ever feel like you leave one bad situation just to go into another?

Bad shit happened today that just makes me wish i can get the money i need up quickly, but i'd still have to be patient. rushing is what got us a place that came with electrical issues, heat issues, and black mold. oh and the exploding stove was an adventure.

ugh i hate moving. moving back to mom's til section 8 goes through. it'll either be kingsport tn or avery county nc. either way, i'm holding off moving til 2017 at the latest. Kinda hard and takes time to recover spending 1,000 on deposits and having to leave cause the landlords are idiots that want to cover black mold with paint and have us prove that we have heat issues, which we did and allowed us to get a heater.

If this apt wasn't bad enough with the electric going out, stove blowing up, live wires showing, cold air coming through the windows....and ugh so much more....now we have black mold. this was not worth the 1,000 i spent to move in here. -_- now i have to go back to my mom's. This was why my son was sick so much.

In good news, avery county nc wants to take me up for section 8 cause of the crap i've endured. i have to contact them tomorrow to make sure my paperwork is in order so they can review it. didn't ask the tim eperiod, but it'll be shorter than all the others i'm signed up for. the knoxville one is gonna drop me cause i don't have documentation from a nonprofit agency as proof

So my landlord wants to kick us out for having three people sleeping in a room. what do i get today? A letter saying go to knoxville to sign up for section 8. Oh hell yeah i'm going. I'd have to spend a year in knoxville, but i'd be able to transfer it to nc and secure my ability to finish school.

do you need your taxes done? I know a tax lady, so just putting it out there. she's been doing taxes forever. Thought i'd help her get some business by doing taxes at a distance. she did mine when i was in california, and she lives in sc. She's good and reliable. I know her cause we went to high school together.

https://twitter.com/Califur/status/.....33727156936705

I don't think i did this. I know i thought about telling them to do something like this, but i think i chickened out. I may have done it and forgot. cause sometimes its late and i do stupid things. At my age, one am is late. Either way, great going califur for thinking of other's needs. (May not of been my preferred route, but hell its a step in the right direction. They are at least considering it.)

so this new loan got me thinking....maybe i can go west...but it's probably too big of an idea. So i decided to challenge my boyfriend. Our lease ends on halloween. He has til the end of the lease to get shit together and get up money to move to ca if he wants to really move. Logic tells me the move is far too expensive with a child, so it might not happen.

As happy as I would be back in the western us, I gotta think logically about what i can afford to do and where i can afford to move. TN has nothing for me. Died for me in 2009. I came to have a kid and get him to one then figure out life. So that's what i'm doing. I'm figuring out life and what would be my next best logical move. Normally I'd have a fluffy tiger to consult, but my cell phone has been missing a month. I lost it bringing my son in. Haven't been able to replace it yet.

So what's my next move? I can only guess. Maybe we'll see.

In the mean time, I'm sure as hell going to california this summer. We skipped last summer cause baby and life complications. Plus being a new mom can be confusing. I've got the ability, i'm going. I just need to plan it right. I'm already working over time so i can save to go. If my old coworker from LONG ago gets in on it, totally taking a car. :D road trip? Well could be cheaper that way cause i'd be sharing.

So i had this debt that was keeping me from paying bills. i took it out in a desperate act to pay bills. This thing costs me a TON. So i contacted my loan companies that i normally take loans out with and told them what happened. they suggested a new company in town. that company consolidated most of the debts on my credit (except like two cause one didnt' show and they didn't offer the other, which is fine.)

Not ALL my debt is consolidated, but i'm rid of that one and paying about five or so debts to one company, which makes payments easier. I'm going to do my best to pay this one off. Its pretty big of a loan, but it'd be worth it to pay off. Hoping to have it paid off in a year and half. A certain mexican will be owing me his tax refund check anyway :D

Need someone's help to get a job. i have to have a residence in a certain area. i don't. Just need to fake it. I mean you'd fake it 15/hour right?

volunteers?

So i'm doing this thing where i get my work week done early and enjoy a 3 day weekend. its nice. Kinda bummed at the moment. my son has been at his mamaw's a week cause we don't have proper heat. We were waiting to get approval, butlandlord said no cause we have baseboard heat...that doesn't work. My son has gotten sick off the cold drafts and heat not working in here.

I'm really feeling like my landlord doesn't give a shit. This is the first time i've actually had a bad landlord, and I'm pissed. He would rather risk my son's life to not either fix the heat we have here or put in a heating system. Its bad enough as it is. Took a month and half to get covers for the open wires in the living room. I should not be dealing with this. If this does not get fixed soon, I am demanding my deposit back and reporting him.

Most would call what I'm having as homesickness, but I can't call it that. The South is where i grew up, so homesickness usually pertains to missing things you love and the ones you love. I'm not missing the South. I'm IN the South. My mom, sister, and oldest brother are here. If i got in a car, I could be in sc (where i grew up) in three hours or at my brother's house in Charlotte.

Nikki and I really miss California. He's the home sick one. I just miss the life i had. For someone like me, the west coast is full of opportunity. Unlimited work options, places to go, diversity, and many other things. I was very happy. We've talked about moving back, but we know its not feasible. right now. It would require that I give my son to his abuela and give up my job; two things i'm not willing to give up. Yes, I'd like to finally finish my education, get involved in the Deaf community again, and just enjoy my life like I use to. But...I have bubs to think of. He's only one, and he needs us.

So I'd rather suffer missing California and have bubs taken care of than actually risk everything to go back too soon. We plan to go back eventually, but I need to figure out a way to finish school first. Once I finish school, I can go back and get back into practice of a western ASL accent and work while finishing at CSUN (cause i still want to do the Deaf community services, while minoring in the domestic violence major they mentioned at the center in Van Nuys).

If things work out, I'll be able to move this year. I'm waiting to see what happens with taxes and what gets paid off. I'm tempted to move west, but that would require me to live in TN longer to gather the money i need. Love yah TN but you dropped my major from nashville and UT has a shit program for it. So I've go to apply for an NC state ID so i can say I'm an nc resident (though technically i'm not but it'll give me in state tutition).

yup effort is beyond me. that's me when i'm sick. I wanted 40 hours this week. i was close but ugh. today is the last day of the period. i COULD get it, but not sure if i will. right now, i'm just trying to get my throat going. Can't talk, can't work. CSR work for you. Hard to work with 80 year olds if they can't hear you over your cold

https://youtu.be/Ux1zWPNzWCQ

My experience has taught me that this man is essential to the con. More than others realize. I'm posting this cause He will be needed at anthrocon. I wish that more cons had terps they could turn to and have each year, but terps cost a lot unless they volunteer.

Life feels like its getting in order. I think this move and stress were what i needed to get my shit together. I should have done this over a year ago, but i didn't. I just let myself lose hours and get in trouble. I mean yeah the loans i pulled out to move suck and make me need to work more, but something needed to kick my ass so i would get this done.

My son is in day care. he's doing okay. He's not always happy to be left there cause he's use to us always being around. It's a slow adjustment. They seem to be helping. Families First, a federal program, is paying for his day care. We'll probably only be on it for two months then they'll discontinue it. We'll get the day care for a total of 18-20 months, though. So that'll help get life in order. This will help me to pay off bills and move to start school. What i really love is we'll get 500/mo in food stamps for five months probably starting march/april to help us get on our feet and get going. The program has a great transition set up, imo.

Another good thing, the program brought nikki to an employment specialist that is very determined to help nikki find a job. she met me. saw no issue, so we discussed my boyfriend - who she had met earlier. she told me that even if the program ends that she will still continue to help him. I'm glad he has that. They are also offering him a counselor to speak with about anything he needs.

I think everything is looking up. Only thing left is to get nikki in touch with his mental health counselor and seeing her regularly. we've been out of touch with her. she doesn't know all the changes.

Thought i'd share what my mom got my son

http://media.webcollage.net/rwvfp/w.....0.jpg.w960.jpg

totally what i needed. keep in mind doens' tcome with all you see cause it was a bargain store. we don't have the tray

Working semi full time. Ze boyfriend be watching the child. He's kinda crappy at it, but he's getting a hang on it. He realized how frustrating it was for me to try to work full time. There are a few issues at times, like not realizing what's wrong with his kid or how to feed him (but the feeding issue is a new thing for us since he turned one and this week consist of trying to figure out WHAT to feed him or what he wants....which is a pain for everyone involved...)

So i'm working as much as possible. We have a families first official meeting on weds. finally! We find out the rules and how ti works that day. All i want is for bubs to get in his day care and meet others his size. It'll allow me to clean house and work full time, honestly. Love my kid, but I seem to have a hard time managing manic bipolar boyfriend, cleaning house, working full time, and 1 year old child. Kinda like three jobs in one some times

Totally just wanna curl up in a ball. This damn chair hurts and i have to be in it all day for work. We also sleep on the floor, which hurts too. Good news! we are getting a mattress for free. Local freecycler says his parents need their queen gone. Its mattress, boxsprings, frame, EVERYTHING....even linens. Now thats cool

The freecyclers are giving away futons and stuff, but one thing at a time since I gotta pay a guy to pick these up. man i need a truck :O

so nikki just told me that midol is great for hangovers. XD Never knew this

so we have a families first appointment for weds. That means one step closer to seeing if bubs can go into day care. Might be good for him. We're so busy trying to figure out our heads from our asses that i feel like he's being left out.

Also my boyfriend volunteered to be my son's babysitter and watch his son constantly until we're straight. He has a hard time getting work cause of his record, so he figures my income would be more productive than continuously going to interviews, being told they like him, then either never hearing from them again or getting a no after checking his record.

If bubs goes to day care, he's going to go back to job hunting again. I won't need him then.

Also, we're thinking about either las vegas or still going to nc. Why Vegas? Closest i can get to what i have in ca. I hate cities like LA and vegas, but vegas does have my major and has buses to la, so we can go see nikki's family or they can visit us. We'll most likely still end up in charlotte. It's really the best option all around. I'm keeping my fake nc address for now :P (yes, i have a fake address for tax purposes. works great for tax time :D)

as everyone knows, my end goal is ca. School first then back to ca.

I need to start finding ways to take time out for me. Its taking a toll on me that i haven't. I spend each day working, taking care of the house,a nd taking care of bubs. I dont ever take a day out for me. When mom takes bubs, i just work. Its not like i get anything besides work done. my house looks like a disaster zone. So maybe i should just step aside by myself and go out next time mom takes bubs. who knows, but i need to start doing a few things for myself and doing small things daily to take care of myself.

Mostly cause most days i look like this:

http://content5.videojug.com/82/82c......WidePromo.jpg

then spend hours doing this

http://www.short-hair-style.com/ima.....t7xwtejOaw.jpg

i have no clue where my phone is. been gone since mon or tues. that is all

so i have to make a decision about my son. Moving into a new place....things got worse. I'm the only one out of three people that has a job. I work part time, so that doesn't pay anything. I could work full time, but i have bubs.

I'm scared. really scared, mostly for my son. I've applied to families first so i can get day care assistance to allow me full time, but i have to come up with a back up plan. The idea of sending my son to his grandmother in california for a couple months came up. This scares me, but what could happen scares me worse. I don't want to send my son away. every day will scare the shit out of me, but there's no where else for him to go.

Its just really hard. ironically, i'd be fine if it was my friend baily cause baily would just skype me daily. Plus bubs would have a friend to play with. Dean seems to be an awesome kid.

The reality is I don't want my kid without a place. If i have to go to california and set everything up for him, I will. It sucks. I hate it, but I might have to do it.

Really starting to wonder if it was worth leaving ca. Its not any better for me here. Only thing i got out of it is an at home job then found out i could had a better one if i stayed in ca. yay life?

imma go hid in my hole now.

hsn wants you! yes you! to work from home. just saw that. they got all shifts. totally digging it.

love yah. mean it.

realized i've neglected fa, but pfft moving is nuts, so yeah. I'm in my apt in tn. Starting to wish i was deaf. Wouldn't have to hear the constant running. Mom came by the other day. neighbors were going at it, so she started making loud moaning noises and fake porno music sounds. They stopped going at it, and nikki turned totally red. hahahahahaha.

So far, i like my new place. the struggle is finding a baby sitter. you'd think that would be easy. nope. People so damn flakey, i swear.

wanted to stop by and say hi. was considering work but i'm stuck between adding time to my day and cleaning. this house is a mess! but thats how it is when you move quickly. really more tempted to work cause i took time off to help stanley apply for citi. (he got suspended at my job cause the trainer wrote him up as a security risk for using my security drive to log in. tbh, they are all the same. she only knew cause he admitted to losing it. no clue why that requires suspension.)

anyway off to decide. love yah all