Well guy's, this is goodbye. I'm, most likely going to kill myself. I don't deserve this fucking life, all I really am is just a fucking burden on everyone. All I try to do is help them, and you know what I get? Punched in the face, made fun of, left in the dust from my own boyfriend, because he doesn't even love me enough to consider me in his attempt to commit suicide. I might as well just end it all, because I don't deserve to live, to smile, to laugh. All I am, is a bitch I guess. If I can't even love him enough for him to love me, and I can't make him happy, and reconsider this all, then I guess I can't live either.

This is my final goodbye, and I hope you all lead very great, happy lives, unlike mine. Find a lover that will actually care, and find someone who can make a difference. Just keep in mind, that whoever that person is, keep them close to you for the rest of your lives. And, also note, that that person, will not be me, because I'm already long gone....

Well, Aurora will have a second Fursona <3

His name will be Autumn (I know, all my Fursona's so far are guy's, and they have girl names) And he will be a Pure Wolf. He will be the colors brown, orange, red, and yellow. Autumn will have a description soon, and  SnowCloudWolf I think you'll like this one also, he's really adorable ^)^

Hello All! I'm here to tell you that I am making a new book called "Afterglow: The Lost World" and it has the potential to become a series book ^_^ Think of the book Twilight, and how there is love, split between "Wolves" and "Vampires". Afterglow is the same concept, except there is a lot more war, blood, torture, and malevolencey than there is in Twilight. I'm posting a Chapter a Week, starting Tomorrow Morning. I would like to know what you think of this new weekly story playing. It's pretty cool actually, because it keeps you intrigued in what's to happen, and it keeps you tuned into my account <3 I hope you like it. Here are the Character names "Two Sides. Both sides are shape shifters, but after they spiritually travel to the "Elemental" which is the realm they go to and experience as there animal form "Either A Wolf, Hyena, Elephant, anything really. But, then there are the banished ones, who become werewolves and vampires, and that's where the struggle begins"

All Characters *not organized as groups yet, but main character is the first one*

Ember- Yavon-
Faic- Alexis-
Allen- Ashlynn-
Eric- Cody-
Scott- Aurora- (yes, I'm in the book)
David-
Brett-
Georgy



All of these are the characters so far, and they are not organized yet. What it is is that a group of teenagers found out that they are shapeshifters, and have to live through the real world as normal teen's "School, social life, stuff like that" But when they meditate, they can drift off into a dream, that brings them to a world called "Ambience" But the realm they go to is what they call the "Elemental" and they play as there spirit animals. Each animal species has a pack, and each pack has to cooperate with every other. Think of it as a type of Narnia I guess? Heheh. But, they have to survive an ice age, day's on end without human interaction, they all fall into coma's, and then day's without even going to the Elemental world. Tell me how you like <3

Okay, this is my newer writing I thought of while in work. It fit's some parts of my new book "Absence" And, I don't want to give to much information away about it, but here's a taste of what it's about.

"I am the monster that resides deep within your soul. I am the one, who eats away at your dreams, and causes your nightmares to become reality. I am the cause of your fear, and I am the instigator that get's you caught up in your stressful situations. There is no hope, my dear child. There is no savior, don't you see? I murdered God, him receiving what he rightfully deserved. You are a filthy, dirty tramp, just a little whore. And trust me, I will rape your hopeless little sister, over and over again, in the deepest trenches of this self proclaimed Hell, and give you my worthless memories, so you remember doing the same thing to her also. I promise, I'll take care of her for you. No need to keep on with your goal. I will cut her, very slowly. I will lick up her blood, and stitch her all back up, just so I can puncture her already healed wounds many times more. Using the whip, I will make her yelp, and cry for her older sister to come and save the day. Well, guess what bitch? You aren't coming. She will cry herself into an endless nightmare, that she won't awake from. I will haunt you endlessly, until I savor up every last fear, every last scare in your worthless body. Can't you see it yet? I...Am...You..." Aurora Fluzzy Wolfey (Absence: Chapter 4)

Well, my new years resolution is to find a mate! One, that I can really like, and hopefully see in Real Life at some point, and one that won't disappear from my life like that. Hehe but other than that, I do want to publish the most creepiest, disturbing, grotesque, malevolent, goriest creation of a piece of writing that has ever been written. I want to create something, that will make readers regurgitate after reading the story. It'll be full of monsters, creatures of the night, blood, alcohol, sex, rape, decapitation, torture, indefatigably chopping off limbs, nightmares, burning, fire, and all of that good stuff ^_^

Please, don't think I'm demented in any way. Dont' think I need psychological help. Heheh I'm just good at writing that kind of stuff. I just aim all of my anger and depression into my writing, and I detail it to a great spec. Here's a piece of my writing I just made up in my head while writing the above sentence ^^

"I gripped the knife with my left hand, as I slowly walked back to the torture chair where I held my victim. I sat myself onto his lap, as I grabbed his crotch in an erotic way, well at least for me. He started to moan and scream, his voice being violated by the duck tape I had adhered to his face. I took the knife, switching it over to my write hand, and I set it on the table next to him. "Come on?" I said. "I'm not that crazy?" I got up off of his lap, and made my way over to the medical tray I had. I picked up the syringe from the tray, and got back over to him, plopping myself down. I then slowly, meniackly, probed his eyeball with the syringe. The devilish screams coming from his being, as I injected his eyeball with cold water, I savored the moment. Taking in every moan and cry for help, I picked up the knife, and tore it into his right eye. Slowly cutting it out, and blood gushing onto my chest, and onto his lap. I took a finger full of blood, and stuck it in my mouth. I pulled out his eye, and placed it in a bottle on the counter. "Mmm..." I said moaning. "You taste good." "

A nd here I am, standing upon the totem of reality I wish still existed.
L ove, is what I used to believe in. It was something, I couldn't live without.
L iving without you, without the constant love and struggle to talk to you every solitary day, hurts greatly.

I thought you loved me... I thought, you were my soul mate. And, I still want to believe you are.

W eighting my options, I only really have two. One would be trying to win you back, the other would be, forgetting.
A nd now your gone, away from my grip, that I used to love. Now, I mean nothing to you, and I don't really know why?
N ow, I'm alone. I'm alone again, and I don't want to be. I want to be with you, I want the love back. I want you back...
T is the season right? Tis the time, to try to forget, to try to enjoy myself. I can't do that, because your gone. I enjoyed you, and that's all...

I s this the reality that I was destined to live? Was this relationship never supposed to work. Was I, never supposed to love?
S urprise me, please.Ask me out again, ask me to love you the same way as I did, because I would, and without a doubt, I would love you more

Y our going through a rough time. And I'm sorry that you have to go through that... And, I don't want to see you disappear.
O ur love is to strong for this to be happening, and I won't let this ruin either one of our lives.
U ndeniably, though, I don't know how this will turn out.I can't predict the future,but I can wish for it to be of both you and I.As one. One love.

(Zen, I love you so much. And, I don't want to see you kill yourself over this. I don't want to see you depressed. Please... Don't make this decision. Keep me, because, that's all I ever wanted was your love, And now that your gone... I can't have that anymore... And.... I'm... I'm starting to think, that maybe, this life isn't worth living anymore, because... This always to happens to me. It's always does... and... now that it's over... I don't know what to do anymore...)

This was the only relationship I ever enjoyed. The only one I actually planned for, and now that it's over, I'm not dealing with the shit anymore. I'm staying single, because it always back fires on me... I just, I give up. I really do.

So, Furaffinity has only been down for the last 10 days hehe. Thank god I had to BF to skype for all the time, or I would of gone insane heheh. I am still working on the commission for  SnowCloudWolf which is an art commission "I started sketching it on the tablet *it didn't turn out right* so I might just change the concept to something else other than just the head shot. I have some idea's I want to throw around, so stay in touch with me so I can show you those ideas" But yeah, just wanted to make a journal to tell you guy's i'm still alive. The lavishing cold blizzard outside hasn't killed me "yet" heheh

Sorry that I haven't really been updating all of my stuff yet. I never got the chance to draw, because I have work and school during the day. I really only ever have an hour or so to draw every night, before I decide to go to bed. It's been pretty hard, with the clinical depression and stuff. I had a rough week. But, I got past it, and the path in front of me looks clear. I want to be happy, which means I have to stay on here and Tails Refuge to talk to people who can do that for me. My Art Tablet Arrived, but I am still learning all of the basics and going through the tutorials. I won't be able to draw on it until probably Tuesday, but SnowCloud if you are reading this, I'm sorry this Art Commission seems like it's taking forever "Your writing commission is taking forever also" because I haven't been able to think very straight all week, so I reverted away from it. Your commission will be the first one I'll work on on tuesday. I promise you that, and I will get the outline of it on the computer done by Thursday for you!~ ^_^ :3 <3

I finally got my art tablet, so I will be posting new art up this weekend. I won't have time, because of work and all to be able to do it any earlier, but I promise I will get something up this weekend, without a doubt. I also had to take a break from my writing, because the depression started to return, and I wasn't gonna risk my sanity on trying to get the writing commissions done. For everyone that has a writing commission, I will contact you at some point over the weekend to give you your story so far (maybe). If that happens, it will be most likely Saturday you get that, because that's my only day off all weekend heheh <3 Well, there really isn't much to talk about now, so I guess I'll get this journal done and over with. If you would like to talk to me for any reason at all (I'm always open to talk) just send a note, shout, or even comment on this for all I care!~ <3 Heheh Bye Bye

I added a little more, I'll work on it tonight also for you!~ ^_^ (For Paris)

And for once, in his sad, miserable, indefatigably roaming life, he felt secure? He felt, at home with himself. The struggle has long been over, and the starvation, the sacrifice, the cannibalism, the death that had portrayed itself to all the members of the crew aboard the S.S. Embark, was not to be of concern anymore. Paris sat there, in his bejeweled, wealthy throne that sit upon an incline within the captains quarters, and surrounding himself was a throng of corpses that have been scorched in the intentional fire that he diabolically planned out, to each tip of the blue burning flame kisses that spurt out from the source of their power. Surrounded by the dead bodies, as their ashes flew in the draft that still existed in the memorably scorched room, Paris smiled. Not because it was over, but because, the real problem, had only just begun, and he was ready for a struggle; which, would evidently become the demise of himself.

He watched, as the only relic he had ever owned, the only place he called home, burned within the enclosed glacier that surrounded the ship a lunar cycle ago. He watched, as children ran from their rooms, and faced there death, at such a young age. He watched, as the people of his ship died, and attacked each other vigorously under the pale moon that lay a watch over the horizon. The evil, malevolent grin that he gave, not only sent chills down a soul that would witness such a horror, it gave an ease of weariness.

He sat up from his self proclaimed thrown, as he knelt down before the embodiment that had entered the presence of the room.

“I have done what you asked, now leave me be, please…” Paris asked of the creature that had come in. It’s eyes, glowed a discomforting emblem green, and it showed no emotion, as it tore into the captain of the ship, and ripped him apart, from the outside in. The blood, that lay spread about the room, the blood, that mixed with the ashes of the burned, was not a regular color. It wasn’t the proclaimed color red. No, the captain had no mercy. No will to live. He had no chance, no hope. Red is a color of self confidence; something, the captain lacked. No, his blood was no red; twas not no blue, nor orange, or green. It was, a non existent clear. As if, he had no soul, which would cause no color relevant to the ray’s that the sun would shine into the half illuminated room. No, he was dead, before he died…

Four day’s Earlier:

“I had written in my journal, ever since the incident. From day one, to day five. I have documented, controlled, and labeled every day, of every hour, of every solitary minute, and yet, the world remain the same dark, evil place as it always has been.

The S.S Embark was the only place I had ever called home. After acquiring it from my father about 30 years prior to the current events. We were to set apart from the city of Clamboda, which had been an old fishing village up in the northern Uppermost since the beginning of the Golden Age, which occurred just after the great war. Final depart time was at o 1700 hours, and, we were expected to be carrying both passengers, and high priority cargo. We were not classified into what type of cargo we were to be shipping to the north, for the government wouldn’t allow us to know such information. We were only mule’s, servants to the people, that we don’t even listen to anymore anyways. At least, that’s what I seemed to believe.

As the cityscape faded into the ever blinding northern arctic horizon, I began to wonder if my protection from critical society still validated to my return. But, with me leaving for two weeks on an expedition to the north pole, I began to criticize the chances of me, actually returning. The thoughts that lingered through my head were like an unbroken nightmare. It doesn't actually exist, yet, it lay dormant in the back of every crew members head. The dormancy, of the thought that told us *what if something goes wrong?”

The trip was nothing special. Nothing, worth while to be worrying about....

Sorry, that's all I got so far. Kinda got writers block. Please, if you want me to put anything specific in there, I can and will for you!~

Snow Cloud, being captured by the Mennic Clan as a prisoner, sat there in her lonely, lonesome way that she has recognized herself doing before. Her once beloved mate, betrayed her. For being an Atheist to the common religion most wolves believed in, called Rorsa, she wasn’t allowed to roam the Elemental world as a free wolf. The Mennic Clan, what once was the most protective and accepted clan, turned evil and betrayed it’s own set of laws.

Turning to turmoil, they started to enslave, and force the wolves out of the territory, and into the wild north. Most wolves refused to leave there dens, and eventually were captured, and taken away to an unknown location somewhere in the Uppermost Mountains.

Snow Cloud sat there, with no self esteem, no urge to keep on pushing, to keep herself alive. She had nobody to love, nobody to call her mate. She felt alone, scared, and unprotected in this evil, selfish world. They had chained her to a rock, inside the cell, and shut the gates behind her, which have been rusted through age.

“I have nobody. I deserve nobody. I don’t deserve my life.” She has no self esteem. No hope left. It had been drained, since the opposing rebel faction, has been all but diminished. Everybody was afraid of this self proposed high order. It has seemed though, as if there was nothing that could of saved Snow.

She wrote in a journal. Every day, of every hour, for no reason apparently. She was starving, and would pray to her spirit animal every day, and want to believe, that she would get out of the situation. Snow had forgotten, that there would never be anyone who would read her journal entries. She had stopped doing such an action about 4 weeks prior to the current moment. The last entry said so the following, "And there I sit, alone, bound by the chains of infinite reality. It's common fact, that I can't find love. I might as well, just lay down, and waste away the life that maybe I do deserve somehow. And maybe, just maybe, my true love will come rushing through those bars that bind me to lie alone, and break this chain away, so that I may finally love.”

Days pass, with no sign of hope. Snow was to be put to death by burning for her crimes against the order. Ripping the pages out of her diary, she threw the pieces of paper around the cold, lonely cell. She cried salty tears, for she had no reason to live. She was as ready to die, as the scorching planet she used to call her home, became barely recognizable under the solitude of her confinement.

She heard the keys jingle, as doors opened up down the hallways she can barely remember being dragged down. Belating herself to the current event’s happening, all she can remember, is the dreams she had while stuck in the forsaken cage she existed in for the last two years. She remembers, her childhood. The green, flourishing forest floor, full of scavenging foxes, hopping bunny’s, and polinating bee’s. She dreamed, and wished to see this again. Being in the cell for so long, she doesn’t even remember much about what the world looks like now, nor how much destruction the world has been in.

The jingling metal sound got precedingly closer, gaining noise from every piercing step the approaching animal made. Snow, had an uncomfortable feeling inside of her. She felt, like she was being watched. She looked around, as she heard the jingling nearing her very quickly. She turned around, and noticed a half wolf, half fox animal standing there, with his flowing white and purple fur waving in the slight draft Snow was very familiar with.

The wolf puts his hand out. “Come with me, if you don’t want to suffer anymore.”

Snow looked at the wolf with question, but with the very closely nearing key jingles, she knew it was her time. It was either now, and have a chance, or never, and indefinitely die.

“But, these chains. They confi…” her words were interupted by a whip the mysterious wolf pulled out. He hit the chain with the feather tip of the whip, and it broke.

“Now take my hand, we don’t have much time.”

Snow, reluctantly, but definitely, took the wolfs hand, as he pressed a button on his collar, and started to pull himself back up to the whole he had created in the ceiling above Snow Clouds cell.

The door below opened, as the two wolves reached the roof of the cellblock she had been stuck in for the last two years. For the first time, in all of those moons, she had saw the shining blue sky.

“Come on!” The wolf said, as he held Snow’s hand, dragging her with him across the roof, and onto the steep hill next to the building.

“O...Okay.” She said, accompanying him to the ground, and around the little hill. They ran at pace paw speed, going the totally opposite direction of the abandoned building, traveling north. Finally, after a few hours of scurrying, they stopped in a outcropping on top of a mountain, which bordered the northern snow lands, where they seemed to be heading. The purple and white wolf sat down on a rock, to rest, as snow sat paralell to him.

She hasn’t seen the world, in years. The tree’s are still green, the sky is still blue, and the grass is still as soft as she remembers it being. She had thought, that the Mennic Clan had burned the world, and created a custom hell. She was wrong.

“W...Who are you?” Snow Cloud said, stuttering. She, blushed for the first time since she had last seen her old mate.

“My name is Aurora. And yours?” Snow Cloud loved the name Aurora, but kept this comment to herself.

“M...My name is Snow Cloud, but you can me Snow” She stuttered yet again. “W...Why, did you take me away from that place? How did you even know I was there?”

Aurora responded with sense. “I’ve been studying you, and the area. I thought, that maybe you were a test subject, which turned to be correct. I had to get you out of there, before they convinced you to believe in any more lies.”

“Lies?” Snow responded. “What lies?”

“Snow…” Aurora said. “The Mennic Clan, doesn’t exist. It never existed…” He paused, sensing the reaction in Snow’s soul. “The turmoil, that you thought happened, never became reality. The disease, plague, death, that you thought happened, never did.”

“What are you saying?” Snow responded.

“What I’m saying, is that they lied to you.”

“Who?” She asked.

Aurora responded. “Your family.” He paused, waiting for her response.

“I… I…” She leaned in, and hugged Aurora. He, at first was suprised, but wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry you need to know this, but your family held you hostage after the pack broke down. They thought, you were a threat to their safety, and pretended though as if you were taken in hostage.”

She responded abruptly. “Then, why didn’t you take me away earlier?”

“I thought…” He said. “I thought, you, really were a threat. I was afraid, to take you earlier, because I thought you would hurt me. But, that doesn’t matter anymore. There is no order, there is no government anymore Snow. It’s just you, me, and a family of psycho's in that building. There are more of us up north, we have to leave now.”

Snow didn’t know what to do. Aurora looked her in the eyes, and blushed, while she was still wrapped around his arms…


WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HAPPEN SNOW, I'LL MAKE HAPPEN! IT CAN BE ANYTHING HEHE