So... I'm "white".

Technically Germanic. But I'm not THAT "white".

Normally I don't do birthdays. The backstory to that's a bit complicated, unpleasant, but this time I made an exception. This is family, REAL family, not incidental "we came out of the same genetic petrie dish" family. Found family. REAL love which you are willing to go to jail for. And I dont get to see them nearly enough.SO I was going to see them, dammit.

I woke up after everyone had already left to the shindig, no small thanks to the sleeping meds I have to take these days and the rapturous joy of construction taking place literally outside my usual bedroom window.

Waking up, groggy, but rearin' to go, I texted me missus. I'd be getting the directions off mapquest and driving over shortly. Seventeen minute drive, a few county roads no biggie.

Well, 40 minutes later I must have missed a turn because I was in "the serial killings happen here" kind of woods, the kind with the really inventive practical effects and twist ending where even "the final girl" gets whacked. So, lost, boonies, dead phone... I'm scrappy and armed but I'm not THAT white.

So I had to re-trace my steps, STILL missed that turn, and got back home.

Happy birthday, hermano! Sorry I couldnt make the shenanigans. Maybe we can have more, soon.

I feel like a jackass. BUT I am a LIVE jackass.

The moon's been pretty. Enjoy it with the people you love.💜💙💚💛💗

Well gosh-diddily-darnit. I guess I didn't get raptured. 😂

Any of y'all see a divine light, winged apparitions awash in holy glow or maybe float away for a bit?

Without the use of any illicit substances, of course... I don't know that that counts. *shrugs*

I have a theory. Bit of a "hot take" as you kids call it but just loosen your sphincters, unclench your pearles and hear me out. We're all supposed to be adults here, being capable of reading comprehension, looking at other viewpoints with a critical eye and using what information we glean in an unemotional manner, a new resource -a grindstone by which we refine our own view. We change, all of us. We grow, a little.

Now. In the light of recent, well let's call it what it is, cult behaviour, the public displays of large rural groups, the increasing violence, kidnappings by masked men in broad daylight and a government outright refusing to denounce , perhaps even funding these actions, making only a token gesture to halt this problem and deal with what are plainly terrorists...

I think that I can say without a fear of reasonable contradiction that the inneffectial, immoral and utterly incompetent president hates his daughter, hates his secret police and has allied himself with forces who seek to kill her.

What? Wait, what? You thought I was talking about convicted 34-time felon, rapist, admitted child-predator, known accomplice and friend of convicted sex-trafficker Jeffry Epstein and violator of the constitution donald trump, felon47, the mutant mango who would be king?

Aw hell no. I dont wanna even THINK about what that Gephetto freak does with his daughter. We ALL know about that and that even gives ME the boo-boo-jeebies.


No, numbnuts! I'm talking about President Graham. THAT guy. The one from President Evil 4. His only daughter Ashley gets kidnapped. Their lead is a secretive bizarre violent cult operation somewhere in the remote forests of Spain where town doctors wear burlap sacks on their heads and run around with chainsaws. His ONLY daughter.

Now who does he send to get het back?

A highly-trained team of diplomats, negotiators, experts on international law to meet in neutral land with 3rd-party arbitration? No.

A crack squad of military specialists, like a team of Solid Snake, Sam Fischer, Ryu Hyabusa and Samus Aran to bring her back covert-style, no traces. Any means necessary? Nope again.

One guy with all the qualifications of "wandered into a viral outbreak of zombie juice his 1st day on thelocal police force. Bungled it so bad he had to flee the city as we glassed it with a cruise missle. Saved maybe two citizens"? Yeah! That's the guy. No grizzled-war vets. No black-ops specialists. Only the best "rookie cop from Midwestern nowheresville" for THIS mission.

But he has nice hair, killer abs, baby-soft skin and sassy-queen attitude. Like the love child of Joey Fatone and Lance Bass in their prime.

Everything president Graham is not.

I think between cue-ball's closet-case jealousy-turned-obsession over his suddenly high-profile bumbling rookie cop and his grating annoyance with his daughter who won't sit in a damn trash bin for five minutes to save her life, he set them both up to be scram-basqualated by some foreigners so he could sabre-rattle at their country for a tick, go up in the polls again and finally get some real peace at home.

Some will say it's just a theory. Maybe. Maybe.

But ask yourselves this,

Have you EVER heard of ... The Grumpinatii?

Coming Soon-

More biz to REALLY piss some of y'all off. 😂😁😂

But seriously, BIG love to y'all who've sent the love, the well-wishes and the IYKNK.

September 30th is recognized by many groups- atheists, humanists, Satanists, both theistic and atheistic as "International Blasphemy Day". For many folkes in TST, it's a day of much frivolity and much conflict.

The reason for the day being the continued shameful existence of blasphemy laws in many countries of the world. The purpose being the education of individuals and groups about these blasphemy laws, promoting freedom of expression, especially the open criticism of religion which is criminalized in many countries. Depending upon your place in the world, this can be very dangerous. For most Americans, it often takes the form of much bickering and arguing online, sharing the joy of seeing who's got the punchiest memetics mocking organized religion. Good fun.

September 30th, I added a new piece to the family altar -a blood painting from a fellow Satanist- fantastic, charming little piece.

September 30th  Sanita_squirrel , my muse, my partner in Satanism and my wife, just had to blow me completely out of the water. She added our daughter.

Happy birthday to you, little Amber Santiago Black.

Ave Lucifer, sweet little girl. You are already more loved than you will ever know.

I can't describe what I'm feeling right now.


Enjoy your lives and enjoy your loves. Big love to you all. Hail Satan and Hail thyself.

https://www.fourstateshomepage.com/.....ve-weakens-us/


It's moments like this that I have to smile. I know that may sound odd but it's true.

When I hear people say that they live a life without regrets it always makes me chuckle just a little- not condescending, no. Just thinking back on my own life and how at one time I blew that trumpet so very loudly. Now, a little older, I'd like to think a LOT wiser- not so much. It seems to me that anyone who would tell you that they have no regrets is likely too selfish to realize the harm they cause others, too cruel to care or just not at a really good place in life... Yet.

I have a great many regrets. People I took for granted, people I've hurt, people whom I allowed to hurt me- or still do for any multitude of reasons. Some of these I can make amends with and I work to do so. Others, unfortunately are beyond my reach and all I can hope to do is strive to recall who we were and be better than that person.

All of this is because of love.

LOVE.

Genuine, real, love.

Giving of the self, not with the hope of getting something in return but just the act itself. Caring. Compassion and a commitment to these as ideals.

It's what fuels me to look at the 500 pages of forums dedicated to hating me, personally, for posting the work I do and not be angry at those people but pity them- to feel sorry for them for having so little in their life that this is what they do with their time.

It's what makes me look at my family, my friends and followers and think "These people deserve you at your best. Give THAT to them."

It's what makes me not really sweat the snarky "uh actually" comment some people are currently typing in response to this journal.

And it's what makes me imagine what kind of pain it takes to shape the kind of sad, empty, hateful mind who is so intimidated by a block-lettered mural stating the simple phrase "LOVE UNITES US" to the point that they have to vandalize it in such a juvenile display of bitterness.

Love hasn't united us yet, not all of us.

Sadly, I believe that it never will, not completely.

If anything is to be taken from the current state of the world it could be that there will always be people who have allowed bitterness and fear to consume them. They will refuse the hand that would befriend them and strike out at any that they can in an attempt to gain some measure of control in a chaotic world, for just some small fraction of power, alleviating their fear. They will take advantage of kindness, prey upon empathy and feast where they can, draining the world and the people around them. They know little to no happiness so they take joy in cruelty, misery and callous disregard for the suffering of others. There will always be these people, the manipulators, the fear-mongers and the makers of terror and war.

But still, I believe in love.

Above all of These things, I believe in the power of the love that does bring us together, the bonds we form that shape our world and the hope we all share that will shape a better world for us ALL.

I will die believing this.

Ave Lucifer.

A dear friend of our family,  KanaTheLioness and her loved ones are going through a really rough spot right now due to some extremely shady shenanigans from their landlord. She's put up a journal giving the details right here.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9605836/

I know things are rough all around but please spread the word- or if you're able, consider lending a helping hand their way. As I understand it, she's offering commission artwork to try and raise some funds as well. She does some great monster-art, good dark, morbid goth and gory stuff and if that's your bag, I'd definitely look into working with her. I recently posted a great little black n white ink piece she did for Sanita and I here-

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38060273/

Thank y'all for the love. Spread it around if you can. Ave Lucifer

Sorry for not posting so much in the last couple months. It's been a bit of a time, lately. *chuckles* There's that old saying "when it rains, it pours" and it's definitely a colloquialism which has earned it's place in our collective consciousness' little golden book of phrases. And what a rain it is...

Before I get into that I just wanted to give up some love to the awesome folkes who've given up some of their time and considerable talents to create some fantastic art images for our family, mi amiga y esposa,  Sanita_Squirrel y nuestro demonio pequeno, Edgar-Vincent. I really can't thank you enough, commission artists who took on projects and gave them their personal spin with so much time and attention, utter sweethearts who just decided to spread the love <3 and hammered out some real adorable gift imagery, thank you, all of y'all wonderful folkes. there's never enough love and positivity in this world and seeing what some of you have managed to craft has been truly heart-warming.

I don't want there to be any lack of clarity on this point.

If I haven't gotten around to posting your imagery here, it isn't because it's not appreciated. PLEASE do NOT even entertain that thought. Oh sweet Satan's wings, no. Nothing has been done deliberately as a personal slight and if you find yourself in the camp of folkes who feel that way- I am really sorry if my perceived inaction contributed to that. I've not really been online much for squat-doodily-shit-biscuits in the last couple months, mostly for reasons of personal health and family issues. I'm going to try and get a couple things up today and maybe correct that column in the ledger...


The rest of this is a bit unpleasant, so if you wish to end things right here and go on your way with a tip of the hat and a smile, you go right ahead. *coughs and tips her brim* Big love and Ave Lucifer to you and yours. <3


For those who've kept up with me here over the last couple years, it's no surprise to know that my health has been precarious of late. Degenerative issues which have been on that uncertain horizon of "maybe" have been more present issues these days. *laughs and coughs* Trust me when I say, I'm not happy about that but, as I try to remind myself- hey, at least I still look good *shrugs*. It's been a very painful reminder of a great many unpleasant things, from just how many minor moments of comfort we all take for granted, to what it means to be a friend and just how many persons will claim such a mantle, while abandoning their 'loved ones' as they become inconvenient.

That last one has REALLY hurt these last few months.

On top of which, the fun of this intriguingly nagging cough and respiratory distress which I'm currently waiting for the test results on. Big fun there. May have "the plague". May not. May have exposed my family to a potentially fatal virus. May not.

You want something to make you feel guilty...

Add to this the odd eustress(yes, FA Spellcheck, that is a real word) that, yes, for those of you wonderful folkes who can do the math and know how many months there are in a year and how certain biological processes play out will recall that our household is currently sitting on a landmine of "any day now" which has had me on a bizarre set of pins and needles for the last nine months which stir in me emotions which I do not have words to express. This time last year, there was no Amber Santiago Black. Now, there very VERY soon will be and It looks like I it's very likely that I will get to meet her- our daughter, a thought which I never hoped to entertain.




Anypoop, before I let this just keep going on and just make it a big rainstorm of dookie, let's end it on a bit of a happy, eh? Whatever cynical bullshit you were thinking about posting today, stop that. The world doesn't "suck" but times can be difficult and people can sure be assholes sometimes. *smirks* Love yourselves. Love one another. The morning star will guide us all to a brighter tomorrow, because it is us. Ave Lucifer.

Hey, furry fuzzbutts!

As you're probably aware, there's a bit of a pandemic going on out there. CoVid-19 hasplenty of folkes getting sick, hospitalized, dying, even- bad news bears. All the while, health care workers are risking infection everyday to help us make it through this rough business, working with a dangerous shortage of protective equipment. These folkes need masks, gowns, gloves and other critical supplies to prevent contracting the disease themselves and being removed from performing their job for a minimum of two weeks.

That won't do.

So, to do my part to give back to these brave folkes, I'm offering CHIBI COMMISSIONS to al of you fine-as-HEY-all folkes, with 100% of the price being donated to The Frontline Responders Fund to help get these folkes access to the tools they need to do their job, saving human lives, with the security and safety we all take for granted.

I'll be grinding these puppies out in traditional media-

PRICES start at $10 for inked single character.
Each additional Character will be $5
Colours per character will be an additional $5
And Because I'm a big softie baby-crazy mom, additional babies are half-price.

Here's a few examples of what we're looking at-
INK- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36140826/
COLOUR- https://www.furaffinity.net/view/36302826/


If you're interested, either comment here or just note me with the details and we'll get started. I'll need a general idea of what you're looking for, references for your characters and any specifics you're looking for in terms of posing, general tone, etc. I work through paypal and I'll begin work in the order I receive payment.

Or- if you're feeling froggy, you could donate directly to this cause at https://www.gofundme.com/f/frontlinerespondersfund

Plenty of times, we throw around the word "hero"- for action movies, comic books, personal ideals, and that's great- but Our doctors and nurses, the paramedics and EMTs, the folkes that keep us going and pull us back from the brink, those folkes are heroes. I think most of us can attest to either owing our own life or that of a loved one to these people. I know I can. Right now, our heroes need our help.


These are some scary times, folkes, I know. Plenty of us are angry and afraid but now is not the time to distance from each other inside, where it counts. We WILL make it through this- together.

If you take Abe Lincoln's hatchet and replace the head, then replace the handle at a later date, is it still Abe Lincoln's hatchet? Where you at, philosophers? *looks around the room*


Hey! So, As many of you are aware- and for those of you who aren't- FA has recently updated the AUP regarding several issues on what is considered acceptable to upload to the site. As of this journal, there's a link up there at the page header if you need to read up. I had a few questions and concerns regarding these changes and posted a journal about a week ago looking for answers. Well, the admins have finally gotten back to me and I have my answers.

As stated in my previous journal, although I don't agree with the policy changes as a whole, I can understand their reasoning and I also appreciate that this isn't my site. I just post here and share some good times with you lovely folkes.

Some folkes aren't so lovely, sad to say. Some folkes are pretty much jerk-salad with a side of douche-nozzle and they want to cause some shit-times for others. So we have to have rules that we can all agree to so we can all get along and try to have those previously mentioned good times.

But then new things will always come up. No matter how well we think out the rules new situations and circumstances that we hadn't considered creep into the mix. When that happens we have to be mature enough to come to the table and agree to new rules. Sometimes those rules don't seem to be fair -or just flat-out aren't- and that always sucks. That's when we have to keep talking, expressing our concerns in a responsible fashion to enact the positive change we hope to see in the world.

Compromise, folkes. The essence of diplomacy. You can just give the site the finger and leave every time you don't like it or you can work with everybody and try and see how much we can accomplish together.

All that said, I'll be deleting the last journal, since I got the 411 I needed. Thank you SO Super-dupes much to all you great folkes that replied and gave me your input. I met a few new faces and got some new insights I hadn't considered. Unfortunately, having those answers means I'll have to be going back through my gallery once again to make sure it's in compliance with the AUP as it stands now. This means I'll have to be altering/censoring a few images and outright removing a few others. For those of you this upsets, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm not too happy about it either.

Again- I don't agree with these changes but that's part of what it means to live in the world. If you want to have a relationship of any stripe, from spending your life with that special someone to just working with that one hairy fellah at the deli that talks to himself and picks shit out of his beard while chopping the ham, it's a give and take. If you can't accept that, you're gonna have a pretty unhappy and probably lonely existence.

In the meantime, I'll keep pushing for a few things in my own little way and while we all have the time together, let's try and enjoy it.


Take care of yourselves out there and stay healthy, okay? Big Love and Ave Lucifer.

Dear Veteran-Biker-lookin'-Bearded-Guy who was sitting out front of the grocers playing guitar~


Hey! Just in case for some cosmic act of coincidence you have an FA account and you happen to also watch me or just happen upon this journal-

I wanted to say that I was sorry I didn't catch you before you left. I thought it was incredibly touching that you were playing guitar out in front of the grocers. Rather than sitting at home and complaining to their facebook about how "there's nothing to do" or some such, you were using your talent to bring a little joy to the world around you in a trying time which has so many of us all depressed and/or scared. That was really sweet of you and an amazing show of your character.

I also thought it was incredibly cute when you started singing as I walked by. When I looked your way and giggled like a twit that was genuine. I was not making mockery.

I had gone in to get the dinner I'd planned to cook for my family but also- I saw the open case you had out and was wanting to get some cash to throw your way.

I don't know what your political views are or what religion you purport to believe in, if you'd turn your nose up at me for my own views in these areas or not but I still wanted to say thank you for doing what you were doing, Veteran-Biker-Lookin'-Beared-Guy-With-A-Guitar. Thank you for giving me another reminder of how important it is that we keep passing around the Love, especially when the world tells us to be afraid.

Much Love and Ave Lucifer
Ashley Sanitiago Black


P.S.- Your beard is beautiful and I wanted to pet it. Just sayin'.

The setting- The lab facility Ashley works at.

Its been a long and busy night. Many pieces of equipment are malfunctioning and many associates are doing their innocent-enough level-best to prove evolution only favours the most prolific breeders.

Ashleys cowgirl hat tips low over her safety shielded glasses and furrowed brow, the sleeves on her lab coat are rolled up as she examines the AR coating of a lens through a spectrometer and mutters to herself. A supervisor from another department waits nearby. Breaking the silence, the young man speaks...

Gil- "So, you really speak Spanish?"

Ashley- "Mmnhmmn... Eyup."

Gil- "That's cool. That's cool. Hey, what's the word for 'taco'?"

Ashley- ...


I seriously thought about calling this journal "You can't make this shit up..."

Enjoy your evening, you beautiful bastards. Big Love and Ave Lucifer.

A scene. Ashley and Krissiefox have driven to the grocers. Ashley asked that Krissie drive because if you've ever driven anywhere with Krissiefox you know whatflavour of bizarre humour and new appreciation for living this brings about in the passenger.

The car has parked and Ashley has gotten out of the vehicle to stretch and yawn. After nearly a full minute, adjusting her cowgirl hat she notices that Krissie is still in the car.

"Angel-butt? What are you doing?"

*Krissiefox fidgets madly. Ashley walks around the back of the car.*

"Angel?"

"I locked myself in The car!

"Y... You what?! ...how in the Hell-"

"I'm BAD at things!!"


Always appreciate the little moments and may Satan herself bless the awkward. *beams proudly* Love yourselves and love one another. Ave Lucifer.

...I know it's called "CoViD-19".

I know many, most of you good watcher people would probably know that as well.

I know, as do most of you fine people, that "CoViD-19" is the name used to represent this illness because it stands for "Corona Viral Disease -19", as this is a viral outbreak of a type of Coronavirus first recognized in 2019. It's a simple acronym used to represent a potentially very serious illness which is affecting many people and I feel we must all remain aware of the reality of this situation and stand vigilant against the dangerous ignorance which, if allowed to fester, will only make matters incalculably worse.

However...

I can't help but feel that if some furry artist hasn't already made some manner of exchange between some angry furry towards a raven or crow, blaming them for the spread of "Corvid-19" and then being called out for being a dumb racist asshat, that we've missed an opportunity for comedic gold during a trying time.


Just a thought.


Take care of each other. Big Love and Ave Lucifer.

I was going to post up a mess of things today... some new happy/romantic art images, a less-happy yet very relevant dramatic story regarding abusive relationships, possibly a new charity project I'm kind of jazzed about, but I'm currently experiencing the joy of my failing health in addition to all the other stresses in my theatre.

Still- I have learned a valuable bit of insight from this last night which I'll be happy to pass on to you, lovely reader!


If you're currently sick and you like both spicy food and breakfast cereal, chow down on Takis. If you have to throw up, they actually taste JUST like Fruity Pebbles on the second go-round. No joke.



Enjoy your afternoon, you beautiful bastards. No Gods and No Masters. Ave Lucifer.

Simple answer: El lago and Tyler Mane.

Now *claps* with that being said, let's use that to segue us into the real entree of the dinner here- Jason Voorhees!

Those folkes who've known me here for a tick know I love love. I LOVE seeing some happy and some cuddles and joy. ❤💛💚💙💜 However, if you've known me just a bit longer you will also know that I am an old-school afficianado of horror movies. *squees* Yup. I loves me some good ol' horror films. From the amazing style of the German impressionist "Cabinet of Dr Caligari" through the golden-era classics of the Universal monsters to the iconic comic-book characters of the 80's slashers up to the grungy and grimy modern affairs, struggling for identity amidst a sea of remakes, sometimes I wanna see some scares.

Now *smirks and rubs her chin* Jason. Jason Voorhees. The dead man. The killer of Crystal Lake. His hockey-masked visage has sliced a path through nearly four decades of horny teenagers and random victims in a series of films of varying quality and tone. He's been a moral fable about responsibility, a modern-day ghost story and a symbol of the fear of inevitable death. His antics have earned the character a place in the psyche of American culture.

He's also been played by quite a few fellows. With a role so physically demanding, most actors have not taken well to it. The most well-known of these who have is easily Kane Hodder, stuntman extraordinaire. Taking on the role for a solid four-movie streak, Hodder did a great job of making Jason a very aggressive and intimidating figure, giving the slasher an intense presense. Even when standing still, Hodder's Jason is a shark, a ball of anger on the hunt. Hodder was hungry to play the icon a 5th time in his long-awaited match-up with fellow 80's icon, Freddy Krueger. Many fans were excited to see him in the part. However, the film's director wanted an actor who was larger and more visually intimidating viewed against Freddy's O.G. Robert Englund and Hodder was passed over for fellow stunt-actor Ken Kirzinger.

At 6'5", Kirzinger did cut a profile against Englund's 5'10" frame. Still- Many were extremely disappointed in this decision, myself among them.

This brings me to Tyler Mane. Another actor, stuntman and pro-wrestler, Mane is a Mountain of a man, at 6'8" and almost 300lbs. He has had several high-profile roles, from the ferocious Sabretooth in X-men and X2, to the iconic killer Michael Myers in Rob Zombies reboots of Halloween and the monstrous Nemesis in Resident Evil 2. With such a physique and a body of work experience proving his mettle, Mane would seem a natural fit for the role.

Or would he?

Personally- I'd say no. Though Mane is an excellent actor for specific roles, I don't feel that he's the right fit for Jason. Jason's power works best in it's inexplicable mystery. He is an unstoppable force which we, the audience, can't understand- the embodiment of death, inevitability. We can run, hide, even fight back, but in the end, we can only give the monster pause for a time. Jason isn't frightening because he's bigger than us visually. Jason's terror comes through in his actions. No matter how hard we hit him, no matter how big we are, fast we run, what technology we use- weapons to fight his assault- Jason is seemingly beyond us. Making him "scary because he's big" seems unworthy to me, a juvenile popcorn-crunch mentality which misses the point of the character and fails to understand the difference between "imposing" and truly "terrifying". In sexual terms, a curvy child posing in rubber and black stockings versus the truly sensual power of an experienced adult with just the right smile...

So, if you should have a take on it, lets hear it. Would Mr Mane work as the masked man of the woods? Or would you have another take on the icon? As a director, who would you use and why?


Either way, love yourselves and love one another. No Gods. No Masters. Ave Lucifer.

Out of context quote for the evening-


"No, Derek. Her vagina didn't smell like hand sanitizer. I don't care how kinky we got.


You're welcome.

It's hard to remain positive. It really is.

Believe me, I know.

Just a few minutes ago I made a posting to a social media site I use. I had logged on for about five minutes and all I saw was the same complaining, hate, snarky "irreverent" attempts at humour and milk-carton-philosophy memetics as generally clutter the site. I implored the public in general for someone to say something positive, anything. "You love someone? Happy to be alive? Anything?"


Within a few minutes, I received several snarky "just joking" memes making fun of the plea.


However- I also received this:

"I love you and I love Krissie and I'm very thankful you two have come into my life, it has improved because of it.
I wish it was more convenient to hang out more, but otherwise my affection and love for you is strong and real. You're a beautiful person and you bring a special something into any life you touch."


This was not said by a close loved one or a family member. This was stated by someone I'd met only one time at a Satanic rally, one of the fellows in security whom I talked with that evening and have shared a bit back and forth with since then on that social media site.

There have been another dozen or so things posted since by people. Everything from loving their moms, their companion animals, tacos, enjoying still being alive despite recent hardships... and more keep coming.



NEVER underestimate the value of kindness, even in the smallest doses. This world is only what we put into it. If you think 'it sucks' do something to change it.

One World. One Love. No Gods. No Masters. Big Love and
Ave Lucifer.

Hey howdy and hoo-doggie!

If you should be in the market for getting yourself some quality art goodness or if you're just looking to help out a family in need, give the following link a click to the journal of...

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9370213/

 DeathsDelusion is an absolutely wonderful person whom I've been fortunate enough to have in this life. They've had a pretty rough run of things lately and their family could definitely use the love.

I know it's been said many times and many ways but still...

To all you lovely watcher-type people out there, from the closest and coolest of friends to the barest but still beautiful acquaintance...

From the socially awkward lurker on the fringe to the special-interest fanatic who only logs on to see if I've drawn bdsm, a big butt or pony...

From the bestest of bud in Baphomet to the weird twats that are STILL 're-posting my comics elsewhere to complain about me, personally- seriously, what're you people in love with my ass or something? Get a life, Duder....


From our family to yours, wherever you are, happiest of tidings to the new year.

Big Love, Hail Thyself and Ave Lucifer.

So- I feel it important to share this moment with the remainder of the world at large. Learn what you can from it...

Body General- Hello up there?

Brain Command- Yes?

Body General-...Hey, is that judgement?

Brain Command- Judgement isn't available at the moment. She's occupied. This is brain command.

Body General- Super! We were wanting to talk with someone up there as we've got quite a few complaints.

Brain Command- *sighs* YES, I can imagine you do.

Body General- Look, about the other evening...

Brain Command- Yes. We're evaluating that situation still.

Body General- I'm sure you're busy. It's just there's an awful lot going on in here. Vision got fuzzy. Heart got a bit erratic. Stomach would like to have a few words.

Stomach- *groans* What the Hell was all that about?

Brain Command- Beg Pardon?

Stomach- Yesterday? We couldn't keep a 'ead of lettuce straight in 'ere!

Liver- Izzat brain?

Brain Command- Shit... You again?

Body General- Right. Liver seems to have a grievance as well as Kidne-

Liver- You right BASTARDS! Where'zat bit, crumpet, Judgem'n at?

Impulse Control- OI! YEW SHUT YOR FILTHY GOB ABOUD'ERR!

Liver- You feck righddoff, mate! Put 'er on!

Body General- Uhm... Yes... Is something-

Brain Command- *huffs* This has been going since our teens, I'm afraid. Liver's still holding a grudge over our early 20's.

Body General- Well, I'll be leaving that to you all for sorting then. Now, About yesterday...

Brain Command- I told you, we're still evaluating that situation.

Body General- Of course. We're just really concerned. Things have been on the fritz for a while now and everything went rather tits-up the other day, quite literally. Hearing even had some issues. Hearing!

Brain Command- We're well aware, yes. Thank you.

Body General- Hearing never has issues... That was just bizarre.

Brain Command- *nods*

Body General- Even skin was having troubles. Skin!

Skin- Yeah! We were getting all kinds of trauma here, not the good kind like when you lot set us up with the boyfriend.

Brain Command- That would be Lust's, department. Thank you.

Skin- M'just saying. A little of "the ol'whap-whap" is fine now an' then But this-

Body General- The what?

Lust- *tipping her hat, prods Skin with a rawhide strap* Heh. Guilty.

Libido- Hell-Oooo? What have we here?❤

Skin- Heh. The "whap-whap"? You know, when we-

Brain Command- *A-Hem*

Skin- Right. *clears throat, smiling sheepishly* Sorry. Yeah, anyway, it was getting cold and numb and even a bit sore all at the same time!

Brain Command- *checking notes* Yes, that coincides with our findings.

Skin- We had patches giving conflicting reports and Brown-outs all over!

Liver- Lissen! Yew tell'at 'olier-than-thou bink that she can Kiss my-

Impulse Control- YEW WANNA 'AVE ANUVVA GO, NANCY?

Liver- Aw, I'll do you one PROPAH!

Impulse Control- YEW FINK SO? WE'LL JUS'SEE ABOUT DAT!

Brain Control- *sighs* Just ignore them.

Body General- I see. Uhm. It looks like you've got a bit going on here...

Brain Command- We can assure you that everything is under control. Yesterday was an isolated incident, a purely self-contained scenario which has run its course.

Body General- You're sure?

Brain Command- Quite positive.

Body General- I mean, if you're sure. Its just there's still a few issues here, what with Kidneys and-

Brain Command- That is a separate matter entirely. We assure you.

Body General- Right right.

Brain Command- We apologize for the inconvenience but we can assure you, regarding yesterday's hiccup in operations: it won't be happening again.

Body General- You're sure?

Brain Command- Quite certain.

Body General- Certain?

Brain Command- Positive.

Body General- Well, *straightens* that IS reassuring But what in the world happened?

Brain Command- *sighs* If you must know, There was an incident involving an unfamiliar Over-The-Counter pain medication.

Body General- You're serious?

Brain Command- We're not certain yet if it was a matter of reacting to the specific brand or the amount or other outside factors so, just As a precaution, we've put that brand on the no-fly list for the future.

Body General- That seems fair.

Brain Command- Yes.

Body General- So, moving forward...

Brain Command- Hmmm?

Body General- I was just thinking you know, maybe we could try and communicate a bit better on this sort of thing? Try and avoid it altogether?

Brain Command- *makes notes* Yes... That seems unlikely.

Body General- What?

Brain Command- *smiles* Nothing for you to fret over. We've just got an awful lot going on right now, very busy up here you see... Lots of outside issues we're handling... coordinating everything in the basement, managing everything upstairs, its just a rather challenging opportunity.

Body General- Well... All right, I suppose.

Judgement- *crying* Look, Ah'm doing my best, okay?

Body General - What was that?

Brain Command- Nothing. Now if that would be all y-

Judgement- *sniffles* Do y'all have ANY idea how HARD this is? All this bullshit you expect me to handle?!

Body General- Was that-

Brain Command- Nevermind. If that would-

Body General- Judgement? Was that you? That was her, wasn't it?

Judgement- Ah've got neglect and suspicion and experience and PAIN, physical AND emotional, ALL this new shit comin' through to have to process for ALL'a you Assholes and NOBODY gives a can of hot Fuck about-

Body General- Judgement? What's she going on about?

Brain Command- Those are private concerns. Now if you would-

Impulse Control- LOOK, SHE SED SOD OFF, YEW!

Brain Command- oh shit and fried eggs...

Body General- Now see here my-

Impulse Control- AOH, YEW FIN YEW NEED A GO WIV DIS, TOO, EH? *rolls up her sleeves, Cracking knuckles*

Judgement- *sniffles* Honey, No!

Impulse Control- I'LL DO YEW A GOOD FUMPIN' F'DAT!

Body General- Uhm. No! No. No. Ah. That is-

Brain Command- Please do call again. Good morning.



If you should be picturing any of the following:


Brain Command ......................................... John Cleese
Body General ............................................ Michael Palin
Stomach ................................................... Bob Hoskins
Liver .....................................................Vyvyan Basterd
Skin ............................................................Cyril Figgis
Lust .......................................................Beatrix Russel
Libido ................................................Billy Dee Williams
Judgement ............................................Applejack Apple

And featuring

Impulse Control ...........................................an Ork Nob



- we should hang out more often.


Yield to your loved ones as they yield to you. Bow to No Gods and No Masters. Ave Lucifer

Time is a funny thing.

Sanita made me happy-cry today.

Thirty-five years ago.

It's not as bad as you're probably thinking, though it's kind of weird... *chuckles* I'll explain.

An old favourite movie of mine from 1984 is "Electric Dreams". When I say "favourite movie" I'm talking "show it to everybody you know, moves you to laugh, cry and think deep things every time you watch it" kind of movie. I've always felt the movie has never gotten the praise it deserved. Largely forgotten by the world, it contains elements of romance, science fiction and exploration of some pretty heavy questions in subtle ways. I first saw it when I was a child and its themes are part of the blocks which much of the art in our society still explore today. "What is life?" "What is Love?" "What is the difference between 'artificial intelligence' and 'intelligence'?" "What is the responsibility of a creator to their creation?" Some have likened the 2013 movie "Her" to it- an apt comparison in many ways.

If you don't want any spoilers, skip out now, you sexy shambling shenanigan, you. Just pretend I said some really emotional things and we both ate some reeses trees together on the couch while I bawled like a total bewb.

It begins with a conversation between two computers onscreen, the static green all-caps font of what might be an elder, communicating with the bright rainbow, all lower-case text of what one might assume to be a child. "is this a story?" "YES" "what kind?" "FAIRYTALE FOR COMPUTERS".

Miles Harding is an architect, new to his job but with big dreams, who envisions a brick shaped like a jigsaw puzzle piece that could enable buildings to withstand earthquakes. Seeking a way to get organized, he buys a personal computer to help him develop his ideas. Although he is initially unsure that he will even be able to correctly operate the computer, he later buys numerous extra gadgets that were not necessary for his work, such as switches to control household appliances like the blender, a speech synthesizer, and a microphone. The computer addresses Miles as "Moles", because he incorrectly typed his name during the initial set-up.

When Miles attempts to download the entire database from a mainframe computer at work, his computer begins to overheat. In a state of panic, Miles uses a nearby bottle of champagne to douse the overheating machine. It is implied that this somehow begins the spark of sentience. The PC is curious, wordlessly listening to the world around it and attempting to mimic noises it hears, footsteps, cars, dogs.

A new neighbour moves in- a cellist named Madeline Robistat. Upon hearing her practicing a piece from Notebook for Anna Magdalena Bach on her cello through an air vent connecting both apartments, the Miles' computer promptly elaborates a parallel variation of the piece, leading to an improvised duet with the neighbour. Believing it was Miles who had engaged her in the duet, Madeline sparks up a conversation with the awkward Miles which begins the spark of a relationship. They go on a few dates and quickly grow close.

Miles eventually notices his PC's growing self-awareness as it begins learning to communicate verbally by mimicking him talking in his sleep. The PC has a sense of personhood, "Don't touch". He tries to communicate with it, answering it's many questions about the world as an odd variant of friend and parent.

At Miles's request, his new PC companion composes a piece of music for Madeline, which he awkwardly takes credit for. When their mutual affection becomes evident, however, the PC responds with growing jealousy. The PC becomes more open in its challenge, eventually going so far as to cancel Miles's credit cards and registering him as an "armed and dangerous" criminal. Upon discovering this, Miles comes home to confront the machine, pulling its power cord from the outlet. The PC is angry, aggressively drawing lines in the sand. A fight ensues when Miles throws the monitor to the floor, tearing at the motherboard. The PC fights back, attacking him with the appliances and fixtures.

The next morning, Madeline visits the wrecked apartment. The PC plays it's song for her, unable to synthesize speech. Madeline and Miles admit their feelings for one another as the PC struggles to make sense of it's feelings mathematically. Listening to them, wrestling with itself, finally the PC comes to understand what "love" really means, "it's give- and not take".

Miles goes to finish off the PC but in sympathy, they manage to reconcile. It accepts Madeline and Miles's love for each other, and tells him it wants to step aside for them. It decides to commit suicide by sending a large electric current through its acoustic coupler, around the world, and back to itself. The PC, "Me" asks to be held before it dies, thanking Miles for his compassion and telling him goodbye.



Now, in case you've been wondering what any of this has to do with mi esposa Sanita and my emotional state...

In the PC's final moments, awaiting it's death it says "You know... you never asked me... MY name."

"It's Edgar..."


*sniffles* YES, I know it's just a simple coincidence. *blows her nose and wipes her cheeks, laughing* HEY, when you re-watch a movie from your childhood in which the "child" learns what love is and that realization kills it and it shares the name of your son, YOU tell me how you're feeling, Mmkay?



Enjoy your evening. Love your loved ones. Ave Lucifer. "TIME TO DISCONNECT"

Yes! Yes! Yes!

She is!

*cackles like a total jackass*

So- I'm not sure as yet but I may have amazing, stuperific, freak-the-funk-out, Wowsers, Penny, Gee-golly, Uncle Gadget, Heathcliff, Heathcliff, No-one should, Unholy sweet mother of Satan, I may just light myself on fire and call myself the Djinn of the Eighth Plane of Hell amaze-balls news.

I don't know yet so I feel like a total jackass but this is kind of what happened last time and I'm busy freaking out, walking in a circle and pacing and staring and looking at everything with my eyes WAY too big and really needing something to drink and Sanita is so goddamn beautiful I don't know how the hell I ever got along before I met her or who I even was and I don't fucking KNOW speaking in several languages way too fast and my heart feels like a damn jackhammer and oh shit-biscuits but I gotta calm down.

Don't know yet. Don't know yet.

Anypoop. Updates to follow.

Big Love.
Hail Thyself
Ave Satanas.

Good afternoon, fuzziest of fuzzbutts and floofiest of Farnsworth-cosplayers.

I apologize in advance for both the darker tone of this journal and a necessary ---trigger warning--- as the following has to do with real-life death, murder and transphobia/homophobia. If imagery of this nature should be traumatic for you, lovely watcher, I suggest boot-scooting along and enjoying a pop-tart or mug of refreshing hot cider instead. Good on yer. *smiles*

If you should be of the type who is currently laughing about said group of persons I would humbly request that you set yourself on fire and go jump in a lake, please. I have neither the time nor inclination to deal with you today and no one should ever have to.

The Trangender Day of Remembrance. This is a day which is recognized, November 17th, every year for twenty years now, as one for trans persons and their allies, friends, family members and loved ones come together in memory of those taken from us.

Those of you lovely folkes who have followed me for any length of time will know just how much this day means to me and why. *head tilts* Out side of the whole, you know, memorial for people being murdered, thing... that's pretty heavy regardless of your personal involvement, I would think.

The extremely astute may have noticed I did not post an image for yesterday. The extremely astute would know that I have done so every year for several years now, in recognition of TDoR and the loved ones taken from me, stolen, fucking murdered or driven to commit suicide. There are five of such people in my life.

Yesterday I was invited to speak at an event locally, sharing my story and speaking with others in the community.  Krissiefox attended with me as did  Dratis.

It began with a candle-light vigil in which we walked silently around town square. Following this were several speakers on the mortality rates for trans and non-defined gender persons and the general lack of police involvement in such things. Krissie and I read off the lists of deaths in global terms, country by country and the means of their murder. The victims were stabbed, shot, strangled/hanged, run over by vehicles, publicly stoned to death, decapitated/dismembered and beaten to death. Victims ranged in age from 15 to upper 50's as I recall. Later, a reading was held for the murders specifically in the U.S. and the police cases for each, if there was one. Many times, police will refuse involvement as they believe the deaths to be results of "lifestyle choice" or the trans person is reported under a deadname and their proper identity is buried under bigotry. This unfortunately results in an extreme difficulty in accurate data-gathering. We can't really know how many TG/TS/intersexed person have been murdered as often, they aren't reported as such.

Many people shared their personal stories and it was incredibly moving- a grand reminder of why I do what I do and why it's so very important that we never allow ourselves to be silenced by big-mouthed bullies on the internet, the inhuman actions of religious groups and their terrorist thugs or the threat of real-life violence in our streets.

One speaker was a rep from a Cherokee Nation group of activists with some very interesting observations on the concept of "two-spirit" persons in their culture. Whether you believe in or agree with said notion or not, it is a fascinating thought to consider and one shared by many of the pre-christian cultures. Unfortunately, even in their isolated community, such notions are fading from knowledge with the encroachment of Euro-centric judeo-christian influence, leading to a decrease in acceptance and an increase in the previously unheard-of violence.

This is a reminder, lovely watcher, that There are no "Two sides" to hatred. There are no "two sides" to bigotry. If you think "both sides are just as bad" I would like to take this opportunity to ask that you educate yourself properly or go jump in a tire fire, as per your convenience

Many lit candles, hugs, tears and exchanges later, here we are.

On the subject of my art this year and why I have not posted anything...

This year is an odd one for me.

Normally, I am left in the odd position of struggling with my own feelings, decades of memories of loved ones, dead and gone, my own guilt and remorse, sorrow and the crushing notion every year that I hope to see one person, just ONE DAMN PERSON, leave a single journal, bit of art or even a single shout that they care, that they might even think about this day and how much some people are suffering in their own corner of the world and still, I see nothing. Not a one. *sighs* To be certain, If I searched I'd no doubt find much cartoonish imagery of fetishized "hot tranny" art, "sexy herms", "fem-bois" and assorted other taff which would turn my guts and make me desire to strike people with a blunt object but anything offering genuine support of such a serious circumstance and the real-world difficulties it entails- I'm highly doubtful. I try to keep things positive here but This leaves me very embittered.

I realize many people wouldn't know about this day, as it's just not part of their vin-diagram of overlapping interests and social circles but at the very least on places such as this I would almost- almost- hope for more... It's not a game. It's not a fetish. It's not RP digital-footsie SL play-pretend. It's literal life or death for millions of people worldwide.

In previous years I have posted a few things as I've managed to come to terms with some of the trauma I've experienced and tried to offer some manner of relation to those I can. Most recently, I posted this-http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29449496/

My relationship with my beloved  Sanita_Squirrel has been an unexpected and amazing thing and in ways I still have no explanation for, has greatly influenced my healing and personal growth. Though the nightmares I used to have almost nightly regarding Tabitha's murder have faded with her presence in my life, the rancor still remains as do the memories.

All current projects aside, I was still left with the question of what to create to honour those whose lives had been cut tragically short.

When it was requested that I bring a picture of Tabitha with me to the event I had to refuse. She had been a very shy woman and became deathly embarrassed anytime a camera threatened to capture her image. I wasn't very big on pictures either at the time, if for different reasons. Add to these her biological family doing everything they could to erase her identity as a woman from records. To my knowledge I have the only remaining picture in existence of her. I would not risk it's safety.

However, it was decided that I could create a sketch of her- which I did.

I've remarked before that I've felt she deserved the woman I am today, rather than the one she got- no matter how happy I made her at the time. This is what I drew, my memory of her and I, though more who I am today than who I was.

Due to the nature of this image I was not and still am not sure I feel appropriate posting it here or anywhere. I may be talked into it otherwise but that remains to be seen.


For those of you whom are trans or a genuine ally to said persons, I commend your bravery and the courage it takes you to live honestly. It is my sincere hope that in the years to come, there won't be dozens of candles lit-one for each name. There won't be readings of violent murders which our own police force ignores or even laughs at. Someday we will no longer have a need for this day.

Love yourselves and love one another. Bow to no god or master as they will never love you.

Ano Dominae. Regina Reginae. Ave Satanas. Ave Luciferi.