Trust can be earned back, but there are a few steps that you gotta follow in order to do so.

1. Take Full Responsibility

2. Apologize Sincerely

3. Be Consistent

4. Communicate Openly

5. Be Vulnerable

6. Listen Actively

7. Forgiveness

8. Patience

9. Transparency

10. Consistency

11. Empathy

12. Seek Support

As it turns out, the Zelle payment I made yesterday was declined, so I got my money back earlier this morning! Damn, what a miracle! I know I'm a lucky man for surviving this whole ordeal, but this lesson teaches me to watch out for the kind of people you contact, because not only should you not send them any money, but you should not send them your trust either, because they'll take advantage of it as well. So this goes out to anyone out there who's about to be scammed over the phone. Look through the scammer, hang up, and tell them no. If they persist and pester you some more, block their number and call the police. That'll get them out of your hair for good. So anyway, be safe out there, and watch your step.

Okay, so earlier today, I was robbed over the phone by a scammer who was impersonating a representative from Well's Fargo Bank. They said that I have an unauthorized payment of 2K and advised me to go through that claim with them. Then they told me send $400 from my bank account to his "supervisors" via Zelle to help dispute that claim. I was hesitant and distrustful at first, but they coerced me into sending that money. I was lucky to bring my saved money from CashApp into my balance. He also told me that he'll refund the money after the claim is disputed. But there was also another catch. He also told me to call myself a "good burger" and to send sext messages of myself. Sext, not text. So when I finally saw this person as a scammer, 1 got into a heated argument with him before he hung up on me.

So sadly, 1 lost the $400 because fa lousy-ass scammer. I've worked CO hard for that money only for someone to rob me! Can you believe that?!

Anyway, it's a gooa thing that l'm s ill open for commission work, and there are only a few slots remaining. So if you're reading this journal, be sure to read the commission info down below in those links before you contact me for one. Cool?

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52300651/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52300765/

Just in case everyone doesn't remember, last year, I wrote a journal announcing my opening for art trades. I thought I would have some time to work on them just like I had finished one for one person earlier last year, and one for another earlier this year. But then a lot of things had to come up, such as work and usual events I had to attend, and all my parts in the art trades have been delayed for one whole year because of stalling, procrastination, and a complete lack of motivation. And for that, I guess the guilty party in me is saying that I have let everyone down. But, just because I failed doesn't mean it's all over. I know in my heart and mind that I can still refocus, start, and continue my parts of the art trades, because a major part of the reason behind the opening of the art trades is that I want to set very few examples of what my artwork should look like in regards to commissions, and I know that it takes some time to get a commission customer every once in a while, and I shouldn't speed up the process by approaching someone by offering a commission to gain their interest. I just have to prove an example first, and that's what I need to do soon. And I hate to lament on my past mistakes, but I have taken that said reason for granted because of my lack of focus and motivation, and my abundance for stalling and procrastination. I'm sorry, but it's a bad habit that I'm trying to kick out so I can get my head back in the game. So to all of those people that I have let down because of the art trade delays, I just want to apologize and say I'm very sorry for all of this. I opened those trades last year for a good reason, and I took it all for granted. Now look, I'm not asking for forgiveness right now, but I want everyone to understand my promise to make things right by everyone. Everyone is doing their part by right now, and it's about time that I should do my part as well. From now on, it's time for me to refocus on what's in front of me right now, and that's the commissions and art trades. I know that I have been very slow on the progress which has led to the delay, but I promise you that I will get on it soon enough. There will be no more delays going forward. I'm giving everyone my word here. I will work on all of those commissions and trades, and whether it's one by one or in a multitasking effort, I could care less. I've been meaning to write this journal for days now, and it's about time I wrote this journal to explain what really happened and what really went wrong. So as you all read this journal, I want you folks to understand what I've promised all of you, and I intend to keep this promise. Rest assured that.



Here's the info for the art trade and commission journals:
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....lots-963789148
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....ness-984075140

That's right! Ya boi's now on Itaku! So go on and give me a follow there!


https://itaku.ee/profile/alecx203025

Alright, here are some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I did take care of my rent in only two parts, but the bad news is that I'll be struggling for one week with a lower budget in between $50-100, so that is why I'm still open for commissions, everyone.

https://x.com/Alecmorris30/status/1.....wBk_w&s=19

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10795429

My friend Pat was recently hacked and scammed by a no-good lousy hacker named Mike Bang! So if you ever see a message that does ask for some forgiveness and needing to speak to Mike Bang/username with Mike within its name, then block and unfriend it till further notice. Don't make the same mistakes that Pat and I have done in the past. Hacking is contagious like and illness, and we don't wan't yall to be infected!

For more info on commissions, read my journal to find out:
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....lots-963789148
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....ces-1015743761

Also check these out too:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55347816/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/55347850/
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/a.....eet-1014132815
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/a.....eet-1014145043

Over the months, with my open status for commissions and art trades, I must say, I have never been more busier with my artwork than I have my whole life. But folks, this is the part where I say, I'm just getting started. I have recently made plans to expand my open commission status elsewhere outside of DeviantArt, FurAffinity, and Twitter(X). And how to do that, you ask? By building up my Patreon, Ko-Fi, and Boosty accounts. I know my Patreon is under review right now as its already being published, but at least I got some work done on my Ko-Fi and Boosty. So feel free to check out my profiles there.


https://www.patreon.com/alecmorris


https://ko-fi.com/A0A51YS94


https://boosty.to/alecxs


Also, keep in mind that I have made subscriptions and tiers that are made exclusive for each site. So if you want to buy a commission from me on either Patreon and/or Boosty, then you'll have to click on the subscription button to pay the exclusive price on the website. But anyway, outside of Patreon and Boosty, the PWYW (Pay What You Want) rules are still in effect, so that means you still have to pay me with your desired amount of money. Also for Ko-fi, you can also feel free to leave a donation of $5 in the donation pool, because each donation from anyone would kindly help.


Anyway, I'm still open for commissions and art trades if anyone is interested in either one, so feel free to read these journals before you can contact me for one.

https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....lots-963789148

https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....ness-984075140

Okay, that's all I gotta say about it, so read away, folks.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I guess you can ask me this one question on how you could make an ongoing situation even worse for yourself. Well, one week after losing my money because of a scam bot on Discord, I ordered a Wisely Cash Card, and when I got it, I was able to transfer around $100 from my Anytime Pay on the Amazon AtoZ App. However, little did I know that the more I was doing it, the more I was taking it out of my own paycheck like a vampire sucking a human's blood. And that made me realize my own mistake of disrupting my own paycheck with Wisely Transfers, as it had gotten me in a situation where I'm hardly able to catch up to bills, rent, and fees with just one card. And I do mean it as my second mistake this year because my first mistake I made this year was working overtime at Amazon to make too many money, which was acted upon my own sin of greed, which I have regretted.


However, that's where I turn my dilemma into a good cause, because I may be in doubt right now, but at least I have my open commission status with me to help out the situation. So anybody who is reading this journal right now can pitch in and help me out by being my next commission customer. For more info about my commission status, you can read my previous commission journal, my commission sheet, and Twitter post in regards to my open commission status.


Here are the links below:
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....lots-963789148
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/a.....heet-963784559
https://twitter.com/Alecmorris30/st.....06290662092802

Again, the price sheet is still under PWYW Rules, so based on which type of commission you choose, you decide on how much money you would like to pay me. Because to me, PWYW Rules are a grey area between cheap and expensive, because I am not intending my commission prices to be either of those.


So anyway, feel free to be my next customer, because if not, and yes, that means for those who don't have PayPal or CashApp, those who don't have enough money, and those who aren't interested in a commission in general, then that's alright. I understand your answer. Because you can also feel free to share my commission journal and my commission sheet with your friends so that they might be interested in getting a commission from me.


Anyway, thank you for your time reading this journal.

Okay, so this topic revolves around the world of professional wrestling, so here it goes.


On August 24, 2023, Windham Rotunda, known by his ring name "Bray Wyatt", had breathed his last breath at the very young primed age of 36 years. Upon his unexpected tragic passing, he had left behind a wife, four children, a father, a brother, and a sister. For me, I had just clocked out of my first shift of the double at work when I found out about the devastating news on Instagram, and to be honest my heart was just hurting from heartbreak, because I have followed this man's career from my teenage years to my adult years up until that one fateful day.


You see folks, Windham was born into a family of pro wrestlers, sports entertainers, and squared circle warriors, and alongside his younger brother Taylor, they were the third generation of the Rotunda family. After being known as Duke Rotunda in FCW, and Husky Harris in NXT and RAW as part of Nexus, the year 2012 was when Bray Wyatt was born. Taking inspiration from Max Cady from Cape Fear, this memorable character known as Bray Wyatt is a cult leader who has form his very own Wyatt Family alongside Luke Harper (Jon Huber/Brodie Lee), Erick Rowan (Joseph Ruud), and Braun Strowman (Adam Scherr).


The following year after the rise of The Wyatt Family, Bray Wyatt and his family made it to the main roster and made his career memorable with every rivalry and every alliance. His battles against John Cena, Randy Orton, Roman Reigns, Brothers of Destruction (Undertaker and Kane), Finn Balor, Matt Hardy, Chris Jericho, Seth Rollins, Daniel Bryan, Goldberg, his own Wyatt brother Braun Strowman, and finally LA Knight, have also proven to be legendary. And I hate to admit it, but his alter-ego, The Fiend, really had scared the living bajeezus out of me, and I'll also remember Wyatt for that.


When the WWE let Windham go in 2021, I first thought it was all over for Bray Wyatt. However, one year later, after a series of cryptic QR-coded messages about "The White Rabbit", Bray Wyatt had finally found his way back into the WWE at Extreme Rules, even though this would be his final run with the company. I'll get to that momentarily, but Wyatt's first rivalry since his return was with a rising star named LA Knight, who would ultimately be Wyatt's final opponent in his final match at the Royal Rumble in a Mt. Dew Pitch Black Match. After a short run in with the "All Mighty" Bobby Lashley, Bray Wyatt had once again faded out of the spotlight for a few months, and by the time of Windham's unexpected catastrophic demise, it was made sure that Bray Wyatt had already faded out of existence.


Windham Rotunda was an incredible performer, a benevolent companion, and a creative genius, and while Bray Wyatt was feared and revered by his fans, Windham was loved and respected by all. We are all glad that Windham finally got to meet Brodie Lee for the first time in a couple years, and I hope that he also makes new friends with Jay Briscoe and "The Hardcore Legend" Terry Funk. I'm also hoping that Bray Wyatt gets inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame next year. So my thoughts and prayers go out to the Rotunda Family, and I speak for all of us when I say, we will miss you, Windham.


Wipe your tears away

Kiss you every morning

Hear every word you had to say

Are all the things I should have done

While you were here


- "While You Were Here", Eric Benet

All it took was some report filing to Discord HQ, some ticket filing to HQ, and some scam bot blocking along the way, but nonetheless Prince Marcus is officially back in the Discord saddle! 😁 That is perhaps the LAST TIME someone ever dupes me into something that I don't wanna do, because I'm nobody's slave! 😠


Anyway, thanks to my friends among me for your outpouring of sympathy during my trying time today before I came back strong. I knew you'd be there for me when I was down, and now I'm back up again.


Prince Marcus (PrinceMarcus2217) is now safe and back up for Discord adding once again. Thanks again everyone, and commissions are still open if anyone wants the next slot!

https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/a.....heet-963784559
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....lots-963789148

ere's the bad news ladies and gentlemen! This scam bot from Discord named Greg had scammed me out of $300 and hacked into my Gmail and Discord account! Greg, or so he calls himself, is actually a scam bot who was posing himself as one of the Steam support team after one of my friend's hacked Discord accounts has claimed to reported me on steam! As the fool I was, I followed into his instructions and that's what lead me to my misfortune in the first place. Thankfully, I was able to stand up to the scam bot, report him, and block him. So yeah, I'm almost out of money, but at least my commissions are still open for business. Also as far as my old Discord account goes (PrinceMarcus2217#5282), I'm not sure what to do to get my account back, but I will find a way to get it back! I promise you!


But until then, add my new username on Discord: princemj0203_43281 (Prince MJ)


Anyway, in case you don't believe me, here's this journal that will tell you more about Greg the Scam Bot: https://www.deviantart.com/damienan.....cted-973296174

And feel free to commission me so I can get back on my financial feet, okay?

ere's the bad news ladies and gentlemen! This scam bot from Discord named Greg had scammed me out of $300 and hacked into my Gmail and Discord account! Greg, or so he calls himself, is actually a scam bot who was posing himself as one of the Steam support team after one of my friend's hacked Discord accounts has claimed to reported me on steam! As the fool I was, I followed into his instructions and that's what lead me to my misfortune in the first place. Thankfully, I was able to stand up to the scam bot, report him, and block him. So yeah, I'm almost out of money, but at least my commissions are still open for business. Also as far as my old Discord account goes (PrinceMarcus2217#5282), I'm not sure what to do to get my account back, but I will find a way to get it back! I promise you!


But until then, add my new username on Discord: princemj0203_43281 (Prince MJ)


Anyway, in case you don't believe me, here's this journal that will tell you more about Greg the Scam Bot: https://www.deviantart.com/damienan.....cted-973296174

And feel free to commission me so I can get back on my financial feet, okay?

For more info on commissions, read my journal to find out: https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/j.....lots-963789148

Also check these out too:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/52300765/
https://www.deviantart.com/amen95/a.....heet-963784559

Hey, guys. I've been thinking about something that's been on my mind lately, and now I have something to share with you. You see, I've been thinking about starting all over again and making another FurAffinity account. Note, I just said I've been thinking about it, not that I've fully decided on it. The reason being is that I have felt like I've rubbed everyone the wrong way in the past, and I do mean especially during the Corona Plague Era, and a year later after, so with this being said, the thoughts of my new account are still in contemplation, so I don't know whether or not I'll decide on making a new account. However, if I do make a new FurAffinity account, then I will start my life off fresh that way, but that doesn't mean I'm going to run into the very same people who I've went on their bad sides back then, because what had happened in the past stays in the past, and what I did in the past stays in the past too, so that's why I have long since moved on from the people I have hurt. Right now, I am the sane, mature, understanding man that I am today, and mostly I have made some good decisions lately. As for my current account, I'm not planning on deactivating it anytime soon. I mean yeah, my current account may soon be either inactive or sometimes active, but as of right now, my current account ain't goin' nowhere. I ain't leaving this account soon. So until I make my decision in regards, then I will be staying on my current FA account, so that's all I have to say about it, and thank you all for reading my journal.

Hey, guys. I've been thinking about something that's been on my mind lately, and now I have something to share with you. You see, I've been thinking about starting all over again and making another FurAffinity account. Note, I just said I've been thinking about it, not that I've fully decided on it. The reason being is that I have felt like I've rubbed everyone the wrong way in the past, and I do mean especially during the Corona Plague Era, and a year later after, so with this being said, the thoughts of my new account are still in contemplation, so I don't know whether or not I'll decide on making a new account. However, if I do make a new FurAffinity account, then I will start my life off fresh that way, but that doesn't mean I'm going to run into the very same people who I've went on their bad sides back then, because what had happened in the past stays in the past, and what I did in the past stays in the past too, so that's why I have long since moved on from the people I have hurt. Right now, I am the sane, mature, understanding man that I am today, and mostly I have made some good decisions lately. As for my current account, I'm not planning on deactivating it anytime soon. I mean yeah, my current account may soon be either inactive or sometimes active, but as of right now, my current account ain't goin' nowhere. I ain't leaving this account soon. So until I make my decision in regards, then I will be staying on my current FA account, so that's all I have to say about it, and thank you all for reading my journal.

Okay, so I know it's almost one full year since my heinous actions toward my former friend, and in case you didn't know, read my journal to find out: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10087058/

Anyway, the guilt that was burning up inside me wouldn't want me to wait a whole year before I would write this journal, so here it is. I have had every regret of what I did to my former friend almost a year ago, and I've hated what I did to her, and I've hated myself for doing that to her. More than that, there were previous reprehensible actions that I've made before last year. 2 years ago, mostly on Discord, I was on a road to a dark path. I crossed over to the darkest side. I have done terrible things to a few people, especially my now-former friends, and to put it more simply, I was an asshole. A maniacal, childish, creepy asshole.

I know that I was a monster back then, but even monsters can feel pain too. What I've done to everyone has hurt me more than it did to them, and that explains the pain of regret that I've felt every wrong action I have made against them. You see, there is a saying in Newton's third law, which says "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction", and the people I've hurt have had many opposite reactions to my previous actions. My actions have caused me to lose my old friends while I was blocked multiple times by different people, and during that time, I had realized while looking in the mirror, that the only person who's left to blame for all of this is myself. I honestly never asked for all of this. All I had in front of me was a choice, and I've chose the wrong choice, which led me on a wrong path and also led me to make such stupid decisions.

I spent every day, night, week, and month wishing that I could take it all back. I also realized that 2020 wasn't just my worst year ever. I realized that I have made 2020 my worst year ever because of the worst decisions that I have made that have affected a lot of people. The point is, I have done terrible things to a few people. I have also ended 2021 on a sour note because of the actions I have made that have affected my former friends, because I was acting like my 2020 self, who had made me forget who I really was. Because deep down, I'm only human. I'm only a man with a heart, soul, and conscience. My old friend, who has left social media due to controversial events different than what I faced back then, had seen the goodness inside of me. He knew that I was a good person deep down, and deep inside my heart lies a spark of holy flame that can ignite and purify my soul, and that cannot be replaced by my past actions as it seems.

The actions that I have made in 2020 have caused me to hate myself with a hot, boiling, and burning passion so very deep inside, that it flowed through my veins just like my own blood, and still I am here writing this journal because now I know somewhere deep within my heart, there is still pure goodness inside of me. Right now, I know I have faith in myself, just like my friends have faith in me, and for my former friends that have lost faith in me, I'm asking God right now to change the faith they've once had in me. I understand right now that right now is too soon for reconciliation, forgiveness, or second chances, even if it has been one whole year, so I have to let the scars I have left on them heal before the right time comes, which is why I'm not asking to be forgiven right now. To my current friends, I just wanted you to understand where I'm coming from. To my former friends who are willing to forgive and reconcile with me, I'm not asking for it right now, but I would appreciate it if you did. And to my former friends who are still holding a grudge against me and won't forgive me anytime soon, I have already understood, as my best hope is that we would never have to interact with each other again.

If it is one thing that I have learned a couple months ago, it's that you can forgive yourself for what you did, but you can never forgive your actions. Reason being is that the only person who can forgive me for my past actions is me, because right now, it's going to take maybe a longer time before the people I have hurt in the past would ever even think about forgiving me, because they're right about me. I really do need help. I could contact a therapist, get featured on A&E Intervention, or even get featured on Iyanla's Fix My Life, but most of all, I need professional help, period, because back then, I have let my personal inner demons manifest my mind and made me do something that I would regret for the rest of my life. My 2020 self was like his Mr. Hyde to my Dr. Jekyll, and I have let it manifest the year before 2020 and late 2021, but I need to do figure out what kind of treatment I need to help my exorcise my inner and personal demons.

Most of all however, I am still on the road to redemption, so right now I would say that the journey hasn't ended yet. It's still ongoing. As of right now, the healing process is continuing for all the people that I have hurt in the past, especially late last year. I know in my heart that I have changed my evil ways for the better of my future, and I will continue to be the better man as I have already atoned and repented for my past wrongdoings. I might have lost my way before, but I have found it once again. So ladies and gentlemen, this is all I have left to get off of my chest, and I thank you all for reading this journal.

When I think about you baby, I can't help it (help it)
I lose all my focus and I just can't stand it
I get so excited every time I hear your name (your name)
and you don't reciprocate and it's a damn shame. Ooh

See, all I'm trying to do girl is give you my time
(give you my time)
Baby, you know, you better not move too slow 'cause I'm movin' on
I'll take the chance and roll the dice,
I might miss out on the love of my life.

'Cause you know as time moves on
I won't always be around
And I'll be gone, and I won't always be down
'Cause I'm giving it up to you, and you know this much is true
As time moves on I gonna be gone 'cause I'm movin' on

I know it sounds crazy but I just can't do this (do this)
It feels like we're wasting time so I'll get to it
When I look into your eyes I can see right through you (through you)
And you don't feel the same way that I do, Oooh

See, all I'm trying to do girl is give you my time
(give you my time)
And you know, you better not move too slow 'cause I'm movin' on lady
I'll take the chance and roll the dice,
I might miss out on the love of my life.

'Cause you know as time moves on
I won't always be around
And I'll be gone, and I won't always be down
'Cause I'm giving it up to you, and you know this much is true
As time moves on I'm gonna be gone 'cause I'm movin' on

I'm telling you, you really missed out on a good thing for sure.
As a matter of fact, I'm glad I didn't walk through that door.
I'm a better man for it, said I can learn from it or ignore it.
You know I've seen it all before
Now your best friend's at my door.

I'm movin' on
Oooh

'Cause you know as time moves on
(Said I'm movin' on)
As time moves on

'Cause you know as time moves on
I won't always be around
(No, I won't)
And I'll be gone, and I won't always be down
'Cause I'm giving it up to you, and you know this much is true
As time moves on I'm gonna be gone 'cause I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on baby,
I'm movin' on
movin' on

Ahh, I'll be gone,
Yes I will.

Ready to earn my trust

For the longest time
You've played with my mind
All the lies and alibis
Oh, how I've cried
Baby, to hell with your apologies
You have to prove, much more, to me
But first you must show me
That you're ready

Ready to earn my trust (and if you say you've changed then baby)
Show me (that you're ready, yes)
Ready to earn my trust (and if you say you've changed than baby)

After all you've done to me
Said you loved me
But if you do then why would you
Try to make a fool out of me
Baby, and I learned the hard way
That love ain't always (always) enough (always)
To make a man stay (make you stay)
So won't you say that you're ready

Ready to earn my trust (but if you say you've changed then baby)
Show me (that you're ready, yes)
Ready to earn my trust
(Show me that you're ready baby
You say you've changed than show me)

And I just can't stop hurting (can't stop the hurt)
When you say you were working
All those nights you left me lonely
Still you were my one and only
Yeah
And if you show me that you really care
Than maybe I can forgive you
But I can't forget what you've done
Unless you show me and prove that you're ready

Ready to earn my trust
(Earn my trust
And you say you've changed)
Show me
(Then prove it baby)
Ready to earn my trust
(Oh, I can't take this no more
Oh no
Allure, won't you help me sang)
Ready to earn my trust
(Oh yea yeah yeah yeah
Yea yeah)
Show me
(Oh show me baby)
Ready to earn my trust
(Are you willing
Oh yeah
Oh yeah yeah
Oh)

Let me be the one who can take you from all the things
You see. And if you trust in me I can be that through
Anything you need (anything you need). And give it all
To me baby, don't you run from me baby. I'll give you
Every little piece of me. No, i won't leave out a thing
Cause I know...
I know you've been a lot of things in your life
Got you feeling like this can't be right. I won't
Hurt you, I'm down for you baby. (I know you've seen
A lot of things) I know you've seen a lot of things in
Your life. Got you feeling like this can't be right
I won't hurt you, I'm down for you baby
(I'm down for you baby)
Now let me show you love can be easy, if you just let
It be. Nothing is promised but I believe if you give me
Everything. (Trust) And i'll give you everything that I
Got, and I won't stop till you get it right. All the
Trust, all the love, you know we got a lot baby
I trust you, I love you, I want you, I need you
Baby I breathe you, never leave you, life wouldn't
Be the same without you.
I trust you, I love you, I want you, I need you
Baby I breathe you, never leave you, life wouldn't
Be the same without you.
I know you've been a lot of things in your life
Got you feeling like this can't be right. I won't
Hurt you, I'm down for you baby. (I know you've seen
A lot of things) I know you've seen a lot of things in
Your life. Got you feeling like this can't be right
I won't hurt you, I'm down for you baby
(I'm down for you baby)
I know you've been a lot of things in your life
Got you feeling like this can't be right. I won't
Hurt you, I'm down for you baby. (I know you've seen
A lot of things) I know you've seen a lot of things in
Your life. Got you feeling like this can't be right
I won't hurt you, I'm down for you baby
(I'm down for you baby)
K.C. won't you tell them again for me, for me
For me
In your life
Your life
In your life
In your life
I won't hurt you baby, no. In your life
In your life, in your life
In your life.
I love you baby.
Love you baby, yeah
I don't care what they say about us, oh nooooo
Tell them, tell them
In your life, in your life i won't hurt you baby, no
In your life
Monica: in your life
Keyshia: I won't hurt you baby, no
Monica: No you won't
Keyshia: In your life
Monica: in your life
Keyshia: In your life
Monica: In your life
Keyshia: I love you baby, yeah
Monica: love you baby, yeah
Keyshia: Oh!
Monica: Oh oh, gotta let them know. Oh KC tell em

You know, I know I may have regretted stalking the people who blocked me in the past, so I had to ask myself this one question: How would you like it if someone was stalking you? Well for me, I already knew what it felt like to be stalked.
Earlier this year, I had to block one of my former friends without telling him why because he stalked and harassed other users, and even threatened them. And that's when I realized that I didn't want to be his friend anymore. I didn't want anything more to do with him, and I didn't want to be around him anymore. So I just blocked him out of the blue.
Then later this year I made a huge mistake when I had unblocked him while keeping him unfriended, and then in the middle of this month he sent me a friend request. I accepted it, and tried to tell him that I don't want to be his friend again, but he constantly makes up lies and irrelevant excuses for me to convince that he's changed. He's even also said that the other people I believed in are on drugs and that he's completely forgotten the whole reason why I blocked him to begin with. So that is why I had to block him again so he would get out of my hair.
This guy was an exact reminder of how I was when I didn't handle being blocked very well.
Honestly, I regretted unblocking that creep while he was still unfriended and he still had the nerve to send me a friend request while somehow remembering my Discord username? Where does he get off?

By the way,  thepowerofdesire is the one who has been stalking me this month.

Alright, so I've been keeping myself quiet since I've been put in hot water because of the journal last month. So before I explain my side of the story, I refuse to mention any names for the sake of their identities. So yes, my former friend was right to write this journal about me. I did indeed stalk her, and I'm not one to make any excuses, but if it's part of my side of the story, I'll have to explain it. Earlier last month, my friend blocked me over on Discord, not just so, but on DeviantArt and FurAffinity, all because of a dispute with her over her commission prices. I was left with one choice to either leave her alone for good or follow her to another place and apologize to her. I chose that latter option and attempted to apologize to her on Tumblr. Then a couple weeks later on Thanksgiving weekend, I paid her the commission money on PayPal just so my commission would still go as planned. However, she refunded me the money as she told me she refused to do my commission. My response? I was unfazed by it, so I just dealt with it and moved on. But then later that day, I found out the journal that she made about me. So inside, I was angry enough inside to block her block her back on FurAffinity, DeviantArt, Tumblr, YouTube, VK, and Twitter. Not only that, I have also blocked her close friends before I would live in silence and darkness for a long time.

When another one of my former friends confronted me over on Discord, I immediately blocked him there as well right before he shared that very same journal on FA. Before then, I blocked his close friends as well as a trigger reaction to being blocked by them. I was even kicked out of my former friend's Discord Server as well. Shortly thereafter, he disabled his FA account for half of a week, which made me guilty for blocking that poor guy. I have only decided to have him blocked for one month, but after I make this journal, I will unblock him, but will not follow him back again because how afraid he must be of me.

But back to this whole subject, this wouldn't be the first time I stalked someone after they blocked me. I know I have a bad habit of being a sore sport when it comes to being blocked, but I don't think that excuses my actions over the past year. The first guy who commented on my former friend's journal had blocked me twice earlier two years ago. So I was on this long pursuit to get back on his good graces without realizing what I was really doing. I circumvented his blocks and stalked him on sites such as Reddit, Pillowfort, Baraag. He has already told me to leave me alone, but I failed to listen to him, and when his friends caught on to my actions towards him and confronted me about it, I behaved irrationally, erratically, and insanely in an unstable manner and stalked them too. That was to a point where his friend had left social media and hadn't come back ever since. That was when I had finally realized what I was doing and saw the light that showed me the error of my ways. I realized it yet again sometime after the journal was made. So I blocked that very same guy that I have stalked for months along with blocking his friends that I have stalked as well. That was for their own sake that I would never bother them again.

However, I did find out that aside from me, there was another stalker who harassed my previous victim over the years. This stalker would harass a little girl over the web to the point where she had to leave the web, a certain fandom, and social media altogether to get therapy. Then he had stalked my victim repeatedly. He even used sock puppets to continue his stalking ways to my victim. But due to the other transgressions he has made more than me, in comparison, this guy is worse than I was, because he is a sexual predator, much like Kelly and Cosby. And I have already realized even to this day that I do not want to be on the same level as he is, nor do I ever want to be as worse than he is.

My behavior over the past year was reminiscent of how I was when I first started on DeviantArt over a decade ago. I was a teenager back then, and I asked someone to draw a request for me. But I had little patience, and kept bugging her about it. What was even worse is that I referred to that artist as her character. So after she and her friend blocked me, I blocked them both back. However, it took me close to a decade to apologize to her on Twitter, so that's what made her unblock me so I could watch her again.

But seriously, I have to apologize for my actions toward the people I have creeped out in the past. I mean it, I'm truly and honestly sorry for all of the things I have regretted to this day. That's right, to everyone I harassed and stalked over the last year, once again, I'm really sorry. You were right and I was wrong. You were the victims and I was the perpetrator. But sadly, I didn't want to be the perpetrator, but I became one anyway. You all have every right to be scared of me. I didn't want everyone to be scared of me, but it just happened anyway. All I have tried to do is start things over fresh with the people who cut ties with me, but what has it gotten me? Nothing in return. I've lost several friends, but more importantly, I have lost myself. I have forgotten who I once was. And some people were right about me. Maybe I do need help. The serious and professional kind of help. I don't know how, when or where I'm going to get it, but the thing of it is, is that I'm only a man. A mere human being. Not a monster. Not the monster I was last month. Not the monster I was over the last year. Just human. The monster I was back then was who I looked in the mirror, and I regretted being that monster. But now, when I look in the mirror, it's the same old me. Just a normal man. A regular human being.

I know it may be too soon, and I know I have already apologized, but right now, I'm not asking for any forgiveness. I'm not asking for any second chances. I'm only asking for a chance to move on. Move on from the people that I have hurt around me. Move on so that their scars I left on them would heal without me being around. This is more than a promise. This is a resolution. A resolution to become more of a better person than I usually am right now. This is because one of my current friends had seen the goodness inside of me. He knows that somewhere deep down in his heart that he knows I'm a good person, and deep inside my heart lies a spark of holy flame that can ignite and purify my soul. As the better man I will be in the next year, I'm willing to atone for my past mistakes and change my ways for the better. And I thank my current friend for still believing in me. I have already repented for my past mistakes, but now I'm willing to atone for them all. That's right. I'm now starting my quest to redeem myself in the new year.

I'll still be around, but I will take some time to change my way for the better of my future. That's all I've got to say to get out of my chest. And I'll let the healing process start for everyone I have harmed in the past, while I go on for my quest for redemption. So thank you everyone.

I long for, the warmth of, days gone by
When you were mine
But now those days are memories in time
Life's empty, without you
By my side
My heart belongs to you
No matter what I try
When I get the courage to know somebody new
It always falls apart 'cause they just can't compare to you
You're the one that makes me bow under ball and chain
Reminisce, think about
As I watch 4 seasons to change
Here comes the winter breeze
That chills the air and hits the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe (as springtime)
As springtime makes it's way here, lilac blooms remind me of
The scent of your perfume
Reminisce inside of love,
On summer nights, indeed
I always get the hots for you (ooh)
Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do
No no chance the leaves of trees are bare, when you're not here
It doesn't feel the same
It doesn't feel the same
Oh
Remember
The nights when (remember the night)
When we closed our eyes (when we closed our eyes)
And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time
Every time I think about these things I shared
(Think about these things I shared)
I'm not gonna cry, 'cause I get so emotional (I get so emotional)
Underneath it makes me think I'm under ball and chain
Reminisce in our love
As I watch 4 seasons change
Here comes the winter breeze that
That chills the air and hits the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
The springtime makes it's way here lilac blooms reminds me of
The scent of your perfume (Ooh)
On summer nights, indeed
I always get the hots for you
Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do
No no chance the leaves of trees are bare when you're not here
It doesn't feel the same
This loneliness has crushed my heart (it's killing me baby)
Please let me love again (just one more thing)
Cause I'm devoted girl find me and ease my pain
But 4 seasons will bring
The loneliness again
Here comes the winter breeze that
Chills the air and hits the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes it way here,
Lilac blooms reminds me of
The scent of your perfume (Summer nights)
On summer nights, indeed
I always get the hots for you
Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do
(Go skinny dipping oh, oh)
No no chance the leaves of trees are bare when you're not here
It doesn't feel the same
Remember,
The warmth of,
Days gone by.

- Boyz II Men

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