i started a new job (and interview for a second) tomorrow so i haven't been able to do much art (and i really dont do as much furry art as i want to lol) so i've been a bit awol lately, but im not dead! just a lot of things going on irl

ive never been good at keeping regular journal updates on sites like this or DA anyways rip me

im spending it with the love of my life aka ME

nah but for real tho have a great day!

hit me up for them! freelance is my only income, so i'm always open and i'll take all comers

imagine the possibilities
not even just robot/cyborg fursonas (fursonae? fursoni) but like robots in general. cyborgs, androids, mecha, steam-powered bots, automatons and animated dolls....roombas....

i want this to happen i want a robot fandom with cons and meetups and robot character fursonas and art and costumes. robot musicians, robot dance comps, robot writer and comics

like robots are awesome and there's already so much great robot content to draw inspiration from where is my passionate and fun and diverse and active robot fandom/subculture

im not even kidding about this can we make this happen

please. im at that point where i need to beg ok. none of my job opportunities are panning out, nothing professional that i've encountered wants my art, and im starting to feel like the best thing i can do for my work as an artist is just die, bc then at least people will look at it and purchase it out of sympathy. i had to take money out of my savings to pay a $15 copay for my doctors appointment today. i have a friend visiting this weekend and no money to buy food or drink or take him to anything special. i cant even afford a new pack of cigarettes to deal with the fucking stress.

please just commission me, or boost me so others can do so.
im sorry to be so negative in this journal bc that's not who i want to present to the world but i just don't have any positivity left. my anxiety levels are through the roof, my self-deprecation levels are getting there, and i can't think about literally anything besides how much of a failure my art career has been so far and how seemingly undesirable--even to retweet or reblog or share with anyone--my work is. im starting to think that everything i've built up to in life, picking up a pencil at a very young age and just not putting it down for a few decades, is all for nothing and that no matter how hard i work i will have nothing to show for it.

i just want to work. i just want to not be evicted, not be malnourished (i weigh like 20lbs less than last time i checked), and not be constantly beating myself up and dealing with headaches and nausea and shakes and sleepless nights because im so stressed about being able to afford my (fairly cheap) rent.

i dont want to lose faith in myself. but i only have so much faith left in the tank, and i think i've hit fumes. i dont want this to be the year the stress gets the best of me and either kills me via some sort of aneurysm or something or just by pushing me past the point where i can take it.

i dont know how im going to survive, and i hate myself for it.

im gonna need a minute. or a year. or a lifetime
or just fuck it, i'm never going to be okay about this

so im completely dependent on freelance right now financially and i am 4 days late on my rent because a commissioner hasn't paid me yet and im quickly spiraling into a panic attack my whole body is shaking like i've had way too much caffeine and i can't breathe super well

please people, pay your artists promptly when you commission them. you don't know how much they may be depending on that.

now if u excuse me i have to try not to throw up

i tried to post this journal yesterday but GOOD OL FA ACTIN LIKE ITS 2003 INSTEAD OF 2016 GOD DAMN

anyways im tryin to get the new year started off right--taking commissions! feel free to send me a message if you're interested, this is 100% how i'm making my living these days and its Kinda Hard so every job i get counts a lot! hup hup hit me up

my christmas went well, was great to spend some chill time with my fam. we saw the star war and ate like kings and now i have shiny new doc martens and an AMAZING record/various other audio player (with a david bowie live 2disk ;w;)

hope everyone's holiday went well! GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE <3

so um real talk im hella broke (like seriously broke) and i'm late on a student loan with another one coming up, i have like no groceries at my house except for some mac and cheese, and i've got utility bills due as well. i've been hunting for a job but it seems like the only places that want me can't hire me yet for whatever reasons so in the meantime im sitting here having panic attacks and episodes of severe self-hatred bc my hands are tied no matter how many applications i send out or people i hit up asking about work. i had to blitzkrieg freelance to afford my rent bill and i paid it with like $2 left

that said, commissions are open. i'll draw pretty much whatever sfw or nsfw as long as its not hyper-complex or benedict cumberbatch (or really fucked up shit, you can pitch to me but i'll make the call).

im open to discuss hourly rates or set price (set price must be paid 1/2 up front if more than $25, i will write down my hours to keep track for hourly rate), and i use paypal primarily.

im familiar with logo and character design, promotional flyers, album and shirt art, portraiture, and fashion illustration as well and my messages are open so please feel free to hit me up.

the holiday season is the perfect time to get a personalized, unique gift for someone in your life (or yourself if you so choose)! don't pass up the opportunity :> and tell ur friends as well! #supportartists

hands up if you wanna bang the gurren lagann mecha

im so fuckin bored lmao what is UP

hope everyone has a good and safe day (and if it can't be good, hang in there. it's temporary and it'll be okay, i promise)

im trying to have a good one here but demeaning randos and not being able to drink the frustration away isnt helping lole

so i used to be on FA like a couple times but my art's changed a lot since then. anyways, thanks for welcoming me back! I am open for commissions at this time as well (like REALLY OPEN i really need to pay rent??? lole). i cant guarantee how often i'll upload or post here but i'd like to keep this account alive!

HELLO MY CHILDREN