Yay FA is back, lol!!

In the process of moving into my new place and things are going smoothly at last. Made an appointment with a technician for them to come out and install internet, so I will definitely be operational by Monday!

I've got some new material to post, both personal work and work from a couple folks whose commissions I took on during my hiatus, and then I'll be posting a journal next Thursday or Friday with commission openings!

Probably sketches and icons to start us off!

I'll have a new website, better-worded ToS, and Google Forms to keep things nice and streamlined.

I hope the summer is treating you all well and you're beating the heat any way you can! Anyone doing anything fun?

I'm jumping on this YCH by  solomonvolfovich :

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/31691326/

Love the composition here, so I couldn't resist and felt I should boost to see if anyone else would be interested!

They do Anthros as well as humans -- for this particular piece I'm going to be putting in my Hellbred, Holt in Slot 2!

https://file.toyhou.se/images/68495.....png?1520991139
https://file.toyhou.se/images/97819.....ABNLuipbSu.png
https://file.toyhou.se/images/11713.....jvyReNkurn.png

Hi all! Hoping you're well!

Storyboarding job is exhausting but rewarding, as I knew it would be! Two out of three scenes have been passed in, and I'm taking a break for a week before diving back into the intense final third! I wish I could share more with you all, but just know that it's a really exciting project and the INSTANT i can share more, I will!

Most of the other art I've been doing is personal stuff, related to D&D, or some small commissions here and there. I'm keeping busy and honing my skills.

Allergies have been absolutely murdering me. They kinda developed into acute bronchitis which I've been battling for...this'll be week 3. I'm still holding out hope that the cough will go away before my doctor's appointment on the 11th. But if it doesn't at least I'll certainly get an inhaler from the current year. Listen, it's been hard to breathe even just sitting at my desk. I'm into breathplay, but damn not like this lmao

finally gave this a watch and holy shit, treat yourself

https://youtu.be/NeQM1c-XCDc
https://youtu.be/NeQM1c-XCDc
https://youtu.be/NeQM1c-XCDc

God it's been a while.

So I've been doing a therapy for the past few months, and I've managed to find someone really special. The actual perfect therapist fit, which I never thought I'd find, for both my past family stuff and the road I have ahead of me as a trans man.

The hardest thing is confronting the bitterness and grief I have over a lot of things that have happened the past few years -- the what-if's of a life path that might have been, if I hadn't lost my father, if I hadn't sunk into a deep depression. And instead of pulling myself up, the inner monologue is often cruel, and utterly unforgiving of my mistakes.

The only way for me to get back on track is to create, and yet these thoughts make it painful and difficult, and I've seen little point in putting myself out there to provide for you all while I'm struggling so much.

So that's what I'm working on. Changing that inner dialogue. "Have Mercy on yourself," is something I've been trying so hard to do for so long, and with therapy I'm finally putting myself in a position where I have the professional support to do so. That can only make it easier right?

And along the way, I have a few projects that I'm keeping up with -- I've been running a D&D game on Sundays and participating in 4 more. I've been doing art of some of those characters and epic moments, and for the first time I completed a 21-day daily drawing challenge themed around D&D prompts. I'll be posting my favorites of those probably, but I'm going to try to not spam you guys with too much human content unless it's NSFW.

All my SFW stuff I put on my Deviantart over here: https://www.deviantart.com/saint-sputnik
My active characters in tabletop right now are:
Nicolai Holt - a Level 19 Neutral Evil Hellbred Fighter, Scion of the King of Devils, trying to gather artifacts to open a door to a wish machine and hopefully save the world from an extraplanar threat.
Saffaen Clade - a Level 10 Neutral Good human Paladin of Sarenrae, she's sworn an Oath of Vengeance against Demons to avenge her fallen mentor.
Barnaby Briggs - a Level 5 Neutral Good human Fighter, he's a former Captain of the Guard on the run, framed for the murder of the lord he loved & served.
Gerel the Gravewarden - a Level 7 Lawful Good Hengeyokai Grave Domain Cleric, a servant of the three dragon goddesses of Time/Fate/Destiny, she's sworn to uphold the balance of life and death.
and I guess I can also count Garrett Galatyne since he's the chief NPC of the game I run - a Level 9 human Paladin of Ragathiel, who has sworn an Oath Against Corruption to fight the aberrations rising from the sea.

I'm working on a project with this studio that I'm a part of, so go give the page some love, there'll be progress up there regularly!

I'm still holding off on officially opening commissions with that project on my plate, but I'll let you guys know soon how that's affecting my available time.

But yeah! I'd love to hear from you guys, I hope your 2019 is treating you well. Got any cool tabletop stories/characters you'd like to share?

Hey, all! I hope the past few weeks have been treating you well.

I'll get to the point! An overload of drama in my life this summer (to put it simply) has been sapping me of all energy and motivation, to the point where taking even a few commissions here and there has been tough to manage.

You all know that I take the quality of my work very seriously, and I detest the feeling of half-assing anything for you guys. So I'm closing commissions until I can get a better hold on my depression and such.

TLDR; self care is important!

I'll be spending the next few weeks:
- Clearing out a backlog of old SFW commissions,
- Getting a PCP and back on medication
- Trying to work on some personal Storyboarding projects, which I've been neglecting.

I'll keep you guys updated where I can -- I'll still be around here~ <3 <3

It's about time to get some content flowing now my hand's back in one piece!

I'm going on an adventure to a Ren Fair in the midwest, my first big one! So for some traveling/shopping cash, I'm going to be putting up a few YCH's over the next couple days! The Fair is around July 15, so they're pieces slated to be done July 10th.

I'm thinking three pieces, one of which will definitely be the prison gangbang I've been asked for a few times! I've got some good ideas brewing, but if there's anything in particular y'all hunger for, feel free to suggest!

One of my favorite bands just dropped a new album! Probably gonna listen to it on loop for the next few days lol -- I certainly looped the opening Track that long.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gdsffTf288

Anyone got some song/album recommendations? I love a wide variety of genres -- electronic to folk, really the only thing I don't like are screamed vocals ('cause i can't sing along lol).

I make a lot of playlists for my tabletop OCs and projects. Sorting music is a really calming activity for me, and makes me feel productive and creative when I have to rest my hand, y'know? Maybe you guys do something similar!

Here are my active tabletop babies --
https://toyhou.se/334592.basil-rhodes
https://toyhou.se/330833.nicolai-holt
https://toyhou.se/330823.cpt-barnaby-briggs
https://toyhou.se/1938239.gerel-the-grave-warden

Recommend me or one of my OC's songs and I'll recommend you some in turn!! I just love talking about music!!!!

like, enough to complain about it on here in a journal.

all up my thumb and the bottom of my forearm, into my elbow--it's nothing i haven't had before, though. i've been putting on my braces, doing stretches, hot shower, anti-inflammatory drugs, etc. truly babying it for the past 48 hours, to my supreme annoyance and boredom.

and right after i gave a friend some advice on how to do proper stretches while working, too. isn't that just funny?
i guess sometimes it just flares up and there's not much you can do at the end of the day except rest. i'll be back to it soon, tho! tomorrow i'm going to try to finish a fun piece -- colouring, light work. <3

i hope y'all are doing well! any fun plans for the summer?

Thanks for giving this a read, fam!

Putting out a recommendation for a good friend of mine -- a writer looking to make his mark here on FA!  inseir

Inseir has many years of writing experience and education, specializes in high fantasy scenarios, but is looking to branch out with SFW and NSFW alike!
Here are some examples of his work: X - X
And his Commission Info here: X

I think you'll find his rich descriptions to your liking for any number of scenes you can cook up. He's a fast, disciplined worker, putting out at least 500 words/day.

Check him out, drop him a watch! Send him a note and talk some concepts!

And hey, if you commission a story from him and want some accompanying art, let me know and I'll give you a discount~!

 inseir  inseir  inseir

My mate's sister's visit has been VERY fun but it was a lot of running around on various adventures from Thursday of last week til now!
Way more than I expected -- I've only gotten a few hours of sleep per night, so I'm tapped.

To the people in my queue, I've got WIP updates for you HERE, all but one!
I'd rather not push myself to absolute exhaustion and deliver proper quality!

Pleasant dreams, I for one am taking a totally human amount of Nyquil and catching up on sleep responsibly. ;'D

One of my good friends  shelagal has opened some Emergency Commissions to cover some upcoming bills! Here's a link to their Commission Info with more deets! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/26922284/

If you weren't able to jump on my Sketch deal, please give their stuff a look! They do SFW and NSFW alike!

Here's some excellent pieces that they've done for me in the past:

X - X - X - X - X

If you weren't able to jump on my Sketch deal, please give their stuff a look! Super friendly, easy to talk to, and produces some excellent, lively work -- I mean look at those shapes and the lighting!!

Thanks for taking a moment to look, signal boosting is much appreciated!

Gonna use my Journal Space to try and do some good! I'm going to try and cycle this every couple weeks -- Signal boosting is important! Here's some people I came across in my travels who have some excellent different styles and commissions/adopts available! So Promo in no particular order~~

- - super expressive and great control of bright, warm colour, draws humans and violence/gore~! Real decent prices!!

- - very few watchers for some reason??? lovely gallery full of WEREWOLVES and excellent humans! I'd love to see them gain some traction here!

- - i am in love with their lines and the way they draw big teeth! you know i'm all about those teeth ;D Yummm

- - super cute style, selling some hq characters to finance moving out next week!

- - not a new discovery but good lord if you're watching me and not watching her? you're seriously missing out -- such excellent, expressive lines and lots of gore and bloody fun!!

I'm so happy I stumbled across this YCH!
 RIOEG is havin' a fun choking piece that's still at Starting Bid! Anyone wanna choke Max out??

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26429805/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26429805/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/26429805/

I got in on  Yomari's sweet YCH, which features a bit of Asphyxiation fun!

So if anyone would like to be in a pic with Max, the other slot is still at Starting bid!! -wink wonk- ;D

Go go go!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25958043
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25958043
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/25958043

very nearly got snowed in! the worst of the blizzard seems to have passed over where bae and I are, and now we get to enjoy being cozy and warm (before shoveling off the stairs and deck, as is the duty of the Young Strong Backs).

Santa brought me some wonderful kitchen supplies, so I can't wait to return to NY and start cooking!!

A speedbump in my plans, the latest windows update has made my Huion tablet and laptop....not get along too well. So I'm REALLY glad i decided to hold off opening commissions, I'd have felt awful if I hadn't been able to work on them on this little mini-vacation.

No matter the holiday I hope this day finds you all warm, safe, and full of cheer!!

Love,
Maxwell <3 <3

Here's a basic rundown of how the past couple months have gone:

- Cool freelance stuff that was cool!
- Massive Depression episode from mid-October til....a couple weeks ago? Shit was rough. Couldn't do anything.
- Played a metric fuckton of tabletop RPG to keep the creative juices flowin' at least a trickle, props to my friends and mate to making me do that.
- Picked an absolute perfect time in the socio/political sitch of my country to realize that yeah, I'm trans. And a guy, and moving toward transition and all that entails. So yay self discovery and acceptance from my beautiful mate and friends and ilu all so much!! There's the celebration that comes with self-discovery but holy hera it's a heck of a tidal wave to surf.

He/they would be A++

My art's coming back! I just had to make sure that I was 110% over the hurdle to being able to produce snuff stuff again and produce commissions on a regular turnaround, so I didn't make false promises. That is my all time least favorite thing to do. But focusing on myself for a while helped and I'm not fully recovered, tbh but I'm about back to where I was, so we're no longer taking steps back. I'll be posting a small backlog of art and I'm putting together a coherent price sheet this week to get right back into it!

And I missed you guys a ton! You guys get anything cool/fun done during the fall? Got any fun plans for the winter/holidays?

It has been....a very long and interesting summer. Interesting being a polite term for "pretty damn awful."

Post-graduation depression hit me very hard, and any family I tried to talk to about it didn't seem to understand. I myself, didn't really understand why, after meeting my goal, I was having such a hard time doing well, *ANYTHING* right. I've been struggling with that since May. And I'll say straight up, I've been off my anti-depression meds since about the same time, so that hasn't helped.

The reason for this being that I don't currently have health insurance or the means to get to a doctor to get my prescription re-upped. And I wanted to wean myself off the stuff so I didn't stop cold-turkey. It's not particularly hard stuff that I'm on, but still. That was my logic.

It's amplified a lot of the demons, lemme tell you. You don't realize how much your medication is really helping you until you aren't on it anymore. All the bs: returning to Maine, working on selling my childhood home, dealing with the internal drama of the CT fam. And physical symptoms: fatigue, mood swings. Lots of unpredictable ups and downs that I almost forgot how to deal with.

Not being on my meds isn't an excuse for my actions and absence, just a reason. Focusing, Motivation, Discipline basically became 1000x harder. And I just felt...so guilty. All the time. About everything pretty much, chiefly radio silence here, worried i'd sabotaged myself and my skills and the relationships I'd made here. I'd be lying if I said I didn't contemplate self harm, but nothing came of it, thank goodness.

Just so disappointed in myself for all the setbacks to the work I had planned for the summer. Comics, regular streams, etc. And I just couldn't stop beating myself up. Bless my mate for helping me as much as she could, and always being a bright, pleasant light in my life.

I'd basically just acted so incredibly cruel to myself until...very recently. Stumbled across some sage wisdom, and I guess reached a point where enough was enough. https://sta.sh/017r5zgz5pkg "Ask the Judge for Mercy. Have Mercy on yourself." And that made me think a lot. And it's hard. But I'm trying. I have to if I want to feel better.

So now my queue is cleared, I'm working on a concept art job for an upcoming short film. I'm beefing up my demo reel. What I'm thinking is focusing on that for a bit, offering some YCH's maybe before opening back up in....around a month. Yes, let's say that.
Is there anything in particular you'd like to see from me?

The past two weeks have been the most hectic shit ever. Logistics are stress HELL and I entered a state of just constant panic over how stuff is gonna work out and arranging moving stuff from four states away, but it's all gonna be worth it.
Because tomorrow the two sides of the planning come together, me and my mate are moving to a new city!

All that suffering aND stress is gonna be worth it. I can finally settle in and yknow, stop being an antisocial, slower-that-frozen molasses artist.
Good god,  vox_dragon_111 you are an absolute saint. I gotta publicly say it. Your faith in me has kept me going through this moving logistics bs.
I'd rather deliver you a beautiful piece that isn't rushed than something that neither of us will be happy with. Thanks so much, friend ♡♡

I may be meeting up with Pidge-bae tomorrow, but we can't actually move into our place until 9am on the 4th. Internet is going to be installed on the 5th! That was a bit frustrating to hear and work around, but we're treating it like a mini vacation. We got a great deal on a hotel and it's gonna be a good time.

When I journal next, it'll be from our new place!!

Thank you all for your kind words and support over the previous journal, with the loss of my horse. It really means a lot. It's been a tough few days, being so far from the fam taking care of my remaining gelding. I've been told that he's adjusting well, and they've bought some chickens so he doesn't have to be lonely in the paddock.

Some thoughts, I've been having. I had a soul-searching kind of day and this wall of text is the result of that.

I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm about to move into a great apartment in a great neighborhood with the world's best girlfriend. I graduated college. I have a career in art, and can make money doing what I love. It's an amazing thing to be able to say that.

On the other hand, it doesn't feel like enough, and things keep getting in the way. Bills add up. I was just informed today of a sizeable amount of medical debt that's approaching, leftover from my father's final stay in the hospital that the insurance apparently won't cover. it's a scary amount (fuck american health care).

Big decisions never stop having to be made. I'm left wondering if it's just bad luck or this is what Adult Life™ really is. I have no way of knowing for certain, I get conflicting answers from anyone I ask. Two sides of my family encouraging me to do things like "go back to school," "go to grad school," "get a lawyer for your inheritance," "sell your house," but pulling me in opposite directions when the decision's down to the wire. They know my history, they know what shit like that does to me. Or they just forget, which hurts me deeply because *i* certainly can't forget all the shit I've put up with, but it's the more likely option, that they don't try to manipulate me out of pure malice.

I've reached several decisions, they haven't made me happy but they were things that had to be done. I'm NOT going to grad school, fuck my CT fam. I'm selling my childhood home. I'm moving away from a city I love and putting a sizeable distance between my best friends from college and childhood. Distance in relationships has never been an issue for me, luckily.

Things I care about keep dying around me, and it's incredibly disheartening. Always just when I reach one of these decisions and feel good about myself for doing so. I know I have no control over the world and what happens in that regard, but it still the coincidence feels like it's punishment for something I'm doing. Stupid of me. I don't even believe in religion.

So much shit has gone wrong in the logistics of this move to our new place already. It's been a headache and a half and honestly moments free from that have been spent asleep or engaging in various forms of escapism.

There are certain things I AM to blame for, and I won't hear a word against because I know that these are definitely true. This is more of a confession log at this point.

I took on too much work at the beginning of the summer, not knowing how burnt out I was after thesis. I made you all wait too long for what you've paid for. I hurt my reputation. I let depression dictate my every waking moment this entire summer so far. That's not fair to me or all of you.

And to this end, I've had to confront some things about myself that haven't been pretty. Mistakes have certainly been made, and despite being an Olympic Champion in feeling guilt for pretty much every aspect of my existence, I've always been shit at actually owning up to shit that I've actually done wrong.

I used to be able to stream four days a week and have like, a super quick turnaround time before I went back to school, what the fuck happened? I feel as though all the shit i went through while I got my degree stripped me of a lot of agency and self-confidence that I had built up during the year I took off, and i've been struggling to get that back. Upset that it didn't magically return once the degree was in my hands.

Perfectionism has gone to the extreme end of the spectrum again, and needs to be reined back in to where it was. Quality work, without the anxiety of "oh god nothing is good enough." You and I don't have the fucking time in our lives to entertain that.

I can't write it all off as shitty home environment, though that was part of it (having two roommates in the process of a messy breakup can make things tense).

I need to buff up my portfolio so I can start looking for Actual Work In My Field. I need to set a schedule of work hours again. And stop feeling angry at myself for having to put my personal projects on hold until life calms down. It will calm down from this post-graduation chaos, right?

Please, take this as an apology, and an assurance that I'm trying to better myself through a ton of heavy, anxious shit. I couldn't have gotten this far without the support of all of you -- thank you for caring about me, as well as the sexy stuff I put out there ;)
i love you all.

every time windows has to install updates, my huion tablet refuses to work in sai and i have to uninstall it and reinstall it. it works in photoshop but MY GOD why would i want to live like that.
top it off my cat's chewed a kink in my goddamn usb cable and i'm just about to pull out all my beautifully-dyed hair.

Radio silence due to going over a ton of awful nitpicky details re: selling my childhood home which is much harder and more intensive than I thought it would be. Here's a playlist for when I play Reinhardt in Overwatch -- which has been giving me life the past couple days.

anywAY. how are all of you this fine tuesday?

Stayin at a friend's place with gf. Very fun. Many bugbites. So much insomnia.
Going back to gf's place on Sunday.

Goin' off to a campground in the mountains, and I'll be back sometime in the evening on the 12th, so don't be upset if I don't answer you back! Service will be spotty af.

But anyway - I have WIPs for the following peeps, which I'll send via PM:
Rags, Renzo_the_Third, Hydrophagist, and Kyurem2424

To Vox, MerrickYena, and Dustytuft, I'll have stuff for you when I return!

And Moosey, I'm gonna do yours at the top of a mountain - show off my inks if that's alright with you!! <3

Have a good weekend y'all -- and if you'd like to appeal to whatever deity of your choosing so it doesn't rain on my campsite that'd be appreciated! <3

The moment you've all been waiting for!!

First, a link to view my thesis film, ABENDROT - I hope you enjoy!!

Commission Prices have been adjusted up due to rent, and Terms of Service have been adjusted for clarity and such, so please give both of them a read through!

- PRICES
- TERMS OF SERVICE

All commission types are open! Hit me with your desires!

And as a special deal, the first person to order a coloured or uncoloured Sketch Page here can take $20 off, as it'll be experimental, and used as the example for the commission type!

To order, either comment here, note me, or email me at heymisterhangman@gmail.com!
These 10 slots will be finished before my weeklong camping trip on June 9th! I've got to do some modifications to my computer and clear out some harddrive space before I commit to a streaming schedule, but that's definitely coming!

Sketch Page deal:

-  leshana - COMPLETE
Commission Slots:
1.  renzo_the_third
2.  dbthemighty - COMPLETE
3. -claimed
4.  coffeestain
5.  vox_dragon111
6.
7.
9.
10.