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MOVING TO A NEW ACCOUNT
Posted 12 years ago
Elpida _Elpida _Elpida _Elpida _ElpidaI was planning on maybe teasing you guys for awhile but meh, mind as well tell you about it.
Just made it. Managed to make some new art there.
Feel free to continue watching me over there, if you want. It's really up to you.
_Elpida _Elpida _Elpida _Elpida _ElpidaI'm Not Dead; Explanations and ("semi"-Vent journal)
Posted 12 years ago(Despite the fact that I deleted every single submission on here as well as my previous journals)
Before I continue, I'd like to say that I'm still trying to work on commissions that I ave for a certain person. I would just like to apologize to that person for being so late. If you (talking to the commissioner) would like, I'd be glad to instead give you 3 or 4 of my video games to make up the $30. Besides, it would help make less clutter in my room.
So yeah, here we are: liminality. This account isn't quite alive yet it isn't quite dead (yet). I was originally going to give people a few days to save whatever work I had but I figured barely anyone cares at this point. Like I said, after countless attempts to sell you guys shit; try to get you guys to buy commissions from me, even if I offered $5 for a colored piece, try to sell you all of my games for only $5 each, and etc, and with little to no success, people just got tired of my endless attempts of doing so. At least, that's how I view it. How would you feel if someone constantly tried to sell you crap you didn't want? You already get that from modern society. God forbid you live in the city, especially NYC or Tokyo, where advertising is just bombarded by campaigns that cost as much as the student debt.
So I’m not really blaming anyone. I could, but I knew I would have little success.
I also don’t expect sympathy or even empathy for me. I could try to. I could tell you about how my family’s only mode of transportation is basically fucked and now we have to rely on family members coming and taking us to go grocery shopping or something (on a sidenote, I’m glad that the bus transportation where I live is the way it is; willing to pick and drop people off at their own homes. The only downside to it is having to make schedules a day or so ahead that or how buses only come at certain stops in only an hour). I could also talk about how close me and my family are into having difficulty paying the electric bill, despite the fact that we try to turn absolutely everything off in the house. I even could also talk about how I am still jobless despite the fact that it’s usually expected to at least having worked in your teen years and that I might not have one anytime soon since my parents and the experts on special ed pretty much said I shouldn’t have a job while attending college despite the fact that I read that if you don’t get a job soon, you’ll less, likely be hired because you haven't built enough experience. Not to mention my anxiety over the fact that when I do graduate with my chosen degree, It won’t be ten or twenty years before I actually work in the field and thus will have to get a job flipping burgers and frying patties
I could talk about all sorts of my anxieties. Not ones in the medical sense, mind you. I don’t immediately go into panic attack when I think about the worse-case scenario. I guess it’s just a part of having Aspergers Syndrome.
Yeah, I have Aspergers syndrome. At least I think. I know I was professionally diagnosed at a young age but I sometimes feel as though this whole thing is bullshit. I’m just some socially awkwa--actually, let me take that back--I’m an odd-ball nerd who happens to not be very good at small chit chat. Although if you somehow have similar interest to me, I’d be having a blast. you can have one hard-on for Friendship is MAgic and only talk about it and I’d still at least be glad to talk to you, especially if I meet you in my local area where meeting someone like that is the equivalent of finding a similarly or highly-developed civilization in the universe. However, there’s certainly some proof that I have it based on my childhood experiences. There’s proof even now, thanks to speaking to a few people who have the same condition and talking about similar experiences.
The reason why I kept my AS a secret was because I was afraid most would judge and assume I was some sort of walking stereotype (Think Chris Chan or Spax3). Maybe I am. Although at this point, I don’t care anymore.
I know it’s alright to have (sexual) fantasies involving your fetishes. But I sometimes feel guilty, even when I know I shouldn’t. I’m trying to combat this though. I’ve been trying to make myself realize that the same culture who may despise my fetishes or even what I enjoy, in general, are the same ones who’ve been oblivious as to what is going in the US government or the rest for the world. The ones who believe Snowden is a traitor and treat him the same way the do with Osama bin Laden or Kim Jong Duk Nan Gook Nuk probably only watched mainstream media. For those who are more forgiving of him yet tell him he’s not a hero because he left his country and didn’t face the consequences, as the famous Daniel Ellsberg put it: “The country I stayed in was a different America.” It’s also the same culture that made the Kardashians famous just because for a single sex tape.
Despite all this hover, I know there are others in worse situations than me. A friend I know has to stay in some sort of boarding home last time I remember, a youtube user I know is trying deal with the people at his pharmaceutical job in some place in New Jersey while feeling frustrated about a whole lot of shit, some person lacks their own bedroom and has to sleep on the couch, some have probably been kicked out of their homes or apartments and are now living in the streets or in some sort of drainage system (see Las Vegas). Hell, lets also mention all the people living in developing nations: people who have to live in a state of chaos where bullets constantly shoot against signs, people living in oppressive regimes, people how are probably going hungry, people who probably don’t even have clean water or CLEAN AIR and must rely on buying canned air (seriously, this happened in some city in China. It may not be common but I feel as though that’ll change soon).
What I’m trying to say is that I am aware that my problems are not as bad as I may make it out to be. I am just simply frustrated. Frustrated that all of this is happening to me. Not right now, of course. I’m feeling God damn good typing all this shit down after concealing it for practically years. I was afraid of making a journal like this because I would be perceived as whiney drama llama faggot. I would have only made this if someone I cared about died or I truly got into a financially-troubling situation. I also didn’t like reading similar journals made by people I watched (a certain two artist, who I’ll not mention for their sake). It made me feel uncomfortable. .However, I feel as though I mind as well. Especially considering that I might just abandon this account soon (like I said: not too alive but not too dead).
I’m just trying to find some way to combat this “frustration” feeling. that’s why I’m trying to sell pratically everything I care about. If I can’t here, then I’ll sell them at some pawn shop.
As I previously mentioned, I’ve been getting ever so interested in Buddhism and tulpas and wonderlands (imaginary worlds). I feel as though those would help me during my time trying to sell all of my games, my books, my manda, my DVD, my consoles, my lego pieces, maybe even some of my shirts I no longer care about. I mean, I won’t lie. I’m still open to buying stuff. It’s just that at this point, I realize material things don’t bring you happiness. I know this may sound like a Christain thing to say but it’s true and I’m sure other religions say the same thing. I’m rather open to entertaining myself in other ways. Besides this would force me to maybe create something for once.
I don’t know how many will make fun of me for mentioning tulpa and wonderlands. Since people might asume I’m either crazy or schitzaphrenic. Maybe I am going crazy. I truly don’t know. An artist on Furaffinity who’s obsessed with Lugias once said that you can’t be sure of yourself; only others are willing to do that....or some shit like that.
...So yeah, I’m just trying to reconsider things. Wonder what I’’m doing.
Oh yeah, I just watched this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_AJljHYww8
and here’s a comment from one person on the same video:
"Prepping is also important in everyday life. Recently, I paid a lot of bills so the Bank account was running low, then the Mortgage company took my payment 2 weeks early and I went for a ride on the Overdraft train. No money for 2 weeks till payday, and then they shut off my water because my check bounced. I had $60 in my bug out bag, food, water and some gas stored so it has been pretty much life as usual here." - lmulkey2011
So yeah, I hope you guys are still interested in chatting with me. I'm glad to tell you my IM accounts via PMs.
Otherwise, have a good day.
Before I continue, I'd like to say that I'm still trying to work on commissions that I ave for a certain person. I would just like to apologize to that person for being so late. If you (talking to the commissioner) would like, I'd be glad to instead give you 3 or 4 of my video games to make up the $30. Besides, it would help make less clutter in my room.
So yeah, here we are: liminality. This account isn't quite alive yet it isn't quite dead (yet). I was originally going to give people a few days to save whatever work I had but I figured barely anyone cares at this point. Like I said, after countless attempts to sell you guys shit; try to get you guys to buy commissions from me, even if I offered $5 for a colored piece, try to sell you all of my games for only $5 each, and etc, and with little to no success, people just got tired of my endless attempts of doing so. At least, that's how I view it. How would you feel if someone constantly tried to sell you crap you didn't want? You already get that from modern society. God forbid you live in the city, especially NYC or Tokyo, where advertising is just bombarded by campaigns that cost as much as the student debt.
So I’m not really blaming anyone. I could, but I knew I would have little success.
I also don’t expect sympathy or even empathy for me. I could try to. I could tell you about how my family’s only mode of transportation is basically fucked and now we have to rely on family members coming and taking us to go grocery shopping or something (on a sidenote, I’m glad that the bus transportation where I live is the way it is; willing to pick and drop people off at their own homes. The only downside to it is having to make schedules a day or so ahead that or how buses only come at certain stops in only an hour). I could also talk about how close me and my family are into having difficulty paying the electric bill, despite the fact that we try to turn absolutely everything off in the house. I even could also talk about how I am still jobless despite the fact that it’s usually expected to at least having worked in your teen years and that I might not have one anytime soon since my parents and the experts on special ed pretty much said I shouldn’t have a job while attending college despite the fact that I read that if you don’t get a job soon, you’ll less, likely be hired because you haven't built enough experience. Not to mention my anxiety over the fact that when I do graduate with my chosen degree, It won’t be ten or twenty years before I actually work in the field and thus will have to get a job flipping burgers and frying patties
I could talk about all sorts of my anxieties. Not ones in the medical sense, mind you. I don’t immediately go into panic attack when I think about the worse-case scenario. I guess it’s just a part of having Aspergers Syndrome.
Yeah, I have Aspergers syndrome. At least I think. I know I was professionally diagnosed at a young age but I sometimes feel as though this whole thing is bullshit. I’m just some socially awkwa--actually, let me take that back--I’m an odd-ball nerd who happens to not be very good at small chit chat. Although if you somehow have similar interest to me, I’d be having a blast. you can have one hard-on for Friendship is MAgic and only talk about it and I’d still at least be glad to talk to you, especially if I meet you in my local area where meeting someone like that is the equivalent of finding a similarly or highly-developed civilization in the universe. However, there’s certainly some proof that I have it based on my childhood experiences. There’s proof even now, thanks to speaking to a few people who have the same condition and talking about similar experiences.
The reason why I kept my AS a secret was because I was afraid most would judge and assume I was some sort of walking stereotype (Think Chris Chan or Spax3). Maybe I am. Although at this point, I don’t care anymore.
I know it’s alright to have (sexual) fantasies involving your fetishes. But I sometimes feel guilty, even when I know I shouldn’t. I’m trying to combat this though. I’ve been trying to make myself realize that the same culture who may despise my fetishes or even what I enjoy, in general, are the same ones who’ve been oblivious as to what is going in the US government or the rest for the world. The ones who believe Snowden is a traitor and treat him the same way the do with Osama bin Laden or Kim Jong Duk Nan Gook Nuk probably only watched mainstream media. For those who are more forgiving of him yet tell him he’s not a hero because he left his country and didn’t face the consequences, as the famous Daniel Ellsberg put it: “The country I stayed in was a different America.” It’s also the same culture that made the Kardashians famous just because for a single sex tape.
Despite all this hover, I know there are others in worse situations than me. A friend I know has to stay in some sort of boarding home last time I remember, a youtube user I know is trying deal with the people at his pharmaceutical job in some place in New Jersey while feeling frustrated about a whole lot of shit, some person lacks their own bedroom and has to sleep on the couch, some have probably been kicked out of their homes or apartments and are now living in the streets or in some sort of drainage system (see Las Vegas). Hell, lets also mention all the people living in developing nations: people who have to live in a state of chaos where bullets constantly shoot against signs, people living in oppressive regimes, people how are probably going hungry, people who probably don’t even have clean water or CLEAN AIR and must rely on buying canned air (seriously, this happened in some city in China. It may not be common but I feel as though that’ll change soon).
What I’m trying to say is that I am aware that my problems are not as bad as I may make it out to be. I am just simply frustrated. Frustrated that all of this is happening to me. Not right now, of course. I’m feeling God damn good typing all this shit down after concealing it for practically years. I was afraid of making a journal like this because I would be perceived as whiney drama llama faggot. I would have only made this if someone I cared about died or I truly got into a financially-troubling situation. I also didn’t like reading similar journals made by people I watched (a certain two artist, who I’ll not mention for their sake). It made me feel uncomfortable. .However, I feel as though I mind as well. Especially considering that I might just abandon this account soon (like I said: not too alive but not too dead).
I’m just trying to find some way to combat this “frustration” feeling. that’s why I’m trying to sell pratically everything I care about. If I can’t here, then I’ll sell them at some pawn shop.
As I previously mentioned, I’ve been getting ever so interested in Buddhism and tulpas and wonderlands (imaginary worlds). I feel as though those would help me during my time trying to sell all of my games, my books, my manda, my DVD, my consoles, my lego pieces, maybe even some of my shirts I no longer care about. I mean, I won’t lie. I’m still open to buying stuff. It’s just that at this point, I realize material things don’t bring you happiness. I know this may sound like a Christain thing to say but it’s true and I’m sure other religions say the same thing. I’m rather open to entertaining myself in other ways. Besides this would force me to maybe create something for once.
I don’t know how many will make fun of me for mentioning tulpa and wonderlands. Since people might asume I’m either crazy or schitzaphrenic. Maybe I am going crazy. I truly don’t know. An artist on Furaffinity who’s obsessed with Lugias once said that you can’t be sure of yourself; only others are willing to do that....or some shit like that.
...So yeah, I’m just trying to reconsider things. Wonder what I’’m doing.
Oh yeah, I just watched this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_AJljHYww8
and here’s a comment from one person on the same video:
"Prepping is also important in everyday life. Recently, I paid a lot of bills so the Bank account was running low, then the Mortgage company took my payment 2 weeks early and I went for a ride on the Overdraft train. No money for 2 weeks till payday, and then they shut off my water because my check bounced. I had $60 in my bug out bag, food, water and some gas stored so it has been pretty much life as usual here." - lmulkey2011
So yeah, I hope you guys are still interested in chatting with me. I'm glad to tell you my IM accounts via PMs.
Otherwise, have a good day.
