So...yeah 2018....what a fucked up year.....damn that was a tail spin....

2019 osnt as bad but not doing so well either. Hahahahaha. Also turns out I'm more fucked up in the hand than I thought. Even got certified!

Good news, we finally got our own place based on income in oc. Yorba Linda is now our new home. I'm signing up for school and CalWORKs, so I can finally get back on track. Lots to do this year.

As much as I hoped to be active online. Truth is, I need a computer for that. Just not something I do from my phone. So that will be more of an after I start school thing.

Alright. See yah later. Hitting the sack.

Night!

Just a side note:

I'm not going to be around for the whole yr at all. Just life here in ca is busy for me. Love it and the opportunities coming to us. I just dont have time to do things that actually require time or attention online. This includes ridf.

Love you all

Take care.

See you in 2019

We're just so annoyed with the frustrations of nc that we're off to see family in California for a while. We're considering moving to riverside county to resolve all our issues. Its not a guarantee, but we cant handle this crazy unnecessary bs.

Ive seen my son once in almost two months cause no childcare here. Hate it. Cant do it. Until something gets solved, we'll be in anaheim. I can be reached on fb or skype.

Bai

sorry but yeah. nc is total bullshit when you're a parent. Mostly just the damn county i live in. i'm told if i go elsewhere then i'll have less concern, but there's no elsewhere to go right now.

I had to send my son back to tn, cause the daycare issue was getting that bad. Just damn bullshit.

really starting to hate it here.....

SO we moved to nc, but hell its been INSANELY busy and so much more to go and do. I currently have two jobs and quit uhaul. I just learned that my jobs will let me go to ca for the summer if i want. They do a temporary summer transfer. That will be good for visiting family.

my new apt is a mess, but thats moving while working for you. NC is weird, and not that amazing, when you're a parent that needs daycare. I freaked out at first, but we're slowly getting it all figured out. I've taken a night job, my brother only works til three pm and is home before i leave for work. That lets the boyfriend hunt for work. Hopefully he'l lhave work soon and the stupid county will finally let me have daycare. STupid rules....

Anyway, I had hoped I would be online more when we moved cause I was working from home. TOTALLY didn't work out that way. New place isn't good for my situation, so I had to give it up til i could risk at home. With how my new jobs are, i'm quite tempted to just keep them and no return to at home work right now. I mean all my other jobs threatened to fire me if i went to ca for christmas or summer. If these two jobs don't work out, going to apply to work in the college cafeteria at uncc, cause the whole set up is utterly perfect for my life. Just the pay and hours aren't u ntil bills are back in order :D

Anyway, its almost 330 am, so i have to go to bed. NIGHT.

So we've moved to nc, sorta. boyfriend and brother are there. I move in august. Daycare issues is all. Got income based housing with a great set up. lets us not worry about if bad things happen <3 We live in the charlotte area, finally!!! Once we're settled and got bills in control, I'm going to go back to school to actually finish it. Shocker!

man. i am trying to update my windows, cause i've had the computer off for almost a year. windows wont update. halp!!!


also life note, CHARLOTTE I'M COMING FOR YOU!!! M0ve to charlotte nc next week!

Coworker wants to learn how to make fursuits. Know anyone willing to teach?

Not dead. Just busy. We were offered a place in nc based off income. This will allow me to go to school without any concern of money. I'm currently working my ads off to ensure all parties involved have a vehicle. In bringing my brother along cause he needs to start somewhere to create a life, so he can be on the path to getting his daughter back. Sadly, one of my seven nieces is stuck in the foster system due to her mother's neglect. (Its seven total from different siblings. Oldest brother has one, other brother is going to have his third in June, and my step sister has three. My son is the only boy.)
But this is the only route i know for now to help my brother get some sort of rights to his daughter.

Nikki is up for housing in ca but it'll be yrs, so I'm starting school in 2nd while in help my brother. Once I'm done, I'm still considering CSUN. But its all one step at a time.

here's the deal, i need a suggestion of a person that makes custom pokemon plushies.

AND GO!

So I get back from California to find a dead computer....

Living in the countryside of tn with a broken computer is boring. I was fine without it in ca. I could do things. So stuck chrome casting things til I'm bored then staring at walls til I find a job. Job season here is December. One month of sitting on my ass.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7558899/

he's awesome and always has good prices. he needs help due to a hospital bill. poor jean :(

I said two weeks...we kinda leave on tues. tues had a better deal for flying :D

Two more weeks and I'll be in orange county for the summer! YAY. We were going to drive, but my car has issues. Not enough time to fix, so just gonna fly.

We're preparing everything now and trying to get things in order. We're working our asses off the next two weeks to pay bills ahead.

I'm so excited and relieved. I need to get away. This will be good for me :D I'll probably still work once i get there. I am a work-a-holic.

If you have my cell - which none of you probably do cause i c hanged it in oct - text me while i'm in ca. I won't be online. i have no idea who has my cell number.

So something's been wrong with me for two weeks. I think its mostly stress and frustration. I have no outlet for it and caused me to drag down into deep depression. The man thing is people in my house are preventing me from working, so now i gotta quit my job. you would think after a year and half of working at home that they would know not to bum rush my office while i'm working, but nope. So many times people have put me at risk for getting fired.

So i am just saying fuck it. Nikki's school has all these tests to take at his college. We're prepping to go out to California and i'm putting in my notice for work. We're pretty much just going to spend the summer in california then probably come back here. I'll probably find some work to pay the bills we have, get on the work program, and try to give plasma. I say try cause the one in orange does not know how to stick people with small veins. I usually end up going to van nuys.

Why? I just want a break from the craziness of life in tn. Its not a life for me, but i have to consider bubs. I should be up for section 8 in September, so i don't want to ruin that.

Mostly we're taking it one step at a time. Its sort of a dangerous step cause I took loans out to get my car, but I'm going to get myself fired eventually if i stay as I am. I'd rather quit and be able to come back later when I have a place of my own and am sure I won't get fired from people randomly running in my office to tell me things that are not important.

i like this artist http://www.furaffinity.net/user/lune-cheetah/

So i was looking at pictures of my son. Its like, "whoa" cause he's nothing like he was a year ago. This kid is climbing and learning like no tomorrow. I bought this toy that has blocks that tumble down one side and balls roll down the other. He got that quickly. I use visuals to teach him how to use things. He's like that's awesome and does it. after a few tries, he gets how it works. (btw my kid may never learn to sign as a baby >.< life is just so busy and i'm the only one that knows ASL in my house.)

He has an obsession with cars that confuses me, but that's okay. everyone has something they like. He won't play with it unless it rolls on wheels most of the time, which is totally killing the problem solving puzzle toys i got. He likes the problem solving but he seems to think the ones that roll are cooler.

Its really hard to look back and believe that this toddler was a baby. Hell, its hard to believe he's my kid. He's survived a lot by having me as a mom. It's hard to have a workaholic mom that's indecisive between family and work. Its a process. I'm slowly letting go of my workaholic ways. Just a bad habit, cause its been just me most of my life.

In other news, I'm really dead set on moving back to California. Southerners are too judgmental for us. California is more open minded. Some may think that sounds funny. I'm tired of being told my son needs to learn gender roles and all this crap. I hated hearing that shit growing up. I am not going to have my son endure machismo bs they have in the South. My brother josh has always struggled with it. He has never been able to be himself cause of it, so he pretends to be like where ever he is. I want my son to feel free to be who he is and live in a more open minded world. I don't like how some Californians can be, but its better than the arguments i have been getting into daily over my parenting style. I maybe a new parent, but i've come to learn what kind of parent i want to be to my son. People wanna argue cause i'm letting my son's hair grow, cause I think its cute like it is. I may cut the bangs one day when it gets too much in his eyes, but he's also free to decide what he wants. if he wants a retarded fucked up hair cut, he can have it. He'll have to leave with it til it grows back out too. That's how life is. i want him to live as he is and feel he's free to express himself as he is. This box people have already put him in here in TN is ridiculous.

Oh and the fact that he's part Mexican is worse for him here. My boyfriend gets tempted to tell people to shut up and stop fucking up his language. The shit people say to him is just retarded. He got asked in walmart if he was even legal cause he was speaking spanish to a woman. He left the cashier line and left his stuff behind.

It still maybe a year before I go cause i wanna transfer with section 8 for security, but I'm no longer unsure if i'm going to nc or ca next. I am not letting my son endure this bs.

So everything is going well, but I have come to realize my trip to california may or may not happen. I've got a few pending job offers, and I'm not sure if work will let me have it off. I asked for it in feb for may, but i'm not promised it.

Kinda a waiting game at the moment.

life is amazing, cause i signed up for college. Nikki did too. We're going to try to do it online. Im going to do some gen eds i have left behind and see if they'll let me take ECE credits online. i'd like to do ECE cause I have a high interest in child development and education. Plus i could work as an infant or toddler teacher. ece is also nice cause it only take a year to complete :D

I found a wah place that would let me work when i'm in california. WOOOT

So i have such an awesome tax return coming to me that I'm totally going to california, no joking, this summer for a few weeks. SO EXCITED!!!!

Just gotta book the flight. me and bubs gonna hit the beach with his abuela.

also this leaves me open for tons more options in life and feeling less tied down <3

so i been on this nc kick without the realization of something, i'm pending for section 8 right now. It just requires me to live in one place for a year then move. California is the best for my education and the lowest tuition in the us. I already have all my shit at Pierce in Woodland Hills. I might as well go. I'd go back to GWC in Hungtington Beach, but i haven't signed in so long that i don't know if i could do it. The issue i would have is having a valid job in ca. my job isn't valid and below the upcoming min wage change.

Its an idea i'm playing with. depends on what happens with the section 8. They have a few obstacles they are working out.

So i'm just sitting here staring at this messy room (that was clean til my toddler grabbed at things and his dad was distracted by WWE). just kinda hit me out of no where....I miss my friends. i miss chatting to my friends online and hanging out. I miss hanging out with friends, though that only happened in california. I kinda miss having a life.

Its sad that the closest thing i can think of that is close to getting a life is getting a second job that works outside the home. ugh. just nothing here for me. This area of tn turns me into a workaholic. Whereas in california, I was all for going places and hanging out.

I would love to hang out with friends online, but I go to bed at midnight....whereas they are just starting their night online at midnight my time.

its like five am and i'm still trying to get my computer together. ugh i hate moving. just ugh. This was bad cause i was fighting a whole room just to put a computer together and figure out how to fit it into my new desk. oh and i kinda sorta got my tower stuck in the new desk with no way out >.>

Copied from my fb, cause its just easier to copy and paste.

I know Nikki gets mad at me when i talk about this, cause it was originally a light joke. I think about it, though, and parents should talk about what ifs with their child. Not just what they will be, but what the child might choose in their personal life and how the parent would react. I often bring up LGBTQ situations. What if my child is bi or gay? What if they are trans? What if they end up asexual? (I have asexual friends. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality )

I mean yeah I have the normal thoughts of what if they become an athlete, geek, nerd, picked on, or a bully. But, i feel there are situations that aren't spoken about often among parents that need to be considered as possible to get the parent to think of how they would react. For me, it helps me to think of how to raise my child. It also helps me to think that if my child meets someone like this that I need to show them how to treat that person. My child will meet people of all different areas. I have friends of different sexual backgrounds, friends of different social/cultural groups like furries and Deaf, friends that are from different areas of the world, etc. To me, diversity makes the world complete and so much more beautiful. I hope my son learns to grow up to accept people's differences and let them be as they are.

So i thought i'd share that.