'd say, "Why not? You won't need them come tomorrow." And if they showed any hesitation, I'd say, "So you don't really have faith that the world will end tomorrow after all?" I'd watch them squirm and contradict themselves like crazy. And if I did manage to get them to hand over some of their stuff, you can bet your ass there's no way in hell I'd gave any of it back if they came knocking on the door later tonight.
THEM: "God heard our prayers and postponed the End Times! Give me my Blu-Ray player back!"
ME: "Go fuck yourself! Learn to face the consequences of your beliefs!"
That's the core of this. I think that we all must always be ready to face the consequences of our beliefs. I don't mean stuff you could never possibly imagine, like walking outside and being hit by a falling chunk of space shuttle, but risks you can't help but know about beforehand. If you choose to gamble, you should be prepared to lose money. If you choose to have lots of unprotected sex, you should be prepared for STDs. If you choose to believe in a specific date when the world's gonna end, you should be prepared to look like a jackass the day afterwards.
When we make any kind of choice in our lives with easily foreseen consequences, then we had damn well better accept it with dignity if those choices backfire on us. We ought to have the personal honor in us to say "Oh well" in these instances, instead of reacting with denial, dishonesty or a temper-tantrum. If not, then we deserve to be mocked. We deserve the "HA ha!"
You can choose to feel sorry for all the True Believers who don't know why they're not in Heaven right now. You can be compassionate towards them. But they probably won't learn anything that way. Humiliation can be a powerful motivator.
Me? I'd say to them, "Hey, remember that time you thought me and all the other infidels were going to fall into cracks in the Earth and die screaming, while you, Mr. Perfect, sailed up into the sky to experience eternal pleasure? Boy, are you one stupid shithead!" And then I'd grin my ass off.
BTW, if any of you know anyone who believes in that 2012 Mayan calender horseshit, tell me about them. I wanna have some fun with them on December 22nd. ;)
That's nothing special; everybody knew it wouldn't. But what really amazed me was that even the news seemed to join in with the rest of us in expressing eye-rolling contempt for this latest doomsday prediction. They came damn close to actually pointing at the people who believed in it and going, "HA ha!"
Yeah, there's a savage glee in laughing at people who are just so gosh-darn sure the world's gonna end. But personally, I think they deserve a little more than just being mocked.
Tonight on the news they talked about a guy who had spent his entire life savings, something like $100,000, to put up signs all over the New York city subway, warning people of the impending Rapture. He was out on the street distributing leaflets at 6:00pm, the time of the mathematically-proven-by-Bible-code End Of Everything. Of course, not a damn thing happened, except that it rained a little.
The reporter said that the man looked sad and disappointed, then started reading his Bible. Then people around him started to jeer him.
At this point, I said something like, "Good! It's what he deserves!"
My aunt said something like, "I don't know... It's kinda like kicking a sick puppydog."
I disagree with that, but I can completely respect her point. This poor dumb bastard has just lost everything. And if he's like a lot of other doomsdayers, this is likely to just send him further into self-delusion, instead of making him wake up. He's a harmless, broken man. I can completely understand the urge to have compassion for him.
But I don't.
Why? Because of how the reporter described his reaction when the prophesied end didn't come: "sad and disappointed." This man was sad and disappointed that the end of the world didn't happen. If this man's reaction had been a joyful relief that God had shown mercy and the human race would be spared, I'd totally let him off the hook. But no: sad and disappointed. The news mentioned another doomsday-that-didn't-happen in 1844, which was called The Great Disappointment.
I keep repeating that word because I want to drill it into you guys exactly what these people are disappointed about. In the case of the current non-Rapture, it was foretold that earthquakes would rip the planet into pieces, and God would scoop up all the True Faithful directly into Heaven. Which means that all the unbelievers would have to stay behind and die in unimaginable fiery agony and terror. That's what these people are disappointed didn't happen. If any of you are atheists, or just not Christians, then these people are sad that you are not burning to death in molten lava right this instant.
Of course, I know that most of these people don't actively want to see everyone else die. But still, they want the freakin' end of the world to happen. They are EAGER for it. Why? Personally, I think it's sheer laziness. Despite the fact that the quality of human life has been steadily rising for almost our entire existence, there are still people who believe that, right now, things have never been worse. They want the world to end because they look at the problems we have now and think, "It's too much to ever fix. It's better to just sweep it all away and start over." Well isn't that nice. Maybe some of us would like a crack at fixing things before you give up on them, hm?
I'll bet a lot of these people buy into the unbelievably backwards idea that the world is being destroyed by too much technology and that humanity would be so much purer and happier if we all returned to nature. Um, are you blind? Because from my perspective, it looks like modern science, medicine and technology are the only things keeping most of us alive past our twenties.
But beyond just laziness and foolish dreams, there's something else that's inescapably present in someone with the desire for the world to soon end. Arrogance.
I will guarantee you something right now: Not a single person who believes in a coming Rapture believes that they will be one of the ones left behind.
Nope; every single self-righteous one of them believes that they are one of God's chosen. They're the ones who'll get whooshed up to paradise while everyone else perishes for their sins. Is anyone else disgusted by that? How small of a soul do you have to have to think that you're completely blameless for humanity's problems? That it is literally everyone else's fault? And so you deserve bliss while the common mud-people all deserve God's wrath? 'Childish' isn't the word for it, because I don't think hardly any children past toddler age are this ignorantly selfish.
There are people who knowingly scam these doomsdayers. They get people to send them money for Rapture insurance, or to take care of their pets afterwards, or to pass on messages to the families of Raptured folks. These people are raking in money, knowing the whole time that they will never, ever have to fulfill any of the promises they make. And GOD BLESS THEM!!! In complete honesty, I support these people 100%. There's a difference between con artists who swindle people with no way of knowing they're about to be scammed, and those who swindle people who have EVERY reason to believe they're about to be scammed. If a guy shows up at your door selling magic pixie dust that will make your car fly, and you pay him, you have absolutely no right to complain later when you realize how much of a chump you are.
If I'd known anyone who believed in today's not-quite-Rapture, I would have loved to straight-up fuck with them. I would have asked them if I could have all their material possessions. If they said no, I'd say, "Why not? You won't need them come tomorrow." And if they showed any hesitation, I'd say, "So you don't really have faith that the world will end tomorrow after all?" I'd watch them squirm and contradict themselves like crazy. And if I did manage to get them to hand over some of their stuff, you can bet your ass there's no way in hell I'd gave any of it back if they came knocking on the door later tonight.
THEM: "God heard our prayers and postponed the End Times! Give me my Blu-Ray player back!"
ME: "Go fuck yourself! Learn to face the consequences of your beliefs!"
That's the core of this. I think that we all must always be ready to face the consequences of our beliefs. I don't mean stuff you could never possibly imagine, like walking outside and being hit by a falling chunk of space shuttle, but risks you can't help but know about beforehand. If you choose to gamble, you should be prepared to lose money. If you choose to have lots of unprotected sex, you should be prepared for STDs. If you choose to believe in a specific date when the world's gonna end, you should be prepared to look like a jackass the day afterwards.
When we make any kind of choice in our lives with easily foreseen consequences, then we had damn well better accept it with dignity if those choices backfire on us. We ought to have the personal honor in us to say "Oh well" in these instances, instead of reacting with denial, dishonesty or a temper-tantrum. If not, then we deserve to be mocked. We deserve the "HA ha!"
You can choose to feel sorry for all the True Believers who don't know why they're not in Heaven right now. You can be compassionate towards them. But they probably won't learn anything that way. Humiliation can be a powerful motivator.
Me? I'd say to them, "Hey, remember that time you thought me and all the other infidels were going to fall into cracks in the Earth and die screaming, while you, Mr. Perfect, sailed up into the sky to experience eternal pleasure? Boy, are you one stupid shithead!" And then I'd grin my ass off.
BTW, if any of you know anyone who believes in that 2012 Mayan calender horseshit, tell me about them. I wanna have some fun with them on December 22nd. ;)
Canada: Conquered
Posted 14 years agoI AM BACK.
The Canada trip was a hell of a lot of fun. Aside from some car trouble, spilling shampoo in my duffle and getting rained on a little, it was my smoothest vacation ever.
Robby and 
Relee were both excellent hosts, and I tried my best to be a considerate parasite- I mean guest.
I spent the first two days at Relee's. Relee is soft-spoken, but gives frequent, bonecrushing hugs! :3 He has a tiny apartment over a garage with terrifying stairs. It is full of cute things. We watched many episodes of My Little Pony, browsed through a half-dozen nifty resale shops downtown, ate at some damn nummy restaurants, and I was introduced to poutine. Poutine is french fries with cheese and gravy on top. Is good. Also, we went to the Children's Animal Farm and saw cute beasties, and I played completely through Portal 2. POTATOES AND SPACE.
Then it was off to visit Poe. This was a tad difficult. Relee's mom drove me part of the way, then I took a bus from London to Toronto, then I had to take a city bus to another station across town, then ANOTHER bus from Toronto to Port Perry, where Robby and his mom picked me up, we met his brother Dustin and then finally arrived at Poe's Pad of Puns.
Robby and I dicked around with gusto, walking all over downtown, shooting each other with dart rifles (I got hit dead-center in the eye! It was AWESOME!), watched a few metric tons of YouTube videos and constantly, CONSTANTLY joking about everything in our environment. I played through Portal 2 again in a day, plus I beat Postal 2 as well (I peed all over a church!). Mostly we just hung out and riffed off one another. Robby's whole family is possessed of some of the best comic chemistry I've seen. Also, on my last day we had lunch and dinner at Little Schnitzel House, a restaurant where dinner cost us sixty bucks and both of us thought it was worth every penny. OMFG. After dinner we just walked around in the twilight and had a quietly profound moment full of thoughtful conversation. Also, I got lucky as hell one day at Zeller's; they had a single Legends Megatron for sale, for $3.99. This tiny badass'll usually cost $20 on eBay. ...Damn scalpers. (Oh, and check out this Team Fortress 2 vid he put up.)
The plan was originally for Robby to accompany me back for a dual visit with Relee. This did not end up working out. C'est la vie. No matter. I went back and had more fun with Relee anyway. On Sunday me 'n him and his friends Trey and Ron joined us for a flea market adventure. Trey is as sweet, friendly and polite a geek you could ever want to meet. Ron looks like a wise old troll from a fantasy movie and was around at the literal creation of the furry fandom. Him and I talked a lot about books, movies and music. He was also our designated driver for the trip. But on the day I was supposed to leave, his classic Pontiac LeMans decided it didn't wanna work. We spent a whole day trying to fix it, but all for naught. At least we spent an enjoyable evening together, with dinner and a movie (and more MLP, plus a bunch of MST3K episodes).
Ron's car felt like not being a dick yesterday morning, so off we went. The new Transformer's movie's toys arrived in stores the 15th, so I bought a boatload on the way. (Shockwave is perfection.) We also ate at Golden Corral, the best buffet on Earth. We ate our weight. Back at home, I can't tell you how nice it was to finally sleep in my own bed again. :)
In summation, Canada's a pretty cool guy. Eh's polite and laid back and doesn't afraid of anything.
The Canada trip was a hell of a lot of fun. Aside from some car trouble, spilling shampoo in my duffle and getting rained on a little, it was my smoothest vacation ever.
Robby and 
Relee were both excellent hosts, and I tried my best to be a considerate parasite- I mean guest.I spent the first two days at Relee's. Relee is soft-spoken, but gives frequent, bonecrushing hugs! :3 He has a tiny apartment over a garage with terrifying stairs. It is full of cute things. We watched many episodes of My Little Pony, browsed through a half-dozen nifty resale shops downtown, ate at some damn nummy restaurants, and I was introduced to poutine. Poutine is french fries with cheese and gravy on top. Is good. Also, we went to the Children's Animal Farm and saw cute beasties, and I played completely through Portal 2. POTATOES AND SPACE.
Then it was off to visit Poe. This was a tad difficult. Relee's mom drove me part of the way, then I took a bus from London to Toronto, then I had to take a city bus to another station across town, then ANOTHER bus from Toronto to Port Perry, where Robby and his mom picked me up, we met his brother Dustin and then finally arrived at Poe's Pad of Puns.
Robby and I dicked around with gusto, walking all over downtown, shooting each other with dart rifles (I got hit dead-center in the eye! It was AWESOME!), watched a few metric tons of YouTube videos and constantly, CONSTANTLY joking about everything in our environment. I played through Portal 2 again in a day, plus I beat Postal 2 as well (I peed all over a church!). Mostly we just hung out and riffed off one another. Robby's whole family is possessed of some of the best comic chemistry I've seen. Also, on my last day we had lunch and dinner at Little Schnitzel House, a restaurant where dinner cost us sixty bucks and both of us thought it was worth every penny. OMFG. After dinner we just walked around in the twilight and had a quietly profound moment full of thoughtful conversation. Also, I got lucky as hell one day at Zeller's; they had a single Legends Megatron for sale, for $3.99. This tiny badass'll usually cost $20 on eBay. ...Damn scalpers. (Oh, and check out this Team Fortress 2 vid he put up.)
The plan was originally for Robby to accompany me back for a dual visit with Relee. This did not end up working out. C'est la vie. No matter. I went back and had more fun with Relee anyway. On Sunday me 'n him and his friends Trey and Ron joined us for a flea market adventure. Trey is as sweet, friendly and polite a geek you could ever want to meet. Ron looks like a wise old troll from a fantasy movie and was around at the literal creation of the furry fandom. Him and I talked a lot about books, movies and music. He was also our designated driver for the trip. But on the day I was supposed to leave, his classic Pontiac LeMans decided it didn't wanna work. We spent a whole day trying to fix it, but all for naught. At least we spent an enjoyable evening together, with dinner and a movie (and more MLP, plus a bunch of MST3K episodes).
Ron's car felt like not being a dick yesterday morning, so off we went. The new Transformer's movie's toys arrived in stores the 15th, so I bought a boatload on the way. (Shockwave is perfection.) We also ate at Golden Corral, the best buffet on Earth. We ate our weight. Back at home, I can't tell you how nice it was to finally sleep in my own bed again. :)
In summation, Canada's a pretty cool guy. Eh's polite and laid back and doesn't afraid of anything.
Onwards, To The Frozen North!!
Posted 14 years agoActually, I hear Canada's quite nice this time of year.
I hope so, since tomorrow I'll be leaving for a fantastic vacation, dicking around America's Hat with my excellent friends Relee and Poe! I shall frolic on the tundra, eat lunch at Tim Horton's, tap some maple trees, flash a mountie, then retire back to my host's comfy igloo for seven hours of hockey while downing a few Budweisers. HA HA I am kidding! Canadians don't drink Budweiser!
Anyways, since I always like to give my Little Toonsters something to chew on whenever I go away, I'll be uploading a nice little batch of new art over at Inkbunny before I go, plus a brand new story!
Unfortunately, I couldn't upload the story here even if I wanted to, because it's got cub fucking in it!! <gasp of horror> And as we all know, writing or reading cub porn is absolutely equivalent to forcing sex upon an actual unwilling human child! ...Or so the people who have more heart than minds would lead you to believe.
Also, I'll probably be seeing Hop while I'm up there. I know it's getting nothing but terrible reviews, but then again, if you're watching a movie purely for its fappability, you're not caring too much about plot or characterization, are you? I'mma be like, "Bunnnnny feeeeeeet! <drool> What? There are humans in this?" ;)
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta proofread that story one more time before I post it!
P.S. HAHAHAHA! My spellcheck tries to suggest 'stinkbug' for 'inkbunny'!
I hope so, since tomorrow I'll be leaving for a fantastic vacation, dicking around America's Hat with my excellent friends
Relee and Poe! I shall frolic on the tundra, eat lunch at Tim Horton's, tap some maple trees, flash a mountie, then retire back to my host's comfy igloo for seven hours of hockey while downing a few Budweisers. HA HA I am kidding! Canadians don't drink Budweiser!Anyways, since I always like to give my Little Toonsters something to chew on whenever I go away, I'll be uploading a nice little batch of new art over at Inkbunny before I go, plus a brand new story!
Unfortunately, I couldn't upload the story here even if I wanted to, because it's got cub fucking in it!! <gasp of horror> And as we all know, writing or reading cub porn is absolutely equivalent to forcing sex upon an actual unwilling human child! ...Or so the people who have more heart than minds would lead you to believe.
Also, I'll probably be seeing Hop while I'm up there. I know it's getting nothing but terrible reviews, but then again, if you're watching a movie purely for its fappability, you're not caring too much about plot or characterization, are you? I'mma be like, "Bunnnnny feeeeeeet! <drool> What? There are humans in this?" ;)
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta proofread that story one more time before I post it!
P.S. HAHAHAHA! My spellcheck tries to suggest 'stinkbug' for 'inkbunny'!
I OFFICIALLY REFUDIATE FURAFFINITY
Posted 14 years ago(And yes, I know 'refudiate' is a made-up Sarah Palin word. But it fits.)
This is a journal that I've been meaning to write for a long time now. In fact it's overdue. The main announcement here is that from now on, all my new art and stories will be uploaded to InkBunny and not here. I've already uploaded a few IB-exclusive drawings and one story, so if you're watching me here and not watching me there, now's the time to make the switch.
Back when the cub art ban came down, I said I was going to do this. Unfortunately, I underestimated how long it was going to take for me to upload all my stuff from FA onto IB. It took quite a bit longer than I expected. But now it's all there and I'm starting to add new stuff. It's time to finally make a clean break with FA (more on that in a minute).
First I wanna let you know exactly why I'm making this announcement now. I'd originally planned to write this journal yesterday afternoon, but didn't really have the motivation for it because something amazing happened (more on that in a minute). Last night though, after reading a really damn good Dangerous Lunatics fanfic, I looked in my PMs here and my happiness fell flatter than something that is very flat:
Submission removal: This Is Not A Child
I somehow managed to facepalm and headdesk at the same time. Repeatedly.
I am not going to say which admin removed this, because at this point the admins are indistinguishable to me. I expect this kind of behavior from all of them, and my problem is with the site's management as a whole. Anyway, [Admin1] said:
"This image has been removed for violating this part of the aup: FA does not permit content containing minors involved in sexual situations. This applies to humans (Loli, Shota) or otherwise human-like characters (i.e. Cub) who are, without question, under the general legal age (18). Images or stories where the character is of questionable or indeterminable age will be up to the discretion of the administration."
And I replied:
"I cannot express in words how furious I am right now.
That drawing was specifically made to make a point: THAT IT WAS NOT A CUB IN A SEXUAL SITUATION! It was tasteful, nonsexual nudity. The kind that can be seen in any art museum anywhere in the country.
IT DID NOT VIOLATE THE AUP.
There was hundreds of lines worth of conversation on that submission. WHY did you remove it without giving me any chance to screencap or otherwise preserve it first?
WHY did you suddenly have a problem with this image now, even though it had been online for literally years?
WHY, out of all the blatantly sexual cub material that is still on FA, that you admins have done nothing about, did you remove AN IMAGE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO BE NONSEXUAL!?"
Their response:
"First of all please familiarize yourself with the FA Storage policy: We provided storage for our users to keep and maintain their data on the site. However, Fur Affinity IS NOT a backup service, and we are not responsible for long term archival of user data or loss of files. We encourage users to keep regular backups and archives of their data using a service and/or storage media intended for that purpose.
Moving along it is at the discretion of the administration to make a choice when presented with this kind of content. The choice was made to remove it."
My response:
"Why was that choice made, is what I'm asking. Since you had the ability to either leave it alone or remove it, what made you decide to remove it?
I am angry at this decision because I designed the image specifically to be in compliance with the AUP, yet it gets removed anyway. I don't think that's fair or right."
They haven't responded back and I doubt they will.
Because I regarded this as one of the biggest examples of admin hypocrisy I have ever seen, I reported [Admin1] for misconduct. [Admin2] replied and said he was willing to take a look at the disputed image. Unsurprisingly, he said he'd have voted to remove it too. Here it is for you to judge. Now, maybe I miscalculated. I did, in all honesty, try to make this an image that would test people's limits, but one that, reasonably, could not be called pornography. The cub is toddler-age, sitting by himself, not doing anything sexual, and is unerect. Maybe I'm crazy, but that seems like nonsexual nudity to me. Especially when we let schoolchildren see this and this.
So, either the admins are saying that 'art has different standards, and furry art isn't art', or they're saying 'all nudity is sexual'. In which case, I pity this hyperphobic, sex-obsessed culture of ours.
But beyond my personal anger at this, there's two reasons why this incident should make you completely lose faith in this site's administration. First off, you noticed how I mentioned that they had removed an image designed to be nonsexual, despite all the sexy, sexy cub sex still on here? That's right, I'm gonna come right out and say it:
THE BAN ON CUB ART WAS A MASSIVE LIE.
When the ban happened, users were told to clean out their galleries before a certain deadline or else the admins would clean them out for us. Like a lot of other people, I refused to take down doodely-squat. Because if the admins were going to censor art at the expense of its userbase in order to placate AlertPay, I reasoned that it was THEIR mess and THEIR responsibility to clean it up. Why the fuck should I help them gut my gallery!?
But the gallery-gutting never came. And from what I've seen, all the threats that it would were BULLSHIT. My gallery is still chock full of cub porn, and I suspect most of the cub porn posted here is still here. Sure, I'm inviting them to remove my art by saying this, but I've got everything moved over to InkBunny so it doesn't matter. And what are they gonna do? Send me a notice to 'clean' out my gallery or they'll do it for me? I hope they do! I wanna watch the deadline pass without them doing anything. Either the admins are lazy, or they simply do not have the staff power to patrol galleries like they say they do. In other words, the cops are snoozing, fellas!
So let's take a step back: AlertPay steals a bunch of FA's money and says it's because our site allows cub porn. FA responds by vigorously licking AlertPay's boots and promising to get rid of all that nasty, nasty cub porn, if only AlertPay would come back to them. How's that working out, by the way? BTW, before AlertPay could even do anything to InkBunny, IB told them to GO FUCK THEMSELVES. IB did the ballsy thing. FA did the cowardly thing. It threw its users on the sacrificial alter in a futile attempt to appease a thieving bully. And then they lied to us about it. They scared us into combing our galleries for cub art, essentially making us do their job for them. A job they probably never really intended to do. The cub ban was a stunt, nothing more. And we got trampled.
But beyond the dishonesty, there's another reason why you shouldn't trust this site.
Read again what [Admin1] said about how this site "IS NOT a backup service." Wait... Shouldn't it be? I have been told before that once a submission is removed, the comments and stats are gone forever. Does this mean they don't have backups? I just checked Archive.org and we can't even find backups of our pages there. And also keep in mind that ONE admin acted as judge, jury and submission-executioner. The admins have the power to, on a whim, PERMANENTLY erase anything here.
Now, let's imagine what could happen if an admin became emotionally unstable, or if their password became compromised. With so much power concentrated in the hands of every admin, if just one of their passwords got hacked, someone could cause an awful lot of irreparable damage in very little time.
Folks, this is the equivalent of a police force with no organization, giving shoulder mounted ICBM launchers to all its street officers. Does that make you feel safe?
This site's administration is BROKEN, BROKEN, BROKEN. When I first mentioned I was going to InkBunny, people asked me, "Why? What's so bad about FurAffinity?" Well, if you have to ask, then I probably can't convince you. All I can say is that I have had many, MANY experiences with the admins that have convinced me that this is a site being run like the Wild West; sheriffs with unlimited power and no consensus between them of site policy, are wandering the site dispensing justice as they see fit. If they decide a submission of yours violates policy, they remove it without giving you any chance to argue or preserve it. When [Admin1] told me "We encourage users to keep regular backups and archives of their data using a service and/or storage media intended for that purpose.", she was basically saying, "I broke into your house and took your stuff because I felt justified. You're never getting it back no matter what. Too bad you didn't buy copies of everything beforehand."
Individual admins have too much power. And they are not using it wisely.
If this journal gets removed, it will be proof of what I'm saying.
But enough about me complaining about admins! It's time I told you the specifics of my move to InkBunny. THIS DOES NOT MEAN that I am leaving FurAffinity. All it means is that I'm not going to upload any new art or stories here. (I might still do a journal now and then.) Why am I not leaving in a huff? Because that's childish and self-destructive. I'm still going to keep an eye on things here because I have friends here I want to keep in contact with, and also because FA gives me free porn. No matter how much I hate how this site is run, that's not going to stop me from squeezing every orgasm I can out of it. ^__^
Also, please do not worry that I'm going to erase everything in my gallery. That's what overemotional crybabies do. It's cruel to fans and it's inexcusable. Anyone who has ever erased their gallery is an asshole. No exceptions.
This journal is also sort of a Reading Comprehension Test. If, in the near future, you see anyone (probably on Lulz.net) talking about how 'alexreynard went BAWWWWW and left furaffinity FOREVER', you are duty-bound to console them about their crippling illiteracy.
I am not leaving. When someone pisses you off, sometimes the best revenge is to hang around and keep on being an annoyance to them. What I am saying is this, and I'm gonna say it real loud so it comes across clear:
MY WORK IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLACE.
One semi-last thing. Something happier.
Two days ago I got a fanletter on IB from a fellow named Tamino. It might embarrass him a little, but I'm gonna reprint his letter here in full because it just gave me such an übermassive case of the warm fuzzies:
"Hi -- I'm possibly strange in that I've never, not once, masturbated (or felt the urge to) while reading any of your stories. You just haven't hit my particular combination of buttons yet. But that's okay, because there's something nonsexual that your writing has huge amounts of, which is compassion.
There are times when it's really, really good to be reminded, in the phosphor of a computer screen, of all these things that I *know*, in my heart, but that get drowned out sometimes. Your writing helps. I've spent a lot of evenings recently just letting your writing wash over me, letting it remind me that things aren't so bad.
There's also another angle to why I appreciate your writing so much. I guess I'm an empiricist, in that it seems to me that the usefulness of creating art that *displays* compassion is to induce people to *live* compassionately, in their everyday lives. I think art can incite action, or at least plant seeds. In that sense, I recognize you as doing the same work as I am -- I try to spread it around by doing nice things and giving money and helping where I can and being tolerant when people fuck up. It's hard, and I get demoralized a lot, and I feel glad that I'm not alone in that fight.
I'm really, really glad that you're out there. I want to say "thank you" in some more meaningful way... do you accept donations at all?"
I told him how happy I was that my stories meant so much to him, and that if he wanted to give me money, it'd be rude of me not to accept! I made an InkBunny donation link and showed it to him, and I will shamelessly link to it here too. ;)
The next day he sent me $150.00
One Hundred And Fifty American Dollars.
My eyeballs got so big they eclipsed the sun.
I was floored. I write my stories and I put them online, and I hope they make people happy, but I never could have expected this. Beyond the money (which is definitely nice!), this is the biggest compliment I have ever been paid as a writer. This means that my words made enough of a difference to a fellow furry that they felt compelled to do this for me, unsolicited. I am unable to describe the validation I feel from this.
Because of this, I want to say something to all the people out there who hate me for being me. All the people who call me a furfag and a pedo and a fatass neckbeardy loser, etc. All the people who talk endlessly about how unpopular I am (as if that isn't a paradox):
This gift invalidates everything you've ever said about me or will ever say about me. This nullifies every baseless insult and stupid lie you could ever tell about me. Go ahead and grumble about me behind my back; it's meaningless. Because I have proof that my 'sick' stories make the world better. I have proof that the compassion, the empathy, the reasoning and the love that goes into my stories MEANS SOMETHING. You people want to troll me because I care? Go right ahead. It says nothing about me and everything about you. Go ahead and show yourself for the insecure, self-hating miserable people you are. People who are emotionally secure don't harass other people who've done nothing to them for personal amusement. Ask yourself: Has a total stranger ever done anything out of nowhere for me, purely to thank me for what I've created or how I've made them feel? If you can't say yes to that, then nothing you say to me matters.
Anyway, I wanna end this gargantuan wall-o-text by thanking everyone on FA who's ever been awesome to me. And it is the VAST MAJORITY of people here. The jerks may be annoying, but they're only about 5% of FA's total population. Most people here are friendly, smart, fun, and talented. I have made some friendships here I'll value forever. I have also seen amazing art here. Art and stories that engage my mind, my heart and, yeah, my boner too.
Thank you, artists and writers of FA. Thank you for posting your work for free, for us to enjoy. You are why I have stayed on this site so long, and why I will continue to stay. ...No matter how much this place bugs me sometimes!
To the admins, trolls and assorted douchenozzles; Ya can't get rid of me that easy, buckos! ;D
[EDIT] In regards to all the people who are calling what I draw "child pornography";
I wanna meet them in person and say, 'In the next room there is a young man who, when he was a little boy, was repeatedly raped by his father on camera. He was forced to suck cock and take it up the ass for years, was forced to have sex with strangers, was forced to keep this a secret from the other kids at school, and lives knowing that those images exist all over the internet. I want you to go in there and tell him that someone drawing a picture of a little fox with a penis is equivalent to what he went through. Also, he has a knife. Good luck.'
This is a journal that I've been meaning to write for a long time now. In fact it's overdue. The main announcement here is that from now on, all my new art and stories will be uploaded to InkBunny and not here. I've already uploaded a few IB-exclusive drawings and one story, so if you're watching me here and not watching me there, now's the time to make the switch.
Back when the cub art ban came down, I said I was going to do this. Unfortunately, I underestimated how long it was going to take for me to upload all my stuff from FA onto IB. It took quite a bit longer than I expected. But now it's all there and I'm starting to add new stuff. It's time to finally make a clean break with FA (more on that in a minute).
First I wanna let you know exactly why I'm making this announcement now. I'd originally planned to write this journal yesterday afternoon, but didn't really have the motivation for it because something amazing happened (more on that in a minute). Last night though, after reading a really damn good Dangerous Lunatics fanfic, I looked in my PMs here and my happiness fell flatter than something that is very flat:
Submission removal: This Is Not A Child
I somehow managed to facepalm and headdesk at the same time. Repeatedly.
I am not going to say which admin removed this, because at this point the admins are indistinguishable to me. I expect this kind of behavior from all of them, and my problem is with the site's management as a whole. Anyway, [Admin1] said:
"This image has been removed for violating this part of the aup: FA does not permit content containing minors involved in sexual situations. This applies to humans (Loli, Shota) or otherwise human-like characters (i.e. Cub) who are, without question, under the general legal age (18). Images or stories where the character is of questionable or indeterminable age will be up to the discretion of the administration."
And I replied:
"I cannot express in words how furious I am right now.
That drawing was specifically made to make a point: THAT IT WAS NOT A CUB IN A SEXUAL SITUATION! It was tasteful, nonsexual nudity. The kind that can be seen in any art museum anywhere in the country.
IT DID NOT VIOLATE THE AUP.
There was hundreds of lines worth of conversation on that submission. WHY did you remove it without giving me any chance to screencap or otherwise preserve it first?
WHY did you suddenly have a problem with this image now, even though it had been online for literally years?
WHY, out of all the blatantly sexual cub material that is still on FA, that you admins have done nothing about, did you remove AN IMAGE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO BE NONSEXUAL!?"
Their response:
"First of all please familiarize yourself with the FA Storage policy: We provided storage for our users to keep and maintain their data on the site. However, Fur Affinity IS NOT a backup service, and we are not responsible for long term archival of user data or loss of files. We encourage users to keep regular backups and archives of their data using a service and/or storage media intended for that purpose.
Moving along it is at the discretion of the administration to make a choice when presented with this kind of content. The choice was made to remove it."
My response:
"Why was that choice made, is what I'm asking. Since you had the ability to either leave it alone or remove it, what made you decide to remove it?
I am angry at this decision because I designed the image specifically to be in compliance with the AUP, yet it gets removed anyway. I don't think that's fair or right."
They haven't responded back and I doubt they will.
Because I regarded this as one of the biggest examples of admin hypocrisy I have ever seen, I reported [Admin1] for misconduct. [Admin2] replied and said he was willing to take a look at the disputed image. Unsurprisingly, he said he'd have voted to remove it too. Here it is for you to judge. Now, maybe I miscalculated. I did, in all honesty, try to make this an image that would test people's limits, but one that, reasonably, could not be called pornography. The cub is toddler-age, sitting by himself, not doing anything sexual, and is unerect. Maybe I'm crazy, but that seems like nonsexual nudity to me. Especially when we let schoolchildren see this and this.
So, either the admins are saying that 'art has different standards, and furry art isn't art', or they're saying 'all nudity is sexual'. In which case, I pity this hyperphobic, sex-obsessed culture of ours.
But beyond my personal anger at this, there's two reasons why this incident should make you completely lose faith in this site's administration. First off, you noticed how I mentioned that they had removed an image designed to be nonsexual, despite all the sexy, sexy cub sex still on here? That's right, I'm gonna come right out and say it:
THE BAN ON CUB ART WAS A MASSIVE LIE.
When the ban happened, users were told to clean out their galleries before a certain deadline or else the admins would clean them out for us. Like a lot of other people, I refused to take down doodely-squat. Because if the admins were going to censor art at the expense of its userbase in order to placate AlertPay, I reasoned that it was THEIR mess and THEIR responsibility to clean it up. Why the fuck should I help them gut my gallery!?
But the gallery-gutting never came. And from what I've seen, all the threats that it would were BULLSHIT. My gallery is still chock full of cub porn, and I suspect most of the cub porn posted here is still here. Sure, I'm inviting them to remove my art by saying this, but I've got everything moved over to InkBunny so it doesn't matter. And what are they gonna do? Send me a notice to 'clean' out my gallery or they'll do it for me? I hope they do! I wanna watch the deadline pass without them doing anything. Either the admins are lazy, or they simply do not have the staff power to patrol galleries like they say they do. In other words, the cops are snoozing, fellas!
So let's take a step back: AlertPay steals a bunch of FA's money and says it's because our site allows cub porn. FA responds by vigorously licking AlertPay's boots and promising to get rid of all that nasty, nasty cub porn, if only AlertPay would come back to them. How's that working out, by the way? BTW, before AlertPay could even do anything to InkBunny, IB told them to GO FUCK THEMSELVES. IB did the ballsy thing. FA did the cowardly thing. It threw its users on the sacrificial alter in a futile attempt to appease a thieving bully. And then they lied to us about it. They scared us into combing our galleries for cub art, essentially making us do their job for them. A job they probably never really intended to do. The cub ban was a stunt, nothing more. And we got trampled.
But beyond the dishonesty, there's another reason why you shouldn't trust this site.
Read again what [Admin1] said about how this site "IS NOT a backup service." Wait... Shouldn't it be? I have been told before that once a submission is removed, the comments and stats are gone forever. Does this mean they don't have backups? I just checked Archive.org and we can't even find backups of our pages there. And also keep in mind that ONE admin acted as judge, jury and submission-executioner. The admins have the power to, on a whim, PERMANENTLY erase anything here.
Now, let's imagine what could happen if an admin became emotionally unstable, or if their password became compromised. With so much power concentrated in the hands of every admin, if just one of their passwords got hacked, someone could cause an awful lot of irreparable damage in very little time.
Folks, this is the equivalent of a police force with no organization, giving shoulder mounted ICBM launchers to all its street officers. Does that make you feel safe?
This site's administration is BROKEN, BROKEN, BROKEN. When I first mentioned I was going to InkBunny, people asked me, "Why? What's so bad about FurAffinity?" Well, if you have to ask, then I probably can't convince you. All I can say is that I have had many, MANY experiences with the admins that have convinced me that this is a site being run like the Wild West; sheriffs with unlimited power and no consensus between them of site policy, are wandering the site dispensing justice as they see fit. If they decide a submission of yours violates policy, they remove it without giving you any chance to argue or preserve it. When [Admin1] told me "We encourage users to keep regular backups and archives of their data using a service and/or storage media intended for that purpose.", she was basically saying, "I broke into your house and took your stuff because I felt justified. You're never getting it back no matter what. Too bad you didn't buy copies of everything beforehand."
Individual admins have too much power. And they are not using it wisely.
If this journal gets removed, it will be proof of what I'm saying.
But enough about me complaining about admins! It's time I told you the specifics of my move to InkBunny. THIS DOES NOT MEAN that I am leaving FurAffinity. All it means is that I'm not going to upload any new art or stories here. (I might still do a journal now and then.) Why am I not leaving in a huff? Because that's childish and self-destructive. I'm still going to keep an eye on things here because I have friends here I want to keep in contact with, and also because FA gives me free porn. No matter how much I hate how this site is run, that's not going to stop me from squeezing every orgasm I can out of it. ^__^
Also, please do not worry that I'm going to erase everything in my gallery. That's what overemotional crybabies do. It's cruel to fans and it's inexcusable. Anyone who has ever erased their gallery is an asshole. No exceptions.
This journal is also sort of a Reading Comprehension Test. If, in the near future, you see anyone (probably on Lulz.net) talking about how 'alexreynard went BAWWWWW and left furaffinity FOREVER', you are duty-bound to console them about their crippling illiteracy.
I am not leaving. When someone pisses you off, sometimes the best revenge is to hang around and keep on being an annoyance to them. What I am saying is this, and I'm gonna say it real loud so it comes across clear:
MY WORK IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLACE.
One semi-last thing. Something happier.
Two days ago I got a fanletter on IB from a fellow named Tamino. It might embarrass him a little, but I'm gonna reprint his letter here in full because it just gave me such an übermassive case of the warm fuzzies:
"Hi -- I'm possibly strange in that I've never, not once, masturbated (or felt the urge to) while reading any of your stories. You just haven't hit my particular combination of buttons yet. But that's okay, because there's something nonsexual that your writing has huge amounts of, which is compassion.
There are times when it's really, really good to be reminded, in the phosphor of a computer screen, of all these things that I *know*, in my heart, but that get drowned out sometimes. Your writing helps. I've spent a lot of evenings recently just letting your writing wash over me, letting it remind me that things aren't so bad.
There's also another angle to why I appreciate your writing so much. I guess I'm an empiricist, in that it seems to me that the usefulness of creating art that *displays* compassion is to induce people to *live* compassionately, in their everyday lives. I think art can incite action, or at least plant seeds. In that sense, I recognize you as doing the same work as I am -- I try to spread it around by doing nice things and giving money and helping where I can and being tolerant when people fuck up. It's hard, and I get demoralized a lot, and I feel glad that I'm not alone in that fight.
I'm really, really glad that you're out there. I want to say "thank you" in some more meaningful way... do you accept donations at all?"
I told him how happy I was that my stories meant so much to him, and that if he wanted to give me money, it'd be rude of me not to accept! I made an InkBunny donation link and showed it to him, and I will shamelessly link to it here too. ;)
The next day he sent me $150.00
One Hundred And Fifty American Dollars.
My eyeballs got so big they eclipsed the sun.
I was floored. I write my stories and I put them online, and I hope they make people happy, but I never could have expected this. Beyond the money (which is definitely nice!), this is the biggest compliment I have ever been paid as a writer. This means that my words made enough of a difference to a fellow furry that they felt compelled to do this for me, unsolicited. I am unable to describe the validation I feel from this.
Because of this, I want to say something to all the people out there who hate me for being me. All the people who call me a furfag and a pedo and a fatass neckbeardy loser, etc. All the people who talk endlessly about how unpopular I am (as if that isn't a paradox):
This gift invalidates everything you've ever said about me or will ever say about me. This nullifies every baseless insult and stupid lie you could ever tell about me. Go ahead and grumble about me behind my back; it's meaningless. Because I have proof that my 'sick' stories make the world better. I have proof that the compassion, the empathy, the reasoning and the love that goes into my stories MEANS SOMETHING. You people want to troll me because I care? Go right ahead. It says nothing about me and everything about you. Go ahead and show yourself for the insecure, self-hating miserable people you are. People who are emotionally secure don't harass other people who've done nothing to them for personal amusement. Ask yourself: Has a total stranger ever done anything out of nowhere for me, purely to thank me for what I've created or how I've made them feel? If you can't say yes to that, then nothing you say to me matters.
Anyway, I wanna end this gargantuan wall-o-text by thanking everyone on FA who's ever been awesome to me. And it is the VAST MAJORITY of people here. The jerks may be annoying, but they're only about 5% of FA's total population. Most people here are friendly, smart, fun, and talented. I have made some friendships here I'll value forever. I have also seen amazing art here. Art and stories that engage my mind, my heart and, yeah, my boner too.
Thank you, artists and writers of FA. Thank you for posting your work for free, for us to enjoy. You are why I have stayed on this site so long, and why I will continue to stay. ...No matter how much this place bugs me sometimes!
To the admins, trolls and assorted douchenozzles; Ya can't get rid of me that easy, buckos! ;D
[EDIT] In regards to all the people who are calling what I draw "child pornography";
I wanna meet them in person and say, 'In the next room there is a young man who, when he was a little boy, was repeatedly raped by his father on camera. He was forced to suck cock and take it up the ass for years, was forced to have sex with strangers, was forced to keep this a secret from the other kids at school, and lives knowing that those images exist all over the internet. I want you to go in there and tell him that someone drawing a picture of a little fox with a penis is equivalent to what he went through. Also, he has a knife. Good luck.'
www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Alexreynard
Posted 14 years agoHey ED people!
Guess what?
That page you wrote about me? You know, the one that was full of the laziest attacks and most pointless lies imaginable?
It doesn't exist anymore!
Heck, your whole gosh darn website doesn't exist anymore!
And guess what else?
My FurAffinity page still does!
That's right! The page with all my freakish furfag pedo art is doing fine!
This fatassed unwashed neckbeard triumphed over the mighty internet hate machine simply by waiting and doing nothing, and letting you dig your own graves.
It makes sense. If you people couldn't insult me with any semblance of imagination or originality, it's no surprise you couldn't dredge up the motivation to donate enough to keep your site alive. I love it: suicide by apathy. That's so perfectly fitting for you.
Just to be perfectly clear: my joy is not that my page is gone. It was never a threat to me anyway. Do you people understand that? It was never a threat to me. For crying out loud, you guys had my real name, my address and a photo of my goddamn house. With all that juicy info, what did you do with it? Nothing! Ever. I never received one phone call from you people, never had one of you show up on my porch. You know why? Because the defining character trait of trolls is not stupidity, or hatefulness, or pettiness, or craziness, or stubbornness, or cowardice, or immaturity, or even anonymity. It is LAZINESS. You are lazy cocksuckers who talk and talk and talk and talk and talk, and never do anything because you're always waiting for someone else to do it first.
My joy is not because my page is gone. It was nothing. Because I am a spiteful motherfucker, my joy comes from imagining how pissed off this must make you. It's not just one page, it's your whole site! I bet you thought it would stay up forever! How filled with helpless, frustrated rage you must be to know that you could have done something to keep the site in existence, and you didn't. You have only yourselves to blame. And it's so much better for me because I know you won't take this gracefully. You can't. It's a simple fact that no one on the entire internet throws a bigger tantrum than a troll whose lulz got spoiled.
Now and forever, let it be known that the best weapon against internet bitches is patience. Just sit and wait quietly, and watch them self-destruct.
Your lulz are gone now, former ED users. You cannot possibly know the pleasure I derive from imagining what you are going through. It is a satisfaction that goes beyond infinite. ^__^
tl;dr version:
ED IMPLODERED! DERPDERPDERP YOU FAGS ALL HAVE AIDS! ENJOY YOU'RE NIGGER COCK IN HELL! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess what?
That page you wrote about me? You know, the one that was full of the laziest attacks and most pointless lies imaginable?
It doesn't exist anymore!
Heck, your whole gosh darn website doesn't exist anymore!
And guess what else?
My FurAffinity page still does!
That's right! The page with all my freakish furfag pedo art is doing fine!
This fatassed unwashed neckbeard triumphed over the mighty internet hate machine simply by waiting and doing nothing, and letting you dig your own graves.
It makes sense. If you people couldn't insult me with any semblance of imagination or originality, it's no surprise you couldn't dredge up the motivation to donate enough to keep your site alive. I love it: suicide by apathy. That's so perfectly fitting for you.
Just to be perfectly clear: my joy is not that my page is gone. It was never a threat to me anyway. Do you people understand that? It was never a threat to me. For crying out loud, you guys had my real name, my address and a photo of my goddamn house. With all that juicy info, what did you do with it? Nothing! Ever. I never received one phone call from you people, never had one of you show up on my porch. You know why? Because the defining character trait of trolls is not stupidity, or hatefulness, or pettiness, or craziness, or stubbornness, or cowardice, or immaturity, or even anonymity. It is LAZINESS. You are lazy cocksuckers who talk and talk and talk and talk and talk, and never do anything because you're always waiting for someone else to do it first.
My joy is not because my page is gone. It was nothing. Because I am a spiteful motherfucker, my joy comes from imagining how pissed off this must make you. It's not just one page, it's your whole site! I bet you thought it would stay up forever! How filled with helpless, frustrated rage you must be to know that you could have done something to keep the site in existence, and you didn't. You have only yourselves to blame. And it's so much better for me because I know you won't take this gracefully. You can't. It's a simple fact that no one on the entire internet throws a bigger tantrum than a troll whose lulz got spoiled.
Now and forever, let it be known that the best weapon against internet bitches is patience. Just sit and wait quietly, and watch them self-destruct.
Your lulz are gone now, former ED users. You cannot possibly know the pleasure I derive from imagining what you are going through. It is a satisfaction that goes beyond infinite. ^__^
tl;dr version:
ED IMPLODERED! DERPDERPDERP YOU FAGS ALL HAVE AIDS! ENJOY YOU'RE NIGGER COCK IN HELL! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Montroversy Topic: Carnography
Posted 14 years agoWe regard children as not being ready to drive cars. And rightfully so; they aren't.
But what if, because of this belief, we decided long ago that the best way to keep young people safe was to restrict them from ever seeing a car?
What if people had to drive around with their cars covered up in sheets? What if people were arrested for driving a car with no sheet?
What if we barred photographs or drawings of unsheeted cars from television? What if we only allowed cars to be seen in movies if the movie was rated R? But if the car was actually being driven then it'd be rated NC-17? What if we considered videos of car chases or car stunts to be obscene and of no redeeming social value?
What if we forbade children from ever learning anything about cars? What if we told them that the only way to be absolutely sure they'd never have an accident was to practice 'driving abstinence'?
What if more progressive driver's education (or 'car ed') classes taught about driving, but only by using vague metaphors and innuendo; never showing an actual car in motion? What if the very idea of teaching children to drive by letting them get behind the wheel was so unspeakable that anyone who so much as suggested it would be ostracized and lose their job?
What if it was illegal to drive anywhere with a child in the car? What if it was illegal to so much as let them sit in one? What if we constructed every facet of our society around the idea of keeping children away from motor vehicles?
What if, on their sixteenth birthday, we handed kids their drivers' licenses and told them that now they were ready? What if these kids, who had never had any driving lessons at all, went out on on the roads and got into horrific numbers of car accidents? And what if we saw that as proof of how evil and dangerous cars are?
What if we constructed a gigantic lie generations ago that has caused unfathomable suffering and death, especially among young people, yet we still clung to it out of an insane loyalty to tradition over truth? Would we be innocent of causing all that suffering because we grew up this way and chose not to act differently? I don't think so.
But what if, because of this belief, we decided long ago that the best way to keep young people safe was to restrict them from ever seeing a car?
What if people had to drive around with their cars covered up in sheets? What if people were arrested for driving a car with no sheet?
What if we barred photographs or drawings of unsheeted cars from television? What if we only allowed cars to be seen in movies if the movie was rated R? But if the car was actually being driven then it'd be rated NC-17? What if we considered videos of car chases or car stunts to be obscene and of no redeeming social value?
What if we forbade children from ever learning anything about cars? What if we told them that the only way to be absolutely sure they'd never have an accident was to practice 'driving abstinence'?
What if more progressive driver's education (or 'car ed') classes taught about driving, but only by using vague metaphors and innuendo; never showing an actual car in motion? What if the very idea of teaching children to drive by letting them get behind the wheel was so unspeakable that anyone who so much as suggested it would be ostracized and lose their job?
What if it was illegal to drive anywhere with a child in the car? What if it was illegal to so much as let them sit in one? What if we constructed every facet of our society around the idea of keeping children away from motor vehicles?
What if, on their sixteenth birthday, we handed kids their drivers' licenses and told them that now they were ready? What if these kids, who had never had any driving lessons at all, went out on on the roads and got into horrific numbers of car accidents? And what if we saw that as proof of how evil and dangerous cars are?
What if we constructed a gigantic lie generations ago that has caused unfathomable suffering and death, especially among young people, yet we still clung to it out of an insane loyalty to tradition over truth? Would we be innocent of causing all that suffering because we grew up this way and chose not to act differently? I don't think so.
HILARIOUS SHIT YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO!!!!!
Posted 14 years ago etherrealty, 
kanada and I have been getting up to some naughty business.First off, we all got together to try out a role-playing game called Toon, which as you can guess, is right up our alleys, being the animated fellows we are. We played through a whole episode in which I get an arch-enemy and bamboozle him mightily! Ether plays the Animator and the evil weiner dog Jer Quad, while Kanada provides occasional sound effects and team morale.
Tooned In - Episode 1 - part 1 part 2 part 3
The three of us also had a blast reading some of Topless Robot's notorious Fan Fiction Friday Entries. We enjoyed it so much we thought we ought to record them and share them. WARNING: the stories included herein will curl your penis blue.
Poe, Kan and Alex Read FFF - Slave Bear Of Care-A-Lot
Story link
Poe, Kan and Alex Read FFF - Batman And Robocop: The Day The Men Found Love, part 1 part 2
Story link
We plan to do more of these eventually. They're too damn fun not to! I'll keep you posted, you lucky listeners! :D
Late April Fools Journal
Posted 14 years agoEveryone, I have some bad news.
I am dead.
April Fool's.
It's kinda interesting how everyone all seemed to just get completely sick of it this year. Even I am for the most part. Is there some kind of anti-tomfoolery gas going around?
However, what is NOT FAKE is that sigmaweapon wrote some really smart, well-done Bartleby stories he wants me to plug. These ones take some interesting liberties with how Hell works, but I like that. What good is fanfiction if it doesn't add new ideas? :)
Elysia And Sipha, Part 1
Elysia And Sipha, Part 2
Also, if you liked my journal about nuclear energy, here's another good one at Inkbunny by SpearWolf
Aaaaaand JOSHI_the_Drako is interested in having an open discussion about zoophilia and the furry fandom. If you're interested too, then here you go.
Just to hammer it home, these are real links and there's no shenanigans going on. However, if you really want one... {CLICK HERE TO ENLARGE YOUR PENIS}
I am dead.
April Fool's.
It's kinda interesting how everyone all seemed to just get completely sick of it this year. Even I am for the most part. Is there some kind of anti-tomfoolery gas going around?
However, what is NOT FAKE is that sigmaweapon wrote some really smart, well-done Bartleby stories he wants me to plug. These ones take some interesting liberties with how Hell works, but I like that. What good is fanfiction if it doesn't add new ideas? :)
Elysia And Sipha, Part 1
Elysia And Sipha, Part 2
Also, if you liked my journal about nuclear energy, here's another good one at Inkbunny by SpearWolf
Aaaaaand JOSHI_the_Drako is interested in having an open discussion about zoophilia and the furry fandom. If you're interested too, then here you go.
Just to hammer it home, these are real links and there's no shenanigans going on. However, if you really want one... {CLICK HERE TO ENLARGE YOUR PENIS}
The Most Underappreciated Toy Line Of All Time
Posted 14 years agoIt is no secret that I am a Transformers fan.
But I like GoBots too. And Rock Lords. And pretty much anything else that transforms from one thing to another. Laugh if you must, but I am not one of these snobs who think anything that is not a pure G1 Hasbro/Takara Transformer is unworthy of being played with by sweaty nerdfingers. No! If it's a cool toy, i like it.
So a few weeks ago, it came as quite a shock to me to discover a completely unheard-of line of transforming robot toys! From the 80s!! You'd think I would have run the well dry on that era, yes? No!
I forget quite how now, but I became aware of MATCHBOX PARASITES! Behold their awesomeness!
Oh look! Several little cars with weapons on them. That's cute, but nothing new.
Wait! THAT was in THERE!? That gangly, completely-articulated robot with the mosquito head!? Which is four times as tall as the van it came out of!?!?
You have got to be shitting me! LOOK at this astonishing badass! It's like a deathbringing Terminator cockroach!
THAT'S JUST FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!!! How in the name of physics does that bigass snake fit inside that dinky Matchbox van!?
You are not hallucinating, ladies and gentlemen. The whole idea behind the Parasites was that they are G.I.Joe-sized robots with a ton of articulation that fold up and fit inside a standard-size Matchbox car. My brain shat lightning bolts when I heard about this.
In what is clearly a case of the Resale Gods rewarding my devotion, the very day after I learned of these guys' existence, I found a carless one with an arm missing. But he was still nifty enough to convince me to get my ass to eBay.
A few weeks later, I have five of the six in existence (I have heard rumors there were some unreleased ones, but thinking about that too hard will cause my heart to break). So far I'm missing Destructite, the badass cockroach, but I will find him eventually. I am like a terrier with the scent of rat blood in his nose. (Ew.)
Here's my thoughts on each one so far:
*Terrosite This snakey guy extends to about four times the length of the van it fits in. Astonishing. Mine is missing the two little guns, but that just means he's perfectly camouflaged in van-mode.
*Specterite Sadly, the leader of the Parasites is the crappiest toy. He looks okay, but there's tons of him sticking out in Pickup-mode and some bits of his transformation don't do anything. :/
*Gammasite This was the broken one I got at the flea market. Derpy robot, but still fun.
*Destructite Ooh baby, I want you so bad...
*Extermasite This guy's articulation amazes me. He's got ankles, knees, elbows, 360 rotating shoulders, near-360 rotating hips, a neck joint AND a waist swivel. Plus when you fold him up he looks like a little tank, so he's even cool without the car!
*Nemesite He's got silly Mantis arms, but this guy's become my favorite. His transformation is the most fun and I dig his big buggy head. Plus, Corvettes rule.
Keep in mind that these toys came out in 1985. That is ONE year after Transformers. One year for Matchbox to realize the upcoming trend of transforming robots, design these, manufacture them and get 'em on shelves. They did an amazing job. There's only six of them, but each one is completely unique. A wholly different robot, vehicle, color scheme and transformation each time. Plus, it took Transformers designers literally twenty years to realize that, if you want a fully-articulated robot, make the articulation part of the transformation. The Parasites all do this. They are literally DECADES AHEAD OF THEIR TIME.
If you like to play with little things that change into other things, I can't recommend these magnificent bastards enough. Get thee to the eBays.
I am convinced that these guys are The Most Underappreciated Toy Line Of All Time. Yes, even more so than Starcom. Starcom may have some of the most brilliant engineering I've ever seen in toys, but at least I'd HEARD of them. I even owned a few as a kid. Parasites are like ghosts. The real mystery here is why such nuggets of awesomeness are so obscure.
Then again, being referred to as "Evil creatures from the tail of Halley's Comet!" can't be helpful.
But I like GoBots too. And Rock Lords. And pretty much anything else that transforms from one thing to another. Laugh if you must, but I am not one of these snobs who think anything that is not a pure G1 Hasbro/Takara Transformer is unworthy of being played with by sweaty nerdfingers. No! If it's a cool toy, i like it.
So a few weeks ago, it came as quite a shock to me to discover a completely unheard-of line of transforming robot toys! From the 80s!! You'd think I would have run the well dry on that era, yes? No!
I forget quite how now, but I became aware of MATCHBOX PARASITES! Behold their awesomeness!
Oh look! Several little cars with weapons on them. That's cute, but nothing new.
Wait! THAT was in THERE!? That gangly, completely-articulated robot with the mosquito head!? Which is four times as tall as the van it came out of!?!?
You have got to be shitting me! LOOK at this astonishing badass! It's like a deathbringing Terminator cockroach!
THAT'S JUST FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!!! How in the name of physics does that bigass snake fit inside that dinky Matchbox van!?
You are not hallucinating, ladies and gentlemen. The whole idea behind the Parasites was that they are G.I.Joe-sized robots with a ton of articulation that fold up and fit inside a standard-size Matchbox car. My brain shat lightning bolts when I heard about this.
In what is clearly a case of the Resale Gods rewarding my devotion, the very day after I learned of these guys' existence, I found a carless one with an arm missing. But he was still nifty enough to convince me to get my ass to eBay.
A few weeks later, I have five of the six in existence (I have heard rumors there were some unreleased ones, but thinking about that too hard will cause my heart to break). So far I'm missing Destructite, the badass cockroach, but I will find him eventually. I am like a terrier with the scent of rat blood in his nose. (Ew.)
Here's my thoughts on each one so far:
*Terrosite This snakey guy extends to about four times the length of the van it fits in. Astonishing. Mine is missing the two little guns, but that just means he's perfectly camouflaged in van-mode.
*Specterite Sadly, the leader of the Parasites is the crappiest toy. He looks okay, but there's tons of him sticking out in Pickup-mode and some bits of his transformation don't do anything. :/
*Gammasite This was the broken one I got at the flea market. Derpy robot, but still fun.
*Destructite Ooh baby, I want you so bad...
*Extermasite This guy's articulation amazes me. He's got ankles, knees, elbows, 360 rotating shoulders, near-360 rotating hips, a neck joint AND a waist swivel. Plus when you fold him up he looks like a little tank, so he's even cool without the car!
*Nemesite He's got silly Mantis arms, but this guy's become my favorite. His transformation is the most fun and I dig his big buggy head. Plus, Corvettes rule.
Keep in mind that these toys came out in 1985. That is ONE year after Transformers. One year for Matchbox to realize the upcoming trend of transforming robots, design these, manufacture them and get 'em on shelves. They did an amazing job. There's only six of them, but each one is completely unique. A wholly different robot, vehicle, color scheme and transformation each time. Plus, it took Transformers designers literally twenty years to realize that, if you want a fully-articulated robot, make the articulation part of the transformation. The Parasites all do this. They are literally DECADES AHEAD OF THEIR TIME.
If you like to play with little things that change into other things, I can't recommend these magnificent bastards enough. Get thee to the eBays.
I am convinced that these guys are The Most Underappreciated Toy Line Of All Time. Yes, even more so than Starcom. Starcom may have some of the most brilliant engineering I've ever seen in toys, but at least I'd HEARD of them. I even owned a few as a kid. Parasites are like ghosts. The real mystery here is why such nuggets of awesomeness are so obscure.
Then again, being referred to as "Evil creatures from the tail of Halley's Comet!" can't be helpful.
Pukealicious
Posted 14 years ago*I am going to kill you so much that by the time I am done you will be dead.
*I saw a thing in the paper the other day about how the local police force were all going on the Atkins Diet, no carbs of course, so they were asking people to please not give them any gifts of baked goods.
The headline was: 'DO NOT DONATE DONUTS'.
*3,000 STICKS OF BUTTER + EMILIO ESTEVEZ = ONE (1) AIRCRAFT CARRIER
*Q: How can you tell a Jewish mermaid?
A: Well, they're like regular Jews, but with fins.
*GO SELF YOURFUCK
*I wonder if people ever sneak up on MC Hammer, slowly reach out, lightly touch him, then run off giggling like a maniac.
*You never see an anorexic midget.
*NED: I have invented a machine that automatically locates prostitutes!
FRED: Really? What's it called?
NED: A whore-o-scope!
FRED: <facepalm>
*"Honey, for your birthday this year, I bought you something very special. VEGAN edible underpants!!"
"..."
"They're made of spinach."
"..."
"See; there's a little warning on the package that says 'Keep Out Of Reach Of Popeye'."
"..."
*To all the folks out there with a hard vore fetish:
You ever eat your own scabs 'cause it's the closest you'll ever come in real life?
*Q: Why does it suck to share a pizza with a computer?
A: Because they take mega bites.
*THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM CARTOONS AIMED AT GIRLS:
All ethnicities look exactly alike in terms of face and body structure; the only difference is skin tone. Also, all women have the exact same body, just different heads.
*Jawas are just ewoks with really bad skin conditions.
*Q: What kind of cheese should you keep away from white women?
A: Colby Bryant
*I'm surprised no one has done a Sonic Universe statuphilia/inanimate TF pic based on the phrase 'Brass Knuckles'.
*'You've just won an all-expenses paid vacation to wherever you currently already are!!!'
*I wonder what sounds Mrs. Butterworth would make if you shoved the bottle up your ass.
*Just for the sheer irony of it, I'd like to meet a hooker named Chastity.
*I want to try a science experiment. I want to go out in a yard and hold up a milkshake and see if boys show up.
*You think maybe Jessica Rabbit's hot for Roger just because she's got a foot fetish?
*I wanna get a vanity lisence plate that says 'PHA-Q'. See if anyone can figure it out.
*Q: What does Mario Andretti clean his floors with?
A: A BRRRRRRROOOOOMMM!!!
*I saw a thing in the paper the other day about how the local police force were all going on the Atkins Diet, no carbs of course, so they were asking people to please not give them any gifts of baked goods.
The headline was: 'DO NOT DONATE DONUTS'.
*3,000 STICKS OF BUTTER + EMILIO ESTEVEZ = ONE (1) AIRCRAFT CARRIER
*Q: How can you tell a Jewish mermaid?
A: Well, they're like regular Jews, but with fins.
*GO SELF YOURFUCK
*I wonder if people ever sneak up on MC Hammer, slowly reach out, lightly touch him, then run off giggling like a maniac.
*You never see an anorexic midget.
*NED: I have invented a machine that automatically locates prostitutes!
FRED: Really? What's it called?
NED: A whore-o-scope!
FRED: <facepalm>
*"Honey, for your birthday this year, I bought you something very special. VEGAN edible underpants!!"
"..."
"They're made of spinach."
"..."
"See; there's a little warning on the package that says 'Keep Out Of Reach Of Popeye'."
"..."
*To all the folks out there with a hard vore fetish:
You ever eat your own scabs 'cause it's the closest you'll ever come in real life?
*Q: Why does it suck to share a pizza with a computer?
A: Because they take mega bites.
*THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM CARTOONS AIMED AT GIRLS:
All ethnicities look exactly alike in terms of face and body structure; the only difference is skin tone. Also, all women have the exact same body, just different heads.
*Jawas are just ewoks with really bad skin conditions.
*Q: What kind of cheese should you keep away from white women?
A: Colby Bryant
*I'm surprised no one has done a Sonic Universe statuphilia/inanimate TF pic based on the phrase 'Brass Knuckles'.
*'You've just won an all-expenses paid vacation to wherever you currently already are!!!'
*I wonder what sounds Mrs. Butterworth would make if you shoved the bottle up your ass.
*Just for the sheer irony of it, I'd like to meet a hooker named Chastity.
*I want to try a science experiment. I want to go out in a yard and hold up a milkshake and see if boys show up.
*You think maybe Jessica Rabbit's hot for Roger just because she's got a foot fetish?
*I wanna get a vanity lisence plate that says 'PHA-Q'. See if anyone can figure it out.
*Q: What does Mario Andretti clean his floors with?
A: A BRRRRRRROOOOOMMM!!!
Montroversy Topic: People Scared Of Nuclear Power Are Stupid
Posted 14 years ago Okay, well, actually they're not. But I got your attention, didn't I?
Actually, people who are scared of nuclear power are victims of their brains' own faulty pattern-recognizing software, plus a pervasive, wildly-inaccurate perception of its dangers.
This train of thought sprung from Japan recently getting hit by an 8.9 earthquake, plus a thirty-foot high tsunami wave, which pretty much fucked their shit up. I'm sad that it happened, obviously, but at the same time I'm glad to see that they definitely anticipated the hell out of an event like this. Plenty of people had early warning, rescue workers seem to be efficiently and thoroughly doing their job, and the country's even showing humility by accepting aid from their rivals China and South Korea. We can never entirely prevent natural disasters, but Japan is looking like a shining example of how to deal with them before, during and afterwards.
But that's not what I wanted to talk about. What I wanted to talk about is Japan's NUCLEAR EMERGENCY!!! Several of Japan's NUCLEAR REACTORS were DAMAGED in the CATASTROPHIC DISASTER and might EXPLODE, EXPOSING THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE TO DEADLY RADIATION!!!!!!
Or so the news would have you believe.
I used to be on the 'nuclear energy is bad' bandwagon too. But thanks in large part to an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit, I began putting this idea under the Magnifying Glass Of Skepticism.
The Japan earthquake has led to such an outrageous amount of blatant, irresponsible fearmongering on behalf of the television news and newspapers that I am genuinely appalled. In today's paper I saw a story about "JAPAN STILL ON EDGE AFTER NUKE BLAST". How's that for an emotionally-loaded headline? The article goes on to paint nothing but worst case scenarios. Gee, do you think the majority of Japanese are still on edge because of something that MIGHT happen, or the gigantic fucking natural disaster that actually DID just happen!?
This has been the pattern so far: the news talks about the earthquake/tsunami victims for a while, but then spends just as much time on 'nuclear concerns'. The reason why is simple: Ratings. Spending time reporting on the real tragedy and the real victims is depressing. People don't want to watch what depresses them. But fear? Fear keeps people riveted to their seats! It doesn't matter whether it's real or not. All that matters is how the story is slanted. The news could just as easily have framed this as a story about how amazing it is that these older nuclear plants had managed to withstand the damage they did. Instead, it's all about how they just might explode and kill everyone at any minute.
I saw an American reporter interviewing Japanese citizens, standing in the rubble of their former city, and asking them in the most pathetically leading way, "Are you scared of what might happen with the nuclear plants?" Um, here's a newsflash: it's immoral to use victims of a real tragedy to perpetuate a story about a mostly-imaginary one.
Yes, imaginary. Most of the reporting on the nuclear plants is not about what HAS happened, but what COULD happen. Instead of focusing on the reality of the situation, they are speculating wildly on hypotheticals. This is not news. News is supposed to be objective reporting. What they're doing is tabloid bullshit.
It's estimated that ten thousand people died in the earthquake and ensuing tsunami. TEN THOUSAND. Keep that number in mind. (Though, considering the size of the disaster, it's a testament to Japan's preparedness that the death toll is so comparatively low.)
So what about these nuclear explosions the news won't shut up about? How many have they killed? So far, I can't find any reports that confirm it killed anyone. Even if it did, the few times I've heard it mentioned, the estimates were in single digits.
Oh, but what about all the POTENTIAL VICTIMS if the nuke plants all blow up!?
Well for starters, if you actually listen closely to the newscasts, you'll soon realize that, even though they are framing the story as a horrifying disaster just waiting to happen, everything they're actually saying points to the opposite being true. One of their experts calmly said that these plants were built in the 70s and have managed to withstand 100 times the damage they were rated for.
Lemme make sure you heard that correctly: FORTY YEAR OLD NUCLEAR PLANTS HAVE WITHSTOOD ONE HUNDRED TIMES THE DAMAGE THEY WERE EXPECTED TO BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND!!!
One expert tonight was asked point-blank what the worst case scenario is. He said that, since the areas it would affect have been evacuated already, if there is a meltdown and it does release radiation, they're expecting an elevated cancer risk. That is a hell of a lot of 'if's. This is not an end-of-the-world type worst case scenario. In fact, it pales in comparison to the actual earthquake/tsunami devastation so much as to be negligible.
But what about the radiation? Some of it has leaked! They said it could affect hundreds of people!!!
Well, on another newscast, a doctor said that Japan's emergency responders were following exactly the procedure they should be, and that, of the 200 people one team tested, 22 showed signs of radiation, and three of them were serious cases.
THREE.
Oh, but here's the kicker: What do they do if someone is contaminated? They give them a shower. Which the doctor said would remove 90% of the contamination then and there.
If you can get rid of ninety percent of a 'deadly threat' by just SHOWERING, then I don't think it's something anyone should really be afraid of.
But I may be wrong. The news has said that six plants are in varying states of trouble, and that there are three which may face a meltdown.
Of course, you have to remember that people are WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF right now to prevent this. People who presumably know what they're doing. Basically, the news is acting as if everyone in Japan is just standing around biting their nails in worried anticipation. No. This is a country that has demonstrated aptly that they are doing a damn good job of getting this whole mess under control. Hell, the Japanese as a culture are stereotyped by their strong commitment to cooperation! I'm not saying there won't be ANY nuclear-related problems in the coming days, but to act as if it's an imminent calamity is an insult to the smart, capable people working to prevent just that.
To be afraid of nuclear power is to assume that everyone who works in a nuclear plant is Homer Simpson. And bizarrely, that's kind of true. The Simpsons has unwittingly contributed to the public perception that nuclear plants are dangerous and ineptly run and could blow at any minute. People are bad at distinguishing cartoons from reality.
But wait, you say! What about Three Mile Island! That was a nuclear plant on American soil that had a freakin' core meltdown! That proves they're unsafe!
Well, no. It actually proves the opposite. You see, accidents will always happen. But there are people whose jobs it is to anticipate and prepare for these accidents. In the case of Three Mile Island, the public judged the plant for having an accident, and not for the fact that it's results were almost completely contained. No one died because of Three Mile Island. Did you even know that? NO ONE DIED!! I can't even find reports of any injuries! And while some people claim that unborn babies and wildlife were affected (which is certainly possible), the official conclusion was that the amount of radiation anyone in the affected area received was literally comparable to a chest X-ray. The core went into meltdown and yet only an incredibly minor amount of damage resulted. I'd call that a success story instead of a horror story.
But what about CHERNOBYL? The biggest, most horrifying nuclear accident of all!
Well, sorry to burst your bubble again, but you can't blame nuclear energy itself for that disaster. It was entirely the result of human incompetence. This was a plant that was already lacking in safety measures (Probably to save money; we are talking about Cold War Russia, remember), and the people running it decided to try an insanely irresponsible experiment with one of the reactors. This was the equivalent of saying, "Hey guys! I'm gonna hold this gun really close to my head and fire it, and see if it'll have any beneficial effects!" Only instead of putting it 'really close', you put it right in your mouth.
Fifty-seven people died in the explosion that followed, and the resulting fallout led to about 4,000 cases of cancer, along with God knows how many other illnesses and birth defects.
Chernobyl was a horrific event. It never should have happened. But the technology was not the cause. People using the technology incorrectly was.
But what if there is a nuclear meltdown in Japan and the radiation reaches America!?
...
Some people are actually afraid of this. Some people are actually worried that lethal levels of radiation might reach us across FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING MILES OF OCEAN. Some people are really fucking dumb.
There are hundreds of nuclear plants around America and I've never heard a peep about any of them. I'm not saying they're perfectly clean and safe, because any corporation is going to cut corners and pollute if it can save money by doing so. But the nuclear industry is not run by retards. They KNOW how bad a reputation nuclear energy has. So it's in their best interests to keep their plants as safe as they possibly can. They know that the slightest bad press will cost them shitloads of money. The Japan explosions are going to hurt them like hell anyway, and it's not even their fault! In reality, scientists designing nuclear energy plants have engineered failsafes like you wouldn't believe. A Chernobyl type disaster is literally no longer possible with the new kinds of reactors designed today. And for transporting nuclear waste, they have designed containers that can literally be hit by a high-speed train and not break! Instead of putting a moratorium on all nuclear energy, a far more sensible idea is to replace older plants and equipment (which are still mostly safe) with newer technology (which is even saferer).
Folks, you have to realize that there are things all around us way, way, WAY more dangerous to us than nuclear energy.
Cars?
Alcohol?
Or how about coal? That's right; the fuel we're NOT afraid of. Despite the fact that outdated coal plants cause so much pollution that scientists say they may shorten as many as 24,000 lives a year (22,000 of which could be prevented) by causing lung cancer. I don't even know how many coal miners die every year, but considering the recent stories about mine collapses and trapped miners all around the world, you know there has to be more incidents than just the ones that make it to the national news.
Do I even have to mention oil? Do I even have to mention BP?
It's simply human nature to be more emotionally affected by something bad that happens all at once, as opposed to something bad that happens gradually. We care more about the 3000 people who died in one morning on Sept. 11th than we do the 435,000 who died that same year from tobacco-related illness. Since I've made you aware of this little quirk of our brains, you have no excuse for not compensating for it anymore. It's understandable how an accident like Chernobyl could taint a generation's perception of nuclear power. But it happened in 1986. Things have changed since then and so should we.
Nuclear energy is not 100% safe and it never will be. But it's better than what we currently have. It's unfair to hold nuclear energy to an impossible standard because the public has a grossly inaccurate perception of it. Any attempt we make at gathering energy will have some drawbacks. I'm sure that there have been accidents involving solar energy and wind energy too. We should judge something not on whether any accidents ever happen, but on how often those accidents happen, how many people are affected, and what happens after they occur. In all those categories, nuclear energy has a better track record than coal or oil.
If you believe I'm wrong, show me statistics. Not what you 'feel' to be true.
Right now, our attitude is to fear something based on perception, while accepting something which is actually far, far deadlier to us, simply because it has a better reputation and we're used to it.
I would rather trust facts than perception.
Two last little points:
1) Nuclear energy and nuclear weapons are two different things. Feel free to be scared shitless of nuclear bombs all you want. That makes sense.
2) If you're afraid to use a microwave because it uses radiation, then please hit yourself in the head as hard as you possibly can with a science textbook.
EDIT: This is some pants-shittingly awesome video. Never have I seen such insane overkill trying to destroy something!
EDIT: Today on the news they said that a fourth reactor is having problems and might be leaking dangerous levels of radiation. Okay, fair enough, at least that's a real threat. Then the anchorwoman says, 'The Japanese might be facing an even worse disaster than what's already happened!' NO, NO, NO, YOU MINDLESS CUNT! Even if the goddamn thing blew up it still couldn't be worse than the fucking tsunami damage, you ratings-craving hogbitch!! <eternal facepalm>
Actually, people who are scared of nuclear power are victims of their brains' own faulty pattern-recognizing software, plus a pervasive, wildly-inaccurate perception of its dangers.
This train of thought sprung from Japan recently getting hit by an 8.9 earthquake, plus a thirty-foot high tsunami wave, which pretty much fucked their shit up. I'm sad that it happened, obviously, but at the same time I'm glad to see that they definitely anticipated the hell out of an event like this. Plenty of people had early warning, rescue workers seem to be efficiently and thoroughly doing their job, and the country's even showing humility by accepting aid from their rivals China and South Korea. We can never entirely prevent natural disasters, but Japan is looking like a shining example of how to deal with them before, during and afterwards.
But that's not what I wanted to talk about. What I wanted to talk about is Japan's NUCLEAR EMERGENCY!!! Several of Japan's NUCLEAR REACTORS were DAMAGED in the CATASTROPHIC DISASTER and might EXPLODE, EXPOSING THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE TO DEADLY RADIATION!!!!!!
Or so the news would have you believe.
I used to be on the 'nuclear energy is bad' bandwagon too. But thanks in large part to an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit, I began putting this idea under the Magnifying Glass Of Skepticism.
The Japan earthquake has led to such an outrageous amount of blatant, irresponsible fearmongering on behalf of the television news and newspapers that I am genuinely appalled. In today's paper I saw a story about "JAPAN STILL ON EDGE AFTER NUKE BLAST". How's that for an emotionally-loaded headline? The article goes on to paint nothing but worst case scenarios. Gee, do you think the majority of Japanese are still on edge because of something that MIGHT happen, or the gigantic fucking natural disaster that actually DID just happen!?
This has been the pattern so far: the news talks about the earthquake/tsunami victims for a while, but then spends just as much time on 'nuclear concerns'. The reason why is simple: Ratings. Spending time reporting on the real tragedy and the real victims is depressing. People don't want to watch what depresses them. But fear? Fear keeps people riveted to their seats! It doesn't matter whether it's real or not. All that matters is how the story is slanted. The news could just as easily have framed this as a story about how amazing it is that these older nuclear plants had managed to withstand the damage they did. Instead, it's all about how they just might explode and kill everyone at any minute.
I saw an American reporter interviewing Japanese citizens, standing in the rubble of their former city, and asking them in the most pathetically leading way, "Are you scared of what might happen with the nuclear plants?" Um, here's a newsflash: it's immoral to use victims of a real tragedy to perpetuate a story about a mostly-imaginary one.
Yes, imaginary. Most of the reporting on the nuclear plants is not about what HAS happened, but what COULD happen. Instead of focusing on the reality of the situation, they are speculating wildly on hypotheticals. This is not news. News is supposed to be objective reporting. What they're doing is tabloid bullshit.
It's estimated that ten thousand people died in the earthquake and ensuing tsunami. TEN THOUSAND. Keep that number in mind. (Though, considering the size of the disaster, it's a testament to Japan's preparedness that the death toll is so comparatively low.)
So what about these nuclear explosions the news won't shut up about? How many have they killed? So far, I can't find any reports that confirm it killed anyone. Even if it did, the few times I've heard it mentioned, the estimates were in single digits.
Oh, but what about all the POTENTIAL VICTIMS if the nuke plants all blow up!?
Well for starters, if you actually listen closely to the newscasts, you'll soon realize that, even though they are framing the story as a horrifying disaster just waiting to happen, everything they're actually saying points to the opposite being true. One of their experts calmly said that these plants were built in the 70s and have managed to withstand 100 times the damage they were rated for.
Lemme make sure you heard that correctly: FORTY YEAR OLD NUCLEAR PLANTS HAVE WITHSTOOD ONE HUNDRED TIMES THE DAMAGE THEY WERE EXPECTED TO BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND!!!
One expert tonight was asked point-blank what the worst case scenario is. He said that, since the areas it would affect have been evacuated already, if there is a meltdown and it does release radiation, they're expecting an elevated cancer risk. That is a hell of a lot of 'if's. This is not an end-of-the-world type worst case scenario. In fact, it pales in comparison to the actual earthquake/tsunami devastation so much as to be negligible.
But what about the radiation? Some of it has leaked! They said it could affect hundreds of people!!!
Well, on another newscast, a doctor said that Japan's emergency responders were following exactly the procedure they should be, and that, of the 200 people one team tested, 22 showed signs of radiation, and three of them were serious cases.
THREE.
Oh, but here's the kicker: What do they do if someone is contaminated? They give them a shower. Which the doctor said would remove 90% of the contamination then and there.
If you can get rid of ninety percent of a 'deadly threat' by just SHOWERING, then I don't think it's something anyone should really be afraid of.
But I may be wrong. The news has said that six plants are in varying states of trouble, and that there are three which may face a meltdown.
Of course, you have to remember that people are WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF right now to prevent this. People who presumably know what they're doing. Basically, the news is acting as if everyone in Japan is just standing around biting their nails in worried anticipation. No. This is a country that has demonstrated aptly that they are doing a damn good job of getting this whole mess under control. Hell, the Japanese as a culture are stereotyped by their strong commitment to cooperation! I'm not saying there won't be ANY nuclear-related problems in the coming days, but to act as if it's an imminent calamity is an insult to the smart, capable people working to prevent just that.
To be afraid of nuclear power is to assume that everyone who works in a nuclear plant is Homer Simpson. And bizarrely, that's kind of true. The Simpsons has unwittingly contributed to the public perception that nuclear plants are dangerous and ineptly run and could blow at any minute. People are bad at distinguishing cartoons from reality.
But wait, you say! What about Three Mile Island! That was a nuclear plant on American soil that had a freakin' core meltdown! That proves they're unsafe!
Well, no. It actually proves the opposite. You see, accidents will always happen. But there are people whose jobs it is to anticipate and prepare for these accidents. In the case of Three Mile Island, the public judged the plant for having an accident, and not for the fact that it's results were almost completely contained. No one died because of Three Mile Island. Did you even know that? NO ONE DIED!! I can't even find reports of any injuries! And while some people claim that unborn babies and wildlife were affected (which is certainly possible), the official conclusion was that the amount of radiation anyone in the affected area received was literally comparable to a chest X-ray. The core went into meltdown and yet only an incredibly minor amount of damage resulted. I'd call that a success story instead of a horror story.
But what about CHERNOBYL? The biggest, most horrifying nuclear accident of all!
Well, sorry to burst your bubble again, but you can't blame nuclear energy itself for that disaster. It was entirely the result of human incompetence. This was a plant that was already lacking in safety measures (Probably to save money; we are talking about Cold War Russia, remember), and the people running it decided to try an insanely irresponsible experiment with one of the reactors. This was the equivalent of saying, "Hey guys! I'm gonna hold this gun really close to my head and fire it, and see if it'll have any beneficial effects!" Only instead of putting it 'really close', you put it right in your mouth.
Fifty-seven people died in the explosion that followed, and the resulting fallout led to about 4,000 cases of cancer, along with God knows how many other illnesses and birth defects.
Chernobyl was a horrific event. It never should have happened. But the technology was not the cause. People using the technology incorrectly was.
But what if there is a nuclear meltdown in Japan and the radiation reaches America!?
...
Some people are actually afraid of this. Some people are actually worried that lethal levels of radiation might reach us across FIVE THOUSAND FUCKING MILES OF OCEAN. Some people are really fucking dumb.
There are hundreds of nuclear plants around America and I've never heard a peep about any of them. I'm not saying they're perfectly clean and safe, because any corporation is going to cut corners and pollute if it can save money by doing so. But the nuclear industry is not run by retards. They KNOW how bad a reputation nuclear energy has. So it's in their best interests to keep their plants as safe as they possibly can. They know that the slightest bad press will cost them shitloads of money. The Japan explosions are going to hurt them like hell anyway, and it's not even their fault! In reality, scientists designing nuclear energy plants have engineered failsafes like you wouldn't believe. A Chernobyl type disaster is literally no longer possible with the new kinds of reactors designed today. And for transporting nuclear waste, they have designed containers that can literally be hit by a high-speed train and not break! Instead of putting a moratorium on all nuclear energy, a far more sensible idea is to replace older plants and equipment (which are still mostly safe) with newer technology (which is even saferer).
Folks, you have to realize that there are things all around us way, way, WAY more dangerous to us than nuclear energy.
Cars?
Alcohol?
Or how about coal? That's right; the fuel we're NOT afraid of. Despite the fact that outdated coal plants cause so much pollution that scientists say they may shorten as many as 24,000 lives a year (22,000 of which could be prevented) by causing lung cancer. I don't even know how many coal miners die every year, but considering the recent stories about mine collapses and trapped miners all around the world, you know there has to be more incidents than just the ones that make it to the national news.
Do I even have to mention oil? Do I even have to mention BP?
It's simply human nature to be more emotionally affected by something bad that happens all at once, as opposed to something bad that happens gradually. We care more about the 3000 people who died in one morning on Sept. 11th than we do the 435,000 who died that same year from tobacco-related illness. Since I've made you aware of this little quirk of our brains, you have no excuse for not compensating for it anymore. It's understandable how an accident like Chernobyl could taint a generation's perception of nuclear power. But it happened in 1986. Things have changed since then and so should we.
Nuclear energy is not 100% safe and it never will be. But it's better than what we currently have. It's unfair to hold nuclear energy to an impossible standard because the public has a grossly inaccurate perception of it. Any attempt we make at gathering energy will have some drawbacks. I'm sure that there have been accidents involving solar energy and wind energy too. We should judge something not on whether any accidents ever happen, but on how often those accidents happen, how many people are affected, and what happens after they occur. In all those categories, nuclear energy has a better track record than coal or oil.
If you believe I'm wrong, show me statistics. Not what you 'feel' to be true.
Right now, our attitude is to fear something based on perception, while accepting something which is actually far, far deadlier to us, simply because it has a better reputation and we're used to it.
I would rather trust facts than perception.
Two last little points:
1) Nuclear energy and nuclear weapons are two different things. Feel free to be scared shitless of nuclear bombs all you want. That makes sense.
2) If you're afraid to use a microwave because it uses radiation, then please hit yourself in the head as hard as you possibly can with a science textbook.
EDIT: This is some pants-shittingly awesome video. Never have I seen such insane overkill trying to destroy something!
EDIT: Today on the news they said that a fourth reactor is having problems and might be leaking dangerous levels of radiation. Okay, fair enough, at least that's a real threat. Then the anchorwoman says, 'The Japanese might be facing an even worse disaster than what's already happened!' NO, NO, NO, YOU MINDLESS CUNT! Even if the goddamn thing blew up it still couldn't be worse than the fucking tsunami damage, you ratings-craving hogbitch!! <eternal facepalm>
The Rape: a one-act play by Alex Reynard
Posted 14 years ago[A woman comes home from work and walks into her apartment. She gasps when she sees a strange man standing there, dressed in black with an ill fitting ski mask]
WOMAN: Who are you!?
MAN: I am a rapist!
WOMAN: No! NO!!
MAN: YES! And I am totally going to do a rape on you!
WOMAN: Wait... 'Do a rape'?
MAN [explaining as if she doesn't understand the concept]: Yes, I am definitely a rapist. That is what I do. I will do a totally awesome rape on you and then you will be raped.
WOMAN [begins to suspect this man has no idea what he's talking about]: Um... Right.
MAN: Shall we do it now? The rape?
WOMAN: Do you... even... know how?
MAN [petulantly]: Of COURSE I do!! [walks over to the couch, bends over onto it and pulls his pants down] Alright, let's do this!!
WOMAN [flabbergasted]: Uh... What, exactly... Um, how did you expect this to go?
MAN: ...I assumed you knew.
WOMAN: [facepalm]
MAN: Look, all my dad ever taught me is that a man and a woman get together, they lie on top of each other, something goes inside something, and then it's a rape. Oh, and then the garbagemen bring the baby to the house in an old boot.
WOMAN [in total disbelief]: So, you have no idea how it actually works?
MAN: No, I do not. I kinda figured you'd put your hand up my butt or something.
WOMAN: Ewww! Gross!
MAN: I know, right? But, hey, if I wanna be a successful rapist, I gotta start somewhere.
WOMAN: First of all, not all sex is rape. Secondly, there is no 'putting hands up butts'. In order to have sex, the man puts his penis-
MAN: His what?
WOMAN: His penis.
MAN: Que pasa?
WOMAN: His penis! His cock! The male reproductive organ? That thing between your legs!?
MAN: Ohhhhhh! I'm not sure where you learned all that crazy slang, but I believe the term you're looking for is 'my no-no tube'.
WOMAN [cannot fucking believe she is having this conversation]: ...'No-no tube'.
MAN: Yes, that's the correct pronunciation. I believe it's from the Latin.
WOMAN: Anyway, you stupid prick, your 'no-no tube' goes in here. [points at her crotch]
MAN: HA! Shows what you know! [he starts pulling his pants up and moving towards the door.] Look lady, if you don't know any more than I do, just admit it. There's no WAY your no-no tube is gonna fit inside mine!
WOMAN: ...
MAN: And besides, mine is for brushing my dad's teeth! [slams door]
WOMAN: Who are you!?
MAN: I am a rapist!
WOMAN: No! NO!!
MAN: YES! And I am totally going to do a rape on you!
WOMAN: Wait... 'Do a rape'?
MAN [explaining as if she doesn't understand the concept]: Yes, I am definitely a rapist. That is what I do. I will do a totally awesome rape on you and then you will be raped.
WOMAN [begins to suspect this man has no idea what he's talking about]: Um... Right.
MAN: Shall we do it now? The rape?
WOMAN: Do you... even... know how?
MAN [petulantly]: Of COURSE I do!! [walks over to the couch, bends over onto it and pulls his pants down] Alright, let's do this!!
WOMAN [flabbergasted]: Uh... What, exactly... Um, how did you expect this to go?
MAN: ...I assumed you knew.
WOMAN: [facepalm]
MAN: Look, all my dad ever taught me is that a man and a woman get together, they lie on top of each other, something goes inside something, and then it's a rape. Oh, and then the garbagemen bring the baby to the house in an old boot.
WOMAN [in total disbelief]: So, you have no idea how it actually works?
MAN: No, I do not. I kinda figured you'd put your hand up my butt or something.
WOMAN: Ewww! Gross!
MAN: I know, right? But, hey, if I wanna be a successful rapist, I gotta start somewhere.
WOMAN: First of all, not all sex is rape. Secondly, there is no 'putting hands up butts'. In order to have sex, the man puts his penis-
MAN: His what?
WOMAN: His penis.
MAN: Que pasa?
WOMAN: His penis! His cock! The male reproductive organ? That thing between your legs!?
MAN: Ohhhhhh! I'm not sure where you learned all that crazy slang, but I believe the term you're looking for is 'my no-no tube'.
WOMAN [cannot fucking believe she is having this conversation]: ...'No-no tube'.
MAN: Yes, that's the correct pronunciation. I believe it's from the Latin.
WOMAN: Anyway, you stupid prick, your 'no-no tube' goes in here. [points at her crotch]
MAN: HA! Shows what you know! [he starts pulling his pants up and moving towards the door.] Look lady, if you don't know any more than I do, just admit it. There's no WAY your no-no tube is gonna fit inside mine!
WOMAN: ...
MAN: And besides, mine is for brushing my dad's teeth! [slams door]
Once Upon A Forest Alert!
Posted 14 years agoA few years ago I got a set of really cute, well-made Once Upon A Forest figures. I posted a pic here and several people asked where they could get them too.
EBAY LINK
This is the only other time I've seen the same figures. If you look real close at the bottom, you'll see two Abigails and two Russells. I'm happy to help other Furling fans get their figure fix!
EBAY LINK
This is the only other time I've seen the same figures. If you look real close at the bottom, you'll see two Abigails and two Russells. I'm happy to help other Furling fans get their figure fix!
CAAAAAAAAARS!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 14 years agoSomeone messes with the car settings in Grand Theft Auto 4 = pants-shitting hilariowesomeness.
I could watch this forever and ever. I literally laughed until it hurt. Watch these and share them. It is criminal how few views they've gotten.
GTA4 Carmageddon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npX6XZs9FZ0
GTA4 Carmageddon 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pabF14XyBBI
Also, there's plenty more of these types of videos where, instead of dicking around with the cars' max speed, they give all the car tires NEGATIVE FRICTION. I'll let you discover these miracles of wonderment for yourselves. :3
...Oh what the heck!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-620xx7yTo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Drp9o4E7G7U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmG8nO0-IhI
I could watch this forever and ever. I literally laughed until it hurt. Watch these and share them. It is criminal how few views they've gotten.
GTA4 Carmageddon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npX6XZs9FZ0
GTA4 Carmageddon 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pabF14XyBBI
Also, there's plenty more of these types of videos where, instead of dicking around with the cars' max speed, they give all the car tires NEGATIVE FRICTION. I'll let you discover these miracles of wonderment for yourselves. :3
...Oh what the heck!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-620xx7yTo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Drp9o4E7G7U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmG8nO0-IhI
Montroversy Topic: Snark Bites X
Posted 14 years ago*Recently a 62 foot tall statue of Jesus that had stood by a freeway in Michigan for years was struck by lightning and burned to the ground. Explain THAT, Christians!
*If you're looking but not thinking, it's not art.
*No one should ever go to jail for a fully consensual act. Even if that consensual act makes some people uncomfortable.
*From now until forever, "That's just wrong" is not to be considered by anyone a legitimate reason for something being wrong, under pain of repeated slappings.
*I would burn every flag in this entire country, just to piss off anyone so misguided as to think that a piece of cloth means more than the ideals it was meant to stand for.
*If you are a film critic, and you have EVER based your opinion on a movie on what other critics would think of you if you deviated from the majority opinion, then your ass deserves to be thrown out into the street.
*Every individual ought to have the courage to defy any corrupt authority. If God himself were to emerge from the clouds and order you to commit an act that you know to be morally wrong, then you should run up and punch his fucking teeth out.
*If you are offended by something I have done, and the basis for your offense is that I have said something that contradicts one of your irrational beliefs that you'd rather not give up, then your offense is invalid. And I will not feel bad for 'making you' feel offended, nor will I apologize.
*I guess my political stance could best be summed up by saying that I think we should have far fewer laws, and that most of them should regulate business instead of people.
*Basically, my heart's desire is to make the world a better place by hurting the people who are making it worse.
*If you're looking but not thinking, it's not art.
*No one should ever go to jail for a fully consensual act. Even if that consensual act makes some people uncomfortable.
*From now until forever, "That's just wrong" is not to be considered by anyone a legitimate reason for something being wrong, under pain of repeated slappings.
*I would burn every flag in this entire country, just to piss off anyone so misguided as to think that a piece of cloth means more than the ideals it was meant to stand for.
*If you are a film critic, and you have EVER based your opinion on a movie on what other critics would think of you if you deviated from the majority opinion, then your ass deserves to be thrown out into the street.
*Every individual ought to have the courage to defy any corrupt authority. If God himself were to emerge from the clouds and order you to commit an act that you know to be morally wrong, then you should run up and punch his fucking teeth out.
*If you are offended by something I have done, and the basis for your offense is that I have said something that contradicts one of your irrational beliefs that you'd rather not give up, then your offense is invalid. And I will not feel bad for 'making you' feel offended, nor will I apologize.
*I guess my political stance could best be summed up by saying that I think we should have far fewer laws, and that most of them should regulate business instead of people.
*Basically, my heart's desire is to make the world a better place by hurting the people who are making it worse.
Behold The Power Of Neutered Polecats
Posted 14 years ago*Let's do this like Buddhists!
*Sure, I'm a creationist. In the sense that I believe my dad fucked my mom and thus, I was created. Otherwise, Kirk Cameron and his posse can sniff my unwashed, hairy balls.
*You know why I've had it up to here with womens? Because womens make babies, and babies make ear-splitting sounds while I'm trying to eat my damn hamburger! We need to grind babies up into hamburger!! Why? Because hamburgers is QUIET!!
*'Little Betsy Squirrel spent a long time in front of her bedroom mirror in her cozy house in Furrydale Woods, as she wanted to look extra nice for her invitation to Mr. Fox's burrow that afternoon to be his lunch.'
*HOST: Hey kids! It's time to go visit Peckers, the I'm-Going-To-Kill-Myself Bird! Hiya, Peckers! What's new?
BIRD PUPPET: I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!
HOST: You say that every week, and yet you never do it!! You fucking wuss!!!
*Is it impossible to rape the dead, because they can't say no? Or is it always rape, because they can't say yes?
*Overheard on a train: "If anybody shows me any peanut butter when I get home, I'll kill them."
*I wanted to be in Washington for Obama's inauguration, so I bought train tickets to Seattle.
*Have you heard about that cop show where they go around inflating things?
PSI: Miami
*'Support the troops? Why!? What have they ever done for me? Have the 401st Airborne bring me a Mr. Pibb, and then I'll consider supporting the troops.'
*I am so busy right now, if I slashed my wrists, tiny bees and beavers would come out.
*I'm trying to imagine Hitler on amphetamines, zipping about Nazi party headquarters...
'Kill the jews! ...No, wait! Annex the Sudatenland! ...No, wait! Call up Roosevelt and ask if his refrigerator's running! ...No, wait! Bring me a Red Bull! ...No, wait! Kill some more Jews! No, wait! Bring me the latest issue of 'Frauleins In Bondage'! ...No, wait!!'
*If it's true that you void your bowels when you die, I wanna die sitting on Ted Nugent's mouth.
*Q: How do Korean girls get their men to pay attention to their pussies?
A: They trim their pubic hair into the shape of Zergs.
*[walking up and shaking hands at a furry con with a bigass grin]:
Hi, I'm Alex Reynard and I just masturbated with that hand!
*What about a god that dispenses ice cream? I think I'd be okay with that.
*More Fun With Racism
Jews do not actually reproduce; they come out of a cave somewhere in Spain. Also, they are a type of mollusk.
*How To Tell When You're Really, REALLY Emo:
You love going to bed because sleeping is like getting to die every single night.
*The bathroom in my house is always kinda puddly 'cuz I'm so gay I can't even pee straight.
*BAD PICKUP LINES
'I got a big ol' rubber clitoris in my van. You wanna look at it?'
*Sure, I'm a creationist. In the sense that I believe my dad fucked my mom and thus, I was created. Otherwise, Kirk Cameron and his posse can sniff my unwashed, hairy balls.
*You know why I've had it up to here with womens? Because womens make babies, and babies make ear-splitting sounds while I'm trying to eat my damn hamburger! We need to grind babies up into hamburger!! Why? Because hamburgers is QUIET!!
*'Little Betsy Squirrel spent a long time in front of her bedroom mirror in her cozy house in Furrydale Woods, as she wanted to look extra nice for her invitation to Mr. Fox's burrow that afternoon to be his lunch.'
*HOST: Hey kids! It's time to go visit Peckers, the I'm-Going-To-Kill-Myself Bird! Hiya, Peckers! What's new?
BIRD PUPPET: I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!
HOST: You say that every week, and yet you never do it!! You fucking wuss!!!
*Is it impossible to rape the dead, because they can't say no? Or is it always rape, because they can't say yes?
*Overheard on a train: "If anybody shows me any peanut butter when I get home, I'll kill them."
*I wanted to be in Washington for Obama's inauguration, so I bought train tickets to Seattle.
*Have you heard about that cop show where they go around inflating things?
PSI: Miami
*'Support the troops? Why!? What have they ever done for me? Have the 401st Airborne bring me a Mr. Pibb, and then I'll consider supporting the troops.'
*I am so busy right now, if I slashed my wrists, tiny bees and beavers would come out.
*I'm trying to imagine Hitler on amphetamines, zipping about Nazi party headquarters...
'Kill the jews! ...No, wait! Annex the Sudatenland! ...No, wait! Call up Roosevelt and ask if his refrigerator's running! ...No, wait! Bring me a Red Bull! ...No, wait! Kill some more Jews! No, wait! Bring me the latest issue of 'Frauleins In Bondage'! ...No, wait!!'
*If it's true that you void your bowels when you die, I wanna die sitting on Ted Nugent's mouth.
*Q: How do Korean girls get their men to pay attention to their pussies?
A: They trim their pubic hair into the shape of Zergs.
*[walking up and shaking hands at a furry con with a bigass grin]:
Hi, I'm Alex Reynard and I just masturbated with that hand!
*What about a god that dispenses ice cream? I think I'd be okay with that.
*More Fun With Racism
Jews do not actually reproduce; they come out of a cave somewhere in Spain. Also, they are a type of mollusk.
*How To Tell When You're Really, REALLY Emo:
You love going to bed because sleeping is like getting to die every single night.
*The bathroom in my house is always kinda puddly 'cuz I'm so gay I can't even pee straight.
*BAD PICKUP LINES
'I got a big ol' rubber clitoris in my van. You wanna look at it?'
Montroversy Topic: Marsupial Cuteness Alert
Posted 15 years agoThe world is full of nuclear bombs and AIDS and talk-radio hosts and loads of other awful shit, so to make everyone feel better, here's an insanely cute cross-eyed opossum named Heidi:
A News Report On Heidi
Heidi Just Possumming Around
I've heard plush toys of her will be available soon. I will be scouring eBay for them obsessively.
Here's some pics of Heidi to stare at and squeal over:
Pic 1
Pic 2
Pic 3
Pic 4
Pic 5
And this is just an ordinary possum, but it's still so cute it'll blow your brains up.
Not surprisingly, there is already fanart, of sorts. I am confident that Rule 34 of her will exist within the next 24 hours.
A News Report On Heidi
Heidi Just Possumming Around
I've heard plush toys of her will be available soon. I will be scouring eBay for them obsessively.
Here's some pics of Heidi to stare at and squeal over:
Pic 1
Pic 2
Pic 3
Pic 4
Pic 5
And this is just an ordinary possum, but it's still so cute it'll blow your brains up.
Not surprisingly, there is already fanart, of sorts. I am confident that Rule 34 of her will exist within the next 24 hours.
Montroversy Topic: Snark Bites 9
Posted 15 years ago*HOW MODERN RELIGION WORKS:
1. Take what you already believe anyway
2. Pretend that's what your holy book says
3. Get all huffy when someone corrects you
*"Why is it that so many people are wholeheartedly devoted to punishing a murderer or rapist, but not a politician, religious leader or business leader whose actions lead to far more suffering than any serial killer could ever come close to?"
*Art is not the image, it is what the image MEANS.
*Someone on YouTube posted the comment, "hey atheists!! where did we come from?"
I replied, "Vaginas."
A day later they replied back, "where did the first vagina come from?"
And I replied, "A cloaca."
*I believe in preaching what I practice; meaning I try to only expect from others what I already expect of myself.
*"Encyclopedia Dramatica!!! We used to openly applaud animal cruelty, child murder and good old-fashioned nigger-hating! But now we're trying to sweep all that shit under the rug so we can go mainstream! We've even got a Twitter feed! Yeah, we're awesome. (please, for the love of god, donate)"
*No baby has even been born wearing clothing.
No baby has ever been born believing sex is a sin.
No baby has ever been born thinking that being touched is a bad thing.
*I'd like to put forward the idea that there is nothing a woman can do to a man that people won't call it justified. He can be clearly innocent, and she can be reveling in the most unspeakable cruelty imaginable, and someone, somewhere, will still make excuses for her as to why she's the REAL victim.
*Why do we treat what people masturbate to differently than what movies they watch or what video games they play? Is there really a substantial difference? It seems like just another form of entertainment to me.
*Don't be afraid to get the shit beaten out of you for what you believe in. Physical pain fades faster than the shame of betraying your ideals.
1. Take what you already believe anyway
2. Pretend that's what your holy book says
3. Get all huffy when someone corrects you
*"Why is it that so many people are wholeheartedly devoted to punishing a murderer or rapist, but not a politician, religious leader or business leader whose actions lead to far more suffering than any serial killer could ever come close to?"
*Art is not the image, it is what the image MEANS.
*Someone on YouTube posted the comment, "hey atheists!! where did we come from?"
I replied, "Vaginas."
A day later they replied back, "where did the first vagina come from?"
And I replied, "A cloaca."
*I believe in preaching what I practice; meaning I try to only expect from others what I already expect of myself.
*"Encyclopedia Dramatica!!! We used to openly applaud animal cruelty, child murder and good old-fashioned nigger-hating! But now we're trying to sweep all that shit under the rug so we can go mainstream! We've even got a Twitter feed! Yeah, we're awesome. (please, for the love of god, donate)"
*No baby has even been born wearing clothing.
No baby has ever been born believing sex is a sin.
No baby has ever been born thinking that being touched is a bad thing.
*I'd like to put forward the idea that there is nothing a woman can do to a man that people won't call it justified. He can be clearly innocent, and she can be reveling in the most unspeakable cruelty imaginable, and someone, somewhere, will still make excuses for her as to why she's the REAL victim.
*Why do we treat what people masturbate to differently than what movies they watch or what video games they play? Is there really a substantial difference? It seems like just another form of entertainment to me.
*Don't be afraid to get the shit beaten out of you for what you believe in. Physical pain fades faster than the shame of betraying your ideals.
Montroversy Topic: Pissed At Fox News
Posted 15 years agoI watch the local TV news nearly every night, despite it routinely showing me things so stupid they make me want to kill everyone in the world with knives.
Last night they had on a bit that I couldn't stop thinking about, and I realized later how much it represented a microcosm of the news in general.
So, they trot out their resident doctor to give us the health news, and he tells us that they did a study ('they' are always doing studies) out in California on some foxes; some who lived in the country and some who lived in the city. They found that the city foxes, who tended to eat food out of fast food restaurant dumpsters, had higher cholesterol than the country foxes.
At this point, both me and my grandfather looked at each other and went, "Well, DUHHHHHHH!!!" (Okay, well maybe he didn't exactly say that, but I could see it in his eyes.)
The purpose of this little news tidbit was clear: scare the viewers just a little more about the food they eat. Since the news already keeps us in a state of eternal paralyzing anxiety about everything else in our environment, including carjackers, terrorists, cancer, immigrants, food poisoning, swine flu, shark attacks and queers getting married.
But then at the very end, the doctor guy said something wonderful. Something that completely undermined the spin he was trying to put on the story, and he didn't even acknowledge it. He admitted that the study found that, even with the elevated cholesterol, the city foxes, on average, still lived longer lives than the country foxes. He mumbled some half-assed guess about there might be more natural predators in the country, then he and the anchors giggled moronically and they went on to tell everyone which teams of grown men threw a ball around better than other teams of grown men that day.
My mind nearly jizzed its mind-pants from how perfect this was. The news tries to scare us with that surefire horror word CHOLESTEROL, then begrudgingly admits that the cholesterol-choked, Burger-King-dumpster-diving foxies are still better off than the ones off chasing chipmunks in the countryside. There's so many implications here, I don't think I can even get to them all.
For starters, like I said, this story is modern teevee news in microcosm. Here we have a story made up of equal parts stating the obvious, twisting facts to slant a story, and blatant fearmongering. Stupidity, dishonesty and outright evil; three of my most beloved things to rant venomously against, all in one tidy package. Oh teevee news, you never cease to provide me with an undending cornucopia-like stream of retarded bullshit. Plus I got to look at some cuuuute widdle foxies. <contented sigh>
But beyond the story itself being dishonest as a republican senator claiming he isn't gay, the story also illustrates one of teevee news' very favorite pastimes: trying to make 21st century suburbanites believe they are living in constant, inescapable danger. The news does not exist to inform; it exists to get higher ratings, which means more money. Giving the news accurately would mean acknowledging that human beings, especially Americans, are safer now than we have ever been at any time in our existence That's the dirty little secret the news will do ANYTHING to keep you from realizing. They have to report endlessly on every murder, every disease, every plane crash, every kidnapped child, etc., to give you the impression that these things are all on the rise. Even though the opposite is true. Science is increasing the length and quality of our lives like never before. And across the country, violent crimes and sex crimes have been steadily declining for decades. Everything is getting better, folks. But that doesn't keep people tuned in. And when there's not enough real tragedy in the world to exploit, the newsmeisters will happily play the game of Let's Pretend It Did. Pay attention to the news some night, and count how many stories are about bad things that might have happened, but didn't. Bomb scares are a special favorite; likewise whenever a child doesn't get in a car with a stranger. Yet instead of expressing joy that nothing bad happened and everyone's safe, they nail home the terror of what COULD have happened. Ooooh, scary!
What an empty, worthless life it must be, to be willing to lie every single day of your life for money.
The story of the fat-but-longer-lived California foxes is a perfect metaphor for the fat-but-longer-lived American human beings. Yeah, there may be an obesity 'epidemic' (which is probably grossly overblown just like everything else they won't shut up about), but the simple fact is that having any food, even greasy fast food, is better than having no food at all. People starve to death by the thousands around the world every day. Hell, people starve to death right here in the USA. We just pretend they don't. Why aren't we more worried about people who are in real danger, instead of people who are merely in danger of not fitting into their pants? I'll guarantee malnutrition is at least as harmful as buttery arteries.
I don't honestly know why the richest, safest, most pampered, most comfortable, most overstimulated people In The History Of The Fucking Planet devote so much of their precious time to worrying about minor risks and imaginary threats. There are people in other parts of the world who would kill to be us. Literally kill to have our tiny, petty worries instead of their own. People who would weep tears of joy at having to worry about an expanding waistline, instead of worrying that they might not have enough food to keep all their children alive till the end of the month.
Fuck the news. And fuck us. I'm a jiggly, fat, fast-food-eatin' motherfucker and I'm damn near ashamed of how obscenely lucky I am. If you're sitting in a house with a refrigerator full of food and you have enough money to afford internet access, you should probably run out into the street right now and start screaming at the top of your lungs in deliriously happy gratitude.
But put a helmet on first. Otherwise you might trip and die.
And now here's the weather!
Last night they had on a bit that I couldn't stop thinking about, and I realized later how much it represented a microcosm of the news in general.
So, they trot out their resident doctor to give us the health news, and he tells us that they did a study ('they' are always doing studies) out in California on some foxes; some who lived in the country and some who lived in the city. They found that the city foxes, who tended to eat food out of fast food restaurant dumpsters, had higher cholesterol than the country foxes.
At this point, both me and my grandfather looked at each other and went, "Well, DUHHHHHHH!!!" (Okay, well maybe he didn't exactly say that, but I could see it in his eyes.)
The purpose of this little news tidbit was clear: scare the viewers just a little more about the food they eat. Since the news already keeps us in a state of eternal paralyzing anxiety about everything else in our environment, including carjackers, terrorists, cancer, immigrants, food poisoning, swine flu, shark attacks and queers getting married.
But then at the very end, the doctor guy said something wonderful. Something that completely undermined the spin he was trying to put on the story, and he didn't even acknowledge it. He admitted that the study found that, even with the elevated cholesterol, the city foxes, on average, still lived longer lives than the country foxes. He mumbled some half-assed guess about there might be more natural predators in the country, then he and the anchors giggled moronically and they went on to tell everyone which teams of grown men threw a ball around better than other teams of grown men that day.
My mind nearly jizzed its mind-pants from how perfect this was. The news tries to scare us with that surefire horror word CHOLESTEROL, then begrudgingly admits that the cholesterol-choked, Burger-King-dumpster-diving foxies are still better off than the ones off chasing chipmunks in the countryside. There's so many implications here, I don't think I can even get to them all.
For starters, like I said, this story is modern teevee news in microcosm. Here we have a story made up of equal parts stating the obvious, twisting facts to slant a story, and blatant fearmongering. Stupidity, dishonesty and outright evil; three of my most beloved things to rant venomously against, all in one tidy package. Oh teevee news, you never cease to provide me with an undending cornucopia-like stream of retarded bullshit. Plus I got to look at some cuuuute widdle foxies. <contented sigh>
But beyond the story itself being dishonest as a republican senator claiming he isn't gay, the story also illustrates one of teevee news' very favorite pastimes: trying to make 21st century suburbanites believe they are living in constant, inescapable danger. The news does not exist to inform; it exists to get higher ratings, which means more money. Giving the news accurately would mean acknowledging that human beings, especially Americans, are safer now than we have ever been at any time in our existence That's the dirty little secret the news will do ANYTHING to keep you from realizing. They have to report endlessly on every murder, every disease, every plane crash, every kidnapped child, etc., to give you the impression that these things are all on the rise. Even though the opposite is true. Science is increasing the length and quality of our lives like never before. And across the country, violent crimes and sex crimes have been steadily declining for decades. Everything is getting better, folks. But that doesn't keep people tuned in. And when there's not enough real tragedy in the world to exploit, the newsmeisters will happily play the game of Let's Pretend It Did. Pay attention to the news some night, and count how many stories are about bad things that might have happened, but didn't. Bomb scares are a special favorite; likewise whenever a child doesn't get in a car with a stranger. Yet instead of expressing joy that nothing bad happened and everyone's safe, they nail home the terror of what COULD have happened. Ooooh, scary!
What an empty, worthless life it must be, to be willing to lie every single day of your life for money.
The story of the fat-but-longer-lived California foxes is a perfect metaphor for the fat-but-longer-lived American human beings. Yeah, there may be an obesity 'epidemic' (which is probably grossly overblown just like everything else they won't shut up about), but the simple fact is that having any food, even greasy fast food, is better than having no food at all. People starve to death by the thousands around the world every day. Hell, people starve to death right here in the USA. We just pretend they don't. Why aren't we more worried about people who are in real danger, instead of people who are merely in danger of not fitting into their pants? I'll guarantee malnutrition is at least as harmful as buttery arteries.
I don't honestly know why the richest, safest, most pampered, most comfortable, most overstimulated people In The History Of The Fucking Planet devote so much of their precious time to worrying about minor risks and imaginary threats. There are people in other parts of the world who would kill to be us. Literally kill to have our tiny, petty worries instead of their own. People who would weep tears of joy at having to worry about an expanding waistline, instead of worrying that they might not have enough food to keep all their children alive till the end of the month.
Fuck the news. And fuck us. I'm a jiggly, fat, fast-food-eatin' motherfucker and I'm damn near ashamed of how obscenely lucky I am. If you're sitting in a house with a refrigerator full of food and you have enough money to afford internet access, you should probably run out into the street right now and start screaming at the top of your lungs in deliriously happy gratitude.
But put a helmet on first. Otherwise you might trip and die.
And now here's the weather!
You Will Laugh Yourself Sick
Posted 15 years agoMy friend etherrealty Ether and some friends dicking around with a webcam. I nearly shat myself. :3
Video 1
Video 2
Video 3
Video 4 (The Grand Finale)
etherrealty Ether and some friends dicking around with a webcam. I nearly shat myself. :3Video 1
Video 2
Video 3
Video 4 (The Grand Finale)
My New 10 Commandments For Religious People
Posted 15 years agoIt's not as if I'm subtle in my dislike of religion.
But this is not a fire 'n brimstone type of rant. This is me extending an olive branch. (And yes, I'm using Christianity references to be an ironic li'l bastard.) This is a list of ways that religious folks can opt out of my hatred if they choose to. These are ways for them to keep their faith without being jerks to other folks. If you can agree to all ten of these items, then you have my full blessing, whatever you choose to worship.
~~~~~~~~~~
1. There are two different kinds of faith. Good faith is when you have good reasons to be faithful. Like faith in yourself, or a trusted friend. Bad faith requires you to ignore reality. When someone tells you to believe something, and forbids you to question it, test it or doubt it, you are being scammed. Bad faith is the foundation upon which all extremism is built. If we don't erode this foundation, the suffering it leads to will always exist.
2. Your personal disgust towards something does not give you the right to take it away from someone who enjoys it. No human being should ever be jailed, executed or ostracized based purely on religious morals. If a crime causes no harm, it cannot be a crime.
3. Separation between church and state exists on paper, but unfortunately, not in reality. If churches want to politicize religion, they should have to pay their taxes like every other political organization.
4. Praying is the exact same thing as wishing. Wishing is okay, as long as you understand that the only way to get what you want is to actually go out and get it.
5. Your right to practice religion is never more important than other people's liberty, or other people's lives.
6. It is possible to read religious texts and appreciate them without considering them sacred or infallible. No man, or book, is ever 100% right about everything. Disagreement is natural, and can be constructive.
7. No one has a right to not be insulted, criticized or offended. This includes you. And me too. Getting mad at criticism is not helpful. Trying to learn from it is.
8. No one should ever be forced to belong to a religion, or be indoctrinated into it before they are mentally ready to understand it.
9. No one knows for sure what God truly believes. No one. When you say you know what God believes, you are really only saying what you believe. This can be extremely dangerous. Doubly so for anyone who tries to convince you that they're the only one who knows what God really thinks.
10. It is shameful to believe in a lie that gives more comfort than the truth. You must learn to accept reality as it is, rather than what you wish it were. Or what you think it should be. We cannot become better than what we are unless we are completely honest with ourselves first, and then with others. And if reality hurts, ignoring it will make it worse. Work instead to make it better.
~~~~~~~~~~
Incidentally, today's my birthday. I'm gonna go see Tron Legacy and probably pop a massive nerdboner. Happy New Year to everyone on FA and all over the world too. :)
But this is not a fire 'n brimstone type of rant. This is me extending an olive branch. (And yes, I'm using Christianity references to be an ironic li'l bastard.) This is a list of ways that religious folks can opt out of my hatred if they choose to. These are ways for them to keep their faith without being jerks to other folks. If you can agree to all ten of these items, then you have my full blessing, whatever you choose to worship.
~~~~~~~~~~
1. There are two different kinds of faith. Good faith is when you have good reasons to be faithful. Like faith in yourself, or a trusted friend. Bad faith requires you to ignore reality. When someone tells you to believe something, and forbids you to question it, test it or doubt it, you are being scammed. Bad faith is the foundation upon which all extremism is built. If we don't erode this foundation, the suffering it leads to will always exist.
2. Your personal disgust towards something does not give you the right to take it away from someone who enjoys it. No human being should ever be jailed, executed or ostracized based purely on religious morals. If a crime causes no harm, it cannot be a crime.
3. Separation between church and state exists on paper, but unfortunately, not in reality. If churches want to politicize religion, they should have to pay their taxes like every other political organization.
4. Praying is the exact same thing as wishing. Wishing is okay, as long as you understand that the only way to get what you want is to actually go out and get it.
5. Your right to practice religion is never more important than other people's liberty, or other people's lives.
6. It is possible to read religious texts and appreciate them without considering them sacred or infallible. No man, or book, is ever 100% right about everything. Disagreement is natural, and can be constructive.
7. No one has a right to not be insulted, criticized or offended. This includes you. And me too. Getting mad at criticism is not helpful. Trying to learn from it is.
8. No one should ever be forced to belong to a religion, or be indoctrinated into it before they are mentally ready to understand it.
9. No one knows for sure what God truly believes. No one. When you say you know what God believes, you are really only saying what you believe. This can be extremely dangerous. Doubly so for anyone who tries to convince you that they're the only one who knows what God really thinks.
10. It is shameful to believe in a lie that gives more comfort than the truth. You must learn to accept reality as it is, rather than what you wish it were. Or what you think it should be. We cannot become better than what we are unless we are completely honest with ourselves first, and then with others. And if reality hurts, ignoring it will make it worse. Work instead to make it better.
~~~~~~~~~~
Incidentally, today's my birthday. I'm gonna go see Tron Legacy and probably pop a massive nerdboner. Happy New Year to everyone on FA and all over the world too. :)
Hacked By Severely Underachieving Hackers!
Posted 15 years agoAlright, you bastards who hacked into my account!!! If your aim was to mildly confuse me for a little while this morning, THEN YOU FUCKING WELL SUCCEEDED, MISTER!!!
Okay, so I went to add someone to my block list today, and then I did a 'wut' face as I realized my block list had been erased. This annoyed me since I'd built up quite a substantial one and was kind of proud of it. It was like the handprints outside Graumann's Chinese Theater; except names of assholes, and not in cement.
I opened a trouble ticket about this. Admin replies, 'I dunno!'. Then I get an email from Dragoneer saying, 'We regret to inform you that we left security holes in our code big enough for hackers to come in and mess with you and forty other users'. Well isn't this just ducky. (He was actually quite apologetic about it though, so that's cool. As much as I wince at his lack of forethought, I have never known Dragoneer to be mean-spirited. And he offered me some compensation which I shall not reveal here, as I may or may not be geographically incapable of accepting it, and I don't want to get people's hopes up.)
Anyway, this whole business of being hacked explains a few things. The block list vanishing, the... uh. Well, I suppose that's just the one thing then.
Literally one thing. I've been looking all over my gallery and can't find any other evidence of tampering. Nothing deleted; no bizarre comments left by 'me'. Have you guys noticed anything? Seriously; if you've seen anything odd, anything at all, please tell me.
Though I don't really expect there to be. I've had a lot of experience with internet douchebaggery, and it always amazes me how little scope these feckers have. Whenever they've gotten ahold of some personal info of mine, I've been terrified for a short while. Until I remember what always happens; nothing. These people are like kids who leave flaming bags of dog doo on your porch, except they don't put any poop in the bag and they don't set it on fire. So you're like, 'Oh! There's a paper bag on my porch! And it's empty... That's kinda scary, I guess... What!?'
BTW, the block list situation is under control. If you pissed me off enough for me to remember your name, you're still on it. And if I don't remember you at all, then I'm probably not mad at you anymore. Kind of a zen thing. If I had blocked you and now you're not anymore, feel free to troll me so I can spot you and put you right back on the list again. (BTW, Maverick; I finally understand your little alligator-mouth message. Still don't know WHY though... Way to give up any possible element of surprise.)
So what's the outcome of this? They got my PMs? Oh no! They'll get to read pretty much exactly the type of stuff I put in my comments, only a hell of a lot longer. Have fun with that, boys.
And you know... in a weird way, I feel sorta honored by this.
Dragoneer said forty-one users got hacked. Forty-one. On a site with HOW many thousands of members? And I'm somehow interesting enough that these hacker fellows chose ME among all those thousands to go after!? It's kind of amazing. I had no idea I was that well-known.
Thanks for inflating my already-astronomic ego even bigger, fellas! :D
EDIT; DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS
HA HA HA
ALEX RENARD IS WRITING THIS
ALEX RENARD IS A GAY
HE HAS A STINKY BUTT!!!!!!!
HACKERS R VICTOURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Edit: Oh no! They're back! :O
Okay, so I went to add someone to my block list today, and then I did a 'wut' face as I realized my block list had been erased. This annoyed me since I'd built up quite a substantial one and was kind of proud of it. It was like the handprints outside Graumann's Chinese Theater; except names of assholes, and not in cement.
I opened a trouble ticket about this. Admin replies, 'I dunno!'. Then I get an email from Dragoneer saying, 'We regret to inform you that we left security holes in our code big enough for hackers to come in and mess with you and forty other users'. Well isn't this just ducky. (He was actually quite apologetic about it though, so that's cool. As much as I wince at his lack of forethought, I have never known Dragoneer to be mean-spirited. And he offered me some compensation which I shall not reveal here, as I may or may not be geographically incapable of accepting it, and I don't want to get people's hopes up.)
Anyway, this whole business of being hacked explains a few things. The block list vanishing, the... uh. Well, I suppose that's just the one thing then.
Literally one thing. I've been looking all over my gallery and can't find any other evidence of tampering. Nothing deleted; no bizarre comments left by 'me'. Have you guys noticed anything? Seriously; if you've seen anything odd, anything at all, please tell me.
Though I don't really expect there to be. I've had a lot of experience with internet douchebaggery, and it always amazes me how little scope these feckers have. Whenever they've gotten ahold of some personal info of mine, I've been terrified for a short while. Until I remember what always happens; nothing. These people are like kids who leave flaming bags of dog doo on your porch, except they don't put any poop in the bag and they don't set it on fire. So you're like, 'Oh! There's a paper bag on my porch! And it's empty... That's kinda scary, I guess... What!?'
BTW, the block list situation is under control. If you pissed me off enough for me to remember your name, you're still on it. And if I don't remember you at all, then I'm probably not mad at you anymore. Kind of a zen thing. If I had blocked you and now you're not anymore, feel free to troll me so I can spot you and put you right back on the list again. (BTW, Maverick; I finally understand your little alligator-mouth message. Still don't know WHY though... Way to give up any possible element of surprise.)
So what's the outcome of this? They got my PMs? Oh no! They'll get to read pretty much exactly the type of stuff I put in my comments, only a hell of a lot longer. Have fun with that, boys.
And you know... in a weird way, I feel sorta honored by this.
Dragoneer said forty-one users got hacked. Forty-one. On a site with HOW many thousands of members? And I'm somehow interesting enough that these hacker fellows chose ME among all those thousands to go after!? It's kind of amazing. I had no idea I was that well-known.
Thanks for inflating my already-astronomic ego even bigger, fellas! :D
EDIT; DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS
HA HA HA
ALEX RENARD IS WRITING THIS
ALEX RENARD IS A GAY
HE HAS A STINKY BUTT!!!!!!!
HACKERS R VICTOURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
Edit: Oh no! They're back! :O
Christmas Ain't Christian
Posted 15 years agoIf there's one thing I get more sick of during the holiday season than hearing that opera guy sing O Holy Night for the eleven-millionth time, it's Christian folks trying to remind us of "the reason for the season". When I see something in the newspaper trying to make me ashamed of reveling in presents and trees and overeating like a walrus, and instead focus on the birth of God's masochistic little rugrat, it kind of makes me want to make a molotov cocktail out of an eggnog carton and send it sailing through a stained glass window.
This probly ain't news to some of you, but most of what we think of as Christmas wasn't invented by Christians. They co-opted ideas from all over the damn place and basically assembled a Frankenholiday. So maybe the reason why weeping Evangelicals and Conservatives are so worried that society is trying to take Christmas away from them, is because they know damn well it's stolen property.
For a nifty mini-lesson on where Christmas actually comes from, I refer you to Saint TJ's YouTube video; An Atheist Christmas: The Reason For The Season. That last bit about "The season is the reason for the season," is about the most perfectest summation of the subject I've ever heard.
Y'know, it's interesting. As a kid I loved the living hell out of Christmas. Who didn't? But for a while there in my adulthood, it kinda lost its specialness. Yet for the past few years, my holiday cheer has returned with a vengeance. Bizarrely, the more thoroughly atheist I've become, the more I've gotten into the Christmas spirit. Precisely because I've realized I can divorce the 'holy' from the 'day'. I'd felt weird for a while about celebrating a Christian holiday, but once i learned how it's really been a party-hard pagan feasting festival all along, I got back into it again.
And I'm glad. Because goddammit, I love Christmas. I've been watching obscure Christmas specials till they come out my ears. I'll probably watch Jim Henson's The Christmas Toy tonight. I might even watch Scrooged for the fiftieth time or so. And I definitely wanna see the 1999 TV-movie version of A Christmas Carol again, because Patrick Stewart does the absolute best Scrooge I've ever seen. (Sorry Jim Carrey, but your uncanny-valley-ridden CGI version blows reindeer dick.)
I love putting up my little foot-tall Christmas tree, which is so ornament-heavy I had to counterbalance it with an ice cream scoop on the back branches. I love driving around in December and looking at all the lights.
I love getting presents. But I love giving them just as much. I love Christmas shopping!!! I know I'm weird in that regard, but for me it's FUN AS FUCK running around to all the stores and seeking out perfect presents for people I love. It's a way to be generous and sneaky at the same time. Tee hee.
And I love the food. I'll be cooking Christmas dinner again this year. I'm getting pretty good at it. We'll be having a ham, Stove Top stuffing, cranberry sauce, yams, green bean casserole, olives, biscuits, and my aunt'll be making her to-die-for deviled eggs again. There'll be two huge pies, ice cream, and a frighteningly-expensive-but-worth-every-penny fruitcake. (Seriously, if you think you hate fruitcake, try a REAL one sometime, not the shitty-ass grocery store ones.) Plus hard candies and Christmas cookies and candy canes and those little peppermint nougats with the Christmas trees on them. And EGGNOG. SWEET JESUS, I COULD BATHE IN EGGNOG!!! :D
So I guess what I'm saying is, enjoy Christmas. And don't let anyone tell you that there's a 'right' way to do it. Choose your own traditions. Do what makes you happy. And make someone else happy.
There may be plenty of annoying things about Christmas, from garish store displays to grating music on the radio, but cast all that aside. Find what makes Christmas fun for you. Forget everything else, and have fun.
Merry Christmas, folks. And Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Saturnalia, and whatever the heck else you feel like celebrating. ;)
PS. We were driving to Wal-Mart a few days ago for teh Christmas shoppings, and on the way we passed Faym-Us Chicken; a tiny restaurant with a locally-beloved, six-foot-tall chicken statue chicken on their roof. Not a block away was the city police station with a nativity out front. And it hit me how totally awesome it would be if someone stole the Faym-Us chicken, and the Virgin Mary, and swapped them.
This probly ain't news to some of you, but most of what we think of as Christmas wasn't invented by Christians. They co-opted ideas from all over the damn place and basically assembled a Frankenholiday. So maybe the reason why weeping Evangelicals and Conservatives are so worried that society is trying to take Christmas away from them, is because they know damn well it's stolen property.
For a nifty mini-lesson on where Christmas actually comes from, I refer you to Saint TJ's YouTube video; An Atheist Christmas: The Reason For The Season. That last bit about "The season is the reason for the season," is about the most perfectest summation of the subject I've ever heard.
Y'know, it's interesting. As a kid I loved the living hell out of Christmas. Who didn't? But for a while there in my adulthood, it kinda lost its specialness. Yet for the past few years, my holiday cheer has returned with a vengeance. Bizarrely, the more thoroughly atheist I've become, the more I've gotten into the Christmas spirit. Precisely because I've realized I can divorce the 'holy' from the 'day'. I'd felt weird for a while about celebrating a Christian holiday, but once i learned how it's really been a party-hard pagan feasting festival all along, I got back into it again.
And I'm glad. Because goddammit, I love Christmas. I've been watching obscure Christmas specials till they come out my ears. I'll probably watch Jim Henson's The Christmas Toy tonight. I might even watch Scrooged for the fiftieth time or so. And I definitely wanna see the 1999 TV-movie version of A Christmas Carol again, because Patrick Stewart does the absolute best Scrooge I've ever seen. (Sorry Jim Carrey, but your uncanny-valley-ridden CGI version blows reindeer dick.)
I love putting up my little foot-tall Christmas tree, which is so ornament-heavy I had to counterbalance it with an ice cream scoop on the back branches. I love driving around in December and looking at all the lights.
I love getting presents. But I love giving them just as much. I love Christmas shopping!!! I know I'm weird in that regard, but for me it's FUN AS FUCK running around to all the stores and seeking out perfect presents for people I love. It's a way to be generous and sneaky at the same time. Tee hee.
And I love the food. I'll be cooking Christmas dinner again this year. I'm getting pretty good at it. We'll be having a ham, Stove Top stuffing, cranberry sauce, yams, green bean casserole, olives, biscuits, and my aunt'll be making her to-die-for deviled eggs again. There'll be two huge pies, ice cream, and a frighteningly-expensive-but-worth-every-penny fruitcake. (Seriously, if you think you hate fruitcake, try a REAL one sometime, not the shitty-ass grocery store ones.) Plus hard candies and Christmas cookies and candy canes and those little peppermint nougats with the Christmas trees on them. And EGGNOG. SWEET JESUS, I COULD BATHE IN EGGNOG!!! :D
So I guess what I'm saying is, enjoy Christmas. And don't let anyone tell you that there's a 'right' way to do it. Choose your own traditions. Do what makes you happy. And make someone else happy.
There may be plenty of annoying things about Christmas, from garish store displays to grating music on the radio, but cast all that aside. Find what makes Christmas fun for you. Forget everything else, and have fun.
Merry Christmas, folks. And Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Saturnalia, and whatever the heck else you feel like celebrating. ;)
PS. We were driving to Wal-Mart a few days ago for teh Christmas shoppings, and on the way we passed Faym-Us Chicken; a tiny restaurant with a locally-beloved, six-foot-tall chicken statue chicken on their roof. Not a block away was the city police station with a nativity out front. And it hit me how totally awesome it would be if someone stole the Faym-Us chicken, and the Virgin Mary, and swapped them.
