I started HRT today, and took the first doses of my medication. I'm on both Spiro and Estrogen.


Here's to a long, but adventurous journey!

I started up an optional fundraiser for those who want to help with my transitioning goals. Every little bit counts!

You don't have to donate, at all. But, being transgender is also very expensive. And I will need every ounce of support I can get. For those of you who do decide to chip in, thank you so much. All of the proceeds will go to my medical bills.

https://www.youcaring.com/mytransit.....ingcom%3Ashare

I'll be getting approved for HRT soon! I'm so excited! I've been going to counseling for some time now and I'll be able to start transitioning, hopefully, within due time. We are working on getting my letter of approval for an endocrinologist.

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I may be investing in a new fursona soon. I will retain my giraffe but I am looking to get a shark done up. I've already contacted an artist. She's going to be a leopard shark. .u.

Honestly my life doesn't really seem to get any better. Ever. And it's not even really anything that is making it worse in particular. Just me.

My anxiety and depression seem to be getting worse. Even with the precautions I take with them. I'm definitely not the same person I used to be.
I'm having a hard time even being a part of anything I was a part of before, let alone things I enjoy casually. Plus I'm always tired. So tired.

I'm not looking for attention though. I don't need it. I just want things to stop being so, I dunno. Hopeless.

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I might be moving soon. When that happens I'll be alone for long periods of time.

Ever since I became part of the furry or even online community, in order to escape all of the problems I deal with IRL, I've found myself literally face to face with the same exact problems. And it's one of the reasons I disappear, then come back, then disappear again, maybe make an alternative account, etc etc etc.

It's that I'm isolated. Even within my own favorite hobbies. Even within the furry community. Like, I'll go somewhere, nobody will care to get to know me. I'll try to interact, but whatever. Or I'll end up sitting for hours on end, idling silently while playing a game or doing something else, and then lo and behold somebody makes some sort of comment to me that is meant or directed at me in some way [like my nonreligious beliefs, political views, etc] just to get a response and then it's ME who gets in trouble for it; where the very next day everybody else starts talking about those things and they get squat said to them about it, or whatever.

It's just exhausting and demoralizing. Like, the only thing I ever really get viewed for is some sort of sexual fetish or object. Mind you, I have my kinks, but it's like. I'm not a person to people. Not even to other furries. A very select few respect me and they're usually pretty quiet too or busy, so I don't get to talk to them much. And the overall theme going on has made me unwilling to really want to step forward.

Between stalkers, creeps, general disrespect, etc etc etc. I just really regret even being in this community anymore. And I can't even do anything about it because I love my fursona and I do have a few good friends. I just wish I was treated better.

I wonder if it'd be possible to mod my fursona into SL. I'd need somebody to help though. Custom textures. Etc etc etc. Blegh.

I have a new account. This one will continue to be used for my giraffe fursona.

But I needed a fresh start. You can find it here.  AmberMusume

Hey just an update:

I'll be going to see an LGBT Gender Therapist soon to see about getting approved for HRT. :)

People keep mistaking me for having some kind of familial relation to Kadath's Puzzle. >8I


That is all.

Hey there friends. I'm gonna be gone for about a week, but after that I'm probably gonna be less active on here aside from uploading some stuff if I buy art from some of my favorite artists or make more avatars on Secondlife.

If there's anything new going on, it's not much. Work, life, etc. Battling depression as usual.

Aside from that, that's all.

I recently got back into it. You can find me hanging around several sims, though it's easier just to message me. I'm looking for cool places to hang around!

My username is AmberMusume. I have several avatars I like to use. >u<

Generic message.

A lot has happened over the past holiday season and now at the beginning of the new year.

Honestly, I'm not all that super giddy about it being another year. For me, it's just another year. People get so excited and worked up about things that will never change over short periods of time and personal behaviors that will likely be unscathed by the goals of individuals. That being said, I'm glad it's a new year.

Work is going well. I keep becoming more important and everyone at my place of work seems to enjoy me. Yeah, it IS just retail but it's opened a lot of doors and freedoms I never had before, and people are actually starting to appreciate my existence outside of personal relationships.

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I finally saw Rogue One and it was amazing! Also, I'm starting to pick up small scrapbuild prop projects for myself while I work in my free time. My first was some kind of soldering tool that might be used on a lightsaber in Star Wars. I've also been modifying some lightsaber hilts to make them look super cool and unique!

I turn 25 soon. Yaaaaay....I think.

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I hope everyone has a decent year this year. I think it's still going to be rough for a lot of people, especially with the incoming political atmosphere that was birthed from last year, as well as our personal lives. But, I'm sure we can do something awesome about it.

I thought I would give my hand at writing a short Star Wars themed story. I don't do it often but I've been told I'm a pretty decent writer. I prefer to blurb short stories involving lore instead of writing long, drawn out stories that get far too complicated than they need to be.

You can check it out here. Feedback is appreciated!

https://www.sofurry.com/view/1109783

Of the raffe.

I need it. =3=

Well, I probably won't be on here as much now. I'm considering removing a lot of my online presence for a variety of reasons, but mostly out of fear.


I will have to put myself "into the closet" even more now. Especially where I live.


It will be a long, hard four years. Especially for people like myself, who identify in the LGBT community. All I can do is hope that all of the hateful, terrible things that have been said about us and other minority groups are just bluffs. But I'm already seeing a lot of hate out there, a potentially rotten spike of it that will lead to more and more problems down the road.


It's okay I guess. I'm just an error in what a human being is supposed to be like. I'll just continue living in day-to-day fears.

So basically I've noticed that there is a huge issue with SoFurry in my time being here. It's that there is a large disrespect to the LGBT community, despite having a fair amount of us being here. As I understand, SF is much like any other social networking media, where open opinions are often discussed in plain sight to whomever is online. Particularly the chat.

But this issue stands strong on the chatrooms for instance. I am unsure of how it goes on the forums. But every time LGBT discussion is brought up, it is always the individuals who are LGBT that are told to be quiet about their information or discussions, particularly if they've been offended by an anti-LGBT individual or an individual who doesn't comprehend the complexities of LGBT individuals. Regardless of what your opinion is on the matter, I have yet to see anybody actually get onto those causing problems for the LGBT folk here. I myself recieved a 24 hour ban from the chat by a moderator because I spoke up to not only defend myself but the LGBT [particularly the transgendered] community from an individual who, after receiving information on what transgender means, and how it works biologically and psychologically, refused to acknowledge our existence and refuted us as "nonsense" over being actually human. Of course I'm bound to get offended at that, because I'm basically being told that I am an error for existing. It's offensive, and painful to experience. Especially because people like myself experience this every day. And many of us deal with discrimination because of who we are. On top of that, the growing threat of hate crimes, conversion therapy, and worse, plague our fears.

However, instead of condoning an individual for offending a particularly large group of individuals who reside in a community that I thought was fairly open minded about personal identity, those who speak up to defend things such as their personal sexual orientations, gender identities, and the like are condemned because we speak up about who we are. It's a bit discouraging, and would lead me to question the entire purpose of the community. We only seem to be respected when, essentially, we are nothing but sexual fetishes.

I'll think it over. But I don't appreciate how LGBT folk are being treated here. It's not a majority of the Sofurry population, but the fact that moderators or staff do literally nothing until somebody from the LGBT community speaks up and defends themselves and then proceed to punish that individual, just speaks to me on so many levels of the negative mindset people have towards us.

I will likely not stay on Sofurry.

Eh we haven't moved out yet. I've been super busy with work now. With my recent promotion I got a lot more hours, but it's nice because my pay also went up a bit! If only I didn't have to deal with the reality of moronic fellow humanoids because people are terrible! =D

Some things on my mind recently;

I've been super stressed. People in my house keep getting sick and it's causing more problems stacked on top of what is already there. On top of that, I think the distance in my long distance relationship is causing problems in my love life. I dunno how to help my partner out because he himself is constantly stressed, and we're suffering from a lot of instances of bad timing and interference with things that we'd like to do.

My libido is fluctuating again, constantly. I don't know what's wrong. I want to do things but I also want to do other things. But then when I want to do things it's like some sort of cognitive disorder that is preventing me from getting in the mood. It's frustrating and extremely negative on me. I'm starting to wonder if I'm suffering from a hormonal imbalance, or perhaps a side effect of my anti depression medication.

My boyfriend seems to be suffering from severe anxiety and depression and I don't know what I can do to help him. It's extremely frustrating and stresses me out a bit, but I'm okay. I just want to help him but I can't because I can't travel to him right now. On top of that he's going through career issues and personal things that are causing more stress on him. It makes me scared.

I think I am suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I'm always tired without being tired.

In a positive light, I've re-established communication with some old friends of mine and it's been really great. I missed them very much and getting to speak with them again, as myself, is wonderful.

My mother and I have finally been evicted completely from our abusive situation at home and will be moving to an apartment shortly.

I may be on hiatus until we get internet established. But any support is welcome.

So I have a Second Life account now. I had one years ago but I lost it, so I made an entirely new one. I also have my own little parcel now, decked out and everything for the most part. I currently own about three working avatar sets, including a raffe.

Feel free to add me as a friend on SL. My username is AmberMusume there.

Okay so, I'm really excited about this THING I bought. It's geared specifically to a very niche group of people, but I was doing some reading in some LGBT related places and stumbled upon something that is super-duper useful for transgendered peoples like myself.

So like, it was really expensive. $200. But, I have to say....I'm embarassed but it's probably the best $200 I've ever spent in a long time. What is it?

Some of you might know. Some of you might not. But they make prosthetics for transgendered folk and crossdressers to wear. Yes. I purchased a pussy for myself. I got it yesterday in the mail and I have not taken it off since. It's a silicon based "underwear" that tucks and hides away certain extra bits and gives you a nice smooth silhouette in those certain places. But best of all, it has a molded and FUNCTIONAL hooha. It has lips. It has holes. It has form and depth. And it's very comfortable to wear. So comfortable I actually fell asleep with it on and woke up, having forgotten about it, and was greeted with the blissful feeling of an easing away of my gender dysphoria because I had something I felt more comfortable with having between my legs than what I usually wake up with.

They also make penors for transmen too! It's a different brand but they do. I'm so glad I found this out.

If you're M-t-F, check out Femskin. They have a lot of different products.

If your F-t-M, check out FreeTom! They also have a bunch of cool stuff.

And remember, never be afraid to be yourself. IF you have to spend the extra cash to do so, do what feels right to you. <3

I'm looking for an artist who might be willing to take up two commissions from me in the near future. I'd like to get my DBXenoverse characters drawn. I have a Saiyan and a Majin I'd like to get drawn up for me!

If you know anybody, please let me know! Or let them know I'm looking for an artist!

So I've once again kind of drawn out of the furry fandom. I've got really important stuff to deal with. I'm still around though, just really busy!

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I've been playing WoW with my boyfriend! We've subscribed. I'm enjoying it so far. I do kind of wish they had more optimal character customization though. But the MMO itself is really fun and I'm loving the gameplay.

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I got a job at Books-a-Million! I'll be working as a bookseller there. My perseverance has finally paid off. =u=

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So yeah!

So I have PSO2 running.

I have two Hunters on there right now. You can find me at Ship 2.

My characters names are: Ryoko_Takuma and Ayaka_Yori.

To install the game, and sign up for it, follow these steps! http://arks-layer.com/setup.php

NOTICE: The english proxy is not working, but the game itself does. You do not need to follow the proxy instructions. Otherwise, you will get an error.

I'm reinstalling Phantasy Star Online 2 because I really enjoyed playing it.

Feel free to join me on Ship 2!

This holiday was the worst. Worst ever. Worst I have ever been part of, or experienced, in my life.

Due to the tension between my family, one of my family members decided she didn't want to be a part of the holiday that we do around here. So, during our usual gift giving time, it was just me and my mother. Then the cranky grinch decided to come in and toss around the gifts with a snarky attitude declaring, "This is yours", etc. I called her a grinch because of her attitude, and told her she didn't have to be one.

In response, she went after me physically. She ended up ripping a nail off of her own toe from kicking gifts around and then grabbed me. I had to defend myself so I held her off of my body as my mother intervened.

The cops were called. Sadly, I almost went to jail because I was the youngest involved and most able bodied, and the domestic dispute would have had me to appeal to a court of law for self defense. It didn't help that my assailant had her toe bleeding from ripping it off kicking shit around, and a bruise from where I had to pry her off my body in response to her violent charge at me. Even with my mother at witness, I was almost arrested.

The cops won't even help me from my abuse. After they left, my mother and I were told we were being kicked out on the street with nothing. I was also harassed for the police getting involved, which only made matters worse for me.

---

Afterwards, while staving off my anxiety in my room and crying to myself, I decided to approach my assailant. I explained politely and calmly how I felt about the situation, and what went wrong. It all started because of how ousted I felt about the holiday being grinched about. I told her that I shouldn't have called her a grinch, but explained that the physical attack was completely wrong and that the police got involved for that reason; and that I HAD to defend myself. I didn't know what she was going to do. Hell, a few weeks ago she tried to strangle my mother during an argument! What the fuck!

She accepted the apology and there was a lot of crying; a reconciliation that's probably only temporary. We're going to try our holiday stuff again tomorrow, after I handle some things that need to be handled. My family life is getting worse though. I can't take much more. I'm already broken down and miserable, and I barely have even fumes left in me. And I know the peace won't last, because of how she is. She's abusive. It will never change.

If I could just start working at the job I have lined up for me, I could put money to moving out. But I have yet to be trained. I can't start until after the holidays. My poor boyfriend is freaking out about the whole thing too; he always worries so much about me but we can't get settled yet to get away from all of this.


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Sigh.