I know I've done a few people wrong. I've taken on more than I could mentally or physically chew.

I'll be honest when I say I think I've been a child.

I could be like every other person and keep running away from the problems.

For anyone that talks to me, you know I've had a lot on my plate.
I've had to forcefully move all around this damn country. Just when I start to try to fix things, we've had to pack up and leave and I feel I've been doing that all my life. When things get bad, I know to pack up and leave.

I packed up and left from this account and I did it with my first account.

I run.

I put up such a front that I'm some strong person that can deal with everything.

I help others before helping my own problems.. I can't fix my problems because I'm too focused on helping other peoples' problems.

I've always done this.

I don't like that I do..

So I'm not running anymore.

It'd time to grow up. It's time to stop running.

I'm going to post the same for my first account and hey, might actually go back to it.


A lot has happened these past two-three years and I want things to be good again. For myself and for  crushdood
I've changed jobs, he's changed jobs and his last day is today and is getting back to the army, I've been sick too much, working too much, and have a major issue with my only really working eye which is whats probably causing my constant sick feelings(migraines are the devil). I think I've felt like I'm holding him back a little but at the same time I'm pushing us forward.

We've been fighting down a long road just for a chance for normal life.. And normal life is in our sights. Its close.. but it will still be another few months.

I want everyone I owe art or costume pieces to- to get a full refund or your piece with extra things. Like if you ordered a character piece and still want that piece, I can throw in an extra piece.. Refunds will be coming. I promise they are coming. I've given out most the refunds back when I sold my suit, but I know there are a few still out there I didnt have enough for after vet bills and stuff. And quite frankly I seem to just barely make bills and now that Crush isn't working until the army- Im the only source of income for our bills.

PLEASE ADD ME ON SKYPE
I dont do well with notes cause its easier for my brain to want to run.

MY SKYPE IS THATANNOYINGCAT
If you need it, my AIM is the same, however I dont use it much.

IM me and tell me what you owe and please, be mature and understanding about it. Dont just be like "hey, a year ago you promised me art you lying whore".

I want to compile a list and keep you up to date, which is why I say to add me and IM me on skype.

As soon as he's back in the army, I'm going to be scheduling refunds.

Im so sorry for hiding. I know it was the immature thing to do, and I've come to realize my issues. I just hope people can forgive me for being scared. Everyone does make mistakes and when you feel you've made more than one- it feels overwhelming.


Also if you didn't know, I've been using my side account recently and since I dont have my Mao suit anymore- I have no real reason to use this account. I'll keep all the art up and everything- but will most likely be using HyenaButts or my first account- Itsuya again.


Thank you guys for reading.
Time to start over.

Hey everyone.

I know I vanished completely there for a little bit..

I had a death in my family that hit me extremely hard. My grandpa had been slowly slipping away for a while now, and finally he was admitted to a hospital on the 2nd. He eventually was just so weak that they put him on something and gave him his favorite tunes so that he'd just slowly and painlessly pass. He finally passed away on the 4th.

My grandpa had been such an important person in my life. He was a strong, small dude straight from Scotland. He may have had a really tough attitude, but he was a genuine guy. He told you the truth about anything.. When I was younger- I admit, I was kinda a fuck up living in fantasy and not knowing what the outside world was like.. I took a leap and went to culinary school- I'd never seen anyone so proud of me as him. He was so excited to tell me all these stories from when he owned a hotel and cooked and the stories went on. From then on, he always wanted to know about my jobs and where I was cooking and wanted me to cook for him.
ha
Then.. I left the cooking industry since I have an extremely weak body apparently. I kept getting pinched nerves and being unable to stand in the morning.. so I went back into customer service and attractions. I visited him with Joe ( crushdood) and that man couldn't have been more proud of the man I'd chosen to be with <3 My grandpa LOVED him. He couldn't stop talking about Scottish heritage and war stories.

Back in April I was able to see him again. He didn't look too great.. I could tell that his time was coming to an end. It was.. extremely sad to see him in that state but now that I look back on it- Im extremely happy that I was able to see him one last time before he passed away..

RIP Bernard Aitchison <333
I will miss you like no tomorrow...

I've also had a few days of breakdown because one of my cats is dying and the only way to fix her is if I do an expensive surgery.. Augh so. Yeah. my mind hasnt been that great lately..

So that being send..

I'm going to issue refunds shortly for everyone.
I've lost my spark. Death hits me so awful. I cant think of doing anything.

Most my art commission refunds will be handed out on Friday.

Im sorry for this long wait guys. I've tried and tried but life just keeps hitting me and I have no spark. And no spark = crappy art from me. Im never going to make people pay for crappy art.

thank you to everyone whos been understanding this whole time :/ means a lot.

1.  tendaji -majority sketched out. Going to work on little extras.
2.  simisan -sketched out. Need to ink and color.
3.  blackpelt10 -resketching. First one sucked XC
4.  koohiimonsutaa -not started

PLEASE CHECK HERE FOR UPDATES.
I'm trying the best I can with my lack of motivation and lack of time.

I'm sorry I'm not the fastest of artists and i thought i couldve had them done a long time ago.. but I have a lot goin on in my life and can't spend 24/7 on the computer. Most days I'm not even able to touch it due to my work hours.

Please, please, please do not send me notes asking for updates. It ends up making me anxious and ends up making me not want to draw for some reason. I just need to be able to work without pressure.

I will update YOU when I have a sketch for approval. If you haven't heard from me, that means I do not have anything ready for you.

I will make it up to you guys, just please bear with me. I'm doing my best. I've got half my list sketched out at least.. Just need to do the other half and finish the sketches XC

Usually doing something fun helps me so much.

So does anyone have any sketches they'd want inked, colored, finished w/e?

SEND ME THEM.

I'll finish a piece or two of my choosing for free just to try and get that spark back.
Just link me the sketch(s) here in the journal or via note. I'll clear the journal when I pick one or two!

I've been trying and trying but everything seems to look like shit :c

Idk how to get my spark for art back.. Ever since I got home. I tried making some minecraft icons, which was fun. But afterwards I still had no ideas for commissions. Augh.

If you have an art block, how do you overcome it?

I'll be updating this journal as I go.

Current Art To-Do list.
 tendaji - 2 character pic & other misc. doodles.
 simisan - full body sketch
 karzai - 3 icons; 2 for her, 1 for Scratch.
 blackpelt10 - Ref sheet + headshot
 koohiimonsutaa - Fullbody flatcolor pinup


PLEASE NOTE:
I have a FULL TIME job that takes up a good amount of my time. I only have time to work on commissions usually on days off. I try to work on them after/before work, but it's usually pretty tough since work leaves me pretty exhausted.

I try to do my list in order.

So California has been nice. Weather is great. Nice to see family. Disneyland was simply amazing. My birthday lunch at club33 was the most amazing experience in my life.

My birthday didn't exactly end well though and it's left a lot on my mind.

As soon as I get home, I'll be working my job but trying to finish those few commissions on my list.

When I'm done with those commissions I will be on a bit of a hiatus. I might come on here and check messages and reply to things here an there, but I'm going to take a long break to change my life. I'm overweight, my health is awful, and just my relationships with even my friends is not the greatest anymore.

I need to rethink a lot of things.
When I'm done I might return, however I might not.

I will finish the commissions on my list. I will pay those I owe refunds to. Please just be patient as I make this change.

Thanks everyone,
Itsu

Happy birthday to me~

Still at Disneyland.
Eating at Club 33 for lunch ;D


PINKYS OUT FOLKS.

 yasuno has the cutest rat ;3; but the poor baby has a large tumor that keeps growing.. Poor thing has to be uncomfortable.. They are selling characters and offering to do art for donations!! Check out the journal below and help or spread the word so we can help get that tumor gone!!

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4556173/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4556173/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4556173/

AHH. 5 more days as I'll be turning 23!!

Idk why I'm getting so excited.. It's probably cause I'm going to California.. I just wish Crush could go too :C

IF ANYONE WANTS TO BE SUPER AWESOME--
I'd really love some artwork of hyena Itsu for my birthday ;3;

NOT TELLING ANYONE TO BE LIKE "HEY- GIVE ME ART >:B"
(But gift art is super awesome)


All my art will be on pause till I come back<3
Still going to sketch lots though!!

So for my birthday, my moms paying for me to go back to her place in San Diego for a week! I'll be there from the 21st-28th!

I know I've lost touch with a lot of the SoCal people but it would be nice to see a few people. I'll be going to Disneyland from the 23rd-26th I think, rest of the time is goin to be in San Diego.

Gettin pretty excited. My birthdays the 25th.. And I get to go to Club33~
(For you nondisneynerds- it's a special restaurant you need membership to)

AHH. And blue bayou. I think I'm more excited for the food. -fat hyena-

So recently I've had a lot of financial things come up that took a lot of my paychecks.. Car battery died, marriage papers and ceremony.. and small things we need at home.. Just a lot of my money has gone to moving us forward.. And now we dont even know if Crush will have a spot in the army anytime soon.. Meaning we'll be going more and more into debt..

I need to do whatever I can to raise some more money so I'm offering EXTREMELY cheap commissions for the next TWO WEEKS. UNLIMITED slots.
Prices are as follows:

Spread the word that I need the commissions and get a FREE HEADSHOT! :D Just link the journal as proof!

Headshot sketch: $1
-Color +$1

Bust sketch: $2
-Color +$1

Fullbody sketch: $3
-Color +2

Icons: $3 (These are shaded and everything!!)

Couple Icons: $5

Durpy-simple animation icons: $2

SKETCH EXAMPLES:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/9807601/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/9808591/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/9807521/

ICON EXAMPLES:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/10305953/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/10301596/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/10059437/

SIMPLE-DURPY ICON EXAMPLES:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/10162738/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/7775938/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/7769605/

I'd prefer to stick to sketches and icons since they take less time-meaning more done in a day!

UNLIMITED SLOTS:
1.  tendaji FULLBODY SKETCH DONE
2.  simisan FULLBODY SKETCH
3.  yuchiyote ICON
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Leave a msg below or note me!
My paypal is vyncent.esovar@gmail.com

Any help is appreciated! THANK YOU GUYS!!

YUP.

I didnt really talk about it much but yesterday I went to the court house with  crushdood and we got married in front of my dad, mom, brother, and family friend. We are officially married c: We are finally starting to move forward in life.

We had a quick, small marriage since Crush is going back in the army and if I want to be moved too when he gets stationed somewhere, we have to be married- not just dating.

I think we've been though a lot.. and helped one another change for the better. I think both out outlooks on life are SO extremely different than when we first got together. We had some speedbumps but we know how to fix the problems we had. Talking. Letting feelings out. Loving one another. It's been a crazy 2+ years.. and I'm looking forward to what the future holds for us.

I look back on what we were both like back in 2010.. and holycrap.. we were just so different and close-minded.

We now understand each other more and it's amazing.

Here's to many more years with this shep<3

He's leaving in a few weeks :c So I need to spend all the time I can with him.. but trust me, I'm working on my to-do list.. but a lot of my spare time will be just with him before I dont see him for a few months.

Thanks to all for understanding <333

Would anyone be interested in some art trades?

I want art of Itsu to make sure I want that design..

Maybe some icon trades?
Sketch trades?

Let me know :3

There's a lot in life that makes people want to give up. I've wanted to give up so many time, but it's thanks to the love of the people in my life that always want me to move forward.

So that's what we've been working towards. Moving forward.

So a lot of people know that is going back into the military. He'll be leaving sometime in April.. It's going to be tough not being around him for the first time in a like.. Over 2 years. But it's all to move forward. Thanks to him we'll be able to move forward wherever life takes us and we won't be just scrapping by on our low wage jobs. He's an amazing guy.

But before he goes back in, we're getting married!
It's nothing big. A few family members going to the courthouse with me lol but at least when he gets stationed somewhere, I get to move too!

We're probably going to have an actual ceremony another date but we'll be officially married on April 3rd!

Then, April 11th I have to go back to a specialist for my collarbone that's been causing a lot of pain again.. So we'll see how that goes.. Then from te 21st to the 28th I'm goin to be in San Diego. My mom bought me a plane ticket out to see family and go to Disneyland for my birthday ;3;

Trying to get a lot of things done really fast since he's going to be leaving XC after April I'll have a lot of spare time. But right now, I don't have a lot of spare time.. But I'm trying to get everything done!

http://www.livestream.com/dumbyenastuff

Join in! Im doing free doodles. (but donations are nice and helpful!)

Donations can be made to vyncent.esovar[at]gmail.com (Should say name as Joe/Joseph)

EDIT: OFFLINE
However if you'd like any artwork, let me know in the comments. I'll still take people on a list for free stuff for me to work on tomorrow. Again though, donations would be SUPER appreciated.

Hey guys, we aren't 100% going but we are wondering if anyone has any space open for us to crash on their floor?
Its just  crushdood and myself and we will bring only 1 suit each probably.

So if anyone at all has space, then let us know ASAP plssssss ;3;

http://bigbootybeargator.tumblr.com/

I FINALLY GOT ONE TO USE EVERY DAY. GIMME BLOGS TO FOLLOW.

GO WATCH. HER ART IS AMAZING.

Does anyone on my watch list play? :X

Hey everyone, like it says in the title, this is for FL furs only. Sorry, but I'm not shipping them or driving them to another state.

I have two ferrets in need of a loving home by March. As many of you know,  crushdood is leaving for the army in March.

Seeing as I work a fulltime job that takes up most of my freetime, and knowing we will have to move shortly after he starts training.. I'm wanting to find them a new home.

There is one female(Minka), and one male(Jukka).
I'd prefer to keep them together since they're like siblings. They are both mainly white. Minka has more color than Jukka but they're still mainly white. I'll try to snap a picture of them and upload it. They are both 2 years old, with Jukka being a few months older than Minka.

I'm not asking for any money for them. I am asking, however, that you provide the cage. Their cage is old and has lots of bars that they've chewed to escape.

Let me know if interested. Please spread the word to other FL furs!

Hey guys, I know a lot of people are kinda wondering exactly whats going on right now because I know I've made some vague tweets about life having ups and downs..

So recently I've really sat down and written down my bills vs. how much I take as income. (well and myself's income).
And quite honestly the outcome was really sad. Our bills per month are $1478 BEFORE food which is a changing number that usually came out to #200-$250 a month.

Our combined income a month is an average of $1100.
That's less than what we need to sustain our bills and still eat.
Thankfully we've been scraping by with help from family and friends and only eating at home for the most part.. but we finally realized we can't keep doing this..

So Crush is going back into the army.
He is most likely leaving at the end of the month to training again, this time to be special forces.

As much as I like FL and my friends here, this change in our life HAS to happen. We cant keep barely scrapping by every single month. Our credit takes a big hit because of this which will hurt us later in life. I've been under so much stress about bills and money and it all just drives me insane.

I will be leaving FL in approximately 6-7 months.

Where we are going, we don't exactly know. I guess the only places he'd end up as SF is North Carolina, Colorado, Alaska, Germany, Italy, and Japan as far as he knows. so you never know where I'll end up. But life can finally start to go back to semi-normal after.. I mean, it's going to suck and be tough since he's in the army and will have to deploy and be gone randomly.. but we were so much happier back then ;; back when we could actually buy clothes and visit friends and family.. ugh life was just so much easier...

So that's exactly whats going on.

As far as my 2013 Con list... it's really all up in the air. I'm on the fence if I should still go to FWA.. I want to go but I'd be without Crush and Idk who I could room with either. Im just going to think about that one because when he gets back in.. I will have the gas money to go and some room money to give but I dont want to go if I'll feel alone ;; -cowardly cat-

I do however still want to aim for MFF. MFF has always been my home con no matter what and I always do what I can to go. So I dont care if I'm in fucking Germany. Im going to go to fucking MFF >:C YA HEAR?

I will not be going to anything else though at this time. That AC I went really put a sour taste in my mouth so Im just going to sit that one out. Depending on where he ends up getting stationed will determine any other con possibility.






uhm but a lot is still in the air.

-professor voice from futurama-

AHEM.
I fixed my tablet finally earlier.

hizzaaaaah.
I'll upload some WIP sketches of your commissions noooow~

Hey guys, I want to let people know that I just have one more commission to sketch out, then the rest is up to  redroseofdeath

My tablet has refused to work right still. Its pressure system just will not work. I've uninstalled and reinstalled the drivers a million times. Restarted the computer a bizzilion times. Nothing. SO.. Im giving the sketches to her to line and color. Im sorry for the inconvenient timing of my tablets death but nothing I can do about it :/

A lot of bad stuff has happened lately.

But I'm starting new again and moving on. I need to go back to being that positive person I was before I moved back to FL. FL has one bad spell on me.
I'm going to spend my last year here wisely and grow with my friends more. I also want to know more of my followers though. I want to be that person I was before FL lol

I want people to talk to me though! I dont bite!
I made a new AIM, its ThatAnnoyingCat
And I still have skype which is the same (thatannoyingcat)
If you play Furc, I'm usually on the alts Vash, Ellina, or Iggie

If you have heard anything about me.. anything about my life that you want to question. Just ask. Don't make assumptions on my life or why I have done some of the things I've had to do in life.

I've had to make some extremely rough decisions in life so far. None that are funny. None that are a joke or should be taken as such.
And if you've heard that I'm an awful person or that I've done something. Please tell me. I want to know what people say about me.

The people who know me know..
I'm a very caring person. I'm like a big momma owl just looking out for everyone. Hungry? I feed you. No place to stay? I give you my home. I give everything I have for my friends.

A lot of people seem to think that I'm some bitchy, rude, asshole. That isn't the case. I can be, don't get me wrong. You cross me bad and you'll see the inner beast out for blood.. But I'm not that kind of person. I really just want to cook and draw and hang out and laugh kind of person.

I've been extremely hurt recently.
Stabbed in the back by someone I thought I could trust with something. If anyone was worried about my tweets on twitter, I'm okay. I was mad and upset. When that happens I tend to panic and have anxiety attacks. So if I seemed snippy also, I apologize. I'm still kind of dumbfounded by the whole thing..

So if anyone's been told some crazy secret of mine, please tell me. If you've heard someone say shit about me, please tell me.

---

For everyone going to FC, be safe. Have fun, have some drinks. Don't get yourself in trouble or hurt(mentally or physically). Be careful on who's actually a friend and who's just looking for trouble. <3 I want to see all my yotes, sheps, dingos, dawgs, and cats back alive and well at the end of the weekend! Take plenty of pictures for me too! :D